Disclaimer-I don't own Glee, any lyrics or gummy bears
Thanks for reviewing
I haven't had gummy bears in forever, I don't know if they still do white/black gummy bears because apparently it's racist or something. Pft, so ridiculous, sweets aren't racist *rolls eyes* but nevertheless, let's just pretend that they DO still have white/black gummy bears.
Lyrics are in italics songs are:
'What I've Done'-Linkin Park
'Being Alive'-Bernadette Peters (That's the version I'm thinking of at least) it's from the musical Company
He never owned up to having anything to do with Karofsky, Azimio and Blonde Guy being brutally beaten up, but I knew Puck had something to do with it. There had been witnesses to the attack who had described a gang of men all wearing ski masks assaulting the three jocks with a variety of weapons. At the time of the attack, I had been in Glee club, Puck sitting beside Artie a few seats in front of me. So even though I knew he hadn't touched any of the three bullies, I still believed he was behind it all. I never asked him about it and he never offered information. I decided to myself that the attackers must have been members of Puck's Fight Club or contacts he'd made during his stint in Juvie.
Though I had no way of knowing, I had my suspicions that the three jocks knew that Puck had been behind the attack too. After getting out of hospital, Blonde Guy promptly transferred to another school. The rumour mill around McKinley came up with various reasons as to why he transferred and why the three boys were attacked so viciously in the first place. Mentions of drug-related issues and marital affairs were particularly popular stories. As always, the ridiculous rumours never once landed close to the truth. Of course, in this situation, I was entirely grateful for that fact.
As for Azimio, the word was that he was on life support. Upon hearing the news from Jacob Ben Israel, I had to work hard to fight off the small smile that threatened to paint itself on my lips. Ordinarily, I wouldn't wish such awful things upon anyone, bully or not. But this was no ordinary situation. Azimio had played a leading role in my being raped. Although I certainly didn't wish for him to die wearing horrendous looking pyjamas on an uncomfortable hospital bed, I know I wouldn't care if he did. His potential death wouldn't be a loss to me or a victory.
Through the grapevine, I had overheard that Karofsky would be returning to McKinley within the next two weeks. Although the mere thought of him still sickened my very core, the spark of fear no longer ignited. He wouldn't be harassing me anymore, at least not physically. He wouldn't even be taking the stairs to get to class or playing football or hockey. If the rumours and speculation were true, Karofsky would be spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
Being good friends with Artie, and having tasted what life in a wheelchair is like for a single week in Glee club, I wouldn't have ever thought I'd be happy to hear that someone was doomed to live a handicapped life. But Karofsky had done the unthinkable to me. If anyone deserved to have the mobility of their lower half taken away, then it was him. Witnesses at the scene of the attack had also claimed that Karofsky's penis had been cut off. Most guys cupped their groins and sympathetic tears filled their eyes when they heard such detail, but not me. I smiled in relief knowing that he wouldn't be able to attack me or anyone else in such a way again.
Despite the attack on the three jocks being good news, at least from my perspective, it didn't mean the ordeal was over for me. Somehow, I doubted it would ever truly be over. Just like the untimely death of my mother. Although I had learned to live without her, the heartache never faded. I would always miss her but she'd forever be in my memory, as would the rape.
It was lunch time and I had opted to sit outside on the bleachers rather than join my friends in the cafeteria. I'd been doing it a lot lately. Being inside a class full of students was still daunting, but the work could usually distract me. The cafeteria was always extremely busy and I still wasn't able to handle such an environment. So it was that I took to sitting alone outside or in empty classrooms during my lunch breaks. Or in the library, it was never heavily populated in there. On this particular day, the bleachers were my chosen location; I needed the air.
The wind was strong today; litter was flying through the air and being strewn all across the field. Anyone receiving detention today would probably be given the task of picking the litter up. Feeling the chill bite into my hands, I dug them into the relative warmth of my blue coat. The flaps of my hat covered my ears and also prevented my hair from being messed up, a stylish and practical choice of accessory on my part.
Sitting on the cold metal bench of the stands, it wasn't long till Puck made his way up to join me. This had also been happening a lot recently. Sometimes he found where I was spending my lunch hour, other times he didn't. Obviously, he had found me today. Though we had both admitted that we needed each other to overcome the dark situation we had been forced in to at that party, things were still awkward between us, though given the circumstances that was only to be expected.
