It was a Dark and Broody Night

A/N: Sorry for the slow updates. I'm working on my Bang, Diplomatic Relations, Masks, and a bunch of original fiction in addition to this. I love humor, but…you know, there's so much I want to write! But I will continue this bit by bit, I promise!

Isabela put her empty glass on the counter and ordered another. She intended to get drunk tonight and finish up her latest installation of friend fiction. A particularly appealing encounter with Fenris last night had made her eager to take his and her protagonist's relationship to the next level.

Fenris sat, dark and brooding in the mansion, his jewel like eyes so intense that they made Bella want to wear them around her neck like some kind of demented, and yet really unique, piece of jewelry. When she approached, he paused from his melancholy that was like the deepest and most tragic of eternal miseries and gazed up at her, hoping that the magnificent and wonderful Bella would be the one thing that could sooth the dark, tormented recesses of his soul.

"You have no idea what Hadriana did to me!" Fenris said.

Bella listened and nodded sympathetically. The entire time, she was thinking how slender and muscled his body was, and wondering exactly how far his lyrium tattoos extended. But she pretended to pay attention, as she knew that everyone liked talking about themselves.

"She made me do things. And she laughed at me," Fenris said before rising to stare intently at Bella, his dark eyebrows wriggling like two caterpillars on a tree branch. Fuzzy caterpillars, like the ones that look so cute you want to pet them, but then you touch them and realize that eww, they're bugs and kind of gross.

"I understand," Bella said, wondering how long it would take to get him back to her bedroom so that she could relieve his brooding with the best medicine possible – hot, sensual sex.

Unfortunately, she had to talk with Fenris about hate and angst and other boring stuff for a very long while before he was willing to get sexed up. It took so long listening to him talk about people he remembered this, and being a slave that, and other stupid stuff that eventually she got bored and threw him against the wall and kissed him passionately.

"So what do you think?" Isabela asked, passing the paper over to Varric.

Varric read what she had written and considered the words. "I think that it looks better than your last attempt," he said, shaking his head. "But I think that you may need to flesh it out a bit. And remove the caterpillar bit. No one likes to think about insects when they're having sex."

Isabela decided that she'd revise that bit later. But for now, she was feeling the inspiration so she continued to write.

Bella pushed her groin up against Fenris', feeling him swell like an over ripe cucumber. He might not want to burden her with his life, and to be honest, she didn't really want him to get into feelings and other boring stuff like that. But the hard, rigid rod pushed up against her leg let her know that it was only a matter of time before she got what she wanted from the lanky, exotic elf.

"Take me now!" Bella said, and he did, with great lust and some really amazing stamina. This was why Bella dated warriors. Rogues were good for what they could do with their fingers, but you just couldn't beat warriors for stamina and endurance.

It was only after the exciting, passionate bliss was over that Bella looked up and realized that her lover had left her.

"Where is he?" she wondered. Perhaps he just didn't like sleeping over. That would be good. Bella wasn't big on commitment herself.

She saw him standing by the fireplace, staring at it as though the fire contained the myriad souls of his ancestors.

"Was it that bad?" she asked. She didn't think it could have been, seeing as she was a total tigress in bed. Grrr.

"It was better than anything I could have dreamed," Fenris said, reaffirming what Bella already knew. She was hot stuff. The only one hotter than her was that amazing sea captain who she kept hoping would get below her decks, if you know what I mean.

"So, let's do it again!" Bella was always up for a second round. Or sometimes a third or fourth or fifth. It depended on a lot of things, including the quality of the lube she used.

Unfortunately, rather than grab her and press her erotically into the bed, Fenris went off on some long monologue about stuff that didn't really matter. Bella tried to look interested, but had a hard time, as it was all pretty boring and exposition-y.

"You see?" Isabela said, pointing out the word "exposition-y" to Varric. "I can learn!"

"Yes, that's very good," Varric said. He nodded. "Is that where you're planning to leave it? The ending seems a little abrupt. I mean, here Bella finally hooks up with someone and he just leaves her?"

Isabela shrugged. "I don't know. I never was very good with endings."

Varric nodded. "I'd let it sit for a bit. It'll come to you."

Isabela hoped that it did, but figured that even if it didn't, she was happy with her work. She would have to show it to Marian when she got the chance. She just knew that it was the perfect reward to her for sharing all of her juicy gossip with Isabela.

Thanks to those crazy enough to review. I'm actually trying to write more chapters thanks to you! (I guess Merrill is next? Huh…that should be interesting.) Special thanks to: Shepard Supreme, Interesting, Nithu, Leogrl, JessicaJones, Zute, rednightmare, chipperdyke, Gene_Dark, D1SS1DENT, Lehni, Enaid_Aderyn, NuitNuit, GrudgeButtons, and Herr_Wozzeck.