A/N: Just so you know, I'm still working on Come Clean and The Adventures of KC and Eli; I've just had this idea for a while and couldn't wait to write it xD
You and me. Forever. TrueClare
I couldn't help but put my hand to my heart as I read Eli's tweet again and again. Even if he can be possessive and well…different, he's still my sweet, adorable Eli and I love him all the same.
And he clearly loves me too.
I never would've pegged Eli as someone who enjoys PDA, but clearly I was mistaken. His little "I love Clare Edwards!" announcement was only one of the ways he's been demonstrating his love for me these past few weeks. It's almost embarrassing and overwhelming, I don't really like all the extra attention, but he just seems so happy that I don't have it in my heart to tell him to stop.
And the whole idea is really, really sweet, so I can put up with a few awkward stares.
I felt a little tired and was gonna lay down so I moved some of my books off of my bed, uncovering my copy of Stalker/Angel in the process.
I shivered a little and set it on my dresser.
It's beautifully written, astonishing really, Eli's an extremely talented author. But the ending gives me chills. I guess "Horror" just isn't my thing.
But even though it's a horror story did he have to kill his love interest? I mean, it seems weird that Eli would write something like that, considering he blames himself for Julia's death. Wouldn't writing that ending bring up all of his past guilt? Or who knows, maybe that's why he did it.
I lost my train of thought as I heard my phone vibrate on my wooden nightstand. I looked at the caller ID and smiled; speak of the devil.
"Hey there." I answered.
I frowned at the sound of his voice, it was raspy and strained. "Eli, are you okay?" I asked, concerned.
"I'm actually sick…I guess that's what I get for not sleeping for a week so I could finish Stalker/Angel."
"Eli." I chided. "You can't do things like that; we have a huge English project due this week."
"I know, I'm stupid, I know, I know." He droned.
"I didn't say you were stupid. I'm glad you worked so hard on Stalker/Angel and your effort definitely shows, but you've gotta take care of yourself Eli."
"That's actually why I'm calling. You see, my parents are going out for the afternoon and I really don't feel good so I was wondering if-…"
"If I would come take care of you?" I asked, grinning a little.
"Sure. Anything for my little horror writer." I teased.
"Thank you so much Clare, you're amazing. I love you."
"Aww I love you too. I'll be right over." I hung up and grabbed my purse and coat, heading over to Eli's with blush painted on my cheeks at his sweet words.
"Eli?" I called, shutting his front door behind me. He didn't come to the door when I knocked and it was kinda cold so I just let myself in.
"Eli?" I called again; still no answer. I walked up the stairs to find the door to his room actually open, which is a welcomed change from the combination lock.
I nudged the door open a little further and stepped inside to see Eli sound asleep in his bed, his arm hanging off the side.
I smiled at the sight; I've never seen Eli look so peaceful before. His hair was messy and tousled and his bangs were in disarray so I could see his eyes. I'd never noticed how long his eyelashes were before, and how childish and young he looked when that smirk was gone and his muscles were slack and resting.
I tip toed over to him and knelt down on the floor, staring at his sleeping face. I ran my fingertips up and down his arm lightly; his skin was so soft. He groaned a little in his sleep and shifted a little, putting his arms up under his head to lie on as one of his hands still stuck out.
I played with his fingers gently as I listened to his soft breath. He wasn't snoring exactly, more like sighing.
He shifted again and mumbled words that don't really exist; then stretched his arm out and let it fall on my shoulder with a thud.
I thought that would wake him up but his eyes remained closed and his arm relaxed again, falling down my torso until his hand was resting lightly on my breast. I blushed a little, which was silly because I'd let Eli touch me before.
He slid his hand lower until his thumb was grazing my nipple and he began to rub small circles around it.
I looked up at his face to see his slumbering expression gone, replaced by his usual smirk.
"Eli!" I shoved his hand away the moment I realized he was awake but he just laughed at me.
"Hey, you were touching me in my sleep; I figured that gave me permission to do what I wanted with you too."