He came to a stop and as always, he respectfully sat a short distance away from me so as not to invade my personal space. Though I didn't look upon him with fear or hatred, touching still made me freak-out a little. Not just touches from Puck, it was from other people too. Mostly it was just the male population who caused me to flinch, but occasionally girls made me twitch uncomfortably too, though only if I couldn't see right away that it was a girl touching me.
My reluctance to being touched had not gone unnoticed. During rehearsals of our dance routines in Glee, it was particularly noticeable and often caused something of a distraction. In one session, Sam had messed up his movements and made to grab my waist when he should have been on the other side grabbing Santana. All I saw of him was the blonde hair and at his touch I yelled at him and pushed him away, my thoughts on Blonde Guy rather than Sam. Although I received confused and annoyed stares, I managed to avoid questioning by playing my reaction off as stress and frustration from Sam having got the dance moves wrong. Only Puck knew the truth.
More than once, Mercedes had tentatively turned the conversation to my out of character behaviour. At first, I managed to distract her but she soon got wise to how I continuously changed the conversation topic. She demanded answers from me but I refused to provide her with any. It upset her, I knew it did. It upset me too, but there was no way I could tell her or anybody else.
"You looking forward to Glee today?" Puck asked starting off a conversation between us.
"I guess." I shrugged half-heartedly. "Rumour has it that you'll be performing a solo number. Is that true?"
"Yeah." Puck answered. "I sorta need to sing. It'll help me deal with all the shit that's gone down."
"What's your song?" I asked a little nervously.
"You'll see." He told me. "And don't worry. It won't give anything away about what me and those jerk jocks did to you."
"I'm still having nightmares." I confessed and Puck's face fell into an expression of sympathy and understanding. "Not as bad as they were in that first week and not every night. They're becoming less frequent so that's good."
"I'm glad." Puck replied. "Kurt, can I ask you something?"
Hearing the hesitancy in his voice made me reluctant to say 'yes' but I did so anyway. Turning my head, I fixed my gaze to his shoulder as I awaited his question.
"Am I in them?" Puck asked and I brought my eyes up to meet his, unsure as to what he was asking. "Your nightmares." He clarified and I lowered my stare back to his shoulder.
"No." I answered. "Never. Not even those first few nights. It was always… him."
"Good." Puck mumbled. "I mean… that is good, right? Not that you have nightmares about Karofsky but… it's good you don't have them about me isn't it?"
"I think so." I responded. "Yes." I decided a few seconds later. "It is good. Nobody should suffer from nightmares about… about their first time."
Looking out at the empty field, we both released a heavy sigh as silence wrapped around us. The clouds overhead were grey, a promise of rain. Not so long ago, before the party night, I had looked upon the rain as a great enemy for it messed up my hair and clothing. Now, I welcomed the downpour. Whenever rain fell, the cold drops beating down on my flesh, I felt safe enough to cry without anyone realising. My teardrops would blend with the rain and nobody would be able to tell the difference. Just like shower water, rain made me feel as though a portion of the bad memory was being washed away. For a while I would feel marginally cleaner. But the rain never stayed. Sunshine always returned to dry it up and I would feel dirty again.
"Can you move a bit closer?" I asked Puck quietly surprising both him and myself. "A little more." I prompted when he shifted a fraction. He moved another few inches. "Just a bit more." I told him and he moved till there was just a foot gap between us. "Thanks." I said.
Silence resumed and we continued to look ahead. Occasionally, I would sense his gaze on my person but I never returned the eye-contact. In the past, I'd been an over-dramatic sometimes attention-seeking diva. Though I wasn't as bad as Rachel, and personally, I believed I had more talent to back my arrogance up than she did. There would always be girls who could sing as well as Rachel Berry. There would never be another Kurt Hummel. Also, the animal sweaters, a total crime against fashion. As for Puck, he had always been able to command attention with his bad boy persona. For two people who had often been loud and strong personalities, we certainly acted out the 'silent type' so well.
Surprisingly, prolonged silences in his company were not uncomfortable. His presence made me feel safe. I had also noted that my nightmares weren't so ferocious if I spent a lot of time with Puck during the day.
"It's raining." Puck commented unnecessarily as the tiny drops began to fall.
"It's raining." I agreed tipping my head back and closing my eyes so the water could splash over my face. Blindly, I reached my hand out to find his and interlaced our fingers together, holding his hand. He squeezed lightly and I squeezed back. "I forgive you." I told him. "You know that right?"
"I know." He replied and even with my eyes closed against the rain I could feel his brown orbs looking at me.
