I guess I should start by saying that this wasn't my idea. My son-in-law, Blaine, came to me suggesting I write this. He thought it would be healing or comforting or help other parents. Anyways, I should start out by saying that I never claimed to be the model parent. In fact, most of the time I was at a loss when it came to my son, Kurt. I always tried to do right by him.

When I agreed to write this book, I made sure it was okay with Kurt because in order to tell my story, I have to tell his too. Now, you may be wondering why I had to ask his permission, and the answer is that my son is gay. Blaine is his husband. But, before I get into that, I should start at the beginning.

I met my Kurt's mom when I was in junior college. She was a teachers assistant. Now, I must admit that I'm not the smartest guy. Kurt and his mom are book smart. They can read something and just get it. I don't. The only reason I even went to junior college was cause they gave me a scholarship to play football. When I busted my knee out during my third semester, I left the school to study mechanics.

Anyways, back to Kurt's mom. She was beautiful, but she was strong. She had a smile that would light up the entire room, but piss her off and you'd be in for it. I loved that about her. When the class finally ended, I got up the balls to ask her out. I'll never understand why she said yes to a bum like me.

I took her to Breadstix on our first date. The same one that's next to the mall in Lima. I even put on a fancy shirt and tie, trying to impress her. I guess I did something right, cause she agreed to go on more dates with me. I fell hard for her. She was everything I wasn't. When I asked her to marry me three months after we had started our relationship, she just looked at me and said yes and that I had been the one she was waiting for her whole life.

It was about a year later when she found out she was pregnant with a baby and when the doctors told us it was a boy, I was as proud as any father would be. I was going to have a son. Her pregnancy hadn't been easy, that's why we didn't give Kurt a sibling, but when he was born it was the proudest moment of my life. Kurt came out screaming. He had a pair of lungs on him, that kid. When the doctors put him in my arms, I made a promise to always protect and love him.

Around his fifth birthday, Kurt's mom started to notice things about him. I admit that I didn't want to see it. I told myself that all boys his age were asking for dolls for their birthdays. That it was normal for a boy to want a pair of sensible heels. I didn't want to see it. I'm ashamed to admit that at first the thought of having a son who could be like that terrified me to the point where I was almost physically ill. So I kept convincing myself that Kurt was just sensitive and later on in life that would come in handy when he was started to date girls.

One day, Kurt's mother sat me down and told me that she thought Kurt was gay. I didn't believe her. How could she know at such an early age? All kids went through phases. But she insisted that I get used to the idea that Kurt might very well grow up and fall in love with a boy one day. She point blank told me that he was our son and we would love him no matter what.

I was just starting to come to terms with the reality that Kurt might come to his mom and I some day and tell us that he was gay, when she was taken from us. It had happened so suddenly that I couldn't really process it well at the time. A drunk driver. A stupid, teenage drunk driver who wasn't even old enough to buy alcohol had smashed into her car. The doctors said the force of the impact killed her instantly. They all promised she hadn't been in pain. Within that day, everything I had ever come to know was gone. My first thought had been Kurt would never get to hug his mom ever again. I remember trying to think if she had said I love you to Kurt before she left the house and if he had said it to her. They allowed me a few minutes to see her and identify her body. Just like that, she was gone out of my life and I was left a widower and a single father. The worst part is that kid, that damn kid who stole my world from me walked away with a scratch.

The most difficult thing was feeling like I didn't know how to connect to my son. I had to learn to speak his language. To keep things normal for him. I had to learn to raise him without his mother.

So, I guess, the point of this is not to tell you how to raise your kids, cause frankly I'm no one's expert. But more about loving your children no matter what.

(****)****(****)****(****)

How's that Blaine?

I knew this was a good idea. This is going to mean something to a lot of people. You might want to change "cause" to "because" and not start a sentence with "but."

I enjoyed reading about your wife. She sounds like an incredible woman. Looking forward to reading your next chapter.


Since won't allow the posting of images, the last part is an image and you can see it here: anisalee(.)livejournal(.)com(/)14803(.)html#cutid1

Sorry...just take out the parenthesis. FF won't let you post links either D:

Also, reviews are always nice! :D