Chris Colfer is a Professional: Chapter One

Chris Colfer did not have crushes on his coworkers. Chris just didn't think the workplace was the place for romance. It would only cause problems and awkwardness. There were only a few other gay guys on the Glee cast anyway, and the ones who were gay wouldn't be interested in him. He was much younger than them, and they probably just viewed him as the annoying 20-year-old kid who cracked more jokes than anyone ever should. And then the paparazzi could get involved, and it would just be a big mess, causing lost job opportunities and severed connections. So no, Chris Colfer never allowed himself to foster romantic feelings or sexual attraction to a coworker.

And when Darren came on the set, Chris kept the same standard for himself. No crushing on coworkers. Never mind that Darren was Chris's dream guy in every sense of the phrase… He could keep up with Chris's rapid sense of humor, laughing that amazing laugh at all the right punch lines, and then throwing back joke after joke of his own… And he was absolutely gorgeous, of course… Chris had a thing for curly hair. Nice curls, though, not the creepy kind many guys sported. And Darren had the nice kind of curls. And then Darren's eyes... Eyes that could never decide whether to be a deep green, warm brown, or a mixture of the two. Eyes that squinted closed whenever Darren let loose another one of his amazing laughs, eyes that smoldered with compassion and love… And although many might be surprised to learn this, Chris had always wanted to be the taller one in a relationship. A few inches or so taller, tall enough so that he could turn his face downward to kiss his lover, but not so much difference that it was awkward. Darren was the perfect height, roughly two inches shorter than Chris, depending on what they both were wearing, and Chris just knew that Darren was the ideal height to push into the wall and press close against, all while running his hands over Darren's sculpted arms and rock hard abs and—

But no. Chris Colfer was a professional. And professionals do not fantasize about their coworkers. Even when Kurt and Blaine started dating, Chris remained diligent. Chris never kissed Darren. He was always Kurt, kissing Blaine. Chris knew that feeling anything for Darren would only cause problems. Everything was perfect as it was already. He had a great job that he loved, working with a cast that he adored. And he and Darren had become great friends, the two goofballs of the set, always pulling pranks and creating new inside jokes. They had fallen into a nice routine, acting as Glee's new "power couple." Every morning, Darren would knock on Chris's door with two steaming cups of coffee, grinning wider than anyone should be allowed to that early in the morning. They would eat breakfast together, Darren doing most of the talking as Chris munched sleepily on his cereal. Sometimes they would go over the script together if they had an important scene planned, and then Darren would clean up the kitchen while Chris showered and got dressed. They would walk down to the set together and usually spend the rest of the day together, filming various scenes of Blaine and Kurt making googly eyes at each other or holding hands and saying adorable, cute little nonsenses. After work, Darren would usually show up at Chris's door again with P.F. Changs or Noodles and Company to watch another one of Chris's favorite movies. Sometimes they fell asleep on the couch together, but most of the time Darren would wake up in time to head back to his room.

All of this was way too precious for Chris to give up for a little crush. So he pushed away any romantic or sexual thoughts of Darren the instant they showed up. It's just that… Well. Darren sometimes made that difficult.

One morning Darren knocked on Chris's door before letting himself in with Chris's extra key when Chris took too long to answer. Darren looked at Chris, still curled up in bed contentedly, and laughed, walking over to the bed and hitting Chris on the head with a pillow.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Darren said, laughing. "I've got something special today! Oatmeal!"

Chris rolled over and scowled at Darren. "Oatmeal? Disgusting."

"Hey now," Darren retorted, mocking insult. "Oatmeal's delicious. And I brought loads of brown sugar, so we can get you on a sugar rush delightful enough to get you through Kurt 's hot make-out session today without a boner!"

Chris sat up quickly, eyes wide. "Without a—what? Kurt's what?"

Darren just laughed again and grabbed Chris's hand, pulling him out of bed. "Nuh uh. Not telling till you eat your oatmeal and admit it's delicious."

Chris huffed and walked over to the kitchen table. "Fine. Ugh. Why do I even put up with you?"

Darren's already laughing smile broadened. "Because you think I'm sexy."

"Mhm. Sure. You keep thinking that. Now get me some damn oatmeal so I can read the script."

"A little feisty this morning, aren't we?" Darren remarked and poked Chris's side.

