So Everybody, March Twenty Seventh happens to be the day that Batman first appeared in detective comics (his birthday, if you will) so that is the reason for this tale of betrayal, drama and party games. Hope you like.
"…and the sky is just too bright today. You know, one of these days I'm going to darken the sky so everybody is just as miserable, if not more miserable, then I am."
Robin trudged into the Hall of Justice unhappily, trying his best to ignore Batman's loud, meaningless tirade. Superman bounced over much to happily for Batman's liking and said, "Hello Batman, how's you day been?"
"Foul and a dark cloud just cascaded over it because you showed up. Now get away from me you Kryptonian pansy."
"Ok", Superman said, slightly taken aback. As soon as Batman stalked off to complain elsewhere, Superman walked deliberately towards the dark knight's junior partner. He knelt down in front of the crestfallen looking young boy and said, "he seems even more irritable then usual, something happen?" Robin shook his head and then gave an annoyed eye roll.
"No, it's just that his birthday is next week and there seems to be nothing he likes more then to turn something that would make a normal person happy, bad. He's really getting on my nerves. Can I stay at the Hall of Justice until the day after his birthday so I don't have to deal with him?" Superman, however, hadn't heard these last statement and was still mulling quietly over the previous ones.
"It's Batman's birthday next week eh? What day is it?"
"It's on Tuesday", Robin said glumly.
"Well, perk up kiddo", Superman said gleefully, "because I just had an excellent idea."
"What?" Robin asked, now noticeably interested.
"We", Superman said, scooping up the eight year old, "are going to throw Batman a surprise party." Robin's expression didn't change. "Don't you think it's a good idea?" Superman asked.
"I don't think Batman'd like it", Robin replied uncertainly, "he's not a big fan of joy or happy feelings."
"Which is precisely why we need to throw him this party Robin, to cheer him up."
"I think it would just cheer him down", Robin said.
"Have faith", Superman replied, "anyway, it would just be fun to have a party, wouldn't it? We could have decorations and snacks and games and…"
"And a big giant cake", Robin asked hopefully, "I love cake."
"Of course", Superman said, "it will be the best birthday party ever."
"Can we invite everyone?" Robin asked, now starting to get excited.
"Sure", Superman said, "we can get the whole league together."
"Ok", Robin said excitedly, "that'll be lots of fun."
"But you can't tell Batman, not a word", Superman said urgently. Robin shook his head and ran his hand over his mouth.
"My lips are sealed", he said.
"Alright then", Superman said, "now how do we get him out of the building so we can start spreading the word?"
"I know", Robin said, "give him a mission or something."
"Yea", Superman said, "I'll think of something totally useless and anal for him to do. Lets go."
Batman was sitting at a computer, grumbling under his breath about clouds and flowers and other things that make normal people happy. "Hey Batman", Superman said, coming up, "I have a job for you."
"What", Batman asked, annoyed that his complaining had been interrupted.
Superman shifted Robin to one hip and said, "Well, I need you to check out the north jungles of India, I'm worried about them."
"Why", Batman asked in an aggravated sort of voice, "we just checked them last week. The legion of doom cannot have done anything substantial since then."
"Still", Superman said, "just please go and do it." Batman grumbled and muttered for a few seconds before getting up.
"Come on Robin", he said, "lets go."
"Ohh", Superman said, "I was thinking Robin might just stay here with me for a bit, so we could have a little fun. You're not very good at having fun you know." Batman scowled and muttered, but walked out the door.
"Phew", Robin said, "I almost thought he was going to make me come to."
"Good thing he didn't", Superman said, "we need you."
"I know", said Robin, "you need me a lot."
"Alright", said Superman, "lets go."
"Alright, quiet everyone now quiet, come on. Thank you", Superman said, "now, I have something very important to tell you all."
"Hold on", Hawkman said, "where's Batman?"
"He's off on some stupid mission", Superman said, "anyway, what I have to tell you is…"
"It's Batman's birthday next week", Robin said excitedly, cutting him off.
