Title: And
Author/Artist: CharlieSchulz
Character/Pairing: Sirius, one sided Remus/James, one sided Sirius/Remus
Rating & Warnings: PG, angst
Prompt: 7. They always said he was one of the cleverest students of his year, but if he really were, then he would have been able to stop it.
Summary: Sirius Black never felt so horrible in his life.

He saw the signs. He saw every clue, every signal, every single waving flag that would have told him the truth.

-maybe he didn't want to know the truth-

Sirius thought he knew the world, knew his life, knew his best friends – but he has been wrong about that, wrong about everything and maybe if he had just opened his bloody eyes he would have seen.

-but why, why now, why him-

Remus Lupin was in love with James Potter.

And Sirius Black had set up James Potter with Lily Evans.

And Lily Evans has been smiling like Sirius Black's never seen

And James Potter ran from the dormitories chanting -I'm in love, I'm in love!-

And Sirius Black had just turned towards Remus Lupin, smiling and saying how he was glad he went on a limb for them.

And Remus Lupin was crying.

And Sirius Black didn't know what to do.

And Remus Lupin gave him a look, a look of defeat.

And Sirius Black could only stare at his feet as Remus Lupin sighed, as he let the world crush down on him once more, as he cowered under more scars, more weight.

And Remus Lupin let out a long breath - it wouldn't have worked out anyways- but he doesn't believe it.

And Remus Lupin whispered - he'd never have loved me- he knows it's true, knows he's right.

And Remus Lupin fell, - will I ever be happy?- he wants an answer.

And Sirius Black never felt so horrible in his life.

Because he didn't mean to hurt Remus.
Because he didn't mean to want Remus.
Because he didn't mean to love Remus.

But he did. And if he had been clever, if he truly had been the smart man everyone said he was, he would have known that he wasn't going to get Remus by stamping on his heart.

-but he'd never take it back, never, never-