Chris glared at Darren. "Darren. Oatmeal. Brown sugar. Now."

"Haha, alright alright. Here you go. It's baby bear oatmeal. Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. And I added about five pounds of brown sugar. Seriously. I went through two packs of that Domino stuff."

"That's disgusting," said Chris, accepting his bowl of oatmeal from Darren's eager hands. He sniffed a spoonful of oatmeal and gingerly put it in his mouth. He chewed slowly and then his eyes got wide and he quickly put his spoon back in the bowl to get another bite. This earned yet another laugh from Darren. Seriously, thought Chris, he laughs too much for 7 am.

"I told you!" roared Darren jubilantly. "It's delicious."

"I'll admit it…" Chris said sheepishly between bites. "But okay. What's this about Kurt?"

Darren's smile grew, if possibly, even wider, and his hazel eyes twinkled. "Oh. Kurt gets some serious action today. Blaine moans. There is pushing against walls. You finally have your way with my hair. It's positively orgasmic."

Chris raised his eyebrows, a spoonful of oatmeal hovering halfway between the bowl and his mouth. "There's moaning? And does that mean no gel today?"

"No gel! I am a free man! Or, Blaine is. He forgets to gel his hair in his desperation to see Kurt after two days without him. Weekend trip of some sort. But the lucky bastard had no need to worry, because when Kurt sees him he throws Blaine against the wall of some classroom and… There's moaning."

Chris grinned and laughed. "I bet you spent all morning practicing your moan, you self-absorbed prat."

Darren just smiled. "You done with my perfect oatmeal? I already ate some earlier. Had to brush my teeth if I want Kurt to keep fawning over me."

Chris rolled his eyes. "You have a tooth brush here, smartie pants."

"But it smelled so good when I was making it. I couldn't resist. But come on, Chris! Hurry up! We can't keep Kurt and Blaine waiting."

"Okay, okay, let me just shower real quick and then we can go."

"Have fun!" Darren called out as Chris grabbed a towel and headed towards the bathroom. "Try not to think about me too much."

Chris snorted and turned on the shower water. I'm a professional, he reminded himself.

Chris gripped Darren's hand, pulling him into the empty classroom. Darren let out a short laugh.

"I missed you too, Kurt, but what's all–"

Chris pushed Darren into a corner and pressed him against the wall, right hand twisting in Darren's curly hair and left hand pushing his hip into the wall. "Your hair," Chris gasped breathlessly and then smashed his lips against Darren's. Chris kissed Darren firmly and insistently, letting Kurt's lust for Blaine mix with his own feelings for Darren. Darren kissed back, sucking on Chris's bottom lip and sneaking his arms up around Chris's shoulders. Chris stepped in closer, bending his neck to keep kissing Darren, and brought his left hand up to Darren's hair, using both hands to pull Darren's face closer. He pulled sharply on Darren's hair, reveling in how the silky curls felt between his fingers. Darren slipped his tongue into Chris's mouth, and things were quickly becoming even more insistent and dirty when Darren let out a moan.

Chris stepped away from Darren and ran a hand through his own hair, taking quick, short breaths. Darren slumped back against the wall and closed his eyes before smiling up at Chris. "God, I missed you so much, Kurt. Two days is way too long."

Chris smiled shyly back down at Darren. "I missed you too, Blaine. How was the trip?"

Darren opened his mouth to respond, but a harsh "CUT" stopped him. Darren turned to look at Ryan Murphy with an irritated gaze, his voice shaky from trying to get his breathing back to normal. "What now, Ryan?"

"I've changed my mind. Again. I know exactly what I want now. Okay, do the same thing as you've been doing until the end of the kiss. That was perfect. But instead of breaking apart after the moan, Darren, I want you to push off the wall and then get Chris backed up against it. Trying to keep this relationship as equal-sided as possible."

Chris rolled his eyes and then breathlessly retorted, "Blaine sucks at romance, but not actually, I suck at sex, but not actually. I think it's pretty equal. What do want from us after that?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want. You two are so damn good at making out. I swear you must be fucking each other in your spare time. And once you're done giving the audience exactly what they want, just move into the dialogue." Ryan smirked and let Darren and Chris have their hair and make-up redone before starting the scene again.

