"ONE YEAR and several months LATER."
A handheld camera moved haphazardly, first showing the carpet, then shifting towards the ceiling and the sweeping all over the room. For just the briefest moment you catch a glimpse of Kara holding a baby in her arms. The camera went out of focus, then adjusted and stayed on Kara.
"Mary! You said you knew how you use that thing!" Kara complained as the baby wriggled in her arms. "Hurry up, the way she's squirming it's like trying to hold a little monkey!"
"I've got it, we're rolling,' Mary replied. "Courtney, that's your cue to do the voice over! Action!"
"I don't want to do this, Mary, it's stupid,' Courtney complained. Her voice was heard off camera. The camera continued to stay on Kara, as the baby seemed content to try and climb all over her. "The baby doesn't know what today is. It's like when we took her trick or treating, she didn't have a clue. You just liked dressing her up like a little living Barbie doll. We could have just walked around the same house and got exactly the same effect."
"Courtney you said you'd help,' Mary said off camera.
"Why do you get to make the movie anyway?' Courtney asked.
"Cause I was in the AV club in school,' Mary replied.
"That's not something most people boast about, Mary,' Courtney snidely replied.
"It's my camera."
"Could we do this, please?' Kara snapped. "Courtney, just say it! It isn't getting any easier holding her you know."
"Oh, all right,' Courtney reluctantly said. 'And now Eva's first birthday party."
The camera dipped down towards the floor.
"Okay, let's try it again, Courtney, but with more feeling,' Mary said. "Wait for my cue this time. And in five, four, three, two, one... Rolling! And Action!"
The camera swung back up to show Kara. The baby was trying to climb over her shoulder, as Kara did her best to keep her hold on the infant.
"Now Courtney!" Mary said.
"EVA'S FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY!' Courtney said with fake enthusiasm.
The camera dips again.
"That was good, really good, Courtney, but let's pull it back just a bit,' Mary said. "Okay, Eva's first birthday party, take three!"
The camera moved up and caught a brief glimpse of Courtney. She did not look happy. It moved back to Kara and the baby. The baby was pulling Kara's hair and squirming in her arms.
"Eva's first birthday party."
"Cut! That's a take!" Mary shouted. "Now let's get a tracking shot and some close ups.'
"Okay, Fellini, I think that's more than enough,' Kara replied. "It's a home movie, not Avatar!"
"Eww! What is that smell?" Courtney groaned off camera. Kara made a face and then held the baby away from her.
"Time to get you back to your momma, Eva."
Wally and Shayera
The two sat side by side.
"How is this supposed to work, Mary?' Shayera asked.
"Well my vision is very cinema verite, like Errol Morris, you know, the director of Gates of Heaven?'
Wally and Shayera looked at each other and it was clear they didn't understand what she was talking about. From behind the camera Mary clarified what she meant.
"I sit two people down, point the camera at them and asked questions."
"Oh, that cinema verite,' Wally replied. Shayera rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything.
"So what would you like to say to Eva, Miss Shayera and Mr. Flash?"
Wally glanced around and then back at the camera with a look of confusion.
"Um, she's not here, Mary."
Shayera rolled her eyes again and then elbowed him.
"Don't be an imbecile."
"This is for when Eva turns 18,' Mary explained off camera. "She can look back and see her first birthday."
Wally nodded and then turned to Shayera.
"Thank you." Shayera replied and then looked into the camera. "Happy birthday, honey. As you probably know I'm one of your mother's best friends and knew her before you were even born."
"Me too,' Wally added. "In fact your momma had sort of a crush on me before she got married. I was the one that got away, so to speak."
Shayera turned and looked at him in shock.
"She did not! What the hell are you talking about?"
"Well the kid's not going to know that, Shayera. Besides, I've always suspected Zee thought about asking me to do the deed before she asked Big Blue. I think she thinks I've got it going on."
"Are you delusional? She thinks you're a harmless jerk most of the time and a bit of a perv."
"I thought that was how you saw me?" Wally asked.
"No, I think you're a big perv and a harmless douchebag. There's a difference,' Shayera replied.
Wally smiled as he looked at Shayera.
"Whatever, the kid's not going to see this until she's 18 anyway,' he explained. "Imagine Zee's face as she's sitting with her daughter watching this. Come on, that's a joke that is going to pay off in 18 years!"
"She'll kill you!"
"Maybe, but not for 18 years."
