Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ gang a rich Japanese man does. Also I don't own Noddy or any of the other characters associated with him, they belong to Enid Blyton. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted imagination.
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Torture and ridicule of another Children's tv icon, angst, violence, name calling, bad driving and abuse of a dog.
Notes: Well here is yet another destruction in the pre-schoolers arc. Seems I just can't help myself lately. Please note that I have scoured the net for info on Noddy but there isn't a lot out there, so any discrepancies are purely of my own doing.
" Noddy Goes to Jail "
June 2003 Debs-dragon
Noticing the sirens and flashing lights in his rear view mirror, Noddy thought he had better pull over.
Three garbage cans, two pedestrians and one curb later, Noddy brought the little car to a halt and switched off the engine. The car gave a "Parp" of relief. He waited patiently for Mr Plodd to approach.
"Good morning, Mr Plodd. Lovely day, isn't it?"
"Quit with the pleasantries already. Tell me Kak - Noddy, have you any idea why I pulled you over?"
"Umm..." The little bell tinkled. "You wanted to say hello?"
"Err... You need my help for something?"
"You need a lift?"
"Would I be driving my own car if I needed a lift?"
Mr Plodd was becoming impatient. His foot began to tap at the pavement as his eyes narrowed.
Noddy swallowed nervously. "I guess you're going to have to tell me."
"How long have you had your license?"
"Is this a trick question?"
Mr Plodd, aka Vegeta, rolled his eyes. "Show me your license."
"Umm... Hang on while I try to find it, okay?" Noddy began to check his pockets... He reached for the glove box...
… Several minutes later...
"I can't seem to find it." Noddy's bell tinkled loudly.
"Step out of the car."
"Uh... Okay." Goku undid his seatbelt and opened the door. "Now what?"
Mr Plodd reached behind his back and unclipped something from his belt. Bringing the shiny metal objects into view, he snapped them around Noddy's wrists. "I'm arresting you and charging you with failing to produce a license when asked, dangerous driving causing the flattening of a dog, and creating a disturbance."
"Hang on a minute!" Noddy exclaimed, his bell ringing loudly. "What do you mean, 'creating a disturbance'?"
"That damn bell of yours!"
"Come with me to the station, I need to ask you some questions and book you." Vegeta could hardly contain the sneer on his face. Finally, after all this time, he was able to get his own back on Kakarott. This was one pre-school show he didn't mind filling in for.
Noddy sat staring across the wooden table at the empty chair opposite him. He wondered just how long he was going to be here, and what exactly the charges meant. He looked up as Mr Plodd entered. Vegeta went to the other chair and sat down, dropping a sheet of paper on the table as he did so. He cleared his throat.
"I will read the charges to you again and make sure you fully understand them. Failing to produce a license upon demand. Dangerous driving causing the flattening of one dog. Creating a disturbance. Do you understand these charges?"
"No, not really. Could you explain them for me?"
Vegeta sighed; it was going to be a long episode. "Failing to produce a license. That one is simple enough. I asked and you didn't give. Okay?"
Goku shrugged his shoulders. "I concede that point."
"Dangerous driving causing the flattening of one dog."
"That one I don't get."
"You were driving down the side street by the video store when Bumpy the dog happened to stroll across the street. You ran over him."
"I thought that was a speed hump!" Noddy said defensively. "No wonder it was so bumpy."
"Now is not the time to be cracking jokes; have you any idea how many people loved that dog? Not to mention the number of brats that are going to be traumatized for life?" Vegeta was enjoying this. The smirk on his face grew wider.
Noddy hung his head. "I guess I should have been paying better attention to the road."
"Yes, you should have. For someone who preaches about safety and responsibility, you certainly aren't setting a very good example to all the boys and girls, now are you?"
"I guess you got me there."
Mr Plodd turned to the camera. "This is why it is important to understand and obey the road rules, boys and girls, otherwise you might end up running over your own dog and squashing him flat." Vegeta turned back to his 'victim'. "Now for the final charge, creating a disturbance."
Noddy looked up. "I don't see how my bell can create a disturbance."
"Have you any idea how annoying that thing is? Every time you move your blasted head, the thing rings! I've had numerous complaints about it."
"Yes. The storekeepers hate it because every time you're in one of their shops it rings, and they think it's someone entering or leaving the store. They are constantly interrupted by looking to see who it is. The bus driver has had many close calls, as he thinks it's someone ringing the bell to get off the bus. The school has complained because a few times now the children have heard it and thought it was the dismissal bell, so they all left school early, and I'm not even going to go into the telephone debacle."
Goku scratched his head and the bell tinkled again. "Oops, sorry. So what do you suggest I do, then?"
"The magistrate will be here in a couple of days to hear the case and tell you what he wants you to do, but I'd say you can surely kiss the bell goodbye."
Noddy looked up in horror and grabbed the tinkling bell protectively. "I can't lose my bell," he whispered.
Vegeta just smirked. "If you would now follow me, I will fingerprint you and chuck you in a cell until the magistrate gets here."
"Hey, don't I at least get a phone call? I know my rights, I watch all those cop shows on telly you know." Noddy stood defiantly before Mr Plodd.
Mr Plodd sighed. "Yes, you get one phone call. Come with me and I'll take you to the phone, THEN I will fingerprint you and chuck you in a cell."
Noddy followed behind Mr Plodd, still clutching his wayward bell.
