A/N: Hello, I am lotusflwr, long-time reader, first-time writer. I wanted to write Fenris fluff but I'm having a hard time rushing to all the juicy bits without putting it all in context, so I came up with the idea of posting some of Hawke's journal entries along with bits of actual narrative. I fully intend to do a lot of Fenris-loving once all the pieces are in place, but hopefully getting there won't be too tedious.

I've never really written fiction before, so forgive me if it's rough while I'm warming up to the good stuff! Thanks for reading. Oh, and of course: Bioware owns everything.

P.S. - Now that this fic has really taken off, I thought I'd add a note for any newcomers that the Fenris goodness starts at Chapter 9 - Interlude: Moonlight on a Long Night. I wouldn't blame you for starting there, since even I'm here mostly for Fenris. ;) But feel free to enjoy the story however you like!

20 Cloudreach - 9:31 Dragon

Varric gave me this journal as a present, "to commemorate the beginning of a beautiful and lucrative partnership," as he put it. He has been pestering me to write in it on a regular basis, and I have relented after almost two weeks of constant nagging. He thinks 'interesting things' happen around me and it would be a shame if they were to be forgotten or taken out of context. I pointed out that I could stand to forget some of the 'interesting things' that have 'happened around me' like the Fifth Blight, throwing up into the Waking Sea for 2 weeks straight and that being forced to work for smugglers for a year could hardly ever be taken out of context. He then added that writing things down can also be cathartic.

A quiet dwarf would be 'cathartic'; I think he just wants someone else to spend inordinate amounts of time scribbling into a book.

So, hello there, Journal. I am Marian Hawke, and I guess you would call me a rogue or assassin or something polite since I have daggers and know how to use them well. I am the daughter of Malcolm Hawke and Leandra Amell. I am the first child of three; my younger siblings Bethany and Carver were twins. Carver was killed by an ogre as we fled Lothering, may Andraste guide him to the Maker's side. My father has been dead for almost four years now. I have taken care of my family since his death as best I can.

Varric is a dwarf who is equally in love with a crossbow named Bianca (don't ask), crafting incredible stories, and the sound of his own voice; he and his chest hair are my new business partners. His elder brother Bartrand is organizing an expedition into the Deep Roads since the Fifth Blight is recently ended. Varric wants me to come up with 50 sovereigns (my hand shakes to even write that obscene amount of gold) to help fund the expedition in exchange for a share of the profits. Oh, and I have to go down there too. Now that I write it out, it seems a ridiculous scheme. Maybe Varric really wants the gold to buy a printing press and start publishing those stories he's always writing? That seems more likely by half.

My mother, my sister, Bethany, and I are refugees here in Kirkwall. We came here from Lothering in Ferelden. The Fifth Blight consumed our home in a wave of darkspawn, so we fled lest we too be consumed. My mother is from here, from Kirkwall, but she left to marry my father, Malcolm, and run away with him. It sounds terribly romantic, but she lost her inheritance in eloping with him and father was an apostate so we never stayed anywhere for long.

Must have been better than living with Gamlen though. He is, unfortunately, my uncle. We have been staying with him since reaching Kirkwall. The less said about him the better.

My hand hurts now so I shall stop writing for today. I hope this first entry has proven to be as exciting as Varric dreamed it would be.

Hawke unceremoniously dropped the quill onto the rickety desk and rubbed her cramped writing hand. There, she had done it and Varric would owe her 2 silver and a drink of her choice. If he was fool enough to give her a journal and then practically pay her to write in it, she wouldn't hesitate to take his coin. Besides, maybe keeping a journal would be a good way to get some things off her chest.

I just need to make sure to hide this journal well. The last thing I need is Gamlen snooping around and reading it, she thought as she closed the journal and placed it into her pack. She set it near her mabari, Ruff, sure that he could bite off Gamlen's nose before he could stick it into her business.