Hey there! This is my first attempt at fanfiction ever, so I'm interested in hearing what you guys think about it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, I have never owned Castle, and I never will own Castle. Nor do I own Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz, which served as inspiration for this.


Two months. He had been gone for two months. Two months since the last time he was at the precinct. Two months since the argument. How could he possibly say she wasn't doing her job right? He told her she needed to take a break, that she needed to slow down or she was going to work herself to death. She called him a bastard; she said what he thought didn't matter because this wasn't his job. He was just here for "book research." He didn't actually care about her or her victims. They didn't try to call. They were both too angry and hurt for that.

It would be an understatement to say that Kate Beckett had been on edge since he left. It had become evident in all aspects of her life. She was quicker and sharper in snapping at Ryan and Esposito, she had avoided talking to Lanie, and her interrogations had become so ruthless and harsh that she was managing to get confessions out of even the most heartless criminals in minutes.

Her relationship with Josh had also ended since he left. About a week before, Josh had gotten another overseas mission, this time in Japan. He wasn't sure how long he would be gone. It could be anywhere from 2 to 8 months. Kate, finally being honest with herself, told Josh that while she completely respected his commitment to his job, she couldn't deal with that kind of uncertainty. He in turn, told her that he couldn't deal with the uncertainty of her life as a detective, and having to wonder if she was going to come home at night. Getting angry, he asked her if it had anything to do with Castle. She told him to go to hell. Josh left quickly after that, not looking back once.

Kate was completely aware that she was not acting like herself. She could try to deny it all she wanted, but she knew. And just like everyone else, she knew why. She missed Castle. She missed his jokes; his coffee; his eyes. She missed completing each other's sentences and their banter. She missed him; and in all honesty, she was confused (& a little concerned) as to why she was missing Castle so much more than she was missing Josh.

But before she had time to sort out what those feelings meant, she was thrown headlong into another case. After all, murderers aren't going to stop killing people just because your personal life is a disaster, are they?


It was one of those cases. Being a homicide detective is never easy, but sometimes there are those cases that just break you. Cases that make you just want to curl up in a ball and cry about how cruel and unfair life can be. Cases that hurl you straight into the proverbial heart of darkness and you wonder if there is even any point in trying to work your way out of it. The breaking cases are different for each detective and sometimes you don't even know why they broke you.

Murders involving a child are usually atypically difficult. Murders involving multiple children are almost sure to break someone. But this case was different, because this case didn't break one detective. If that was the case, the NYPD detectives would've worked through it. No, this case broke every detective in the 12th precinct.


After a week of hell with dealing with the case, Kate and her team had finally put the killer behind bars, for which everyone was exceptionally grateful. Montgomery, who had dealt with his own amount of grief during the past week, had given Ryan, Esposito, and Beckett the next few days off in order to recuperate. While his detectives had tried to hide it (and Roy, knowing their need to be strong, would never say anything about it to them), he had seen Esposito break his coffee mug by slamming in down on the table after they hit another dead end (he later claimed he dropped it). He had seen Ryan asleep at his desk at one in the morning and didn't have the heart to wake him because he had been working for 36 straight hours on only coffee and 5 Hour Energies. And Roy had even seen the great Kate Beckett sitting in Castle's designated chair by her desk when she thought no one was around, staring at the children's faces on her murder board with tear-stained cheeks.

At the end of this type of case, it pays to have someone to go home to. Ryan had called Jenny as soon as the case had officially been closed and made plans to get away for the weekend. Before, after cases like these, Beckett and Esposito used to go out for drinks because they usually had a good idea of how the other was feeling. Occasionally they'd invite Lanie, because heaven only knows how being surrounded by death and corpses effects you. But now, Esposito and Lanie had each other. They offered to go out for drinks together, but Kate knew that they really just needed each other and didn't have any intention of being the third wheel, so she politely declined and told them she was just going to head home to take a nice, long, bath. Besides, they both knew they neither of them were the people she wanted to be with right now.

