The Rom-com of Haruhi Suzumiya
Chapter 10c: Let sleeping Gods lie...
This is starting feel like Wayne's World... how many endings were in that again? Anyway...
My peaceful slumber was disrupted and ended by a ringtone... 'the phantom of the opera'... must be Haruhi. Something tells me she should be here in person... or something.
I answered the phone, "Hi, Haruhi. What's up?"
"Kyon, I know what you did to me last night." she said in a somewhat angered tone.
"Yeah, so? It's what you wanted, isn't it?" I asked bluntly.
"Grrr... it's against the rules of the Brigade for a lowly member such as yourself to hit on the Brigade Leader! You're in lots of trouble!"
"But I thought you liked me..." I replied in confusion.
What the hell does this girl want? She sent me all those notes, and acted like a stalker for all this time for her to waste her opportunity on telling me off?
"I do. But you have no right to hit on me. Now, Kyon, do you want to go out with me?"
"Well, if I hit on you there's no issue."
"Oh, is that how it works?"
"Oh, okay. Yes, I accept. But what's with asking me out over the phone, I thought you hated that..."
"Don't remember pointless things." Haruhi finally said and hung up. She then called again to say, "Oh, come to my house if you want asking out in person so badly!" and hung up again.
Well, I'd best go to Haruhi's house... otherwise closed space would pop up everywhere. So I put my shoes on, walked on over to Haruhi's. But on the way there, an unwanted, smiling walker joined me. "Hello there. I noticed you told Miss Suzumiya I was an esper last night. I'm... irritated, but I'll forgive you. Anyway, why are you walking here at the moment?"
"Going to see Haruhi."
"Oh... that's good. Maybe you could convince her to stop this time-loop somehow."
"It isn't Haruhi. It's some guy who's writing a Fanfiction. He's catering to his beloved fans by writing alternate endings."
"Oh... well, how is it that you know this?"
"Well, Nagato mentioned to me about a divine being wanting 'fluff'... or at least, that's what I remember from my Dejá vu... now, fluff is a Fanfiction term, so I assume that the divine beings are readers, and the one modifying for the demand for fluff is the writer."
"That's an excellent theory... I'm not sure what to make of it." and with that, Koizumi left me to do my 'duty' of talking to Haruhi. When I got there, Haruhi was wearing a face that screamed "Late! Penalty!" but no words exited her mouth.
"Okay, Kyon. I'll go out with you, on one condition; write me a poem like Taniguchi did for Yuki!"
"Well, do you wanna be with me or not?"
"Okay." To be honest, I didn't want her that bad... but I was afraid of the consequences. So I knuckled down and wrote a poem.
Here was my pretty awful poem (though not as bad as Taniguchi's);
Your beauty amazes me,
For you are the girl
Who changes my world.
We're perfect together, see?
All the school seems to think so.
So, Haruhi, Haruhi,
Don't be so cruel to me,
Simply say yes, and we're there!
Yes, you and me,
Kyon and Haruhi,
We'll find the mysteries together!
I knew I could do better if I tried, but Haruhi seemed to lap it up. She was smiling it, and re-read it about nine times. "Okay, Kyon! We're going shopping!"
So Haruhi dragged me to the mall, where we entered a clothes shop. Haruhi then bought a Yukata. It was rather loose when she tried it on, and was way too tall for her, but she bought it anyway.
"Haruhi, why did you buy that? It didn't fit you at all." I asked without stopping myself.
"It isn't for me, silly. It's for you... but they won't let guys try on Yukatas in the shop."
What? She expects me to cross-dress for her? What goes on in that demented head of hers?
"Now, we're going somewhere you'll like."
That 'likeable' place was the game store. Now, don't get me wrong, video games are great, but I'm not all that crazy about them.
"I'm getting you Touhou 6. That way you can get good at it and help me beat Remilia... I've been stuck on her for so long!"
"Oh, okay. How long did it take you to get good at Touhou?"
"Long enough." Haruhi replied back as if it answered my question.
How much wasted hours were there going to be cross-dressing and gaming for Haruhi? Ugh, I don't want to think about it. But I guess I have thought about it now, haven't I.
Then I met two people who I never expected to see in the game store... an older Miss Asahina, and an older Kunikida. Wow, he gained wrinkles quickly.
"Hello there, Kyon. Me and Kunikida were just reminiscing old times together... say, this time-plane... Miss Suzumiya knows about the supernatural at this time, right?"
"Well she does now." I replied, and observed the silent but ecstatic Haruhi.
"Oh... say, Kunikida, was this what you intended all along?"
"Uh, well, I did want to reminisce with you while getting the job done..." Kunikida said with a slightly apologetic tone.
"Oh, you always have an ulterior motive..." Miss Asahina said almost admiringly. Was she married to Kunikida in the future or something?
"Well? Miss Suzumiya? Say something!"
Haruhi was still smiling away, but then blurted out in no particular order, "Mikuru? Kunikida? Time Traveller? Older? Future? Together?" and then fainted from happiness.
"Well, I'd best take Haruhi to her house." I said, and paid for the games before picking up Haruhi and leaving for her house. "Say hi to the future version of me for me... if that makes sense."
"Okay." Miss Asahina said while smiling.
