Logan looked up as Katie walked over to his spot in the cabana he was sitting in. She had a worried look on her face and she was biting her lip. She was 16 now, and he wondered if she was having boy troubles. She always came to him for those, because Kendall shut down when she mentioned boys, Carlos was still has hopeless as ever and she had never forgiven James for the incident with Kyle when she was 11. Logan was the least likely to flip out on her and do something stupid.
But, This was a different kind of worry, the kind of worry he had only seen once before- on Jo's face, 4 years ago, when she had told Kendall she was pregnant and it was his for sure. They had been broken up for a month at the time, but she had been too afraid to till him the moment she had known the month before they broke up. Logan didn't blame her at all. Kendall could be- stubborn at times and Logan knew this fully well. If Kendall didn't want something to happen, Kendall would shut down and just refuse to do it. He was immovable when wanted to be, and could have a nasty temper when he got mad. Logan loved Kendall, dearly, he wouldn't be planning on marrying the man if he didn't, but Kendall could, plain and simple, be an asshole at times.
Katie sat down next to Logan and put her head against his shoulder. "Hey, what's up little girl?" he asked.
Katie sighed. "I'm worried about Kendall's health. Have you noticed, he's lost weight and he snaps at everyone and he won't eat?" she asked sadly. "You know, I've never seen him cry? He's holding in everything and he's going to explode. I tried to talk to him this morning and he just yelled at me and told me to fuck off. H-he never yells at me." She broke off, and shook her head. "Can you go talk to him?"
Logan HAD noticed that Kendall had been deteriorating, in a bad mood (yesterday he had flipped Carlos out of a chair so he could sit there instead, ignoring James's protests. The day before, he had grabbed James by the hair and sat on him for an hour because James had asked him why he wasn't eating. He sighed, Kendall was obviously pissed off about something or on the edge and Logan had to fix it, if he was screaming at Katie, it was only a matter of time before Kendall was screaming at little girls. "Of course. Do you know where he is?"
Katie nodded. "He's in the Palmwoods park, moping around" she said sadly. "Logan, I'm really worried about him, please promise me you'll fix him?" she begged.
Logan nodded. "I'll do everything I can to make him right again" he said, standing up. He hugged her quickly and then headed towards the park, in hopes of finding his boyfriend and talking sense into him. He scoured the park quickly before heading off in the direction of the blonde form huddled by a tree, knees drawn up to his chest. Logan sighed and sank down next to Kendall. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly.
Kendall turned to look at him. "I'm fine, Logan" he said, his voice slightly harsh.
"Kendall, I've known you since we were 3. That's 19 years. I know you're not fine" Logan told him. "I know when you're hurting and holding it in. Come on, what's wrong"
Kendall rolled his eyes. "Nothing's wrong"
"Kendall Donald Knight, I think I know when you're lying to me and when you're not okay. What's wrong?" Logan pressed. "You can tell me anything"
Logan wrapped an arm around Kendall's shoulders. "Kendall, you're tense, loosing weight and you're yelling at everyone. What's wrong?"
Kendall stared off into space for a while and then sighed. "I can't be strong Kendall all the time. I have to make sure Katie is okay, and Mom is okay, and make sure Jett doesn't ruin my daughter's personality- I have to raise a daughter, and I have to make sure you're happy. And then I have to still be in the band and Gustavo keeps yelling at me and I can't be the perfect, strong, leader, all the time. But no one else can. So I have to be, or I'll disappoint you, my mom, Katie, James, Carlos, Gustavo, Daisy and the fans. And I can't bear to see the looks on your faces when I do that. I don't want Daisy growing up thinking I'm a failure, she'll hear it enough from Jett. "
Logan shook his head. "Kendall, its okay to be vulnerable. Letting everything out and admitting you're not perfect and asking for help, in my eyes that makes you stronger. " he said softly. "Kendall, you mean the world to me. And you don't always have to be so strong" he whispered. At this point, Kendall was fully in his arms, and quivering, like he was going to break. "You can break if you need to, I'm here to catch all the pieces and fix you" he said softly. "Break down, it won't make me love you any less. Be vulnerable, be weak, you're only human. In my eyes, and your daughter's eyes, you'll always be perfect. Well, when Daisy get's older, maybe not, but you're perfect forever to me." He said softly.
Kendall let out a strangled sob. "I m-m-misss him s-s-s-s-o much" he sobbed. It didn't take any asking for Logan to know who Kendall was talking about, his father. "It's so hard to do this without him"
Logan pressed his hand to the back of Kendall's head. "I know, it's hard. But you're not alone. He was a good dad- he raised the most amazing son, and he'd be so proud of you. You're an amazing father to that little girl. Not many fathers have custody of their daughters, not like you do. Usually, the mother is the one who the child lives with most of the time."
