Secret Memo Number Eighteen – Fashionable Outerwear

Memo to self: I lied when Captain-Commander Yamamoto asked what the captain's haori meant to me. I told him it was cheap and easily replaceable. But that was not entirely true.

I simply could not confess in front of Zaraki the Ugly and Shunsui the Unkempt how the symbol of my status as a captain was so easily whipped off my back by an oversized (but now very dead) pumpkin while I was charging to the rescue of my beloved Rukia.

The haori is not cheap, as I claimed just to save face. The material could be better, but its cut is pleasing, and it flows majestically around my ankles as I walk, complementing the light movements of the priceless scarf adorning my perfect throat.

I hate to privately agree with Shunsui, but it is a fashionable garment (except if you are short, like Hitsugaya, in which case it makes you look like a munchkin – he should take up the hem a bit more).

Zaraki, naturally, had to answer that his haori was a pain in the ass. Uncouth animal. What would he know about carrying off an elegant garment designed for the beautiful? I even suspect that he has, all along, worn the very same tattered item he ripped off the body of the previous captain of the eleventh. It certainly looked and smelt bad enough to have never been washed since then.

This whole incident has embarrassed me. Not only did I lose my captain's coat, but I had to lose it in the same campaign in which Zaraki Kenpachi and Shunsui lost theirs. It looks bad. If people didn't know better, they would think the three of us had had a roll in the hay together and then forgot our clothes.

What a disgusting thought.

The next time I lose any garments in a fight, I shall rip Renji's clothes off as well. Everyone can think whatever they like then.