Pater Unfamiliar, by DoofusPrime
Notes - Okay, here's a new story. I've been meaning to get to this for quite a long time, so I'm excited to finally start it up. This takes place during season 4, and while Kim and Ron play a significant role throughout the story, they are secondary characters. The overall focus is on Drakken and his family. Hope you guys enjoy it!
If there was one thing Kim Possible hated about foiling one of Señor Senior Senior's evil plots, it was the way broken tile and plaster dust got all over her when his Spinning Tops of Doom cut the floor apart. Even after she took a shower later, she always felt like grit and grime had settled down into her thick red hair. Kim was experiencing that unpleasant feeling now. She grimaced as a cloud of debris hit her square in the face, holding up her hands to try to deflect it from her eyes before cartwheeling backwards to avoid the passing top.
"Ron!" she yelled. "Watch out!"
Her boyfriend, who had been trailing behind her, dodged to the side and narrowly escaped being ground into the ground by the passing top. They were dangerous devices, at least theoretically, but fundamentally flawed in the sense that anyone who wasn't tied down to a chair could avoid them. Even tied down to a chair, Kim thought she could probably stay out of the way. She dodged another top as it ricocheted off the wall and hurtled in her direction. Now that she thought about it, maybe there was something a little vain about thinking plaster dust in her hair was the worst part of a Senior scheme. But she couldn't help it. She had very nice hair, after all.
"Where are they, KP?"
"I dunno, Ron. We need to get past these tops and find the Electromagnetronicator before Señor Senior Senior sets it off! Wade said he thought it was in the central control room!"
"When is anything not in the central control room?" asked Ron as he scrambled away from two tops which were converging on him at the same time. "I mean, come on! Do the bad guys ever put their big mucho destructo rays in a supply closet? At least we wouldn't think of looking there."
"Right," said Kim, "but that's just not how it's done."
"What did Wade say again? When we get to the Electro – the Elec – the thing Senior stole from the government lab, how do we disable it?"
"It was a little complicated," said Kim. She had to agree with Ron on that point. Sometimes Wade forgot that not everyone was fluent in his very advanced brand of geek-speak. "We'll just have to call him up again on the Kimmunicator after we find the command center and subdue-"
Kim managed to pull Ron aside and get a little breathing space from the Spinning Tops of Doom, and as the two of them watched, the tops solved their most pressing problem. They had been caught in the trap room after the doors around them locked simultaneously, and Kim had been looking for an opening of at least a few moments so she could try to use one of Wade's crazy gadgets to break through. Fortunately, the far wall of the room had been buckling for a while, and one particularly out-of-control top smashed its way right through into another room. Another top struck a glancing blow against the remainder of the wall, sending the whole thing tumbling down.
The first errant top continued spinning and smashing its way violently through the next room as Kim watched. Waiting for the right moment, she made a dash forward, weaving her way delicately through the remaining tops as she ran across the trap room into the new opening. Ron was hot on her heels. That was another thing about Spinning Tops of Doom, she thought with a smirk. They really weren't the best investment for a supervillain concerned about his lair's architectural integrity.
"What is going on?" shouted Junior.
Kim stopped and gawked as Junior stepped out of a tanning bed in the middle of the room. Apparently the top had smashed into some kind of combination gym and personal spa, judging by the shattered equipment all around her.
Junior removed a pair of headphones from his head and took off his sunglasses as he stared at his two uninvited guests. After a moment, he noticed the nearby Spinning Top of Doom. Kim was surprised to see it going in a straight line, smashing right through yet another wall, apparently much less strongly reinforced than the walls surrounding the trap room where the tops were actually released. The three of them flinched as the spinning top turned the wall into rubble within seconds. Ron held his ears as the sound of falling debris thundered through the room.
"Why are you two here?" asked Junior. He looked around at his mangled gym equipment and personal beauty accessories strewn across the floor. Kim almost felt bad about his look of disappointment.
"We were just dropping by to take back the Electromagnetronicator," she said. "You know, you guys should really think about something besides those Spinning Tops of Doom."
Junior gave a grunt of displeasure as he observed the destruction around him. "You do not have to tell me that, Kim Possible. Talk to my father!"
"Um, will do. Where is he?"
"He is in there, waiting for the two of you."
Junior pointed into the new room which had just been revealed by the still spinning rogue top. Kim followed his finger with her eyes; that was it. They had found the central control room. Not only that, but the Electromagnetronicator was sitting right in the middle of the spacious room, and Señor Senior Senior himself stood a few yards away from it as he stared in horror at the approaching top.
"Dude!" shouted Ron. "Get out of the way!"