Madame Xanadu and Martha Kent
"It was a lovely wedding,' Martha said with a smile. "Well, most of it, that is."
Madame Xanadu blushed and dipped her head.
"I've already apologized for going a little overboard with the whole weeping mother of the bride thing, Martha,' she said. "I don't think our granddaughter needs to know about that."
"I wasn't talking about that, Nimue,' Martha replied.
"What then?" Nimue asked.
"Oh, yes, the magical urine incident,' Nimue said with a nod. "That was unfortunate."
"Yes it was, but since you mentioned it, you were a little over the top at the ceremony, Nimue,' Martha calmly said.
"Martha, I've been waiting for several thousand years for that chance,' Nimue said in her defense. "My baby was getting married! I come from emotional people.'
"Crying yes, Nimue, but tearing your clothes and crying 'I'm losing my baby' was a little more than anyone expected,' Martha replied.
"I got caught up in the moment,' Nimue said with a shrug.
Clark and Zatanna
They are sitting together with their daughter, Eva on Zee's lap.
"Could you tell the camera about your wedding? I'm sure Eva will want to know all about it." Mary said off camera.
Clark looked at Zee. They seemed to almost be speaking without words. Zee tilted her head down towards their daughter. Clark nodded.
"It was a wonderful wedding,' Clark offered.
"Yes, just lovely,' Zee quickly added. "Next topic."
"Were you surprised by Madame Xanadu's reaction?" Mary asked.
"Oh God,' Zee groaned. She looked to Clark for help, but he shook his head.
"She's your mother."
Zee gave him a snarky look and then turned back to the camera.
"This is for Eva's 18th birthday, right?'
"Yes, Miss Zatanna."
"Okay then, Eva, you've met grandma so it shouldn't be a surprise she can be a little theatrical,' Zee explained.
"I'm going to cut in some of the wedding video into this too,' Mary said.
"Okay, she can be a lot theatrical. Grandma's a bit of a diva, honey.' Zee corrected herself.
"Think of the church scene in the Graduate,' Clark added.
"She didn't bang on any windows, Clark, let's not go overboard,' Zee countered. "At least my exs didn't get into a fist fight like yours!"
"We've been over this, Zee,' Clark groaned. "Karen and Diana are not my ex-girlfriends. I went out with each of them one time, that's it."
"They were on your side of the wedding,' she fired back. "And who was it that destroyed the barn at the end of the ceremony?'
"Okay, they have a bit of a rivalry going,' Clark admitted. "But if I have to claim them on my side, you have to claim your ex's wife."
"She's crazy! How is that my fault?"
"Well I don't have any connection to Constantine." Clark replied. "Who throws urine at a bride, anyway?"
"Did you not hear me say she's crazy? Zee said. "I think it had something to do with warding me off from her husband, I don't know. Let's just be thankful I wasn't in my wedding gown when she did."
"I'll never understand magic,' Clark lamented.
"That's why you have me." Zee smiled, teasing him. Clark smiled and looked down at their daughter resting peacefully in Zee's arms.
"I suppose you're going to teach her too, aren't you?'
"Yep,' Zee replied. "A whole house full of magic all around you Clark."
"I can think of worse things."
He leaned in and kissed her. The camera tilted downward.
"You two aren't going to make out, are you?" Mary asked. "Cause I don't think Eva wants to see that and I'm a little uncomfortable with it too."
Dinah and …
Dinah has the baby on her lap and there was box sitting on the chair next to her. The baby giggles and smiles as Dinah.
"She really likes you, Miss Dinah,' Mary said from behind the camera.
"And I like her,' Dinah replied giving the baby a kiss.
"You're very good with children."
"Oh, I don't know, I like them,' Dinah offered.
"Have you ever considered having some of your own?"
The smile slipped from Dinah's face as she looked at the camera for the first time. She seems a little uncomfortable with the question.
"That-That's kind of a leap isn't it, Mary? I'm mean yes I like Eva, but kids of my own, I don't know. Besides it takes two you know? There's the whole question of Ollie, and who knows what he thinks about kids or even if he wants them. I mean besides all his nieces that is,' Dinah said. She made a face at the thought. "Lots and lots of nieces."
She drifted off for a moment.
"Hmm? Oh, right, right,' Dinah replied. "Say I thought I heard the format for this was two people? Are you counting Eva in this, Mary?'
"Well then how come it's just me?"
As if on cue, the box next to her popped open. Plastic Man had turned himself into a Jack in the box.
