Tell Me That You Love Me
I knocked firmly on Logan's door. It was late...or early depending on how you look at it. It was three in the morning and Logan and I would both need to be up in a few hours to get to the set. I know how much he values his sleep (as do I), but this was important and I needed to talk to someone about it.
I let out an impatient breath and knocked again, louder and harder. After a minute I saw the light in the foyer flip on and some footsteps. I stopped knocking and waved when I saw Logan peaking through the little window on his door. "Kendall!" He whisper-yelled at me once he opened the door.
"Hey, Logie," I managed a small smile.
"What the hell are you doing here?" He yawned. "It's three in the morning." He glared at me.
I could feel my smile literally drop as I let out a sigh. "Can we talk?"
His glare faded completely into worry. "Okay, s-sure." He stepped aside to let me in.
I kicked off my shoes at the door and followed him to the kitchen. We didn't say anything. I sat quietly at the table, staring intently at my hands as the events of the last few hours replayed in my head and Logan fiddled around in his kitchen. It was several minutes before he joined me, placing a cup of coffee in front of me.
I glanced over at him and watched him nervously run his hand through his not-yet gelled hair. "You, uh, wanted to talk." He wouldn't look at me.
"Yeah," I cleared my throat. "Logie..."
"I swear, Kendall, whatever it is I did, I'm sorry." He cut me off and spoke quickly. "Please, don't break up with me. I love you!" Logan was now staring at me, his eyes brimming with tears and pleading.
I blinked. "I'm not breaking up with you Logie."
I saw him visibly relax and a small smile grace his lips. "Oh," He chuckled to himself. I could tell he was relieved by the news. "Then what is it?"
I ran my hand through my hair, and began picking at a lose chip of wood on the table that was getting more interesting by the minute. "I-I found out something. And I don't know what to do." I told him softly.
"Kendall, is everything okay? You can tell me if it isn't." He scooted his chair closer to mine, placing a hand on my knee.
I continued picking at the splinter in the table. "I...I don't know Logan. I really don't."
He sighed and began rubbing my upper knee soothingly. "What if I guess? Would that make it easier?"
"Yeah." I shook my head. "But I don't think you'll be able to guess this."
"Okay," He took a long pause. "Is it something about you?" He finally asked.
"Um, okay." He breathed out. "Is it something that can affect a lot of people?"
"Not a lot of people. Not really."
He rubbed up and down his arm nervously. "Will it...does it affect us...in any way?"
I nodded. "Yes." I whispered barely audible.
I heard him swallow. "K-Kendall, please just tell me." He pleaded softly.
I stopped picking at the splinter that had held my interest up until now. I groaned and stood up, running my hands anxiously through my hair. I looked at the worried dark haired boy for a second, and then began pacing in front of the table trying to figure out how to say what I came here to say. "I don't know why I came here tonight...well actually I did. I came here to try and calm down. I came here to get the thing that has been bothering me for the last few hours off my chest, and figure out what to do about it."
His eyes followed my pacing. "Then tell me." He whispered.
"That's the problem! I don't think I can!" I barked, regretting it instantly as I saw the hurt expression on my boyfriend's face. For the thousandth time that night, I sighed. "I'm sorry Logie. It's just, I really want to. I just don't know how." I said, still pacing.
"I've never given you a reason to think you couldn't tell me anything, so just come out and say it!"
"Dustin likes me okay! He likes me and I don't know what the hell to do!" I screamed at him. Not how I wanted it to come out, but it works.
He blinked at me. "That's it? Dustin likes you? That's all?"
I groaned. "It's not just that. I'm talking...he likes me. Loves me, is more like it." I shook my head, my hair flying in all different directions. "He's in love with me, Damn it!."
I was more confused than ever when Logan started laughing. "Dude! You had me freaking out for a second!"
My pacing abruptly stooped and I looked at him. "What are you talking about it? You already fucking knew!" My confused feelings going to the back of my mind as I got extremely pissed.
His laughing stopped when he noticed my shift in mood. His eyes shifted. "I, uh...well..." He bit his lip nervously.
"Logan, now is not the time for your stuttering. It's a yes or no answer." I said pointing a finger in his direction. "Which is it?" I asked, my jaw tight and teeth clenched.
He stood slowly, clearly nervous. "Please don't be mad..."
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I asked slowly trying to keep calm.
I could tell he was getting upset again, but I couldn't bring myself to care right now. "It wasn't my business to tell!" He explained desperately.
"How did you find out?"
"I don't want to say." I gave him a look. "It will only make you feel worse."
I took a breath, taking a seat in the chair across from him. "Try me."
He slowly sat back down and stared at his hands. "Kendall...it was sort of obvious." He said softly. "The way he looked at you, they way he treated you like you were his everything...because you were -are! You are his everything."
I stared at him. It was all I could do.
"Kendall?" He asked, worry laced in his voice. "Are you okay?"
My mouth parted slightly, and my eyes squinted. "Huh?" I mumbled as I started thinking.
His eyes shifted. "What's on your mind, babe?" He chuckled nervously.
I felt my head cock to the side. Then after a minute, I came back to reality. "Nothing. Look, it's late and we got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow. So I'm gonna head home."
I said as I began to rise. He opened his mouth to speak.
"No, I'm not mad at you. I understand why you didn't say anything. I was...am...just a little shocked." I bent down in front of him. "Relax Logie. I swear I'm not mad." I smiled softly, and gave him a quick kiss.
"Okay," He smiled, but I could tell there was a bit of hesitation and worry behind it. He stood and walked me to the door. "I'll see you later, then."
"Yeah. I'll see you later." I smiled again.
"Goodnight." He smiled crookedly and shut the door behind me.
I breathed in the cool night air and smiled to myself. This smile slightly different than the one that I gave to Logan just moments earlier. I still didn't know what my reaction really was to all this. Confusion was a definite. Shocked, not so much. I think deep down I knew it was coming. I also think that had I found out before I met Logan, I probably wouldn't have hesitated to take the wheel and see where a relationship with Dustin could go. Now, though...that's what had me worried. But somehow, I knew everything would turn out okay. So, with that I turned and headed to my place.