There is no place for love
There is no place for love in their world. No space for it in battle focused minds, no time for it between missions and orders and healing, no thought of it between tasks and promises.
That doesn't mean there isn't a place for affection. For friends, for food, for toys, for…possibilities.
There is lot of time for possibilities. Between the shutting of eyes and sleeping, between that first view of the ceiling and getting out of bed, while witnessing quick glances of the other.
There is lot of time for fantasy. While showering, while traveling, while lying in the infirmary. In dreams.
It started in dreams. It's not where they met, no, but that's where she first made suggestion.
What if the possibilities, the fantasies, you show me in your eyes every time we meet could be real?
That night could have been what they wanted, could have been filled with touches and moans and stars, but they held back. It was just a dream and they were past that at this point. They were tired of simply dreaming, it was time to actually make an effort to have it come true.
You're the only exorcist who can go there. I'm the only Noah who can go there. Meet me there.
So he did. It was a solo mission with three days of travel by train. And every night he'd hum a small tune and walk through the white whole he had ripped in spatiality. And every night she'd be there waiting for him to take him through another door to a different dimension.
There is no place for love in their world, but plenty for desire. For passion. For the want of the control they couldn't seem to grasp. For the feel of another. For the carnal pleasure of flesh.
They felt all of that, those three nights. Pressing against each other, in each other. Touching, sucking, licking, thrusting. Clawing, pinching, biting, restraining. They were rough nights, leaving them both sore and bruised and bleeding.
But sated and strangely peaceful. This was something they could have, this primal need for rutting. It was jagged, but it was real, and the only emotions shared between them was release. Release from the world that seemed to pressing down on them, orders and suspicions that kept piling up that in such moments could be discarded with each lap of the tongue, with each blunt pain of a bite.
I don't know if I can do this again. When I'll have the time. When I can get away.
He was leaning over her, still in her after they both climaxed, head on her shoulder and the blood from one of the bites he gave her smudged on his forehead.
They both knew they couldn't stop, couldn't go back to simple fantasies and dreams after the solidarity of nights that only ended when they passed out.
She leaned up, licked his ear.
I'll wait every night.
Their world isn't one of promises, where either of them could die and leave a string of them unfulfilled. So she didn't turn it into one and he didn't take it as one and then she pulled herself back to disconnect their bodies so she can launch herself at him and knock him backwards. Stretching in child's pose, her nails scratched up his chest and her head lowered to coax him back up with the grating of her teeth. And he lets her, because their world is one of pain and it makes sense that this should be too.
It wasn't a promise, neither of them thought of it as one, but they treat it in a similar matter. For a week later he once again opened the door and she once again took his hand and they filled the night with growls and screams. She didn't treat him delicately despite his injuries and he made it a game to give her bruises of a similar shape.
Every night he could, he would step into the Ark. She was always there.
Love has no place in their world and so they made no signs of it. They never kissed on the mouth, never called each other dear or sweetheart or honey. Never gave gifts, never asked but just demand from each other.
Love is useless in their world, it will not help them fight battles, will not cure wounds, and will not help fulfill goals. But pain is a challenge, a force to conquer, a goal in itself that morphs with time and forever pushes them forward to complete one thing after another.
So when she found him slipping from the world, skin turning ashen, she resisted the impulse to smash their lips together in a bloody kiss, to bite through his tongue and lower lip. She bit his fingers instead, all ten, leaving marks on each one, while pressing herself flush against him. After licking the blood from her mouth, she leaned forward and bit his ear.
You're the only one to have access to a new place now. But when I'm ready, I'll met you there.
She thought she heard him answer against her neck, but she was never sure.
I'll wait for you every night.
A/N: I wrote this when I really should have been doing homework, but oh well! I'm just glad after almost two weeks, is finally letting me post it.