The baby immediately started to cry.
"I know, Eva, I know,' Dinah whispered to Eva. "I have the same reaction every time I see him."
"He wanted to surprise you, Miss Dinah,' Mary offered.
"Couldn't I have someone else? The urine tossing chick, anybody?"
Bruce and Diana
Bruce seemed uncomfortable with all of this.
"Can we just say happy birthday and finish this please?" He asked.
"It's your God-daughter's birthday, Bruce,' Diana replied. "She's too young for cash so you actually have to show some emotion."
He turned and gave Diana a snide look. She smiled back.
"Funny." He deadpanned. "The only reason I'm sitting here is because poor Mary is afraid you'd get into another fight with Karen."
Diana gasped in shock.
"That's not true! Besides she started it,' Diana protested. "You and the rest are never going to let that go, are you? I gave my word I wouldn't fight her today and I meant it."
"Don't let your temper get the best of you, Princess,' Bruce replied with a smile.
Diana's eyes narrowed as she looked at his smiling face.
"They should have gotten someone stronger if they really wanted to stop me,' she fired back. 'Besides, that isn't the reason, Bruce, quite the opposite. I'm here with you, because Mary is still afraid you're going to hit on her."
"What?' Bruce looked in shock at first Diana and then at Mary behind the camera.
"Mary, we've been over this, I was definitely not hitting on you!'
'It sure seemed like you were."
Now Diana was smiling.
"Don't worry, Mary, I'll make sure he doesn't try anything. I too have heard about his playboy reputation."
Bruce gave her a deadpan look.
"Can we just do this please?"
Karen and Arthur
"So you know I was her first choice,' Arthur said with a smile to Karen.
"Whose first choice?"
"Zatanna, she came to me first."
Karen looked at him for a moment.
"Well, we all make mistakes."
Unfazed by this, Arthur continued.
"You know, since Clark is out of the question, I'd be willing to help you out, Karen."
"I don't think so,' she immediately replied. A thought came to her and she suddenly smiled. "You should try Diana. I'm sure the whole royalty thing would work on her. In fact, Arthur, don't take no for an answer. She's shy, so you have to be aggressive with her."
He seemed to think about this for a moment.
"I thought you two weren't on the best terms?" He asked. "In fact, I remember the fight at the wedding, Karen. Why would you be helping her?"
Karen smiled sweetly to him.
"I think you're just the sort of man she needs, Arthur.'
"Well that's true,' he admitted with a smile. He didn't notice Karen rolling her eyes.
"You should just walk up and lay one on her, Arthur.' Karen suggested. "I think you'd be surprised by her reaction."
"I might just do that."
Jonn and Mari
"Why are we paired up, Mary?' Mari asked. "No offense, Jonn, but I thought you'd be with Nimue and I'd be with John."
"I was curious about that also,' Jonn added.
"Well, Miss Mari and Mr. Martian, you two seemed like the calmest two here, so I thought I'd pair you together."
"We're the calmest?" Mari said in shock.
Wally and Shayera
"How can you defend that crazy urine throwing girl?" Shayera shouted.
"I'm not defending her,' Wally replied. "I'm just saying if you think about it, throwing urine on someone is a pretty good strategy."
"Crazy, sure, straight out of wackoville, but it did keep Zee away from Constantine."
"Zee was already getting married to Clark!"
"Ipso facto, you just proved my point." Wally said triumphantly.
"Ipso whatso?" Shayera asked.
"I'm saying that crazy freaks everyone out, powers or not,' Wally explained. "It would be like if someone broke into your house and filled your bathtub with pudding. You are not going to mess with someone that does that, let me tell you."
"Pudding? Why would anyone fill a bathtub with pudding?"
"Cause they're crazy, Shayera,' Wally replied. "Take the toughest guy in the world, but put him in with a crazy person and there is no contest. Everyone is scared of really crazy folks. Of course you wouldn't have to be crazy to fill a bathtub with pudding, you might just really like pudding, but it would still freak people out."
Shayera just stared at him at a loss for words.
"So, um, did you want to say something to Eva for her birthday?" Mary asked.
"Eva, this is your uncle Wally,' he immediately said. "If you meet someone with a bathtub full of pudding, run!"
Mari and Jonn
"Are you sure we're the calmest, Mary?" Jonn asked.
"Pretty sure,' she replied.
Bruce and Diana
Bruce was leaning forward talking into the camera.
"So just so we're clear, Mary, I was in no way and I mean in no way, hitting on you."