While Kate had been grateful that Rick had not had to go through what any of the detectives at the twelfth had gone through, she still wished he would've been there. He always had the ability to make Kate look on the bright side of things. Castle was a constant reminder to Beckett that she was doing the right thing, and she was doing it for the right reasons. Perhaps is was selfish to want him there with her, especially after what she had already put him through, but she couldn't help it. Without him, reasons seemed to blur together into an ugly, gray mass of uncertainty, and she (semi-begrudgingly) realized that she seemed kind of… lost.

When Beckett finally closed the door to her apartment building half an hour later, she found herself still thinking about how unlike herself she seemed without Castle around. She looked to her kitchen but decided against getting a drink. A hot bath held no interest to her anymore and she had no desire to watch television just to see more examples of how awful the world is. Kate suddenly found herself standing in front of her bookshelf, her hands lightly caressing the spines of his books.

That's when she knew what she had to do. Picking up the quilt her mom had made her before she died, Kate wrapped herself up in it and sat down on her sofa, her phone in her hand. She hit the number for Castle's speed dial and held the phone up to her ear as it started to ring.

What if he doesn't want to talk to me? She thought. Maybe I should just… She didn't have time to finish that thought because she heard his voice through the speaker, telling her and anyone else that called that he was sorry that he couldn't come to the phone and he would be much obliged if she would leave him a message.

"Hey, it's me. Um… yeah. So I didn't really expect you to pick up but… I was hoping… well, I don't know exactly what I was hoping for…" She paused, uncertain of what of say next. "We had a case," she continued shakily, "a little boy named Alexander, and his newborn baby sister Caitlyn… They were… killed by their father. He believed that Caitlyn… wasn't his, so he broke her neck… Alexander saw him do it… and when he was trying to help his baby sister, his father… his father took a knife from the kitchen and… stabbed him in the back of the head…"

She paused, trying to compose herself. "Lanie said he didn't die instantly…" Kate stopped again, finding that she didn't need to explain anymore than that. She knew he would understand what she was implying. She took another shuddering breath and let the tears slip from her eyes. "I guess the whole reason I called was because this whole case made me realize something…"

Kate took a few seconds to get her thoughts together. "I'm so sorry. For everything. The things I said to you were awful, and if I could take them all back I would. I am sorry for hurting you because you don't do that to the people you… care about. But sometimes I can just be such a bitch." She allowed herself a little half-laugh. As if he didn't already know that. She kept on going, "Castle… Rick, you are the best partner I've ever had. Even more than that, you're one of my best friends. I'm sorry for not letting you know that enough…"

She decided she needed to stop talking or else he would definitely be able to hear the tears in her voice. "So… I miss you. A lot… Please call me back when you get this, Rick. I want to fix this… I want to fix us." With that, she hung up the phone and let it drop to the ground.

Kate wasn't sure how long she had been staring at her phone when she heard a light knock on her door. Confused, she stood up, still wrapped in her quilt, and walked to the door. Rubbing her eyes, she uncharacteristically opened the door without looking through the peep hole and was surprised to see Castle standing there, a slight sheen of sweat on his face looking like he had just ran a 5K.

They continued to stand there; Rick looking into Kate's bloodshot, hazel eyes and Kate staring into his blue ones. Suddenly, his eyes flashed as if he had just realized something important and in an instant he crossed the threshold of her apartment and had gathered Kate into his arms, holding her against him tightly. Kate's arms instantly found their way around his shoulders and she started to tremble. Castle's hands stroked her back as Kate led them deeper into her apartment, shutting the door behind them. He came for her when she needed him so badly, and that was all she could ever hope for.


"Hey, what's up? Uh ... I lost ... I just lost it. It's one of those days. I f*cking lost it. I just blew up f*cking. My whole entire f*cking apartment building. Told everyone to go f*ck themselves. I'm having a hard time hanging on today and uh, f*ck it, I don't know."

- Details in the Fabric, Jason Mraz (feat. James Morrison)