I stuck my tongue out at him and ruffled his hair, then moved to sit on the side of his bed.
"I didn't mean to wake you up; you're actually pretty cute when you sleep." I said, smiling as I stroked his cheek a little.
"This is exactly why I'm glad I woke up, I don't want you to think I'm 'cute'". He put air quotes around the word cute and wrinkled his nose.
"Then what do you want me to think of you."
"Hmm…" He mused as he sat up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back to rest against his warm chest.
"I'd accept hot, sexy, dashing, handsome, hopelessly attractive…" He went on, and I could hear the smirk in his voice.
"I hope you weren't planning on adding modest to that list." I retorted, but laughed all the same. He laughed too and buried his face in the crook of neck, showering it with kisses.
He brought his lips up to kiss me on the lips but I stopped him.
"Hey, you're sick, remember?"
He pouted. "It's probably just a virus."
"I don't wanna risk it." I teased, turning my face away from his.
He groaned. "Fine."
I giggled and he took his hands in mine, wrapping me in both my own arms and his.
We sat like that for a minute before I heard his stomach growl, and rather loudly at that.
"Hungry?" I teased, turning around and rubbing his stomach through his shirt.
"A little bit I guess."
"You guess? Eli your stomach sounds like a lion!"
He shrugged. "Maybe so but I never really like to eat when I'm sick."
His stomach growled again as if to contradict his statement.
"Well you have to eat something. What can I make you?" I asked.
He raised his eyebrows. "You'll cook for me?" He asked, grinning a little.
I nodded. "What do you want?"
He shrugged. "Surprise me."
I went downstairs to his kitchen and looked inside the fridge, finding some cut up fruit and a carton of eggs. I figure scrambled eggs are easy enough to make, so I got out my ingredients and went to work.
A few minutes before I was finished cooking I had the feeling that I was being watched, and I turned around to see Eli leaning up against the doorframe smirking at me.
"Yes?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips and raising my eyebrows.
"Don't mind me; it's just nice watching you cook for me."
I rolled my eyes and set his egg on a plate, then took his bowl of fruit and put it on a tray I'd laid out on the table.
"I was gonna bring this up to you but since you're down here now-…"
"You were gonna serve me in bed? I'll go back upstairs." I laughed as he went back up the stairs, and I followed behind.
"Don't get too used to this now; I'm only pampering you because you're sick." I reminded him, handing him his tray as he settled back into bed.
"I know; which is why I'm taking full advantage of it." He replied, smiling at me.
"Seriously though, thank you Clare."
"Don't mention it"
I rested my head on his shoulder as he ate.
"Thanks baby, that was amazing." He murmured and gave me a gracious smile, setting his tray down on his bedside table. I blushed; that's the first time he's ever called me baby. I've never been one for pet names, but when it came out of Eli's mouth I couldn't help but like the way it sounded.
He opened his arms and I climbed into his lap, resting my head on his chest. He lay back against his propped up pillows and brought me with him. I snuggled closer to him and slung an arm over his torso.
He's so warm.
And it's not because he has a fever, though I suppose he might, but Eli always feels like this. I'd never snuggled with K.C. this closely; I'd never trusted him enough to let him touch my breasts or lie with me on a bed. I definitely didn't love him, but I love Eli.
"So now what would you like to do?" Eli asked gently, breaking my train of thought.
"You're the sick one," I teased, "you can decide."
Then all of a sudden he flipped us over so he was lying on top of me. He sat up and straddled my waist, smirking down at me.
"Well, I know what I'd like to do, but you won't let me kiss you." He pouted.
I tapped him on the nose. "Because you're sick, Eli."
He pouted but rolled off of me anyway.
"Fine." He muttered.
"Do you wanna try and get some more sleep?" I suggested. "Sleep makes you get better faster."
He shrugged. "I guess. I've been having trouble sleeping lately though…" He murmured almost incoherently, so much that I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or to himself.
"You looked like you were sleeping fine when I got here."
He gave me a sad look. "That's the best sleep I've gotten in weeks."
