Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last part. This was really meant to be a one shot but this extra idea has been bouncing around in my head for the last few weeks and I decided to post it. This is for Blue-Eyed Chica who asked for more. I know you wanted the party but this is what I came up with instead. This is the first time I've done something from Sulu's perspective, so please let me know how I did.
Thank you to Francesca Monterone for reviewing this chapter.
The Joke's On You
April 1 was Hikaru's favorite day. Ever since he had been a little boy growing up in San Francisco, he had enjoyed the one day of the year where it was perfectly okay to play jokes on everybody. His love of April fool's day began when he was seven and he told his little sister that all the plants in the backyard were carnivorous. She was terrified to go back there for weeks. A few years later, when he caused his fencing instructor to faint due to a strategically placed fake blood bag, he was hooked.
His April fool's day jokes became legendary at Starfleet Academy. He probably would have ended up in front of all the admirals himself if they had ever figured out he was the one who was responsible for Admiral Archer's vintage car being destroyed during his second year.
He would admit that last year's green hair thing had been a little on the lame side but he had been working double shifts in the botany lab analyzing the medicinal qualities of the plant samples they had brought back from the last two planets they had visited. He had not had the time to do something more creative. He did not anticipate the effect green hair would have on the negotiations, but it was not his fault, because someone at headquarters forgot to put that piece of information in the briefing paper. Chekhov eventually started talking to him again by May, so it was all good.
His jokes were usually harmless other than the property damage. Their sole purpose was to cheer people up and considering how depressed everybody was in April because of what happened a few years ago, April fool's day was more important than ever. However, thanks to some idiot who only thought about themselves this year Hikaru and the rest of the crew of Enterprise were banned from pulling any jokes whatsoever. Even the use of ancient Joy buzzards were banned.
Even he would admit that seeing a completely sloshed Spock was beyond funny due to the fact he kept petting the captain in public. However, he knew better than to do something like that. Hikaru had seen one too many Jim Kirk almost deadly allergic reactions to consciously do anything that could trigger one. He didn't want to risk killing his captain for a practical joke. Jim might not currently be allergic to chocolate, but that didn't mean anything with Jim Kirk. The man developed new allergies on a daily basis. Just three weeks ago, he had returned from an away mission covered in purple blotches after making prolonged contact with the planet's version of grass after he and Commander Spock had separated from the group.
Also, let us not forget about the other people on the crew with deadly allergies. Unfortunately, chocolate allergies were a lot more common now. Hikaru could have reprogrammed the replicator to only add cocoa to Spock's dishes but due to Jim's tendency to eat off his plate it would've been just as dangerous. However, Lieutenant Hill did not have such ethical reservations.
His little joke last year had almost killed two people. If it hadn't been for Dr. McCoy's tendency to carry an anti allergy hypo everywhere due to their Captain, those two probably would have died. Thanks to the stupidity of Hill, Hikaru was prohibited from pulling any jokes this year. For that alone Michael would pay.
The first thing he did when he found out who was responsible for the practical joke prohibition was tell Spock. He assumed that as one of the victims Spock would punish Michael harder than Jim ever would. Hikaru was right. Although he was not kicked off the ship, due to his wife being a member of the engineering team, he was demoted and was forced to become Jim's personal yeoman. Anyone who had had to pick up after Jim Kirk and remind him to actually do his paperwork would tell you that that was a fate worse than being court-martialed. His friend Janice was the only Yeoman Jim Kirk ever had that could deal with their captain and she had promptly been rewarded. No one else stood a chance. Hikaru doubted that Spock had ever told Jim that Michael was responsible, because otherwise Jim would not have agreed for the man to be his assistant.
The second part of his revenge was an April fool's day prank that would be sure to get Michael grounded. Even though he was not as skilled as some of his colleagues in computers, it wasn't that hard to get Michael's password for his e-mail account. Using his wife's name spelled backwards with the current year was just too obvious. He figured it out in two guesses. Hikaru's plan was to pull the mother of all jokes in Michael's name. For the best results, this needed to be personal. Therefore, he came up with the idea of announcing that the two most unlikely people on the ship were engaged to each other. It would be hilarious and they would be furious. Even though they spent 99.9% of their time together, there was no way Jim Kirk would ever get married especially to another guy. If Jim Kirk was not 100% heterosexual, it would have been obvious by now or so he thought. When would he learn to never assume anything when Jim Kirk was involved?
Chekhov was the one who suggested that he make it an engagement party invitation. He thought it was a good idea because a party would cheer everyone up and Jim would most likely allow it to occur because he was cool like that. To avoid suspicion, he made himself one of the people being forced to put the party together. Much like last year, this particular joke backfired on him. This resulted in him hiding in a Jefferson tube for the second year in a row. (Don't ask.)
Really, he should have known something was up the next morning when he never received a message from his captain or first officer denying that they were engaged. However, there was a message from Nyota stating that she was now in charge of the 'engagement present fund'. Considering it was from her, he thought it was a late April fool's day joke. No one would be that okay with their ex getting married if he were really getting married
He did received a message from Jim telling him that he would be in charge of the bridge for the first hour of Alpha shift because the captain and Spock had to deal with a disciplinary matter that required both of them. When Nyota wasn't on the bridge either, he just assumed she was also being punished for her early morning joke. That theory did not make sense considering the fact she arrived on the bridge smiling in addition to giving him really strange looks the first half of shift. This is why he made it a point to ask her what happened that morning when he caught up with her during lunch.