"Aww, come on Robin", Superman whined, "I wanted to tell them." The room instantly erupted into confused murmurs as the heroes talked amongst themselves about this strange news.
"So", Black Canary said, putting her hands on her hips, "does that mean we can expect him to be more or less irritable then usual."
"More", Superman said. Canary rolled her eyes and fell silent.
"Wait", Flash called out, "Batman has a birthday?"
"Of course Batman has a birthday stupid", Green Lantern said, "everyone has a birthday."
"I don't know", Flash replied, "he seemed sort of timeless, you know, like he never aged. I always thought he was some kind of dark wraith or something."
"Well", Superman said loudly, to get everyone's attention, "he's not. He's our friend ("not really", Aquaman muttered under his breath) and because of that, I think we should throw him a party."
"A party", Green Arrow asked hopefully, "I like parties."
"It's not going to be your kind of party", Booster Gold said, "Superman's throwing it, remember."
"Ohh", Arrow said glumly, "right."
"Anyway", Superman said loudly, finding it difficult to keep everyone's attention, "it's going to be a surprise party so nobody and I mean nobody (he glared menacingly at the Flash at this point) is going to say a thing to him, is that understood?" Everyone nodded his or her heads.
"Will we get to jump out and scare him?" B'wana beast asked expectantly.
"Of course", Superman said.
"Yes", said El Dorado, "I can get him back for all those times that horrible hombre has jumped out at me."
"Now", Superman continued, "I'm going to put certain people in charge of certain things for this party to make everything run smoothly."
"Ok, so Martian Man Hunter, you're in charge of snacks."
"Ok", the green man said.
"Hold up", Black Vulcan said, "don't put him in charge of snacks or we'll all end up dead."
"I bring good food", Martian Man Hunter said indignantly.
"Blood beetles from the far side of Mars are not what I would consider good MH", Black Vulcan retorted.
"Alright fine", Superman said annoyed, "Black Vulcan, you can bring the snacks."
"That's better", Black Vulcan said, puffing out his chest at being acknowledged (it doesn't happen very often because he's one of those miscellaneous heroes from the Super friends TV show nobody really remembers).
"Ok Flash, I'll put you in charge of decorations."
"Sweet", Flash said.
"Wait, wait, wait", Huntress said, "not alone you can't. He can't even walk up the stairs alone."
"Then give him a hand Huntress", Superman said, frustrated, "and would you people stop interrupting me, it's rude. Atom, you can think up party games."
"No", Plastic Man moaned, "I am not spending another hour playing physics trivia." Atom looked outraged at this.
"I like physics trivia", he said, "and so does Batman."
"So what", Plastic Man continued, "the rest of us don't."
"Fine Plastic Man, you do games. Atom can jump out of the cake, now stop interrupting me guys, please, I don't like it", Superman whimpered.
"Speaking of the cake", Wonder Woman said, "who's doing that?"
"My mom can bake the cake", Superman replied. Everybody started snickering. "Seriously guys", Superman said, "come on, my mom is cool." Everyone started snickering more and Superman folded his arms darkly. "You all are so juvenile," he snapped, "I mean really."
"How many candles are we going to put on the cake?" Jayna asked, "Robin how old is Batman?"
"I don't know", Robin said, "to me he looks about eighty."
"He can't be that old", Zan said. Gleek (the Wonder twins creepy blue monkey type thing) just gurgled quietly to himself. He did that most of the time, when he wasn't humping people.
"We'll just put however many will fit and hope for the best", Superman said, "that's not really important. Anyway, lets see, we've taken care of decorations, games, snacks, the cake, ohh yes, Apache Chief, you can do party favors."
"No", Power Girl said angrily, "I do not want another tomahawk fiasco. You put him in charge of party favors for last year's Christmas party and all his Indian magic could come up with was a bunch of weapons. I sat on a spear and I mean, sure I'm super, but it seriously hurt."