"Let it go, Bruce,' Diana said.
"I'm just trying to clear this up, Diana, do you mind?"
"I guess I could just take your word for it, Mr. Wayne,' Mary offered.
"No, Mary, that's not necessary, because I wasn't hitting on you,' Bruce immediately replied. 'You're a lovely young woman, but in no way, shape or form was I hitting on you. I just want to get this straight, once and for all."
"And I'm the emotional one,' Diana said. "You do have a playboy reputation, Bruce, remember?"
"Yes and I have hit on many women, I just didn't hit on Mary,' he replied.
"Okay, if you say so Mr. Wayne."
"I'm glad we could finally clear this up, Mary," Bruce said.
Diana turned to him.
"Now that I think about it, are you really a playboy, Bruce?" She asked. "I've been approached by many men since I arrived from the island and most of them had some sort of opening line. All I recall you saying to most young women you want to pick up is 'Hi I'm Bruce Wayne'. Is that your pick-up line?"
'You use what works, Diana,' Bruce replied with a smile.
There was a gasp behind the camera.
"That's what you said to me!" Mary shouted. Diana smiled and Bruce dropped his head.
"Mary, let's start from the beginning again."
Clark and Zatanna
"So you see, Eva, it's not like mommy said, daddy wasn't going out with those two women,' Clark patiently explained. "They had a rivalry that had nothing to do with me, honey. Your mother just won't let it go."
Zee looked at him and then to the camera.
"Who are you going to believe, baby? Your mother, the woman that carried you inside her for nine months or your father, who was dating during that same time?"
Clark sighed and sat back looking at Zatanna. She smiled at him.
"So that's the way you want to play it?" He asked.
Clark turned towards the camera and smiled.
"Eva, did anyone ever tell you the story about how mommy picked your daddy?"
"Clark, you wouldn't, would you?"
Mari and Jonn
"Well, I guess if you put it that way, we are the calmest,' she admitted.
"Apparently so,' Jonn said in agreement.
Kara and Courtney
The baby was still climbing all over Kara. Courtney didn't look happy.
"Jeez, when you learn to talk, Eva, I hope you tell me what it is that makes you think your aunt is a jungle gym." Kara complained.
"You're not really her aunt, Kara,' Courtney said. "You're Clark's cousin, so that only makes you Eva's second cousin, that's it."
"Shut up, I'm her aunt,' Kara fired back. "Kryptonians have different family structures than humans, so there!"
"Does that mean Karen's her aunt too?" Courtney asked, with a snide look.
"Why are you being so pissy, Courtney? I'm Eva's one and only aunt, period."
"You do seem a little snarky, Courtney,' Mary observed.
"Go to hell!"
"Language, Courtney, there's a kid in the room, remember?" Kara said. "They're like parrots, they repeat everything."
"At least give me some warning so I can do earmuffs on her,' Kara replied. 'Than you can swear like a sailor all you want as far as I'm concerned."
"I'll try,' Courtney offered.
"I think you should watch your language, Courtney,' Mary chimed in.
"Blow it out…earmuffs… ass, Mary!" Courtney exclaimed. "You told Billy I had a dirty mouth! Now that's all I hear from him!"
"He asked me,' Mary protested.
"So you threw me under the bus? Some friend!"
"Is that why you're so pissy?" Kara asked. The baby was squirming all around and it was a chore for Kara to hold her.
"Mary, you threw Courtney under the bus?"
"He asked me,' Mary replied. "It's wrong to lie."
"Oh, just…earmuffs… screw you and the My Little Pony you rode in on, Mary,' Courtney replied. "Your brother's being a complete douchebag about it now and it's all your fault."
"He's not a douchebag, you take that back!"
"Mary,' Kara said, struggling to hold the baby. "He is a little bit."
"Shut your dirty mouth, Kara, you too, Courtney!"
"Here we go,' Courtney whispered to Kara. "Better hide the knives, she's about to go off."
Clark and Zatanna
"... So that's when I decided I wanted to marry your mother, Eva."
"I wanted to say yes right away, baby, but I was afraid of your father's ex-girlfriends so I took a while to answer him,' Zee added.
"I'm sensing a theme here,' Clark replied. "I would point out it was your mother that was telling everyone we were getting married first, Eva. This was even before I asked her."
"I was trying to save your father from another beating, Eva,' Zee offered.
"Yeah, that's true,' Clark admitted. "Thank you for that, by the way."