Chris grabbed Darren's hand again and began pulling him into the classroom as Darren said, "I missed you too Kurt, but what's all—"

Chris shoved Darren against the wall again, using all of his repressed fantasies to try to make this take perfect, and gasped out, "your hair." He was already so turned on from an hour of making out with Darren, and he let his desperation show through Kurt. Chris tugged on Darren's hair and bit his lip at how amazing it felt, and then frantically kissed Darren. Darren responded with enthusiasm, quickly deepening the kiss and bending his neck back to gain better access to Chris's mouth. Chris moved closer to Darren so that they were completely pressed against one another, and Chris let one of his hands move down to feel Darren's arm. Chris almost groaned because Darren had such nice arms. He pressed his mouth down even harder onto Darren's and then Chris's hips bucked against Darren and Darren let out a low, deep, sexy moan. And then Chris had to moan back because Darren had grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back against the wall, pawing all over Chris's body and pressing so close. Darren moaned again and the sound caused all of Chris's blood to rush south. And then Darren was breaking away from the kiss, only to start biting and licking at Chris's neck. The only sanity Chris had remaining reminded him to moan Blaine's name, not Darren's. Darren ground his hips into Chris's and—oh. Darren's hard too.

Chris broke apart from the kiss and gasped for air. Darren brought a hand to his face and let out a shaky breath. He then looked back at Chris and murmured, "God, I missed you so much, Kurt. Two days is way too long."

Chris exhaled sharply and closed his eyes, because Kurt was sexually exhausted too. Then he smiled Kurt's signature shy grin and said, "I missed you too, Darren. Oh, fuck. Ryan please don't make us do that again!"

Darren barked out a laugh and winked slyly at Chris. "I knew you were thinking about me."

"Well yeah, I do believe it was you who I just had clothed sex with," Chris snapped back. But then Chris laughed and his eyes softened, because he couldn't resist the utterly amused look on Darren's face.

Ryan laughed too. "Yeah, that's fine, guys. We'll shoot the dialogue later. Go take a break. Or a cold shower…"

Darren laughed and stepped away from Chris. "I'll see you in a bit Chris, I've gotta go take care of some stuff."
Chris waved goodbye as Darren jogged out of the classroom and then slumped back against the wall. "I hate your guts, Ryan."

That night after Darren left Chris's room (they had watched Dirty Dancing while eating sushi), Chris found his mind dwelling on his kiss with Darren earlier. Not a kiss. That was like clothed sex. He scolded himself and reminded himself that he was a professional, and professionals do not dwell on sexual scenes with coworkers. Sexual scenes that they are paid to film and have no relation to real life. But Darren was hard too. He was turned on too. Chris groaned and pushed his hair away from his forehead. No. He's a coworker.

Chris got ready for bed, turned off his light, and snuggled under the covers. He tried to think about other things, like counting sheep, but sheep reminded him of Darren's hair, which just reminded him of making out with Darren. Chris had never felt like that while kissing anyone else before. Sure, he hadn't kissed too many people, but that kiss with Darren… That had been hot. And they had done twelve takes of it. Twelve amazing, highly sexual make outs. God, he is so hot. When he grinded his hips into mine—NO. Coworker. Straight. He's straight. Chris turned over and clenched at the sheets. But god… He was hard. And he felt so damn big—Straight. He's straight. He's had his dick in a vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Boobs. Vagina. Lesbians. Chris rolled over again, trying to think of gross things, but nothing could stop the fact that he was becoming very turned on very quickly and he had lived through twelve damn-near sex scenes with Darren fucking Criss, and he deserved to be relieved, didn't he?

