Title: Fairytale
Author: Smartkitty314
Summary: Bianca's little conceit, casting her classmates as stereotypical fairytale clichés.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own.

o.0.o.0.o

There were many ways one could look at high school, Bianca decided. The pyramid metaphor for the hierarchy, a-what was his name again?-well, a dictatorship, like that dude in Vietnam or North Korea or something, or a jungle, but today, Bianca was going with the classic fairytale. You had your Cinderella-yours truly, of course-your evil stepmother, Chastity (story-hopping, Bianca suppressed a giggle at the idea of Chastity talking to a mirror. Then poisoning the poor girl unlucky enough to be "prettier." Actually, Michelle did have a strange unexplained case of food poisoning last week...) Cameron was...

She paused for a moment, thinking. No, not the fairy godmother, although he had played that role multiple times. Maybe the page-boy, or the squire? Yes, he'd make a cute squire.

They even had their very own troll, although he lurked in bathrooms, not under bridges. She couldn't stop laughing when Kat told her that story, even if it ended more like a murder mystery than a fairytale.

And Joey was her Prince Charming, with his perfect tousled hair, and his bright smile, but his kind attitude. He was her knight in shining armor, her hero...

"Hullo? Anyone home up there? Oh, wait, I'd forgotten whom I was talking to. Well, Miss Wanna-be, we've parked. You can get out now." Her sister made little shooing motions. Bianca shook her head, snapping out of her fantasy.

"I thought you didn't want to be seen in this 'piece of crap,'" Kat snorted. "Now scamp." Bianca started to protest, but the look on her sister's face shut her up quickly. She followed the angry glare, only to see, riding on his motorcycle (without a helmet-purposefully to annoy the girl?), Patrick Verona.

Bianca smiled knowingly. Even though Kat wouldn't admit it herself, she knew that her sister only put up this angry, tough, frustrated front because she had fallen for Verona, and she had fallen bad. Potential blackmail material-or, even better, the possibility of actually getting to date-was well worth a few grumpy mornings.

Now came the difficult part...who would Patrick Verona be in Castle Padua High?

"Excuse me?"

Bianca blushed, and realized she had been muttering under her breath. Of course. Her sister always caught her at everything. "Well-" she sputtered, "I was, um, only practicing my, um, metaphors. Yeah, for English class. We had an assignment last night to um, make up a metaphor for something."

Kat cocked an eyebrow knowingly. "And you decided to make your metaphor on Patrick Verona? Why not Joey as Prince Charming?"

"Chastity would kill me if she heard me call him that."

"So that rules out Chastity as the bitch-I mean, witch."

Bianca smiled irrepressibly. "But 'knight in shining armor just so doesn't fit him."

"Who, Verona? Naw, he's a textbook HGV."

"Yeah," Bianca totally agreed. "Um, Kat, what's an HGV?"

Kat looked ahead with an extremely straight face and deadpanned, "An HGV is the acronym for a Hot Guy Villain. You know, the kind that's so full of themselves and thinks they're totally badass and sexy to boot but are really just pathetic excuses of a man trying to get laid."

"You just called Patrick Verona hot!" Bianca squealed.

"No, I called him pathetic. Do you need a dictionary to look that word up? You'll find your own name in the 'synonyms' section, too."

Bianca ignored her sister's insults with a aptitude that came from years of practice. "Now, the only one left to cast is you..."

...o...o...o...o...o...o...

"So who was she?" Cameron asked, leaning forward on his elbows. "The kick-ass sorceress who fights for baby dragons' rights or something?"

"Yeah, that's what I said, but she's also an environmentalist. She started spouting all about druids who used their oneness with nature to fight off the Romans."

"Weren't they, like, some creepy cult? I think they did animal sacrifices."

Bianca twirled a curl with her finger. "Maybe, she'd be, like, Hermione Granger."

Cameron leaped up. "Yes, that's perfect, the whole thing about S.P.E.W., except your sister would totally have taken it further; I bet she would have organized a hunger strike or something until all the house-elves got fair wages-"

"Um, Cameron?" Bianca said. "I watch the movies. Like, I don't actually know what happens in the series. But I was thinking brunette, unpopular, good grades, and all high and mighty."

"It would be like if Hermione dated Draco Malfoy, or no, someone scarier, maybe Snape...hey, have you read any of the fanfiction..." Cameron trailed off as Bianca sent him a look that said, This is why you are not popular. "Sorry. So what did you decide your sister was?"

"She's the dragon. Who eats everyone, including the HGV."

fin.

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