It was true, I did forgive him. Though I hadn't realised it at the time since I'd been so distressed, I'd forgiven him as soon as it happened. That was why I couldn't hate him and why I was able to go to his house afterwards to clean up. As twisted as our situation was, I did trust the boy who currently held my hand in his own.
Hearing a light chuckle escape Puck's lips, I turned to look at him and arched an eyebrow in question.
"Wow, everything about this is really messed up." He stated.
"Is that so?" I asked and he just nodded as he squeezed my hand again. The light pressure made me look down at our conjoined fingers, the differences of our skin colour standing out dramatically. "Yes, we are messed up." I acknowledged.
"Totally." Puck chuckled.
"Completely." I said with an eye roll.
"Utterly." He said shaking rain water off his face, some of it hitting me and causing me to scowl.
"Irreversibly." I proclaimed.
"That's right." Puck nodded. "You and me are totally fucked up, baby."
"Baby?" I repeated dropping my eyes to his knees.
"Baby?" Puck replied in a questioning tone, as though he was asking for my permission and approval.
"Baby." I shrugged in acceptance.
He let out another laugh and this time I found myself joining in. I don't even know what was so funny, or if indeed anything was remotely humorous at all. It was just one of those silly moments where we found ourselves laughing hysterically without real reason and unable to stop.
"Why are we even laughing?" I asked trying to calm down before I embarrassed myself by losing control of my bladder.
"Who cares?" Puck shrugged. "It feels good right?"
Nodding in agreement I pulled my eyes back up to face him. Perhaps it was the rain, but the way he was looking at me seemed different than usual.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked slowly.
"No reason." He replied and I noticed how his eyes dropped to my mouth while his tongue darted out to moisten his lips.
"Of course not." I responded turning my eyes away again.
He wanted to kiss me, I could tell. That's why he was giving me such an odd look. Thankfully, he was decent enough not to act on his desires. Squeezing his hand softly, I rested my head on his shoulder, a silent way of thanking him for not pressuring me. It wasn't entirely shocking that he wanted to kiss me. He'd told me himself that he had feelings for me after all and that he wanted to be my boyfriend. I still couldn't understand why he'd want me though. Not because he was known for being such a womaniser. I'd always said to Mercedes that Puck would run out of girls one day and turn to boys. Even though I knew I was fabulously dressed and incredibly talented with perfectly kept skin, I couldn't understand how I'd be desirable to anybody, least of all Puck. After being raped, I felt dirty, spoiled and used. I still felt that way. Puck was one of the few to know that I wasn't innocent. He knew how dirty I was so the fact he still wanted me caused me great confusion. It didn't make sense for him to still think I was beautiful despite how dirty I was.
"We should get inside." Puck said gently. "If we stay out in this rain we'll catch a cold, and I just can't pull off the snotty nose look."
"Ok." I replied quietly even though I wanted to stay out in the rain.
We stood together and made our way down the bleachers. He was holding my hand loosely, giving me the opportunity to let go if I wanted to. I didn't.
Arriving to Glee club, I dropped into the available seat beside Mercedes. She had a bag of gummy bears in her hand and she offered them to me. Diving my hand in, I grabbed a handful so that I was sure to select one of each colour. As was my habit, I placed the bears on my thigh, grouping them in their colours. Three green, two of red, orange and white, one yellow and one black.
I had never appreciated the taste of the black gummy bears. I especially couldn't stand them now. In a totally non-racist way, the black gummy bears look dirty to me. My tongue could never handle their taste before the rape and I certainly wouldn't be able to stomach them now. Picking the black gummy bear up, I handed it to Mercedes. She ate it without comment, knowing I'd never been a fan of the black gummy bears.
Picking up the single yellow, my thoughts turned to Blonde Guy. I ripped the bears head off with my fingers before bringing the pieces to my mouth. I chewed on them and swallowed them down. The two orange bears were my next choice. Then I picked up all three of the green bears, thinking of Azimio. He had only ever thrown green slushies at me. Throwing the green bears into my mouth, I picked up the two red and thought of Karofsky. My brain brought the memory of that Saturday night to the forefront of my mind. I remembered the blood that poured from my nose when he punched me and the blood down below as he savagely raped me. Biting the heads off first, I chewed the red bears down.
Only the two white gummy bears remained. They looked so clean as I held them in the palm of my hand.
Mr. Schue strode through the door, enthusiastic as ever before introducing Puck to the performance space of the choir room. Guitar in hand, Puck took position, his eyes meeting with mine briefly as I closed my hand around the uneaten white gummy bears.