"Oh Eli, that's not good." I said concernedly, ruffling his hair, and he just nodded like he'd gone over this a zillion times.
"Here," I said, laying down on a big pillow so my body was somewhat elevated, "rest your head on me and I'll play with your hair till you fall asleep."
He smiled in thanks and moved so his head was resting on my breasts.
He giggled a little but then stopped quickly. "What's so funny?" I asked, blushing a little considering where his head was.
"Nothing." He smirked and his cheeks turned a little red and I could tell he was hiding something. I raised an eyebrow.
"Your boobs make nice pillows."
"Eli!" My face burned and I slapped him upside the head but he just laughed and burrowed into my cleavage.
"You are such a guy!" I chided as he kissed my neck softly.
"Just being honest. You're breasts are amazing."
As if to enhance his point he started kissing them through my shirt and my breathing became a little shaky.
I put my hand on his head to stop him. "Sleep, Eli. You need to get better."
He pouted. "You're no fun." He teased. But he laid his head back down and closed his eyes. I knotted my fingers in his hair and played with it softly as we both drifted off to sleep…
I woke up to Eli screaming. My eyes flung open and I sat up immediately to find Eli curled up in the fetal position next to me, tears streaming from his eyes.
"Eli what's wrong?" I gasped, rubbing his back gently.
He didn't answer me, he didn't even open his eyes, he just kept screaming.
It was then that I realized he was still asleep
He must be having a nightmare.
"Eli! Eli, wake up!" I shook his shoulders until his eyes jolted open and he gasped. He took one look at me and burst into tears all over again, pulling me down to him.
He held me to him in a binding grip and buried his face into my hair. I wanted to rub his back, see his face, do something, but he held me so tightly I could barely move.
"I thought I'd…I thought I'd lost you."
"What? Eli, I've been right here the whole time. You didn't lose me."
"I-I know. But in my d-d-dream…." He stuttered, trying to steady his breathing and talk at the same time.
"What happened in your dream Eli?"
"You-you left me. You went off with Fitz."
I closed my eyes and sighed. "Eli, you know that that will never-…"
"And then Adam came up to me and told me that you'd died. You got
m-mu-murdered. So I went after Fitz and I started screaming at him, I was ready to kill him for killing you. B-but he kept saying that he wasn't the one who murdered you. I asked him if it wasn't him then who was it but he wouldn't answer me so I knew he was lying, so I stabbed him, straight through the heart."
I gasped. The thought of Eli KILLING someone, even in a dream is…
I didn't have time to finish my thought because Eli burst into hysterics again.
"But the second I stabbed him, he…he turned into her. He turned into J-Julia. And as she was dying she told me that I'd killed…that I'd killed you, just like how I killed her!"
Words become impossible for him at that point and he just sobbed brokenly into my hair. He was crying so much that I could feel a few tears roll down my forehead.
"I'm so sorry Clare! I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He kept apologizing again and again and finally I was able to break free of his grip to bring myself to eye level with him.
"Eli, what are you apologizing for?"
"For…for killing her. And you. And for…for everything!"
"Eli, I'm still alive, I'm right here! And…you didn't really kill Julia, you just blame yourself…?"
I didn't mean for it to come out sounding like a question but luckily Eli was too upset to notice.
"It doesn't matter that she got hit by a car. She still died because of me."
"Eli, that's NOT true. You had a fight. Everyone has fights, there's no way you could've known…!"
"Stop trying to make me feel better Clare." He said, and the look he gave me was cold and sad. "It won't work."
"But I have to try Eli; I can't stand to see you like this. I love you." I murmured softly, and kissed him on the nose.
"Why? Why do you love me? I'm a sick, sick person. I didn't deserve Julia and I don't deserve you and I just know I'm gonna mess everything up again. I try to protect you from everyone else but the real one you need protecting from is me. But…I, I can't lose you Clare. I need you too much, I'm selfish…I hate myself."
Tears were rolling down his cheeks again and he looked so forlorn that I could feel my heart wrench inside me.