Superman got a large annoyed scowl on his face and said, "Fine Power Girl, you can do party favors. I think that's everything."
"Ohh, Ohh, Ohh", Flash said excitedly, bouncing up and down with his hand raised.
"Yes Flash", Superman asked.
"What do we get him for presents? We have to bring him presents."
"Well", Superman said, puffing out his chest, "I already know what I'm getting him for his present, but I'm not telling."
"What does he like Robin?" Samurai asked. Robin shrugged.
"Really, he doesn't like anything, except when I draw him pictures, that's what I'm getting for him. But nobody else do that."
"I think I just thought of the perfect gift", Huntress said silkily, like a cat that had just spotted a bowel of milk, "I'll have to go out and get it this afternoon."
"It shouldn't be too hard to figure out", Superman said, "whatever you get him, he has to at least pretend to like it so we should be good. Now, if there are no further questions, I suggest we adjourn before he gets back from India. And remember guys, don't breathe a word."
Batman was even more annoyed then he had been previously, which was really saying something because his level of annoyance should not have been able to go up much further.
First, it was approaching that horrible date. Batman hated many days of the year, but this one he really loathed. Then, Robin asked to stay at the Justice league for the next couple of days and he was forced to say yes or else admit to the fact that he actually cared about something (Robin was so mean, he knew Batman would be lonely without him, but stayed at the Justice league anyway. Now who was Batman going to complain to?), and finally, every time he walked by someone, they started giggling and going all giddy.
Batman hated giddiness (he had tried to outlaw it, but the president hadn't listened to his request) and he hated it when people had a laugh at his expense. He was used to being feared and respected, not the object of some mysterious joke.
So, Batman decided to go back to his old habit of skulking about and jumping out to scare people when they walked by. He also decided to do a little eavesdropping and that was when he heard part of a very interesting conversation.
As Batman was crawling through a small airway above the Justice League rooms, (he was complaining about how they should make these airways bigger so he could climb through them more comfortably and spy on people) he heard his name mentioned in a conversation below him and paused.
He lowered himself down until he was lying down over a very dusty grate and pressed his ear to the metal. As far as he could tell from the voices, it was Booster Gold and Aqua Man talking, but he had to strain his ears harder to catch all the words.
"Yea, won't Batman be surprised when we all jump out. We'll get him good", Aquaman said.
"Totally", Booster replied, "I can't believe Superman managed to get the whole league into this thing. I can't wait to get him back for all the times he's jumped out at me. It's going to taste even sweeter knowing he'll be taking a taste of his own medicine for once. He won't suspect a thing."
Batman was so shocked, he didn't hear their last couple statements as they walked out the door of Aquaman's room. So that was what all the giggling and giddiness was about. They were planning to get him back. They were going to eliminate him just like he tried to eliminate them sometimes.
He knew they would get together and try to dispose of him one day or another. Ha, they said they were his friends, he knew they weren't. Suddenly, everything made sense. They were holding Robin captive here so that he wouldn't leak the news. But, he hadn't heard when the plot would be.
He would have to be on his guard at all times. He would be ready for them. Batman crawled out of the vent and walked swiftly down to his car. He was going home to get together his weapons.
Well, Tuesday came quickly enough and everyone was milling around the room where the party would be, talking and getting together their respective tasks. Robin came in squealing, perched atop Superman's shoulders as the man of steel carried in the large six-layer cake. It had a little bat on top as a topper and blue icing with black trim and gloomy looking black candles. Across the bottom three layers the words, Happy Birthday Batman were spelled in curly lettering done artfully by Superman's mother.
"Hey", Booster Gold said, "your mom did pretty good on that cake."
"I know", Superman replied, "she makes my birthday cake every year." Robin let out another squeal of excitement at that moment, which masked the snickering of everyone in the room at this last comment of Superman's.
"I'm so excited", Robin said happily, "this is going to be such a fun party." A red blur suddenly erupted around the room and the next instant, there were decorations everywhere. However, Superman was the opposite of pleased (or displeased) when he saw them.