The song had a long music intro that Puck played flawlessly before he opened his mouth to sing.
"In this farewell, There's no blood, There's no alibi, 'Cause I've drawn regret, From the truth, Of a thousand lies…" His eyes were on his guitar now but mine were still focused on his face. By now, I recognised the song. "So let mercy come, And wash away, What I've done, I'll face myself, To cross out what I've become, Erase myself, And let go of what I've done…"
Though I kept my eyes on the boy who was performing, I could sense the rest of the club nodding their heads and dancing about around me. They all thought this was just another performance. Not one of them realised that it meat something so much more than that. It was only I who understood that Puck was moving on from his guilt and forgiving himself, accepting that he wasn't a monster like Karofsky. I felt myself smiling. I didn't hate Puck and I didn't want him to hate himself.
"Put to rest, What you thought of me, While I clean this slate, With the hands, Of uncertainty…" His eyes met mine for the word 'uncertainty' before he returned his attention to his guitar than scanned his eyes over the rest of the audience. "So let mercy come, And wash away, What I've done, I'll face myself, To cross out what I've become, Erase myself, And let go of what I've done."
As he continued with his song, I opened up my hand and looked down at the two white gummy bears resting in my palm. If Puck was singing about moving on from what he'd done, washing it away and erasing his inner demons, then that meant he was cleaning himself in a way. The white gummy bear looked clean.
Applause erupted throughout the room and I pulled my head up realising Puck had finished. After congratulating Puck on his performance, Mr. Schue began one of his inspirational speeches only to be interrupted by Rachel. While the teacher and student had a debate, I twisted in my seat to see Puck who was sitting behind me. Wordlessly, I handed him one of the gummy bears. Taking it, he looked at me, his expression clearly stating 'what the fuck?' I only smiled in response before holding up the remaining gummy bear between my fingers.
"I don't get it." Puck whispered to me.
"Two white gummy bears." I shrugged back. "They're clean."
"Huh?" Puck asked.
Rolling my eyes, I simply popped the bear into my mouth and swallowed it whole. He did the same.
"Not dirty." I mouthed to him and he grinned in response.
I looked back to the front though I didn't pay attention. Linking my arm through Mercedes' I snuggled close to her. Though she hadn't realised it, her gummy bears had helped me find peace of mind. For now at least. Even though hours before at lunch I had still felt dirty, after eating a simple white gummy bear I felt clean again.
Yes, I'd suffered a terrible ordeal, one that I would still need time to fully recover from. There was still a way to go before I'd no longer flinch at people's unexpected tough or when I'd trust someone enough for full-on intimacy, but a huge step had been achieved today. It didn't matter that my virginity had been taken from me under such harrowing circumstances, I was still me. My talent and fashion sense remained, along with my intelligence and sharp tongue that could out-bitch the likes of Santana any day of the week.
I wasn't a ruined boy or a shell of the person I had been or a shadow of my former self. I was still Kurt Hummel, I'd simply taken a little retreat for the past few weeks but now I was back for a permanent stay. I wasn't just another victim of an unreported crime, I was a survivor. I wasn't a china doll that had been shattered into pieces; I was strong and most certainly not broken. Most importantly, I was still beautiful and worthy of being loved and cared for.
A song was mentioned, a personal favourite of mine and I immediately perked up. The lyrics were handed to Rachel by Mr. Schue and I stood to my feet, hands on my hips as a protestation left my lips.
"Look Kurt, I'm confident Rachel can do this song justice." Mr. Schue told me.
"I don't disagree." I replied taking my hat off and smoothing out my bangs. "A Rachel Berry performance of this song would be great." Rachel beamed at the praise. "But with a touch of diva-ness Kurt Hummel style the audience will be treated to a phenomenal performance." The smile slipped from Rachel's face a little but she handed the lyrics to me, not fighting me for the song. "I have no need for the lyrics." I informed her as I moved to the performance area. "Mr. Schue, fellow Glee clubbers, prepare to be blown away." I said confidently gesturing to the band that I was ready for them to start the music.
Sharing a quick glance with Puck, I found him smiling at me with pride, Mercedes too.