Kendall snorted. "Well, I couldn't exactly let my daughter live with Jett Stetson. And Jo was selfish, she didn't want Daisy in the first place. I was the one who insisted Jo didn't have an abortion and threatened to take her to court over it. But I feel like Daisy should have stayed with Jo, I'm a horrible father"
Logan sighed. "No you're not. You're the best dad a little girl can have. You love that girl, she's the most unselfish 3 year old I've ever met, did you see her yesterday with Carlos and his sprained ankle- that you caused, I might add-she snuggled with him all day and tried to read to him to make him feel better. She's happy, healthy, adjusted and she's better off than some children with both their parents are. I know it's hard, but you've raised that child right and I'm proud of you. If I had gotten Camille pregnant, I don't know how I'd do, but you've done amazing, especially with Jett not letting Jo help as much as she should. Daisy is a beautiful little girl and I'm proud that one day, she'll be my stepdaughter."
Kendall sighed. "Am I being selfish?"
Logan shook his head. "Not in the least. What would be selfish is to hold it in until you loose your marbles. Why haven't you been eating, though?"
"I don't want to get overweight and get diabetes and have a heart attack like my dad did" Kendall said sadly.
"So you're going to starve yourself. Great idea, Kendall Knight. You're not much good to anyone if you've starved to death. Come on, we're going to go get something to eat." Logan hauled Kendall to his feet. "God, Kendall, this is such a James move," Logan scolded, leading him to the apartment. As they walked, Logan sighed. "You're healthy, why are you acting like you're not okay. " They got into the elevator and rode in silence up to 2J. When they walked into the apartment, a little blonde girl with curly hair and bright green eyes- a girl who was all Kendall in female form- got up from the table and ran over.
"Daddy!" she shouted, tackling Kendall and wrapped her arms around his leg. "Uncle Jamie painted my nails, they're pink and – Uncle James, what do they do?"
James stood up. "Sparkle" he said with a laugh.
Kendall lifted her up. "I see. They're very pretty, Daisy. Did you have a good time with your Mommy this morning?" he asked. Jo had taken Daisy shopping.
Daisy shook her head. "No, Mommy's Logan came and he kept using those smelly smoke sticks."
"Mommy's Logan…you mean Jett?" Kendall laughed at the look on Logan's face. "Well, I'll have to talk to Mommy about that later because he's not supposed to do that when you're around." That had been Kendall's biggest rule for Jo and Jett, that Jett, who smoked all day 24/7, did not smoke when Daisy was around (and as sole custodian, he got to enforce that stipulation and Jett's ass would be bruised later). "Hey, it's past your naptime, little girl, was James too much fun?" he asked her. She nodded. "Why don't you run to bed and Logan and I will come tuck you in in a minute"
"Okay" Daisy clapped as Kendall put her on the ground and ran upstairs to the room she shared with her aunt- an arrangement Katie herself had insisted on. Kendall laughed, watching her run and then turned to James, who was walking past.
"I thought we agreed you aren't allowed to curl her hair like that anymore" he asked. His daughter's hair was naturally curly, but not ringlets. "Except special occasions"
"She asked me too. But you're smiling. I guess you're feeling better?" James ased.
"Just don't do it again. And yes, Logan and I had a talk and I let a lot of stuff of my chest."
"You cried, your eyes are still red" James pointed out. Kendall shoved him playfully and laughed.
"Shut up, you goober. I cried, am I not allowed to be vulnerable once in a while. Now go on, isn't Carlos trapped up stairs because of his ankle?"
"That you sprained"
"Geez, sorry. If you're just going to be a jerk, I have a child to go read a story to." Kendall flipped the grinning James off and then ran up the stairs, planning on reading a book to the little girl upstairs.
20 minutes later, Logan realized he hadn't seen Kendall-and the plate of food Logan had left out was still there- and went upstairs to find him. Not finding him in their room, he walked into the girls' room and stopped. Curled up on Daisy's bed, fast asleep with his daughter snuggled securely in his arms, was Kendall. A sweet smile graced Kendall's face and he looked so peaceful, that even though this would mean Kendall would be up late tonight, Logan didn't have it in him to wake them up. Instead, he grabbed an extra blanket off of Katie's bed and tucked it around the father and daughter and went to the blinds, shutting them. He stopped at the door. Kendall was vulnerable today, more open to the world and his feelings then Logan had seen him in a long time. But Logan liked Kendall this way.
A/N: Okay, so I stayed up all night to type and edit this because I couldn't get it out of my brain. And now I'm tired and have to leave to visit my grandparents and go to church in 2 hours so I'm going to go take a nap myself. Too bad I don't have a Kendall.