"What", the man of steel said in shock, "why did you get those decorations? He's going to hate that." All around him were those paper cups and plates, streamers balloons and other partyish decorations, but all in a cheerful red and blue with large S's on them.
There was even a banner hanging across the room that said Have a Super Birthday, but with the Super crossed out rather poorly so you could still see what it originally said, and the word Bat written below it.
"I know, I know", Huntress said sheepishly, "we looked for Batman themed decorations, but apparently, he didn't sell his rights to the party companies so it was either this or Hello Kitty."
"I had the same problem", Power Girl said, coming in, "now, who want's a Superman party blower?" Apache Chief folded his arms and stood moodily in the corner.
"At least someone actually wanted Batman's rights", he said darkly. Robin raced over to get his party blower because he knew that if you wanted to irritate someone, there was nothing better then a party blower to do that. He put on his Superman party hat and raced around, tickling people's necks with his horrible paper contraption.
Superman put a hand over his eyes. Things were not exactly going as planned. "I got the snacks", Black Vulcan said, putting them down on a Superman decorated table.
"And I brought the games", Plastic Man said, "and look what I found. Pin the cape on Superman and a Superman piñata."
"Ohh", said Robin, "he'll love that. He's been wanting to beat Superman with a stick since he met him."
Superman gave him a satirical smile and said, "Believe me Robin, I know."
"Where do we put our gifts?" Aquaman asked, coming in with a large box in his arms, cheerfully wrapped in blue paper covered in yellow fish and a large yellow bow.
"Ohh, Ohh, Ohh", Robin said, rushing over, "is that present for me?"
"Sorry son", Aquaman said, "this is for Batman."
"Aww", Robin whined, "Why does he get all the gifts?"
"Because it's his birthday sweetie", Wonder Woman said, "on your birthday, we'll get you gifts."
"Anyway", Aquaman continued, "you can share this gift with Batman."
"Ok", Robin said, "what is it?"
"It's a surprise", Aquaman said, "but you'll like it, I promise."
"Alright Robin", Superman said, "now that it seems we have everything together, you have to go keep look out for Batman. He should be coming down the hallway any minute now and when he does, you have to yell Batman all excited like you're happy to see him and then lead him in here. The room will be dark but when I turn on the lights, we'll all jump out and scream, Surprise!"
"And scare the bejeeses out of him", El Dorado said excitedly, "I can't wait."
"Ok", Robin said, "I'll go out and look for him." Everyone crouched behind the various tables and chairs in the room, giggling and awaiting Batman's arrival.
Batman heard Robin's scream before he actually saw the boy. He was lost in thought at the moment, going over the best way to throw baterangs and wield an unusually large battle axe at the same time. He looked down and saw Robin tugging at his sleeve.
"Come on Batman", Robin said excitedly, "I have a surprise to show you." Batman was suspicious immediately. He decided the rest of the league had gotten Robin into this by force and the excited, shinning look on the boy's face was really one of terrible fear. Poor Robin.
Batman followed Robin into the dark room and the instant he passed over the threshold, the lights came on, glaringly bright and everyone jumped out from behind stuff yelling, "Surprise!" But, as soon as those words had passed from their lips, there were baterangs and battle-axes and other pointy, impaling objects flying everywhere.
Once the barrage had stopped and Batman was standing in one place, panting, everyone rose tentatively from where they had taken cover. Superman had a few severed streamers on his head where a kryptonite laced batarang had cut them in half and said laughingly, "Happy Birthday Batman although I must say, you surprised us a lot more then we surprised you." El Dorado was muttering curses in Spanish as he untied himself from a bat rope.
"I can't believe we missed our chance", he said angrily.
"Where are all your weapons?" Batman asked, confused.
"Ohh", said Power Girl, tugging a battle axe from the wall behind her, "don't you worry about that, I did the party favors this time, not Apache Chief." Apache Chief curled his top lip in disgust and pulled a batarang out of his shirt.