Junior gasped in fright as he saw his father dart out of the top's way. Fortunately, the elder Senior was faster than he appeared. Before Kim or Ron could even make their way over the wall's rubble and into the room, the top ran straight into the Electromagnetronicator with a deafening shriek of metal on twisted metal. A salvo of sparks and explosions thundered out as the stolen machine crumpled against the spinning top's onslaught. Kim had been about to rush into the room, but she thought better of it. She held Ron back while they watched the disaster unfold. Junior, however, ran straight into the control room before Kim could stop him.
Kim was about to head straight into the smoking mess that obscured the control room in search of her foes, but she whirled around at the grinding sound coming from behind her. Ron dodged aside on instinct as another Spinning Top of Doom made its way out of the trap room and towards her. For just a moment, Kim thought she had been taken by surprise – she was just about to anticipate her life flashing before her eyes when the top abruptly came to a halt. It teetered for a moment before falling on its side with a crash. She turned around; it took a few moments before the smoke in the control room began to clear, but the destructive top inside had also stopped. Junior sat in the wreckage, holding his father.
"Father, are you alright? Talk to me!"
Kim and Ron rushed forward. For a moment, things looked grim, but she saw Senior cough and struggle to his feet with his son's help.
"Yes, my son," he said. "Thank you. I am fine. Other than my utterly destroyed lair."
"Hey, don't blame us," said Ron.
Senior looked at his two teen guests and gave Kim a grudging nod of defeat. "We meet again, Kim Possible," he said. "Although I must admit I was not expecting to be defeated quite that quickly."
"You and me both," said Kim. "That one top went a little crazy."
Ron glanced at the remnants of the control room. The rest of them also paused and looked around as an ominous groaning sound echoed through the valued room. It seemed to be coming from all around them.
"You know," said Ron, "maybe we should run for it? Losing that many walls can't be good for any building."
"That is an excellent suggestion," said Señor Senior Senior.
The four of them rushed past the fallen top as a few ominous chunks of plaster and metal began to fall down from above; fortunately, a large entrance stood just ahead of them. The groaning became louder, more insistent.
"Hurry up, Ron!"
"I'm going, I'm going!"
The Seniors led the way as Kim and Ron followed them through the entrance and out into the courtyard of the their Mediterranean island lair and home. They made sure to put some distance between themselves and the house. Sure enough, almost as soon as they turned around, the rest of the house finished caving in, sending up a massive plume of dust and smoke, along with a few explosions thrown in here and there for good measure. Roiling clouds of fire and smoke belched up into the sky. Pieces of debris began to fall from their ejection into the sky; Kim considered getting farther back, but the rain of debris ended after a few moments. She frowned as she raised a hand and ran her fingers through her hair.
Definitely covered in junk. She'd have to shower a second time when she got home.
"I told you, father," said Junior as he looked at the wreckage of their home, "I told you this is what would happen! Every single time you come up with one of your plans, Kim Possible and her sidekick thwart you! Why is it that you always keep trying?"
"It is what I do, my son. I am a villain. An old man needs hobbies to keep him occupied."
"I wish you would pick different hobbies. Perhaps bingo. I have heard the old people like to play that. Right now, your hobbies have destroyed my gym and spa room!"
"I think they destroyed everything," Ron pointed out.
"Oh, yes. You are right."
"Nevertheless, my son, I am glad you are alright."
Junior crossed his beefy arms over each other and gave his father a petulant pout, but after a moment, he gave in and gathered his father into a bone-crunching hug. Senior let out a small groan as his son embraced him before finally letting go as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.
"I am glad you are fine as well, father. Perhaps next time we should consider something besides the Spinning Tops of Doom."
"We shall see, my son. We shall see."
Kim had been listening to the sound of Global Justice helicopters coming from behind them for a few moments. As she watched their enemies embracing, the first of the helicopters landed in what little empty space it could find between the swimming pool and the wreckage of the island lair. Dr. Director and Will Du rushed out of the helicopter as soon as it landed, along with a couple of Global Justice agents who approached the Seniors and handcuffed them before leading them back to the helicopter.
"Until next time, Kim Possible!"
Kim nodded at Señor Senior Senior as he willingly followed along with his Global Justice captors.
Junior nodded as he was handcuffed. "See you, Ron Stoppable. Good luck with the cowlick problems. And I hope things are going well between the two of you," he said as he looked back and forth between his two teen foes.
Ron smiled as the GJ agents led Junior in the direction of the helicopter with his father. He turned to Kim just before Dr. Director and Will Du reached them. "That was nice of him to say, wasn't it?"
"It was," agreed Kim.
"Kim Possible! Ron Stoppable! Thanks for your help!"
Dr. Director reached the two of them and shook their hands. Will Du, following behind her, nodded curtly and stood at attention. Behind them, another helicopter landed beside the first one, and still another hovered in the air, obviously deciding there was no more room to touch down. Global Justice always came in force, thought Kim. If only they could come on time, too.