Big Ears had finished the shopping and was waiting at the curb for Noddy to pick him up when he jumped a mile and whirled around. His mobile phone went off and he'd forgotten the vibration alert was on. The thing buzzed against his hip, and his first thought was that someone was grabbing him on the rear. When the ring tone started to play, he realized his mistake and sheepishly looked around to see if anyone had noticed his impromptu 'dance'. He grabbed for the tiny object and wrestled with the clip as he tried to yank it from the waistband of his pants.
Eventually he succeeded. With minor damage to the phone and major damage to his pants.
"Hello? Hello? Big Ears, is that you?"
"Who else would you expect on this number?" Piccolo growled. "Where the heck are you, Noddy? You're supposed to pick me up, remember?"
"Umm... You're not going to believe this, but I'm at the police station."
"The police station. I'll explain more to you later. Can you come and bail me out, please?"
Big Ears sighed audibly. "I guess I had better. I'll be there shortly." Piccolo disconnected the call and stared at the bags of shopping surrounding his feet. With another loud sigh, he picked up the groceries and went back into the supermarket. It looked like he was going to have to use the home delivery service after all.
Noddy sat in his cell rubbing his fingers against his pants, trying to remove the ink from them. He was sure that Mr Plodd didn't need to use so much ink, or have him fingerprinted ten times. His head jerked up when he heard Big Ears' voice.
"I'm here to bail out Noddy."
Moments later, the cell door opened and Noddy found himself being brought out to the 'interrogation' room once more where Big Ears was waiting.
"What's this all about, Noddy?" Piccolo demanded, arms folded across his chest.
"Why don't you sit down and I'll explain everything to you," Goku said, taking a chair himself.
Mr Plodd also sat down and opened the folder he was carrying.
"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather stand." He failed to add that he didn't think the pin currently holding his pants together (where they had torn from his little altercation with the phone) would stand the strain.
"Suit yourself," Noddy said, his bell beginning to tinkle again. He quickly grabbed it when he saw Mr Plodd's eyebrow arch.
"Will somebody please tell me what is going on? Why have you been arrested?"
"He's been charged with failing to produce a driver's license, dangerous driving causing the flattening of a dog, and creating a disturbance." Mr Plodd reeled off the charges with a smug expression.
"I see. So what do you have to say in your defense, Noddy?"
"Umm... Well, I know I have my license somewhere, I guess I left it at home. As for the dog, I didn't see him run out; I thought it was just a couple of speed bumps..."
"You squished Bumpy the dog?" Big Ears' eyes widened. "Have you any idea what the impact of that will be?"
Noddy nodded, the bell ringing loudly.
"Let me guess, the bell is the disturbance problem?" Big Ears shook his head as Noddy nodded again. He turned to Mr Plodd. "I can find the license for you and insist that he carries it with him at all times in future."
Mr Plodd nodded. Silently.
"As far as the dog goes, it's probably for the best anyway. The damn thing was becoming a bit of a nuisance chasing all the cats away."
"What about the bell?" Mr Plodd asked pointedly.
Big Ears thought for a moment. "I hate that damn bell just as much as the next person. I agree, it has to go."
"What? Not my bell!" Noddy jumped up and tinkled loudly.
Mr Plodd and Big Ears covered their ears. "It's got to go, Noddy," Piccolo stated, and then turned to Mr Plodd. "If you think this is bad, you should try living with the thing. All day and all night, the damn thing is ringing constantly. Half the time I think it's the Avon lady at the door, only to discover it's that bell, and when it IS the Avon Lady, I miss the call because I think it's the bell!"
"But I thought he took the hat off at night," Mr Plodd said.
"Oh he does, but he hangs it on the end of the bed."
"Every time he or I roll over, the bed moves and so the thing tinkles again." Big Ears glared at Noddy.
"It's not my fault you toss and turn in your sleep," he said in defense of his bell.
"From now on, you are sleeping on the couch." Big Ears gave Noddy a defiant look.
Mr Plodd looked from one to the other. "You two sleep together?"
"Not anymore," Big Ears replied.
Noddy looked devastated.
Mr Plodd yanked his policeman's manual from his pocket and quickly thumbed through. Finding the page he wanted, he quickly scanned it and his face lit up with a feral grin. He looked from Noddy to Big Ears and back.
"What?" They echoed.
"According to paragraph 5 of sub-section 8-3, clause 119.7 of section 864, it is not allowed for any of the Toy Town characters to share the same bed. Especially when one character wears a bell."
"Huh?" Noddy said, scratching his head.
"It could be detrimental to the mental well-being of young children watching the show."
"Oh come on, tell me this is a joke, Mr Plodd," Big Ears growled.
"Nope. Here, see for yourself." Mr Plodd passed the manual over to Big Ears. Reading the words, his eyes widened in shock and then his cheeks flushed red.
"He's right, Noddy. We're allowed to share the same residence, just not the same bed."
"That doesn't make sense," Noddy complained, his bell seconding his words. "We've been sleeping together for years, and no one has ever complained before. I don't get it. What's so wrong with two friends sharing the same bed?"
Piccolo went from green to red in 0.3 seconds, Vegeta couldn't hold in his snicker, and suddenly the screen went blank...
*We apologize for this break in transmission. Normal services will be resumed once we have spoken with the lawyers and censorship board in relation to this matter. Until further notice, no more episodes of Noddy will be screened. The management.*
~ Fin ~