Roxanne wakes bright and early on Christmas morning, determined to be out the door and out of Megamind's reach before the villain can send Minion out with the knock-out spray. As she's putting on her coat she notices something next to her mini-Christmas tree. A plush Metro Man doll. That's strange, she thought, Where's my kitten?
Roxanne was not the only citizen of Metro City who woke up Christmas morning to find a Metro Man doll in place of their Rock'em Sock'em Kitten. There were many disappointed children and confused parents until Metro Man released a statement explaining what had happened. Not content to simply steal the children's toys as Megamind had intended him to, the hero had acquired, at the last minute and paying through the nose, a stock of unsold Metro Man dolls to replace the kittens. Though not entirely satisfactory to the children who had been looking forward to Rock'em Sock'em Kittens, this substitution was accepted and the hero praised for his forethought.
A week later, once Metro Man's check had cleared, M Industries (a division of Mega Fun Toys) announced the recall of all half million Metro Man dolls sold in Metro City due to lead paint used on the doll's face. Customers were advised to dispose of the dolls immediately and mail a copy of their receipt to M Industries for a full refund. No refund requests were ever received. Mega Fun Toys quietly folded, liquidating its assets, and disappearing as if it never existed.
"Sir, your evil plan actually worked."
"You sound surprised, Minion."
"I...uh...no sir. I knew you could do it," the fish grinned.
"And now, Minion, between the sales of the Kitten Bots and the Metro Mahn dolls, we almost have enough funds to launch the orbital death ray! Then we'll see if Mr. Invincible can withstand the full, concentrated power of THE SUN!"
Okay, I know he's not actually supposed to win. But how on earth does he fund all his evil schemes? I figure Metro Man foils all his ultimate evil plans, but I figure there's a lot of prep work involved that he doesn't really mess with. So, I think his financial schemes are generally pretty successful. It's just his killing-Metro-Man-and-becoming-evil-overlord schemes that never work. And this is more of a financial scheme than anything else. So, by my logic, it can succeed.
Sorry there's no Roxanne kidnapping. I tried to work one in, but it just wasn't necessary. I put her in some anyway, but she got to have a kidnapping-free Christmas that year, which I figure she appreciated.
Sorry for all the typos in this story. I was posting it kinda on the fly and I was also very tired. Sorry. I'll do better next time. :)
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