"Hey Dr. Director," she asked. "Do you think we could bum a ride back to Middleton?"
"Certainly. You'll have to ride in the second helicopter, I think it'll be a little less crowded."
"I'll join the two of you so we can go over the mission details."
"Excellent idea," said Will Du.
"The Electromagnetronicator is destroyed?"
"Yeah," said Kim. "Sorry about that. One of the tops wiped it out."
Dr. Director led the two teens in the direction of the second helicopter, but stopped by the first one before they lifted off in order to exchange a few words with the pilot and Will Du. Kim breathed a sigh of relief as she noticed Will Du being ordered into the other helicopter by Dr. Director. Apparently, he was going to ride with the Seniors as they were taken to wherever Global Justice actually held their prisoners; Kim wasn't exactly sure, to be honest. But one thing she did know was that she didn't really feel like dealing with the Will Du's condescending attitude after completing a mission. He'd probably be critiquing her moves, despite not having seen any of them himself or even participated in the actual mission.
"Man, those two make a weird pair, huh?"
Kim turned to her boyfriend as the two of them climbed into the waiting helicopter. "What, you mean the Seniors?"
"Yeah. One minute they were fighting with each other, and the next minute they were hugging each other."
"It was a bit awkweird," agreed Kim. "I guess they have a complicated relationship. You'd think Junior would be a pain with his whole wannabe celebrity thing and the shallowness, but when you think about it, his dad is probably the one who makes things harder for the two of them, with all the world domination plots that Junior doesn't care about."
"I guess it can be tough when you don't have much in common with your parents."
"I wonder who his mom is," said Kim.
Kim wondered if Senior had been a bit of a playboy in his younger years. Or, she thought with a shudder, maybe he still was. She had to agree with Ron, however; their relationship had to be a tough one. "I wonder if Junior has no interest in the supervillain thing because his father does," she said.
"What, like he just wants to be his own guy?"
"Sort of. I mean, maybe Junior's the way he is because his father is so rich. Maybe Senior's worked hard all his life, and Junior's a bum in general because it's like his way of rebelling against what his dad wants."
"Either that or he's just spoiled rotten."
Kim had to give Ron that one. But even accepting Ron's more likely explanation, it was interesting to think about how the father could have a son who ended up so completely different, and yet loved him all the same.
She knew she had been blessed in terms of her family situation, and she had a lot in common with both her mother and her father, even if she wasn't really as interested in the rocket science that excited her father so much. She wasn't as sure about Ron's situation. She knew he loved his parents, but he wasn't as close to them. But she couldn't imagine having a father like Señor Senior Senior. Although maybe that was just her. Junior seemed uninterested in his father's world domination schemes, but they did seem to love each other anyway. She wondered if they would get along better or worse if Junior actually shared his father's interest in villainy.
"Ready to go?" asked Dr. Director as she returned from her conversation and joined Kim and Ron, climbing into the helicopter and strapping herself in. "It shouldn't be long before we get you home. We'll transfer to a high-speed jet once we get to the GJ branch on the mainland."
"Thanks," said Kim as the helicopter began to lift off. She looked out over the waves, trying to work out what time it would be when they arrived in Middleton. She knew Ron wouldn't even try, as he had told her on multiple occasions that time zones made his head hurt.
"So KP," said Ron, "who do you think we'll be fighting next?"
Kim thought about it. It was always hard to predict, but Dementor had been fairly obsessed with her new battle suit lately. Despite the fact that she thought the thing had issues, to say the least. She didn't want to insult Wade by harping on it, though, and Wade himself knew it wasn't perfect.
"Dementor," she finally guessed. "Who do you think it'll be?"
"I'm going with Drakken. We haven't heard much from him since the prison break and the weird alien thing."
"Hey, wanna make a bet?"
Kim was open to the idea, although she decided it was best to avoid agreeing with Ron until she knew exactly what they would be betting. "A bet?" she asked. "Just cash?"
"Nah, that's boring. More specific. Let's see here... okay, if I'm right and we take Drakken down next, you have to treat me to an all-expense paid romantic evening at JP Bearymore's Pizza Partytorium. And that includes the all you can eat pizza special!"
Kim nodded. Ron's terms were actually much less severe than she had been expecting. After all, it wasn't like she didn't already have lots of experience waiting around while he played arcade games, or lending him money for Bueno Nacho. She'd accept his proposition, but now she had to decide on her own part of the bet. "If it's Dementor next," she said after a moment's consideration, "You go out shopping with me and Monique and pay for any new clothes we get. And we get to buy you a new outfit that's not just the same thing you always wear, and you have to wear it. Even if it's not from Smarty Mart. No complaints."