"Should I jump out yet?" a muffled voice called.
"Not yet Atom", Superman said, "wait for the signal."
"You know", Batman said, "you all lay a horrible ambush. No weapons ready, no proper signaling process."
"What are you talking about Batman?" Arrow asked as he put a cube of ice over one of his bat laser burns, "since when were we laying an ambush?"
"I heard Aquaman and Booster Gold talking about it."
Booster Gold shrugged awkwardly and said, "I guess he misunderstood our conversation." Robin rushed up to Batman and jumped on him to be picked up.
He tweaked Batman's nose after being hoisted up into the arms of the Dark Knight and said, "It's a surprise party silly, for your birthday. You can't have forgotten it was your birthday. I mean, after all, you've been grumbling about it for the past couple of days."
"You were talking about a surprise party?" Batman asked blankly.
"Hah", Green Lantern said, "he can't even comprehend that we might actually do something nice for him, that's rich and totally predictable."
"Well", said Superman, wagging a finger mockingly, "that's what you get for creeping around. You hear things you're not supposed to and take them the wrong way. Look, we made this party up so beautifully for you and you killed the decorations."
"Ohh I don't know", said Martian Man Hunter, "now they look more Batmanish, you know, with the weapons sticking out of the walls and all." Everyone started to murmur in agreement as they looked at the new décor.
The Superman poster that had been hung on the wall for the party now had an axe and several knives sticking out of it, which looked like a Batman sort of thing to do. "Ohh look", Flash said unhappily, "you cut the banner in half. Anybody got any tape so I can fix it?"
"Why is it Superman themed?" Batman asked.
"You know what", Huntress said venomously, 'you wouldn't sell your stupid rights to the stupid party companies so we couldn't have a stupid Batman party. Deal with it."
"Ok", Batman said, slightly taken aback.
Atom suddenly popped out of the cake, leaving an Atom shaped hole and yelled, "Happy Birthday."
"Atom", Superman said, exasperated, "You were supposed to wait for the signal."
"Ohh", said Atom, "umm, sorry, do you want me to go back inside?"
"No", Superman said, "why don't you just go and get the icing off."
"Who baked the cake?" Batman asked.
"My mother", Superman replied, and everyone started snickering. "Come on guys, stop being such infants."
"Can you open your presents first?" Robin asked, 'I want you to open mine."
"I got presents?" Batman asked blankly.
"Of course stupid", Wonder Woman said affectionately, "you know, we don't hate you all that much, even if you can get pretty irritating."
"Open my present", Robin said demandingly, and shoved it under Batman's nose.
"Ok", Batman said, sitting down. Everyone crowded around to see the present. Batman opened it and found he was looking down at a picture in crayon. There were two stick figures in the middle of a heart hugging and the top said, I love you Batman, with some other indiscernible figures around it.
"It's beautiful Robin", Batman said.
"Aww", El Dorado said mockingly, "that's so cute Batman." A few seconds later he was in the corner cursing and whimpering with two bruised shins and a kick between his legs from Batman.
"What is it?" Flash whispered in Batman's ear. "I'm assuming the two guys in the heart trying to kill each other are you and Robin, but what are the other things."
"Well", said Batman, "There appear to be a few elephants in here, named Humphrey and Jake of course and a tiger and a couple of bears."
"How did you get all that?" Flash asked.
"You just have to learn how to decipher these sorts of things", Batman said, "and anyway, he names all his elephants either Humphrey or Jake."
"Do you like it?" Robin asked.
"Of course Robin", Batman said, "when we get home, I'll put it right next to Van Gogh's Starry Night in my art gallery."
"I thought Starry Night was in a museum or something", Black Canary said.
"That's what they want you to think", Batman replied mysteriously.