"Someone to hold you too close," I sang. "Someone to hurt you too deep, Someone to sit in your chair, And ruin your sleep, And make you aware of being alive. Someone to need you too much, Someone to know you too well, Someone to pull you up short, And put you through hell, And give you support for being alive, being alive, Make me alive, make me confused, Mock me with praise, let me be used, Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive…" Already, I could tell how impressed everybody in the room was. From the way Rachel was teetering on the edge of her seat, her eyes wide in wonder and her jaw on the floor, I imagined she'd soon be begging me to make babies with her so we could ensure our children were so epically talented that they would take over the world of Performing Arts.
"Somebody hold me too close, Somebody force me to care, Somebody make me come through, I'll always be there, As frightened as you of being alive, Being alive, being alive…" I continued. The performance was going epically well and I knew it. I didn't like to look upon that as a sign of arrogance but rather self-awareness of how talented I was. My virginity may well have been taken away due to the drunken cruelty and sadistic minds of some pathetic jocks, but nobody could take away my voice and stunning talent. "Someone you have to let in, Someone whose feelings you spare, Someone who, like it or not, Will want you to share a little, a lot of being alive, Make me alive, make me confused, Mock me with praise, let me be used, Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive."
I poured everything I had into the song, loving and enjoying every second of it. In those moments, it felt like I could conquer anything. Singing had never felt so good. I felt amazing.
"Somebody crowd me with love," I sang, my eyes lingering on Puck. "Somebody force me to care, Somebody make me come through, I'll always be there, As frightened as you to help us survive, Being alive, being alive, Being alive, being alive." The final notes were perfect, so much better than anything Rachel could hope to achieve, not that I'd be cruel enough to say such a thing to her face.
Wild and enthusiastic applause met my ears and I took a bow as I received a standing ovation, Rachel was practically drooling.
"Wow Kurt, I'm speechless." Mr. Schue gushed, I responded with a smug smile as I reclaimed my seat beside Mercedes.
"Check you out, White Boy." Mercedes commented pulling me into a hug that I happily returned. "Watch out people, my boy is back." She told the others excitedly and they all let out a cheer.
Looking over her shoulder, I searched for Puck's face and found him smiling at me. I smiled back and he winked. I certainly didn't blush, not even a little bit. My skin was naturally that pink colour; it was only the lighting that made people think my flesh was pale. Honestly.
Glee club ended and I agreed to a sleepover with Mercedes and the rest of the girls. I heard Finn mumble a complaint about me getting to see all the girls have a naked pillow fight.
"That's just a teenage boy fantasy, Finn." Quinn told him as our group walked out to the parking lot together. "It never actually happens."
"It does when me and Santana have sleepovers." Brittany said and Santana glared at any of us who dared to look at her.
"Oh I think we can all have a naked pillow fight tonight." Mercedes spoke up tapping my arm. "And Kurt can join in." She teased just to see the envious look on the other boys' faces.
"Now that is something I'd pay to see." Artie said as Mike wheeled him along, almost running over my foot. "You girls are all kinds of fine in your own ways."
"Such flattery will not get you an invite." Rachel told him and he looked a little put out.
"Take photos for us, Kurt." Sam joked and Quinn elbowed him in the ribs for his comment while I just rolled my eyes.
"Puck, you've yet to make a crude comment." Tina pointed out.
"I'm not really interested in a bunch of girls having a naked pillow fight." Puck shrugged. "Feel free to send me some hot pictures of Kurt though." He smirked at me and I absolutely did not blush.
"Dude, are you joking?" Finn asked looking at Puck.
"Not at all." Puck answered looking at me. "I'm just waiting for Kurt to admit how he feels about me."
The glares I sent him for his open flirtation were only half-hearted. Behind the playful smirk, I could see a nervousness in his eyes. Probably from fear of rejection or worry that he'd crossed some kind of line and made me uncomfortable.
"Ask me out on a date." I told him and Mercedes seemed to stop breathing as she gaped at me. "If you treat me right I'll let you know exactly how I feel about you." My tone was playful, even a little seductive. It earned some wolf-whistles and cat-calls from the boys and Brittany and Santana. Not that I'd actually put out for Puck on a first day like my words and tone had suggested. He knew that as well. There would be no sexual pressure or expectation. But a little flirting in front of our friends was too fun to resist.
"How does Breadstix sound?" Puck asked stepping in front of me, his hands in his pockets. "Tomorrow night, six o'clock?"
"Sounds good." I replied looking at him through my eyelashes and letting out a gentle laugh as a goofy expression formed on his handsome face.
"Damn, you'd better treat my boy right Puckerman or I will cut you." Mercedes threatened getting right up in his face, the other girls offering similar sentiments as did Artie and Sam.