"You drive a hard bargain, Kim," said Ron, narrowing his eyes. He looked suspicious, but extended a hand anyway. Kim shook it. She might have to rein in Monique a little if she won the bet. But even if she did win, there was a good chance she would have spent more on pizza than Ron would end up spending to cover their shopping spree, considering the kind of discounts she and Monique got at Club Banana versus the amount of pizza Ron and Rufus could eat in one sitting.
Kim breathed in ocean air as she leaned back in her seat, enjoying a break from dodging gigantic killer tops. She looked forward to getting home; maybe she could drag Ron along with Monique and the three of them could check out that new Club Banana outlet she heard had just opened in Lowerton. Hopefully they'd have a bit of a break before their next mission. Kim didn't really know who they would be up against next, but whoever it was, she and Ron would take them out. Just like they always did.
Hopefully it would be like today, she thought. It was always a pleasant surprise when supervillain foes were defeated by their own traps.
Papers fell to the ground as Drakken fumbled through his shopping lists. He reached down and picked them up, trying to find the right paper as Shego rolled her eyes. They were color coded; there was a green one for grocery shopping, which he would have to do last so the milk wasn't laying around in the hovercraft for too long, and a beige one for the bookstore in which they were currently perusing the aisles. Drakken always thought the color beige was suggestive of books, for some reason.
Eggs. Milk. Chocolate syrup.
Drakken grunted. This was the wrong list. Apparently he had printed the colors out incorrectly. He felt irked, but the list reminded him that he would soon have a resupply for his dwindling Cocoa Moo supplies, which made up for the printing problems. He licked his lips in anticipation before flipping to the green list, which was apparently the book list.
Moron's Guide to Hypnosis. Check.
The book lay in his shopping basket, along with several others he had already picked up and crossed off his list. Shego waited beside him and tapped her foot impatiently as Drakken looked over the shelves in the aisle where they were standing. There was one remaining book on the list, which he couldn't seem to find.
Moron's Guide to Programming Internet Superviruses. No check.
"Shego, do you see it anywhere?"
"I doubt they sell something like that here, Doctor D."
"Well, we're here nonetheless. Might as well keep an eye out."
"Whatever you say. Are you sure that book even exists?"
"I'm quite certain, Shego. Well, not certain in the sense that I've seen it anywhere or looked it up, if you want to quibble, but they have Moron's Guides for nearly every conceivable topic. Why wouldn't they have one for programming superviruses?"
"Maybe it's illegal or something."
"That doesn't mean people wouldn't want a guide for it. Although," said Drakken after musing on the topic for a moment, "I must say that the title 'Moron's Guide' is a bit condescending, don't you think? They ought to make a guide for geniuses who will quickly pick up on the given topic but have not yet had a chance to learn about it. It would be more my style."
Drakken looked over to see if his sidekick agreed with him, only to find that Shego had abruptly disappeared. He looked around, peering over the top of the shelves, until he saw familiar locks of jet-black hair just barely visible over the shelves of an adjacent aisle. A stylized wooden sign hung over the aisle which read 'Romantic Fiction.' Shego's inattentiveness irked Drakken even more than the color-coding snafu with his shopping lists. It was a Friday morning - she was technically on the clock, even if they happened to be enjoying a bit of a slow work day. But this was no time to be reading titillating tales of big-bosomed milk maidens meeting manly farmhands with pulsing pectorals.
Not that Drakken had any idea if those books were really written like that. It was just a wild guess.
"Excuse me," he said, approaching a help desk worker at a little kiosk in the center of the store. "Do you know, by any chance, if you have Moron's Guide to Programming Internet Superviruses in stock?"
The employee nodded as he began a flurry of typing on a terminal. "Just a moment sir," he said. Drakken waited a few moments until the results of the search came up. "It looks like we have a number of Moron's Guides, including Doomsday Weapons and Using Magnets for Evil. As well as Magnets: How Do They Work? If you're into magnets."
"I am certainly into magnets," said Drakken. "But I do not need to know how they work, thank you very much. And I don't need them today. Get to the book I'm looking for."
"Um, we do not have Programming Internet Superviruses. My apologies, sir."
"Nnngh. Very well."
Some of the magnet-themed books had piqued Drakken's interest, now that he thought about them, but he was disappointed that he had gotten almost everything on his shopping list except for one title. So close, and yet so far. He made his way towards the front of the store and got out his grocery list to see what he and Shego would need when they visited Smarty Mart. He was about to leave when he looked back and noticed Shego was still lost in the romance section.
"Shego!" he shouted.
"Alright already, just a minute!"
Shego grabbed a title from the shelves and went to the front registers, getting it in a bag before joining Drakken at the door. The two of the walked out into the open air together. The bookstore was part of a small outdoor shopping complex in Lowerton, and as there was no grocery store nearby, they would have to get in the hovercraft and travel to the nearest one. Maybe they could visit Smarty Mart, thought Drakken. Lowerton, unfortunately, didn't have a Smarty Mart, being a fairly backwater place to live compared with Middleton. Drakken was a little hesitant about the idea of visiting the Middleton Smarty Mart when he was technically still a escapee from jail, but evil supervillains liked a good bargain. Or especially supervillains, he told himself. Death rays and henchmen weren't getting any cheaper in this economy.
He definitely wanted to pay a visit to Smarty Mart. They'd just have to keep an eye out for their teen foes. Maybe the two of them could disguise themselves. Maybe by wearing sunglasses and copious amounts of clothing. It was just too bad green and blue skin stood out like a sore thumb.
"What did you get?" he asked his sidekick. Shego slapped his face away as he tried to crane his neck a little closer and peer over the edge of the bag.
"None of your business."
"Fine! See if I care."
"So why do you want a guide to programming internet superviruses, anyway?"
"I suppose the time I spent in jail with Frugal Lucre gave me a few ideas, as annoying as he was. The internet is the communications medium of the future, Shego – that unpleasant little man never stopped talking about it, but perhaps he was on to something. He told me about this one scheme where he used a product bar code to try and spread a virus over the internet. I must admit it was intriguing. Let me see, what was it," Drakken asked himself, trying to recall Lucre's scheme. "A can of pine nuts, maybe? No, no. Perhaps a can of pickled halibut. Some kind of canned fish. Yes, I'm almost positive. I just remember it was a can of something-"
"Okay okay! I get the point."
"Well, whatever it was, Kim Possible and her buffoon of a sidekick foiled his plan."
"Couldn't have been such a great plan, then."
Shego was skeptical, but she couldn't help cracking her knuckles at the sound of their teen foes' names, in total agreement with the way Drakken spoke their names with disdain. "So when are you gonna tell me the details of your plan already?" she asked. "You'd better be careful - sooner or later I might actually get interested with all this secrecy."
"Oh, it's no secret, I just haven't hammered out the details yet."
"Maybe you'll have to give Lucre a call and get him to help you out, if this is some kind of internet deal."
"Excuse me, Shego, but I believe I can master any area of expertise that I choose to, uh – to expert myself in. My knowledge is off the hook!"
"Yeeeah. When you put it that way, I'm sold."
The two of them walked down a cobblestone sidewalk, passing various boutiques and smaller stores, when Shego gave a gasp of excitement before calming herself down and resuming her normal cynical expression. Despite her attempts to cover it up, however, the gasp had been loud enough to catch Drakken's attention. "What is it?" he asked.
"Um, since we're already here, maybe we can visit that new Club Banana outlet over there?"
Drakken peered ahead of them as she pointed across the shopping complex. Sure enough, there was a clothing boutique a little ways away. A navy blue flag with white lettering designed to look like a pair of pants fluttered over the top of the store, letting shoppers know the new location was celebrating its grand opening. The Club Banana outlet was probably the most upscale place there, other than the bookstore. He grinned as he looked at his partner's excited expression. "You must be in a really girly mood today, Shego," he said cheekily.
"Watch it, Doctor D."
"Er, sorry. If you want, we can certainly – teens!"
Drakken shouted the word in surprise as two figures carrying shopping bags suddenly appeared from the store's entrance. The store was still dozens of yards away, but Drakken and Shego were walking right in the middle of the sidewalk that led towards it. Fortunately, directly to their right, they were just about to pass a small decorative concrete enclosure topped with bushes and a small tree. Shego grabbed Drakken and pulled him aside as the two of them dove behind cover. Drakken peered out amongst the bushes as Kim Possible and a young teen with a delicious Cocoa Moo-like complexion, whom Drakken did not recognize, chatted with each other outside the Club Banana outlet.
"That was close," whispered Shego.
"Indeed. What are they doing here in Lowerton?"
"Um, probably checking out that new outlet, duh."
"No need for your lip, Shego. It's just irritating. Who visits Lowerton, anyway? They don't even have a Smarty Mart! I thought it would be the perfect distance to keep an eye on Kim Possible and Global Justice while avoiding too much notice. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, I always say."
"I've never heard you say that before."
"I just said it now!"
The two of them grew silent as they watched their teen foe and her friend. Before long, the two girls were joined by a boy with frosted blond hair, who appeared from farther down the sidewalk and began to chat with them. Drakken snorted impatiently; at this point, the teens had to be loitering. Why didn't they go find somewhere else to chat? It was positively inconsiderate.
"Who's Kim's lady friend?" asked Drakken. "She looks familiar."
"Yeah, she does. I can't keep track of all these teens."
"What about the boy with the frosted hair? He's familiar too."
"I think Kim used to have a crush on him, didn't she? Back when we tried to use that embarrassment spray to make her invisible. Except she's with Stoppable now, supposedly."
"Oh yes. Now I remember. Ah, the vagaries of teen romance!"
After what seemed like forever, the teens finally broke up their conversation and moved off in separate directions. The boy with the frosted hair turned a corner around a store farther down the outdoor complex, while Kim Possible and her friend got into a car and drove away. Drakken and Shego got up from their hiding spot as Drakken stretched out his legs, which had already begun to fall asleep after his awkward crouching.
"Time to see what kind of stuff that new outlet has," said Shego.
"Indeed. And after that we shall buy our groceries and return to the lair. I'll make some Cocoa Moo, and since it's Friday, we shall go out and enjoy some karaoke."
"Aw, do we have to?"
"We absolutely have to, Shego."
"I'd almost rather work on whatever this dumb internet plan is that you're cooking up."
"It's not dumb, Shego – it's pure genius! And we'll get a chance to do that soon enough. Perhaps starting this weekend."
Drakken was surprised to hear a lack of complaints from Shego about the prospect of working over the weekend, but as the two of them quickened their pace over the sidewalk, he realized she was already absorbed in anticipation of what new Club Banana products she might find within the outlet.
Drakken was also feeling enthusiastic, but not about fashion. At least not clothing fashion. He was looking forward to fashioning a new plan. One which would make up for that humiliating failure with the Li'l Diablo robots that still loomed in his memory. It was maddening how close he had come to total victory, only to have it snatched away. How Kim Possible had foiled that foolproof scheme, he had no idea – dumb luck, probably. Nevertheless, he had enjoyed some time off from jail after that bizarre 'Great Blue' incident, and it was time to get to work. Time to get serious. Time to take revenge. Soon, his new scheme would be chugging along.
And this time, nothing would get in his way.
Claudia Lipsky sipped on her Mai Tai and enjoyed the early morning breeze as she watched the sun begin to rise on the horizon. A blast of orange trickled out over the ocean in front of her, mixing its colors with the dark waves as it painted a glittering mosaic. Closer to the shore, her new husband splashed in the waves. Hawaii was a beautiful place to spend her honeymoon, but they would soon be leaving; while she was sad to know this was their last morning there, she was also excited to break the news to her son.
Not only that, but Claudia and her husband were planning to move into his lair. She had stopped by a few weeks ago after discovering that Drewbie had gotten a cute new place in a forest some distance past the outskirts of Lowerton, but unfortunately her son had not been home. She knew Drewbie would come around to the idea of them living together – it would be good for the family - although she hoped they wouldn't get in his way.
"Another cocktail, ma'am?" asked a passing resort worker balancing a tray of glasses.
"No thank you, young man."
The man nodded and went on his way. Claudia watched him for a moment as he stopped here and there to offer a beverage to the scattering of tourists who were lying on the beach with her. She and her husband had woken up early to see the sunrise and enjoy things a little more before they had to catch their plane; they had the beach mostly to themselves. Claudia smiled as she heard a joyful laugh coming from down near the shore.
"Sweetie pie, we need to start packing up real soon!"
Her husband yelled something in response, but the distance of the shore and his wild splashing made it hard for her to make out the words. She sat back with a sigh and took another sip of her cocktail before taking the pineapple slice from the rim of the glass and popping it into her mouth. She savored its sweet flavor as she twirled the little umbrella they always put in the cocktails. She couldn't wait 'till her little Drewbie and his new daddy were together - but for now, she supposed there was still a little more time to relax.
'Relaxed' was not the first word that came to mind when Shego thought about karaoke night with Drakken, but this particular night was just awful. Her boss pelted out a tune on the stage which did not even remotely fit his style – if he had a singing style at all. He sounded even more hesitant and awkward than he usually did during karaoke songs, and she began to wonder if it was due to the content of the song. The other patrons flinched along with her as she counted the minutes until Drakken got bored and the two of them could head back to their lair for the night.
"Your love is like tears from the staaars..."
Shego flinched as Drakken's pitch swerved like a freight train going off the tracks.
"Mama, I just want you to know... lovin' you is like food to my soooul."
Even if it wasn't for the caterwauling from her boss, Shego wouldn't have been enjoying herself. She had been out to karaoke with Drakken a number of times in the past, and while the place in Middleton was pretty good, Shego didn't think much of the Lowerton Karaoke Klub. It was dingy, kind of cramped, and filled with people who seemed like they would fit perfectly into a reality TV show. Of course, Shego had to admit she was probably being a little unfair as a result of her irritability. Karaoke night was dragging on too long, the Club Banana outlet at the strip mall had been disappointing, and she was looking forward to getting back to the lair so she could start reading her new pulp romance novel.