Fuck this, Chris thought, groaning. He lifted his hips and pulled his sweatpants off, suddenly in a rush. He tried to slow things down, he trailed his fingers along his legs, trying to talk himself out of what he was about to do, but memories of Darren and making out with Darren and grinding into Darren kept flooding his mind. He finally caved (as if it hadn't been inevitable since the time he turned his lights off) and gripped his cock firmly with his right hand, stroking up and down. He convinced himself that it was alright to do this, because he had performed the scene earlier beautifully. He had been a professional earlier. Now it was okay to let loose, when no one would see him. He thought of Darren's mouth on his mouth, Darren's mouth on his neck. He tried to imagine what Darren's mouth would feel like on his cock, wet and warm. Chris turned to the side and buried his face into his pillow to muffle his moans. Fuck. Darren's cock. God it felt so good, pressed against my hip. God, I just want to rub up against him all day. Chris increased the pace of his stroking and he couldn't believe he was so close already. Darren was hard. He was turned on by me. His moan. Chris moaned into his pillow and began bucking his hips up into his hand. He imagined that it was Darren's hand on his cock. Darren stroking him. He imagined Darren's lips on his neck, licking and kissing and biting like he had earlier today. He remembered how good it had felt to push Darren into the wall and touch his bicep and feel his stomach muscles, all hard and firm and pressed up against his own stomach. He remembered how it felt when Darren flipped him, taking control of the kiss. And how Darren had pushed on his shoulders and had to tilt his head up to reach his lips to Chris's. And then when Darren had ground his hips into Chris's. Chris moaned at the memory and wondered how it would have felt if they were both naked. He moaned again. Darren's cock against mine. Fuck I just want to uhnnn. Chris lost his ability to think as he felt Darren's hands, on his cock and touching him everywhere, Darren's mouth on his neck, on his ear, Darren's body all over him, on top of him, fuck, Darren everywhere. He pumped his cock hard once more and then he came, hard, moaning a combination of Darren's name and cuss words into his pillow. He stroked his cock slowly as the sensation died down, and then he cursed. Yeah, he thought, I'm a damn professional.

The next morning Darren showed up at Chris's door, bright and early as usual. He beamed at Chris when the door opened, and waltzed in, holding two bowls of oatmeal and a jug of orange juice. "I got oatmeal again, since I know you loved it so much." Chris laughed and rubbed sleepily at his eyes. He tried to suppress a yawn but failed.

Darren snorted. "Am I really that boring, Chris, or were you just up all night thinking about me?"

"Wha—oh, the second one, definitely."

Darren grinned. Why did he always smile so much? "Hey, I don't blame you. That kiss was hot."

"Yeahhh, you could say that. Hot. Sensual. Erotic," said Chris breathily. "They all fit."

Darren sat down at the kitchen table and placed the oatmeal down in front of the two chairs. "Let me just say that I definitely had to take a cold shower after that."

Chris laughed, a little unsure. "Really?"

"Yeah. Like. Right after that last take. 'I've gotta go take care of some stuff.' Stuff being my dick." Darren winked at Chris.

Chris just stared at Darren with wide eyes and then sat down in the chair across from Darren. "Don't tell me I'm turning you, Darren. You're straight!"

Darren shrugged. "I'm straight, you're hot." He shrugged again.

Chris chuckled and then looked down at his hands somberly. "Well, better than what I did."

Darren's face instantly brightened. "Oh, tell me you jerked off! You did, didn't you?"

Chris glared at Darren, slightly mortified. "Don't sound so pleased. Aren't you disgusted?"

"Disgusted? Of course not! I'm honored! Wait. Oh my god. Did you moan my name or Blaine's name when you came?"

"Darren!" shrieked Chris in shock.

"Ha! I knew you thought I was hot! Although I didn't think you would sound so shocked mid-orgasm… I thought it would sound more like…" Darren closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and moaned in a breathy whimper, "Darrennnn."

Chris laughed loudly and smirked at Darren. "Have a lot of practice moaning your own name, do you?"

"You're not the only one who thinks I'm hot," Darren said with a wink.

Chris laughed again, his stomach beginning to hurt. "Ohh god. I can totally picture you in the bathroom, jacking off while staring at your own reflection."

Darren just grinned and said, "Pass the orange juice."

Author's Note:

Well hello, everybody! This is so exciting—the first fanfic I've posted :D I hope you enjoyed it. I'm relatively new having an account here. I've been an anonymous lurker for ages, but I decided to get an account so I could post verified reviews. And well, then this little idea popped into my head while I was driving yesterday (yes, I fantasize about Klaine while I drive…), and I just decided to post it. Yay!

Anywayy. It's intended to be a one-shot, because as of right now I'm not sure what direction I would take to continue it. But if a lot of people want me to continue, I could see about brainstorming potential continuation ideas. But for now, expect me to write a bunch of random, unrelated Klaine or Criss/Colfer fics. It's oddly addicting…

And now that I've put something online, I'm realizing how nice it is to get reviews… Because it really is nice. Every review I get makes me jump up and down and have a little party on the inside. So if you enjoyed it or even if you hated, just pop me a little note and you will be my favorite person ever :D