When I got to Haruhi's, I laid her down on her bed. Eventually she woke up. "K-Kyon? You... carried me home..."
"Yep. I'm glad you found the fact that Miss Asahina and Kunikida being time travellers as fun as I found it?"
"Why, did you faint too? Wait, when did you find out?"
"Well, remember when you went with Nagato and Koizumi to search for strange things early on in the Brigade's history?"
"Well, Miss Asahina told me then. She didn't mention Kunikida, probably because that version of her didn't know about Kunikida being one anyway. In fact, it was only recently this time-plane's Kunikida started working on time-travel..."
"Wow, you know a lot. What else do you know?"
"Well, Koizumi is an esper, and Nagato is a... Humanoid... Interface... thing. Anyway, she's kind of like a representative for aliens."
"Oh. What about sliders? Are there any sliders?"
"Not that I know of..." I said, but was interrupted by a blue-haired girl who said, "You ask for me?"
I hadn't met this girl... but she didn't look from this universe... there was definitely something 'alternate' about her.
"I've dressed up as you in a cosplay café, I'm like, your biggest fan!" the girl said to Haruhi, seemingly ignoring the fact that she had walked into Haruhi's house.
"Who are you? Why did you barge into my house?" Haruhi asked in a way similar to yours truly.
"Well, I just learnt how to go through realities, and I've always loved the Haruhi Suzumiya series, so I thought 'Why not go to their universe first?'."
"So, in your universe, is this world an animé?" Haruhi curiously enquired.
"And a light novel series, and a Chibi series, and there's even a game for your series too."
"Say, do you reckon your universe is a fictional place in this universe?"
"Most probably... my name's Konata Izumi, if that name rings any bells..."
"No, it doesn't... Kyon? Do you know about an animé character called Konata Izumi?"
Konata... from... oh... I should've realized earlier from her blue hair...
"She's from Lucky Star." I said.
"Lucky Star? Well, that's a sucky name for my universe. I thought it'd be 'The Melancholy of Konata Izumi' or something." Konata disappointedly said.
"Sorry, about that... the truth hurts, doesn't it?"
"Eh... it does. Anyway, see you! I'm going to the street fighter universe next!" Konata replied, and held up a device that looked like an MP3 player, and then disappeared.
"Can you believe it, Kyon? A real slider? Here? In my bedroom? Kyon! I might faint again! Quick, put on your Yukata so that I don't!" Haruhi ecstatically said.
"How will me cross-dressing stop you from fainting?"
"Just change. Or will I have to help you, like Mikuru?"
"Uh... I'll pass." I said, and quickly changed into the traditional Japanese outfit. If it wasn't so... feminine... I wouldn't mind it. I mean, it's comfortable to wear, right?
"Oh, Kyon, you look wonderful! Here's a kiss for your beauty!" she said, and kissed me on the cheek. "Now, you tell me who we should see... Itsuki or Yuki." I didn't try to think about why Haruhi wanted to see one of them, but she clearly did, so I had to pick/
I didn't feel like seeing that creep Koizumi, especially with this Yukata on. So, I picked Nagato. On the way to Nagato's apartment various passers-by laughed at my outfit and asked Haruhi who her 'Gay friend' is. I felt like punching those idiots in the balls, but unfortunately laws forbid that kind of thing.
So we got to Nagato's flat, and then I got Nagato to let us in. There, Nagato looked at me as if she wanted to say something. But Haruhi had other ideas.
"Yuki, I hear that you're an alien!"
"I am an alien to your kind, yes."
"So, is there any other aliens around?"
"Other Humanoid interfaces within our vicinity include my new primary back-up unit, Emeri Kimidori, and my former back-up unit Ryouko Asakura. There is also a humanoid interface for an entity separate to my own known by the thought entity as Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence. The name of the interface is unknown."
Haruhi was silenced by Nagato's complicated vocabulary.
"Nagato, you looked like you have something to tell us."
"It is a message from the 'creative party' of the entity. They want the thinking party to convey a message from the member 'Duwee Davis II'. It is not a message for you, but a message to the 'observing party' of this universe. It is simply this: This is it, no more alternate endings. I need a rest, and I promise to create more absolute data soon. That is the message."
Was she talking to the reader? I thought that was my job! Oh, Nagato, ever the subtle one.
"Haruhi... we should probably head off now... but we're taking Nagato with us. We also need to collect Koizumi and Miss Asahina. We need to dance Hare Hare Yukai... I just know it."
"Yes we do. We should go, Haruhi Suzumiya."
"Okay! Let's dance, dance, DANCE!" Haruhi finished.
Nazonazo, mitai ni
Chikyuugo wo tokiakashitara
Minna de dokemade mo ikerune.
Jikan no hate made BOOOOON!
WARP de LOOP no kono omoi wa
Nanimo kamo wo makikonda souzou de...
Aru, Hareta, hi no koto
Mahou ijou no yukai ga
Fukanou ja naiwa.
Ashita, mata, au toki
Ureshisa wo atsumeyou
Kantan nandayo konnano.
Ookina yume, yume
(Musical ending, epic win)
Author's note: Yep, I'm part of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. The creative party don't send down that many humanoid interfaces... but I am one of the few. Ha! I'm wrapped up in my own little world!