I don't care if he's sick, I don't care if he's contagious, I pulled his face to mine and kissed him.
There wasn't any tongue but it was still one of the deepest, most passionate kisses we've shared. His face was so close to mine that I could feel some of his teardrops on my skin. I kissed him until I absolutely had to breathe, and even then I was reluctant to break it.
While we regained proper breathing Eli just stared at me.
"I don't care how sick you are Eli, I love you. I will always love you, even if you don't love yourself." I took his face in my hands and bored holes into his eyes.
"Do you understand me?"
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into Clare. You'll…you'll want to leave me one day. You won't be able to handle me forever." His voice cracked as he spoke and a fresh round of tears poured out of his eyes. I gulped and looked away. Eli is very hard to handle, he can be possessive, depressing, complicated…but I'll always love him. I'm not sure that's a good thing, but I know it's true. And even if we do separate one day…my heart will always be his.
"I hope you're wrong Eli." I whispered quietly.
"Me too." He said, and then cracked his first smile since he woke up.
His face sobered up again quickly though, but with a different kind of seriousness, a different intensity.
"I love you so much Clare. I don't know why you reciprocate, but I'm done arguing. Because I need you, so much. I don't…I don't think I'd be able to live without you."
I gasped at the look in his eyes; it was full of passion, intensity, and love.
Our lips met again in a fiery frenzy, our tongues intertwining immediately.
I slipped my hands underneath his shirt to rub his chest planes and he sat up to discard it completely. I gazed at his lightly toned body, I'd seen it before, but I still can't help but stare at Eli's perfection. Who knew a broken soul would lie within? But then again, his tortured heart is more beautiful to me than anything I've ever seen.
He smirked when he caught me looking and then reached for the hem of my shirt. He met my eyes and I nodded. He threw it up over my head and ran his hands over my stomach gently. He moved his lips to my neck and began sucking on the skin. "Eli…" I moaned quietly and Eli's hands reached behind me and skillfully undid my bra.
It was soon on the floor with the rest of our clothing and I covered myself up out of embarrassment.
Eli gave me a hurt look but soon replaced it with a more composed expression. "Am I moving too fast?" He asked gently.
I shook my head no.
"Am I making you feel uncomfortable?"
I shook my head again.
He sighed. "Then will you please let me see you?" He whispered, almost as if he was afraid of my answer.
Slowly, I moved my arms away from my chest and revealed myself to him. His eyes didn't immediately dart down; they traveled slowly down my body and then back up to my eyes.
"Clare Edwards, you are the most beautiful girl in the world."
I blushed and Eli's lips met mine, but they didn't stay there for long. He turned me over so I was laying on my back and laid down in between my legs while his lips trailed down my neck to my exposed chest.
He kissed each of my breasts softly, and then brought one of his hands up to fondle one while he took my other nipple into his mouth.
"Uhh…" The moan escaped my lips before I could stop it; the feeling of Eli's tongue swirling around my sensitive flesh was amazing. He switched breasts and his free hand rubbed my stomach, side, and hip, leaving a fire wherever it went.
Both of his hands soon made their way to the button on my pants and Eli met my eyes.
My head nodded without my mind's consent and then my pants were on the floor. He fingered the waistband of my underwear before I finally reached up and still his hand, moving it back up onto my stomach.
"Eli…we…we can't have sex." I said, though my voice didn't exactly seem to agree with my words.
"We're not going to Clare. We're not going to do anything you don't want to, anything you're not ready for. But if you'll let me, I'd like to pleasure you."
His words spurred a buzzing feeling in between my legs and I whimpered slightly. "Pleasure me how?" I squeaked.
"With my fingers, with my tongue…" His sentence drifted off and he stared into my eyes, trying to read my expression.
"Oh…" My face burned red. "Um...I don't know." I bit my lip and looked away from Eli. All of this feels so good, and I can imagine how amazing it would feel if Eli touched me down there, but…am I ready?