"Ohh", Superman said, "open my gift next." He handed Batman a package wrapped rather poorly in red paper, which Batman opened tentatively. He was met with a white sweater that had large red words on it and a red arrow. "It says my best friend", Superman said, sounding terribly pleased with himself, "and look, I have a matching one." He held up a similar white sweater. Everyone started laughing.
"Where did you get these?" Batman asked.
"My mom made them", Superman replied. Everyone started laughing even more. "Now put it on", said Superman. Batman reluctantly slipped it over his head and everyone exploded, even El Dorado, still rocking back and forth in the corner. "Come on guys", Superman said, "it's not funny."
Batman looked as if there was nothing he would have liked better then to throw the sweater in the pits of hell, but he put on a false smile and said, "I love it Superman", and quickly wiggled out of it. "I guess Ace has a new blanket", he whispered to Robin, who giggled.
"Mine next", said Arrow. "I didn't wrap it, but it has a bow, look." Batman looked down at the twelve pack of beer on his lap. "Huh", Arrow said, elbowing him, "huh, don't you like it? Much better then some sweater right."
Superman looked extremely affronted at this and said, "It was a wonderful gift, right Batman?"
Batman, wanting to change the subject, asked, "What's this envelope Ollie?"
"Ohh", said Arrow, "open it." Batman found two tickets inside the envelope and read them quickly.
"Nice Ollie", he said.
"I know", said Ollie, in a high, pleased voice, "now that is my kind of show." He licked his lips like a cat with its eyes on a bird and said, "one's for a friend of course, preferably the friend that gave you beer."
'What kind of show?" Robin asked, "is it Spongebob on ice?"
"Sure Robin", Batman said, "lets go with that."
"I wanna come", Robin said.
"This is just for us men", Arrow said, "I'll take you to Spongebob some other time."
"My turn", Atom said. "Look." He put a gift on Batman's lap, who opened it quickly. "It's an electron particle accelerator", Atom said proudly, "don't you love it?"
"It's great", said Batman, now visibly pleased, "how many kilopascals can it generate?"
"Stop with the smart person talk", Flash said annoyed, "and open my gift." He put a large box on Batman's lap. Batman opened the box.
"Don't you love it?" Flash asked excitedly, "it's a telescope, isn't it great?"
"Flash, this is the exact telescope I got you for Christmas last year", Batman said.
"Ohh", Flash said, "are you sure that was you?"
"Yes", said Batman, "I'm sure."
"Smooth Flash", Hawkman said, "that's a fail, an epic fail."
"Hold on", Flash said, and he zipped off. He came back about thirty seconds later and whisked the telescope off Batman's lap, replacing it with a brightly colored red and yellow contraption. "I got you the wrong gift", Flash said, "I would never want to part with my wonderful telescope. Here's a snow cone machine."
"Snow cones", Robin said excitedly.
"Thanks Flash", Batman said, "I love it, even though I know you probably already used it several times."
"My turn", Booster Gold said. "It's a Booster Gold action figure."
"Cool", said Robin, and he snatched it up, zooming it around.
"Hold on kid", Booster Gold said coming after him, 'that thing's a collector's item, be careful." While Booster Gold was off chasing Robin, B'wana Beast came up with his gift. It was a birdcage shaped package with strange sounds coming from within it. Batman opened it and found the most peculiar creature he had ever seen.
"I combined a robin and a fruit bat to make the perfect pet for the dynamic duo (B'wana's power involves merging animals together, such as a bird and a horse to make a flying horse or a lion and an eagle to make a griffin type creature). It's half bird, half bat," B'wana said proudly.
"Thanks B'wana", Batman said uncertainly, "what an uhh…thoughtful gift."
"Gross", said Black Canary, "now look at my gift." Batman found inside the wrapping paper another bird cage.
"It's a black canary", Batman said.
"Yup", said Canary, "I got a canary and spray painted it black." The bird looked rather miserable, covered in thick black paint, and stared at Batman dolefully. "It's so you can think about me", Canary said, her eyes narrowing seductively.
"Thanks", Batman said, "I'll put it in my aviary with my bat, bird thing." Next came the Wonder Twins, who presented Batman with what looked like a miniature Gleek.
"Gleek laid an egg and this is his baby. We thought you might like it," Jayna said.
"Wait", said Black Vulcan, "I thought Gleek was a guy."
"He is", Zan said.
"Ok", said Black Vulcan, "I'm going to stop asking questions now."
"His name is Treek", Jayna continued, "I hope you like him."
"Yea", said Batman, "he's uhh, he's great, I think."
Black Vulcan went next, presenting Batman with a portable generator (he's a lightning themed dude) and Samurai, who gave Batman a pair of ancient Japanese swords. Apache Chief gave him an Indian tomahawk and Power girl gave him a book about Britain.
Batman liked Hawkman's gift, which was a giant, frightening looking mace, but wasn't so crazy about El Dorado's, who had been in a bad mood when he had picked out a gift and ended up presenting him with cursed Aztec gold.
"Is it really cursed?" Batman asked.
"Of course", El Dorado replied, giving him a wolfish grin, "enjoy it." Batman nodded and planned exactly where he would implant that gold in El Dorado's body to cause him the most pain.
Martian Man Hunter gave Batman a large mars rock and Wonder Woman gave him a tie with bats on it. Robin returned just in time to see Batman unwrap Huntress's gift, which was a very small pair of briefs.
Huntress gave him a tiger grin and said, "Aren't you going to try them on for me?"
Batman gave her a sardonic smile and said, "yea, no."
"What is that", Robin asked, indicating the briefs.
"It's a hat for baby Gleek", Batman replied. Green Lantern gave Batman a remote control green plane, which had a little camera attached. He said it was for surveillance, but the camera on it was so obvious, Batman decided it would make a better toy for Robin, who was visibly pleased, sitting on Batman's knee.
The last two gifts were from Plastic Man, who got Batman super silly putty and Aquaman, who got him a fish tank with what appeared to be a tiny man swimming around inside. "It's Black Manta", Aquaman said with a grin, "you know, my arch nemesis. I shrunk him and put him in this tank."
Black Manta shook his tiny fist and yelled some foul words no one caught through the glass walls of the tank. "When you're in a really bad mood", Aquaman continued, "You can shake the tank, see." Aquaman picked up the tank and gave it a few hard shakes. "Ohh no Manta, it's a hurricane", Aquaman said mockingly, "whatcha gona do about it, you little shrimp?"
Manta went flying around the tank, angrily swimming around in a tiny black rage. Aquaman laughed jovially and put the tank down. "You just throw a little fish food in there every once in a while and he'll be good."
"Thanks Aquaman" Batman said, "I'm sure Robin and I will really enjoy him."
"Alright", said Superman, "since that's all the gifts, I think now it's time to cut the cake." Everyone crowded around the cake excitedly while Superman lite the candles with his laser eyes.
"You know guys", Batman said, "I'm not seventy nine, going on eighty."
"How did you count all those so fast", Arrow asked.
"I used geometry", Batman replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Ohh well", Arrow said sardonically, "he used geometry. Why didn't I think of that?"
"Well", said Superman, "Robin said you were pretty old."
Batman looked down at Robin, who shrugged and said, "What, I'm only eight. Everyone looks old to me."
The cake turned out to be delicious, which made people stop laughing at Superman, but only until everyone was finished eating. Superman then rallied everyone for games. Batman was blindfolded and given a stick with which he could beat the piñata. Obviously, turning him in circles had absolutely no affect on his sense of direction at all because he made a beeline for the real Superman and started hitting him with the stick.
"Batman", Superman said, "I know you know you're hitting me and not the piñata."
"Oops", Batman said in a not very convincing voice, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it."
"Uhh huh, yea, I believe you." After Batman demolished the piñata, Atom managed to get everyone to play physics trivia with him (he had snuck his trivia cards in the night before), which no one but him and Batman enjoyed. Eventually, Robin started to complain that he was board and they were forced to conclude that Batman was the winner.
It got down to a heated debate over the exact weight of a particle of light which, after much discussion, it was decided that Batman was right, mostly because it was his birthday and everyone thought he was much scarier then Atom. Atom was griping in the corner for the next thirty minutes over this, but no one paid him any mind.
Next, they played pictonary, except that no one on Robin's team but Batman could actually figure out what the boy wonder was drawing so that game ended quickly. They played twister, but after Plastic Man won the first two games, they made him run the spinner, which put him in a really bad mood. Robin won the next two games.
Musical chairs also ended poorly because people kept sitting on Robin. After they made him man the music, the Flash and Superman started winning games and everyone proclaimed it not fair so they were kicked out as well. Wonder Woman was triumphant in the final game.
The next game that Batman won was monopoly, which he managed in under twenty minutes. "How did you do that?" Arrow asked incredulously.
"Hello Ollie", Batman replied, "CEO of Wayne enterprises."
"I'm a CEO too", Arrow said, sounding hurt.
"Yea", said Batman, "but not a very good one." The next game was duck, duck, goose, which they excluded Superman and Flash from because they all said it wouldn't be fair. The game still didn't go very well because Wonder Woman kept using her lasso and Batman used his Bat rope and Hawkman had to be continually reminded that hitting people with maces was not allowed in duck, duck, goose.
Robin won pin the cape on Superman, mostly because Batman found it much more fun to impale the paper Superman with the tack in the most uncomfortable places he could. They played hide and go seek, but Martian Man Hunter kept turning invisible so it really wasn't fair at all. They were quickly finding out that party games didn't work very well with super powered people.
Arrow pulled out a beer bottle he had just emptied (he had already gotten into Batman's gift because all they had at the party was soda, due to Superman) and voted they play spin the bottle, but Superman said it was demeaning and the only condition they would play on was that instead of making out, they had to hug each other. No one really wanted to play after that, but Superman made them. Arrow sat moodily next to Batman, looking angry that his game hadn't been accepted (he had been hoping to make out with Black Canary).
Batman managed to get the trajectory of the bottle just right so that the only person he had to hug on his turn was Robin, who gleefully obliged. He still got hugs from everyone else though, the most embarrassing one being from Superman. They had to make a no pinching rule after Canary managed to get a hug with Batman. The no inappropriate touching whatsoever rule came after Huntress hugged Batman. That was when Batman ended the game, saying he hated hugging and he thought it was a disgusting display of inappropriate affection and everyone should despise everyone else just as much as he did.
He spent about twenty minutes coaxing a sobbing Robin out of the corner after that one, promising that he hadn't been talking about him at all and he loved hugging him. Superman asked if Batman loved hugging him and got a kryptonite-studded glove in the face.
Everyone was pretty tired after all this excitement so they sat in a circle, eating snacks and playing truth or dare while Robin napped on Batman's lap. Arrow was given the list of things he couldn't dare people to do, which made him stalk off grumbling about stupid kids parties, previous parties he'd been too, and other things. He sat in the corner with another beer and scowled at people as they walked by.
It got late quickly and Batman decided it was time to get Robin home. He walked out with Superman and gently loaded the sleeping Robin into the Batwing. "Umm Superman", he said softly, just as he was about to board the Batwing.
"Yes", Superman asked.
"Umm, thanks for the umm, party, it was uhh…fun". A big grin split across Superman's face and he hugged Batman, who resisted the urge to punch him out for invading his personal space.
"You're welcome buddy", Superman said after he released his friend, "anytime." Robin made a tired noise inside the Batwing, which reminded Batman that he needed to get home. He boarded the plane and flew it swiftly away.
"Hmm", he said softly to himself, "perhaps I actually can have friends." He looked over at sleeping Robin, who was wrapped up the sweater from Superman. "Nahh", he said, and flew swiftly home to catch up on his crime files, his real friends.