"After a very nice breakfast where my ex boyfriend profusely apologize for me finding out about his pending marriage via e-mail, I witnessed Jim and Spock terrorize his yeoman. We are all sure he was responsible for the surprise engagement party. He denies sending the message even though he did know that the two were engaged. He says he doesn't even like parties so why would he throw one. Jim decided that his punishment is that he is going to be my personal 'assistant' for the next two weeks before he returns to engineering to deal with jobs thought up by Scotty that will make Delta Vega seem like a pleasant alternative. Personally, I think the punishment is more for Jim finding out who was responsible for the chocolate prank last year. He wasn't very happy that Spock handled the disciplinary matter without him. It was a fun argument to watch. If I hadn't been there they probably would have started making out." As she said the words he stared at her for a few moments not knowing how to respond. It was real? That was not possible. The two were just friends. They were like brothers not lovers. This had to be a joke to get back at him for what he did before he received his real punishment.
"They are really together?" He asked in complete shock and slight denial. Then at that moment he looked over at his captain who happened to be sitting next to Spock. Jim's fingers were discreetly grazing over Spock's hand in a gesture that even he knew was a kiss. He dropped his tray at that moment. A
"They're very together." Nyota assured him."I didn't know until last night and that was mostly because I was living in denial land. Those two have a tendency to make out in public Vulcan style a lot, but I just wasn't ready to see it. Every time I saw something like that I would tell myself that they were just really good friends and that it can't be more than that because Jim Kirk is straight. Sometimes we see what we want to see. They are perfect for each other in the most annoying way possible." She said with a laugh.
Several thoughts were going through his mind at that moment. First, his two friends were in a relationship and he had had no clue. Why didn't Jim tell him? Second, Nyota seem to be handling just a little too well. That right there was proof that this was a joke, because no one could be that well adjusted about their ex.
"You're ok with your ex getting married to Jim Kirk? This must be a joke too."
"Do you know that you're the 50th person to ask me that question in one form or another today alone? It's annoying." She said sitting her tray on a nearby table.
"Sorry." He said as he bent down to pick up his lunch. Great, now he would have to get back in that awful line again.
"As much as this seems like a joke it's very real. I'm okay with the two of them getting married even if I don't want to be at the engagement party. I wasn't okay finding out that my friend was getting married via e-mail. That hurt. I felt better once I found out they didn't tell anybody not even their friends because of Starfleet strong rules about relationships between members of a command team. Wait, how can you not already know this? You were helping to plan the engagement party." If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed the gleam in her eyes.
"I didn't know. I didn't even know Jim was bi, pan, or whatever. It wasn't like I ever ran into him at Purple Hills back at the academy or a similar establishment during shore leave. You would think this is something he would have mentioned to someone who is supposedly his friend. I guess that explains why I received so many emails this morning from people who want to help with the party." He said as he started cleaning up.
"I guess that make sense. Leonard didn't know either. He used several colorful phrases before he convinced me to take over the present fund. You don't want to know what's going to happen to Michael during his next prostate exam." He winced at the mental image. McCoy was going to be pissed. He was screwed.
"I'm only doing it because I enjoy shopping with other people's money. I'm just glad Michael didn't volunteer me to be part of the party crew otherwise he would have found out what I learned from all the combat classes at took at the academy because I was bored. I already want to hurt him, because he was the reason I found out that my ex is getting married via e-mail." He winced at that. She was going to kill him when she found out what he had done. There was a reason she was the communications officer brought down on planets with populations more likely to be hostile. He was completely fucked.
"I'm sorry." He apologized again.
"Why are you apologizing? You didn't have anything to do with it." There was no point of lying to a communications officer even with silence. No one could read body language better than her. This explained why she physically pulled him out into the hallway causing his tray to fall down again.
"Explain now." Nyota demanded with a cold expression that made Delta Vega seem like a tropical paradise. He couldn't bring himself to say anything.
"Michael was really innocent. You did this?" She asked and he nodded slowly.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" The fact that she used an expletive told Hikaru he was in serious trouble. She was obviously beyond angry in a homicidal way.
"The joke was only supposed to affect Michael. If it wasn't for him and his carelessness last year I could have enjoyed April 1 as I normally do. I didn't know that they were actually together." He said defensively. "Although that does explain why Spock calls sickbay every 10 minutes whenever Jim gets hurt."
"No one did, because as I said earlier Jim and Spock were trying to keep this a secret until Starfleet approve their relationship. You better just be glad the Admiralty approved their relationship three days ago and it's now OK for the two to go public. Jim would have killed you and Spock would have found a logical explanation to get him off. Then again, it may be the other way around. You remember what happened on the bridge." He gulped for air as she held on to him.
"Are you going to tell Jim and Spock what really happened?" He asked as he envisioned what they would do to him. It wasn't pretty.
"No." She said letting him go. He took a breath in relief before he realized that she was still angry.
"You're not getting off that easy. Do you remember during the first year when Jim refused to let me go on a certain away mission because he thought it was too dangerous to bring me on?" She asked.
"Yes." He said with a worried expression on his face.
"Do you remember why he changed his mind?"
"You managed to beat a security member twice your size by yourself in unarmed combat." He said starting to become worried.
"It makes me thankful that my father was paranoid and forced me to take a lot of self-defense classes. Of course, he sold it to me under the guise that I would more likely be allowed to leave the ship if I could defend myself. You may be great with a sword but you are completely unarmed. Run." Considering her expression, he decided it was best to do what she said; because she was the scariest woman he had ever met. This was how he accidentally got stuck in a Jefferson tube again.
He would eventually find out that she had just stood there and started laughing as he ran away. He was sure she was the one who arranged for him to be sealed inside one of the tubes. Everyone in engineering loved her. He didn't believe for one moment it had been a computer malfunction. He was pretty sure engineering taking 5 hours to get him out was part of his punishment too. The hysterically laughing captain was a dead giveaway. Maybe next time, he should just skip the practical jokes.
Then again, next year he could send out a fake birth announcement involving Jim and Spock having a kid together. There was just no way that could backfire…
The end until next April