You all don't even know how much fun we had with this whole series...so glad you all enjoyed it even a fraction of the amount we had creating it. LOVE YOU ALL!
X. Frequently Asked Questions
Q. How badly does Wes need to get laid?
A. What's that ? You feel like slipping from my hand?
Q. Why exactly do we irrationally hate kazoos?
A. In 1934, the Warblers performed for patients at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital. Irrationally rebelling against the years of accapella tradition that is our hallmark, the membership accepted the nurse's offer to play kazoos with the patients due to some ridiculous notion people shouldn't disappoint sick children. As the members walked down the steps with some of the patients, playing the kazoos as they walked, a particularly clumsy third tenor tripped and started a particularly disastrous domino effect. Medicine in the 1930s being what it was, some were never able to have the kazoos removed.
Q. You make all of these great tragedies up right? To satisfy some deep psychological control issues?
A. The historical records are there. All you need to do is read them. I stand by our tragic yet ultimately triumphant history.
(Thad, quit loaning him your thesaurus! – David)
Q. So wait, we aren't allowed to do Spice Girls but all other girl groups are ok?
A. So long as certain members realize they are, in fact, not black women, then yes. Girl group music is particularly well suited for our arrangements.
Q. How badly does Wes need to get laid?
A. Do you still want to be the Historian David? Because I can make it an official Warbler rule that your position is to be known henceforth as the Secretary.
Q. The unbroken chain of warblers….you don't like have them in a closet just waiting for one to die or a new member to arrive or anything do you? 'Cause that would be a little creepy.
A. The exact way we procure new mascots when they meet unfortunate demises is a subject only discussed by the Council.
(One of the our Warbler alums runs a pet store. He gives us a discount. – David)
Q. Why the disco hate? Do you have something against The Bee-Gees?
the contributions The Bee-Gees have made to harmony structure goes unquestioned, as a whole, disco is loud, obnoxious, inane and encourages irresponsible fashion choices. Even in periods of ironic revival. What exactly is there to like?
Q. Why exactly do you know all these random events from Warblers' s history?
A. A good president always does his research.
(A dumped President spends his weekends holed up in the practice room obsessively reading history books to distract himself from the fact that he got dumped via singing telegram. – David)
(T o the tune of These Boots are Made For Walking. –Thad)
(OW! Hey! Thad was talking too, you know! – David)
(You were closer. –Wes)
Q. Is that….an outfit on the gavel?
A. Mr. Bangy gets cold.
(I know it was you, Fredo. –Blaine)
(Oh my GOD! Blaine is short! Dustin Hoffman is short! There is a joke that is just waiting to happen, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. –David)
(Hey, just because I happen to be the handiest with the sewing machine, why do you immediately assume I'm the one responsible? –Kurt)
(Because obvious conclusion is obvious? –Theo)
(Wes said he'd get Blaine unbanned from The Gap if I didn't go with it! –Kurt)
Q. At the risk of getting hit again, Kurt can't you move faster on this setting Wes up thing, cause really how badly does Wes need to get laid?
A. And you wonder why you know Mr. Bangy so well.
(I'm working on it David, but these things take time. And Santana hasn't received his credit score yet. – Kurt)
Q. Cartoon theme songs. Brilliant choice for Sectionals next year yes?
A. The Flintstones theme yes. Scooby Doo? No due to Scooby's questionable stance on illicit substances. Animaniacs? No due to their encouragmenet of mischief-making and the Bill Clinton reference. Tiny Toons? Yes.
(Wes is Brain. – Nick)
(Does that make David or Thad Pinky? – Blaine)
(David does ask Wes what they're going to do tonight an awful lot. – Trent)
(Just for that, the next time I won't ruin his evil plans. – David)
(They're Pinky and the Brain. Pinky and the Brain. One is a genius. The other insane – Jeff)
Q. Why exactly is this room the Warblers' room? It's not exactly….well-equipped for practices.
A. Fireplaces and leather couches are essential to finding proper harmonic pitch.
(I fault no part of that argument – Kurt)
(Duck Tails….woo hoo…..tales of daring, do good and good luck tails…..- Jeff)
(I knew discussing the cartoon question was a bad idea. – Wes)
Q. How exactly are the impromptu performances arranged?
A. Songs for impromptu performances are rarely songs the Warblers would perform in competition. As such, roughly a quarter of all practice sessions shall be devoted to perfecting these songs. (A lighter tone does not excuse sloppy harmonies and a lack of precision). Impromptu performances shall only occur on days that fall between the 8th and 23rd of the month. And they shall also always happen before the first lunch period for maximum exposure. The exact date of all impromptu performances will be easily available to all Warblers via the yearlong calendar of events distributed at the start of the school year.
(So we plan "impromptu" performances? – Kurt)
(A truly spontaneous performance may require some members to miss. You have a weak melody once, and it's a slippery slope to kazoo hell my friend – Wes)
(Chip…Chip and Dale – Jeff)
(RESCUE RANGERS – Blaine and Jeff)
(Oh great now they're both singing. This is not going to end well. – Thad)
Q. Who let the dogs out?
A. Who? Who? Who? Who?
(Oh Gaga. Awkward rapping. Yet another thing I thought I left behind at McKinley – Kurt)
Q. Do ya think I'm sexy?
A. If I did I would let you know.
(And you all wonder why everyone thinks Dalton is a gay Hogwarts! – Kurt)
Q. Do you really want to hurt me?
A. Not me, but Mr. Bangy? Lives for it.
Q. Have you ever really loved a woman?
(NO! – Blaine and Kurt)
Q. How many more of these song titles can we get away with before Wes throws Mr. Bangy again?
A. Does this answer your question?
(OW! Seriously WHY ME? – David)
Q: Are Kurt and Blaine the only gay Warblers?
A: Define gay.
(It means happy. –Jeff)
(He means it in the Ellen DeGeneres since of the word. –Nick.)
(She's happy! –Jeff)
(You have much to learn, young Padawan. –Nick)
(Oh, Homo-wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! –Blaine)