The song drew to a close after Drakken's singing cut off abruptly. There was a moment of silence while he stood under the harsh blue stage lighting. Cigarette smoke from the karaoke club's audience curled languidly in the still air. The patrons seemed to take pity on him, however, because a few scattered claps made their way meekly out from amongst the tables in front of the stage. Drakken gave a faint bow in response. Shego, who was sitting on a bar stool to the side of the room and farther from the stage, gave a single clap and watched in amusement as Drakken made his way through the audience.
"Alright," he said, arriving at the bar counter, "how about we go back to the lair now?"
Shego took the liberty of grabbing a glass from someone sitting next to her and downing it in a single gulp. The man looked like he was about to object until she flashed him a stare that convinced him there was nothing he could do about his lost drink other than getting himself a new one. Drakken left the karaoke club in hurry, and Shego caught up with him outside on the sidewalk. It was evening, and they walked together beneath streetlights on their way to the parking lot behind the club.
"Hey, what's the hurry?" she asked her boss. "I've never seen you so eager to stop doing karaoke. Was it something about that last song you were singing?"
"No. Why would you suggest that, Shego?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe because it was a song about moms and you were singing it like you had a cat trying to claw its way out of your throat and you have a whacked out dysfunctional relationship with your mom. I mean, that's just my wild guess, but what do I know."
"My relationship with my mother is completely healthy, thank you very much."
"When did you last call her?"
Drakken was silent as the two of them went into the parking lot behind the club. A car honked at them to get out of the way, its lights flashing in their eyes as it pulled up. Shego was happy to move aside and clear the way, although she made sure to drag her flame-engulfed hand along the side of the car as it passed them. Hopefully they would enjoy their new racing stripe.
"I would have called her more recently," said Drakken in a lagging attempt to justify himself, "but she's been off on a vacation with her new boyfriend. I have no idea when she will be available."
"Oh, right! That guy you brought up a couple times, that you keep insisting you're totally fine with your mom dating."
"Yes, Shego. That guy."
"You know who he is yet?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Right. Because your mom just hasn't told you yet, during the numerous calls you make to her."
"Oh, fine! So I don't talk to my mother much. She can be stifling, Shego. Always nosing around in my business and dropping by when I least expect it – sometimes it's more than a man can take! I won't pretend I like this strange dating thing she has going on now, but at least it's kept her out of my hair for a while."
"At least you're being honest now."
The two of them reached the hovercraft, which had been parked in the middle of two spaces. Drakken had outfitted the hovercraft with a hologram that made it look like a Humvee, just in case anyone thought there was something suspicious about a hovercraft parked downtown. Or, even worse, if Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable happened to be walking by and recognized it. Shego hadn't bothered mentioning that some people would give their vehicle trouble just because it looked like a Humvee. Besides, there was a charged electrical field all around it so that anyone who got too close received a nasty shock. That one had been Shego's idea.
"Aargh!" screamed Drakken as he promptly shocked himself, forgetting to switch off the electric field with a remote.
"Nice, Doctor D. Taking the security system for a test drive."
"Yes. Exactly what I was doing, Shego."
Drakken turned off the electric field and the hologram, and the two of them got into the hovercraft and lifted off. Shego had taken the liberty of grabbing the pilot's seat. Drakken knew better than to object. They sped through the air on their way to their latest lair, and Shego enjoyed a cool breeze whipping through her black hair. Now that she had some distance from the club, she had to admit that it wasn't as bad as some of the karaoke nights Drakken had dragged her to in the past, despite that awkward maternally-themed finale.
Drakken's family was an interesting subject. Now that Shego thought about it, she really didn't know much about his parents. She wasn't sure if she had ever even heard him say anything about his father, much less seen the man herself. Was he dead? Long-since divorced? Did Drakken even know who his father was? She remembered a few occasions where the subject had come up in the course of conversation, but Drakken always brushed it off quickly and moved to another topic.
His mother was almost as much of a mystery, when Shego thought about it. How Claudia Lipsky could be so clueless about her son's real profession boggled the mind. She wondered why Drakken even bothered to hide it with the radio talk show host excuse. She personally liked to be open about her evil proclivities. Sure, it meant she was estranged from her own family, but that was just the way the cookie crumbled. No big loss, anyway. They drove her nuts.