"And Hummel," Santana said and I looked to her. "Don't you dare hurt Puck either."
"Aww, Lopez, you do care." Puck commented.
"You wish." Santana sneered but I wasn't fooled by her bitchy act and neither was anybody else. "I just don't wanna be the one you come crying to if he breaks your heart."
"Come on, let's get outta here." Mercedes said. "Sleepover's at mine girls."
Kissing Mercedes on the cheek, I told her I'd be at hers as soon as I collected my things from home. As everybody else called out goodbyes and drifted off in different directions, I walked beside Puck towards my car. At some point, our hands joined together. I can't remember if I initiated the contact or him but it didn't really matter.
"You meant that right?" Puck asked as we arrived at my car. "You'll come on a date with me? That wasn't just a show for all those losers?"
"Those losers are our friends." I pointed out to him. "And yes, I meant it. I know everything about what we have is messed up but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be together. The past isn't an attractive one but a future together could be beautiful."
"Kurt, I want you to know, that there is no pressure at all." Puck told me. "I'll wait as long as you need me to for… you know… the physical side of things."
"You can say the word 'sex' Noah, it doesn't offend me." I replied.
"Right well, I'll wait for you." Puck declared. "And when you're ready for sex, I'll show you how it's supposed to be. We can do all the romantic stuff you see in movies. Candles, rose petals, feeding each other strawberries." He listed and I just rolled my eyes in amusement. "I'll take care of you, baby. Make love to you just like you deserve."
"You know the worst is yet to come right?" I asked him seriously.
"What do you mean?" He asked. "Are you talking about Karofsky coming back? Screw that asshole, wheelchair or not, I will beat the crap out of him if he so much as sneezes on you."
"Not Karofsky." I scoffed resting my hands on Puck's shoulders. His arms moved, as though he was about to wrap them around my waist but he stopped himself. "You can hold me." I said and his arms pulled me into a loose hold. "I was referring to my dad. When he finds out we're together he'll insist on meeting you and he will polish his gun for the occasion."
"Right, your old man." Puck nodded. "Any advice on how to not make him hate me?"
"Tell him you have a rare Jewish disease that prevents you from being able to engage in sexual activity." Kurt suggested.
"I'll consider it." Puck said with full seriousness.
"I should get going." I told him. "I need to join my girls. I'm sure I'll be bombarded with questions about you." I smiled.
"Have fun tonight, you deserve it." Puck replied and his eyes dropped to my mouth again.
"Noah," I said softly and he responded with a 'hmm' to show he was listening. "Kiss me."
He smiled before lifting my chin and ducking his face to mine. He hovered over my mouth, his breath mingling with mine. Moistening my lips, I realised he was handing me the control, allowing me the power to initiate the kiss. Closing the gap between us, I pressed out lips together. His lips moved against mine, slowly, caringly. Shyly, I darted out my tongue and his mouth opened to admit me entrance. Our tongues touched and I almost pulled back but didn't. It felt wonderful and as we pulled away I felt butterflies fluttering in my tummy.
"Wow." I breathed out.
"Totally." Puck agreed. "Totally wow." He dropped a chaste kiss to my lips before holding the car door open for me.
Grinning broadly, I honked the car horn in farewell as I drove home, singing loudly to the music that blasted from the radio. Parking the car in the driveway, I skipped up to the door and let myself in.
"Hey dad." I greeted cheerfully as I bounded over to him and enveloped him in a strong hug.
"Hey kid, I was wondering where you were." Dad replied with a chuckle.
I hugged him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his bald head. Even though I knew that his comment only referred to my being a little later than usual, it felt like it meant more. Since that nightmare of a party, it was as if I'd been hiding away, wallowing in shame, pity and bad memories. Now, it felt like I'd returned and my dad was welcoming me home.
"I'm going to Mercedes'." I informed him. "Me and the Glee girls are having a slumber party."
"Alright, you have fun." Dad said as I made my way to my room to prepare an overnight bag.
For the first time since that dreadful Saturday, I didn't rush straight to the shower as soon as I stepped into my room. It wasn't necessary anymore. Well, showers were necessary of course. I didn't want to walk about the world smelling like a homeless person. It was just wasn't essential for me to stand under the spray for hours scrubbing furiously at my flesh anymore. There was no need to try and wash away the dirt, for there was no dirt to wash away.
I was Kurt Hummel, proud boyfriend of Noah Puckerman. I was beautiful, he was gorgeous and neither he nor I were dirty.
Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx