Authors Note: Ive been a lurker among the Faberry shippers, so with some forceful pushing and half-hearted threats from my twin sis, I have finally made my FIRST fabery story, please give it a chance and don't be afriad to drop in a review. ^^
Why does this hurt so much?
This is the only thought you can care to think about. Or more accurately, the only thought that stands as coherent rather than inflated with numerous garbling words that could easily be mistaken as growls. Sure, there are plenty of introspectional thoughts - however - they all arise with tangled threads that only uproot other trains of thought . And you just can't handle an epiphany right now.
You place a flattened palm against your chest, inwardly marveling at the thumps of your own heart. It's odd, how a heart can sound so healthy and pure while everything points to its destruction. But it's not only your heart is it? Its in your lungs, crawling down your spine, prickling across tender bones, churning deeply in your stomach, and rolling through till it tingles in your fingertips.
It's not that you haven't felt all this before. It's definitely not that, because you have. In fact, you've felt it all too recently and far too frequently. You felt it when you looked at those two pink lines forming a small plus sign, and it was as if it had burnt a label on your skin, stretching across your forehead: Lima Loser.
Or when you took the first step out of your own home, your mind unable to grasp a single name that could shelter you in your time of need. Even when you looked into the beady black eyes of your (ex) boyfriend and saw anguish whirling behind the rage, the tears that had swelled in them once he realized he had not only lost you but the small life growing within you. And afterward, when that new life had been touched by the cold air of reality and the small fantasy that you had unknowingly started to construct was crushed once Shelby held your daughter in her hands.
It felt the same, your heart plummeting like a rock thrown into a deep lake, the pain rippling through you like the ringlets following it's collision. However, it had never scorched you like this. The pain had uplifted and you had scavenged for ideas and calculated plans that could build you a ladder out of the hole you had dug yourself into.
Now you're just staring blankly at the newly reformed couple in the front of the room, your head still reeling with the doubled anguish that had crashed unexpectedly onto you.
You could almost write all of this irrational pain off with the theory of Finn disappearing from your life like everything else had and finally uprooting whatever ties he had with you to tether himself to the small insufferable brunette next to him. However, you can't find it within you to break eye contact with that insufferable brunette, not even sparing a single glance to your ex-boyfriend.
Dark ochre eyes stare unabashedly into you and giving you that intense, unwavering, attention you had unintentionally craved for. And your mind is in a spin, rounding about like a circus wheel as you seem to unravel at the seams, deflating in a way you had never felt before. You may be a Fabray, and by definition, giving up is a word unheard of in your mental vocabulary. But the look Rachel is giving you engraves that word forever in your mind.
Because those large doe-eyes have flickered to you in a kind and genuine manner, bare of the smugness that's supposed to be there. It's a glance that smolders, like glowing embers, with a deep compassion. Conveying the genuine remorse for taking something that's never really belonged to you.
You deflate because this is all you've ever deserved. From her at least. This is all you will ever deserve from her and it's still too much. You feel that epiphany creeping its way into your mind anyway, the tangled threads pulling everything up with it.
You purse your lips to stop the sharp intake of breath when Rachel breaks eye contact, trying to stop the lurch in your heart as your own eyes find solstice in the meshed color of the carpet.
The anguish doesn't subside when they move from their stance, showcasing their new relationship, and you feel as if it will never be relieved. Because in this moment, you let the walls crumble down and wallow in the mess you have made.
The mistakes and choices all colliding together like a spider's web, leading you to this one pivotal moment, when you finally realize something that should have dawned on you years ago.
All leading you to this one moment, where you're too late.
But you let it fall from your lips anyway, even if its pointless and will alleviate nothing. Your heart constricts tightly with your fallen words.
"I love you.
Oh yes, and if you just so happen to be a Bellice fan and are angry at me for not updating my story, I APOLOGIZE! But its halfway done and I had to get this Faberry one-shot out. Thank you. :)