Considering the breakneck speeds at which Shego liked to pilot the hovercraft, it wasn't long before they reached Drakken's lair. His current one was located in a forest outside of Lowerton, far enough away to avoid attention but close enough to go into town and not be too far from Middleton – which, for some reason, Drakken seemed to always gravitate towards. The whole Midwestern tri-city area, as well as Go City, seemed like an epicenter for superhero and supervillain activity for reasons beyond Shego's understanding. She personally thought Drakken would be better served staying as far away from their teen foes as possible, but then again, she did enjoy getting as many opportunities as possible to beat Possible down. And it wasn't like Kim ever had trouble finding them, no matter where they were.
Night was rapidly descending over the landscape, and the lights of Lowerton sparkled behind them as they traveled out to the woods beyond the town. The hovercraft flew over darkened treetops until they reached an opening in the forest, just past the glimmer of a nearby stream winding below the trees. The visible part of Drakken's new lair looked like a quaint woodland cottage standing in its little clearing, although it was bigger than the usual cottage. It boasted two stories and a higher-than-average number of satellite dishes, antennas, and other devices jutting out from its shingled roof. Buried beneath the cottage was the bulk of Drakken's actual facility, subterranean and hidden from the casual observer.
Shego had to admit it was more inconspicuous than their usual lairs. They used to have lairs like rich people had summer homes, before the Diablo incident, but after that scheme failed, Shego and Drakken seemed to have a higher profile on the radars of people like Global Justice. Shego got the impression that - strangely enough - her boss almost liked the added attention, even with the risk it brought. Drakken craved attention, after all. He wouldn't admit it, but she got the feeling their current higher profile in crime-fighting circles made up for the fact that Dementor was usually the more widely recognized name in supervillainy.
The hovercraft settled down onto a small concrete landing pad beyond the cottage's lawn, on the outskirts of the forest. The pad had a retractable top that looked like an outdoor storage shed and hid the hovercraft. The two of them left the vehicle and approached the cottage. Before they even reached the door, Shego could see they had a visitor. A small gravel road emerged from the forest and ended in a small parking area in front of the cottage, where an unfamiliar car was parked.
As they came closer, Shego felt her lips widen into a smile, then a grin. There was a message written on the back of the car. Shego got the strange feeling that her Friday was about to become one of the best ones she'd ever experienced. There was only one person she could think of who liked to visit Drakken by surprise. Other than Kimmie and her sidekick, anyway.
"Shego," said Drakken as he stopped in his tracks, "does that say what I think it says?"
Shego nodded in delight.
"Sure does, Doctor D."
Drakken forced himself to continue walking towards the front door, stepping onto the slate patio and turning the brass knob. Shego passed the car and read the Just Married message scrawled over the back window. She noted the tin cans tied to the back bumper before following Drakken into the cottage.
"I could have sworn she had only gone on a few dates," he muttered. "Too fast, too fast..."
No sooner had Shego entered the kitchen than she saw Drakken's mother sitting at the table sipping a cup of tea. Her suspicions were confirmed. Things were about to get exciting.
"Drewbie!" exclaimed Claudia Lipsky as she got up and shuffled over to embrace her son in a hug. Despite being much taller than her, Drakken looked like he was about to be crushed under the force of his mother's arms. She released him to give Shego a hug as well, and she endured it patiently. A hug was no problem compared to the enjoyment that was sure to come from this situation.
"Mother, did you get married?"
"I sure did, honey! And guess what? We decided to move in!"
Drakken gasped for breath as his body gave a sort of bizarre flop like a fish out of water. Shego stifled a laugh with her hand, but dropped it like a stone when Claudia Lipsky's new husband walked into the kitchen from elsewhere in the house, apparently hearing the new arrivals. This was too good to be true. There had to be a camera somewhere to capture the moment, but she didn't want to move in case she missed anything.
"Velcome back to de house, mine new son-in-law!"
Drakken's hands shot up to the sides of his head, as if trying to stop his brain from bursting out of his ears.
Notes - That's it for chapter one. As usual, reviews are appreciated, and anonymous reviews are enabled.
I first got the basic idea for this story sometime shortly after Just a Jock, so it was quite a while ago. From what I remember, people in the KP chat room were talking about Drakken's mother marrying a new husband, and I suggested Dementor because I thought it would be funny and awkward. The more I thought about it, however, the more potential I saw in the idea, not just for humor but also drama. I kept meaning to get started on this, but I thought it would be difficult for various reasons and put it off, and sometimes I just ended up writing other things first. It got to the point I was starting to think this story idea was cursed or something, hehe. But here it is.
This is going to be a long, possibly my longest story once it's finished. I'm nowhere near finishing it, but I've made some good progress already and I do have the overall plot arc mapped out, including the final scene and line which will end the story. I'm pretty excited about this one, so I'm interested in hearing what everybody thinks. I don't know quite when I'll put up the next chapter since I'm still a little undecided on the arrangement of a few things, but put this on story alerts if you want to keep up with it.
Thanks for reading!