"You are welcome."
They kissed again.
"Mr. and Mrs. Superman, please, I'm really uncomfortable with you making out in front of me,' Mary said.
She was leaning forward staring at her hands as the baby just looked at her.
"It's not that I don't want kids someday, you know,' Dinah said. "I do. I think I'd make a wonderful mother. It's just a matter of trust, really. I care for Ollie, but we have trust issues. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge responsibility and if I'm going to be a single mother I want to know that beforehand. Plus, he's not getting any younger. If we wait much longer it will be a throw daddy the ball in his wheelchair scenario. I'm not saying he's as old as Hugh Hefner or anything, but it's something to think about. Either way, I'll probably end up being a single mother or a widowed, single mother."
"You're making me sad."
Martha Kent and Madame Xanadu
"I think we knew before they did they should get married,' Martha said.
"Absolutely.' Nimue agreed. "They needed a little push, is all."
"Yes, Clark can be a bit cautious, to say the least."
"And Zatanna had trouble making up her mind,' Nimue added. "She always has."
"It's a mother's prerogative to want to see her child get married,' Martha said.
'I completely agree." Nimue offered. "If we waited for them to make up their mind, I'd have never got to be the mother of the bride."
"Yes, I was afraid I wouldn't live long enough to see Clark or Kara get married,' Martha admitted.
"You're still young, Martha, you should starting dating again,' Nimue suggested.
"Oh, I don't know about that,' Martha said with a blush. "I doubt many men would want to go out with an older woman like me."
"Nonsense,' Nimue replied. "In fact, I know the perfect man. Have you ever met Alan Scott?"
Wally and Shayera
"So did I tell you about my neighbors?" Wally asked Shayera.
"Which ones? The old couple or the mother and son?"
"The mother and son."
"No, what about them?' she asked.
"I think they're dating." He replied.
"So? She's in her forties and he's in his twenties, why wouldn't they date?"
"No, not dating, dating as in each other,' Wally explained.
"Just between you, me and the camera, I think they're dating each other,' Wally whispered. "There's a whole Chinatown vibe coming off them that is like creepy to the ninth degree."
Shayera cringed at the thought, but then looked at him.
"How do you know they're dating or are you just making this up?" She asked.
"Well,' he started and then looked towards Mary behind the camera. "Earmuffs, Mary."
'Thank you, Mr. Wally.'
He waited a beat and then continued.
"They had these cute pet names for each other."
"That's your proof?" Shayera replied. "They have nicknames for each other?"
"When was the last time you called your mother Pookie?"
"Pookie? Oh, My, God, they're dating!" Shayera gasped.
"It get's worse, she calls him Winkie,' Wally whispered. "It's so weird, I'm thinking of moving."
"They seemed like such nice people,' Shayera commented. "I guess you never know."
"Tell me about it. Oh, Mary you can take the earmuffs off now."
Clark and Zatanna
"So we're still sort of on our honeymoon,' Zee said with a smile. "I like that a lot."
"We'll try and control ourselves, Mary,' Clark added.
"You're welcome,' Clark replied. He looked at his daughter and then addressed the camera. "I guess Eva when you see this you'll be a full-grown woman. Hopefully you know your parents have always loved you."
"It may have been a little strange to start with, honey,' Zee added. "But because of you everything else happened. You're parents fell in love and it started with you."
Zee turned and kissed Clark.
"So happy first and eighteenth birthday, Eva. Always remember that your parents love you very much,' Zee said.
"And so do your grandmothers, aunt and all your extended family,' Clark added. "May you always be as happy as we are to have you in our lives. Happy Birthday."
The camera shook for a moment. Eva was lying in her crib and the room was dark. Mary moved around the front of the camera. She smiled at the baby and then looked into the camera.
"Hi, Eva,' she whispered. "I'm Mary, a friend of your aunt Kara. It's been a long day for you, but everyone seemed to have a good time. You're parents really love each other, but they can't seem to keep their hands off each other either. Hopefully by the time you see this they'll act their age, but I wouldn't bet on it. They love you and so does everyone else you saw in the video today."
There was a noise off camera and Mary seemed nervous for a moment. She turned back to the camera and smiled.
"Eva, I wanted to document your first birthday so you could see what it was like,' Mary offered. "But there was another reason, I didn't tell anyone about. I wanted to record your first meeting with someone I think will be very important in your life. I know she is in mine. Eva, this is Barbie…"