"If you're not sure or if you're not ready we won't do anything, I'm not trying to pressure you Clare, not at all. I just want to make you feel good. You're so good to me and you make me feel amazing every moment that I'm with you, and I want to give you back a piece of that ecstasy. I don't expect you to do anything to me in return, this is all about you."
He didn't break eye contact the entire time he spoke, and the more explained the more ready I felt to take this step with Eli. And hell, my body has felt ready ever since he kissed me…
"Okay." I whispered quietly. "But…if I don't like it or if I change my mind will you stop?"
"Of course I will Clare." He looked down at my panties and his fingers hooked into the waistband. "Can I take these off?"
I nodded and he removed them. My breathing quickened as I realized I was now lying naked in front of a guy.
"Oh God…" I whimpered.
"Clare, you're entire body is gorgeous." Eli murmured, tilting my chin up with his finger so I was forced to look him in the eyes. "Please don't be nervous or afraid…I'm not going to hurt you."
"Oh Eli, I know you're not." I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "I've just never done anything like this before and it's really overwhelming."
"We don't have to do this, only if you want to."
"Believe me, I want to." I've wanted Eli for a while, but we haven't been alone like this in some time, and I've always been afraid of what it might lead to. But I trust Eli when he says this is all we'll do.
Eli smirked and I giggled nervously.
He leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead and slipped his hand in between my legs.
I moaned as his thumb met my clit and started massaging.
I've tried this myself a few times before, but the amount of pressure Eli applied and the way he stared into my eyes while he touched me was something I could only find with him.
"Ohh…" I moaned again as he slipped a finger inside me and started pumping it in and out while his thumb still worked on my clit.
"Do you like that?" He whispered.
I whimpered at his words and closed my eyes. When I opened them again he was still staring at me, the look in his eyes one of pure adoration.
"I love you Eli."
"I love you too baby."
He started kissing down my stomach until he reached my center and he replaced his fingers with his tongue.
My back arched off the bed a little as he swirled his tongue between my folds, around my hole and then back up to my clit.
"You're so wet Clare." He murmured against me, then took his clit in between his lips and sucked on it hard.
"Uhh! E-Eli!" The volume of my voice was increasing but I didn't care; it felt so good.
I started thrusting my hips forward toward his lips and he slipped a finger inside me again while his mouth worked wonders I didn't even know were possible.
"Eli, oh, I'm-…"
I'd never been quite this successful when masturbating before (mainly because I was too embarrassed and I stopped pretty quickly) but I could tell that my orgasm was approaching, a ball of tension was forming in my stomach.
Eli crooked his fingers so they hit a certain spot with just the right amount of pressure and I exploded.
I would've been embarrassed by my scream but I couldn't focus on anything other than the pleasure that pulsed throughout my entire body, making my entire body tremble and my legs shake uncontrollably.
Eli managed to keep his head in place though and he licked me gently as I rode out the tremors of my climax.
He picked my underwear up off the floor and slipped them onto me, kissing me lightly through them once they were on.
He laid down on his side and turned me over so I was facing him.
He ran his fingers through my hair and smiled, looking my flushed form over with what almost seemed like an expression of pride.
"Thank you Eli…that felt…that was amazing." I finally managed to say while blushing profusely.
"I love you."
I smiled at him and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you too Eli, no matter what. Always remember that."
He grinned so wide he flashed his teeth and I was surprised when I saw tears rolling down his cheeks again.
"Why are you crying?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion as I wiped a tear away from under his eye.
"Because I'm the luckiest guy in the entire world."
He sniffled a little as some more happy tears fell and I threw my arms around him.
I didn't have to finish my sentence, our embrace said things that words just couldn't say.
We laid like that for a while, and eventually I felt Eli's body go slack in mine and I realized we'd come full circle, he was sound asleep and I was watching him, admiring his bizarre beauty.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I don't care if you're sick; I don't care if you're contagious, I would kiss you even if you were dead.
Would somebody make me go blind for the rest of my life? Cause I'd do anything to hold your hand.
They'll never take us alive, cause I chased away the darkness.