Well, I got such an overwhelmingly good response to the first chapter that I decided to do another one as a thank you for all the wonderful reviews!

Bakura; Yeah, cause I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you love our abridged series inhumanly more than is healthy for someone your age.

*sigh* That's right everybody, Bakura is helping me with the Author's Note this time.

Bakura; Actually, it's more like I'm the only thing preventing it from spiraling into the ground.

As you can see, things aren't going so well.

Bakura; That's not my fault; you're the one writing this bloody thing.

How about we just do the disclaimer, alright?

Bakura; *sigh* The Layman does not own Yu-gi-oh™ or Yugioh; The Abridged Series. Those honors, (if you can call them that…), belong to Takahashi Kazuki and LitleKuriboh respectively. Dan Green and Dan Green's voice belong to Dan Green. There. Are you happy now?


Bakura; Then why the bloody hell did you have me do it?

I was too lazy to do it myself, that's why.

Bakura; Urgh, its times like these where I actually wish Melvin and his chainsaw were here…

Anyways, enjoy the next chapter!

(For the record, any time Yami or Yugi talks in Italics, it means they're in spirit form.)


*Yami has a bunch of cards floating around him and says "Yugioh 5D's? More like Yugioh 5 Z's…" then it cuts to Kaiba, sulking his office.*

Kaiba; I still can't believe I lost to Yugi Motou in a children's card game. Again.

Lackey #1; Zat is impossible, Heir Kaiba.

Lackey #2; Ja, you nefer lose at anysing, you haf Money!

Kaiba; Why the hell are you two still here? I thought I fired you both after Battle City,

Lackey #2; You did.

Lackey #1; Vee just like hanging around here-


Lackeys; Hiel Kaiba!


*theme song* Quieter! Send Kirby down! Tourniquet, Frylock's high agaiiin! *theme song*


Kaiba; Losing a children's card game has caused me to have an existential crisis.

Mokuba; Didn't we already use that joke last time?

Kaiba; Screw last time; I'm having an existential crisis! And I don't think even card games can solve this one.

Mokuba; Why don't we take a vacation? Maybe that'll help you feel better.

Kaiba; Maybe you're right, Mokuba; a vacation could be just the thing I need to get my zeal back. Someplace remote where I can just unwind…

Mokuba; I knew you'd like that idea, Big Brother. You need some time to relax and forget about all your troubles-

Kaiba; Right after I gloat to Yugi that I'm better then him in a vain attempt to save face.

Mokuba; OK, forget what I just said…

Kaiba; *presses intercom call button* Hair Guy, get the Blue Eyes White Dragon Jet ready. I need to go see Yugi before I take a vacation.

Hair Guy; Attention Duelists! My hair is perplexed. Why are you taking a vacation?

Kaiba; I honestly don't know. But since I'm sure it must have something to do with the plot, I'm not questioning it.

Mokuba; Wait a second, I thought Hair Guy worked for Pegasus.

Kaiba; He switches back and forth every now and then.

Mokuba; But that doesn't make any sense!

Kaiba; Screw sense, I have a dragon shaped jet plane!

Hair Guy; Attention Duelists! My hair thinks you're just overdoing it now.

Kaiba; Oh, and you're not?

Hair Guy; Touché.

Mokuba; So where are we going to go for our vacation?

Kaiba; Shut up, Mokuba.

*Meanwhile, in Yugi's bedroom…*

Yugi; *pants heavily* That…was the most…traumatic…experience…ever!

Yami; *smugly* You know, you really need to lighten up about these things…

Yugi; Oh shut up, you! At least you didn't have her singing "A Whole New World" on your date.

Yami; Well, at least you didn't have f[beep]king birds attack you.

Yugi; You wanna bet? Her nails are seriously sharp! It felt like she was sticking pens into me!

Yami; No, I think it was you who did the 'sticking'.

Yugi; And what's that suppose to mean?

Yami; Oh, nothing…

Yugi; You're impossible, you know that?

Yami; That's what she said.

Yugi; Oh for the love of crap, I'm going to school!

Yami; I didn't know they had school on Saturdays.

Yugi; They don't, which is why I'm going. Maybe there I can finally have some peace and quiet.

Yami; And why can't you do that at the museum?

Yugi; I told you already, I suck at DDR. Besides, I left my game of Pop-Up Pirate in my locker.

Yami; Isn't that a children's game?

Yugi; *oblivious* What's your point?

Grandpa; *barges in* Hey Yugi! Guess what?

Yugi; AH! Grandpa, don't you ever knock?

Grandpa; I knocked on Black Luster Soldier earlier.

Yugi; WHAT?

Yami; And that is also what she said!

Grandpa; Anyways, I just got you and your friends tickets for a cruise! Isn't that neato?

Yami; Did he just actually say 'neato'?

Yugi; Did you just actually say 'neato'?

Grandpa; Did I? I don't remember saying it… Regardless, now you and your little friends can finally spend some quality time together.

Yami; He thinks they're little?

Yugi; Oh just shut up… *turns back to Grandpa* Fine, I'll take the tickets…

Yami; Do we even want to know he got them at this point?

Yugi; Not really. Come on; let's go round up the rest of my friends…

*Meanwhile, on Pegasus's island…*

Pegasus; Bored bored bored… There's nothing to do around here: I just took a bath yesterday, my DVD player is on the fritz so watching Spice World again is out, and Kaiba-boy is probably sulking from his daily defeat by Yugi-boy, so chances are he's not going to call me…

*phone rings*

Pegasus; Ooh, I wonder who that can be? *answers phone* Hello?

Kaiba; *dripping sarcasm* Pegasus, how wonderful to hear your smiling voice.

Pegasus; OOooh, Kaiba-boy! I just knew you were going to call me! How are you and your sweet, tight, moist body doing?

Kaiba; …

Pegasus; What?

Kaiba; Never mind… Anyways, I was calling to ask you for a favor.

Pegasus; Finally want to borrow Spice World, do you?

Kaiba; F[beep]k no! I'd rather gouge out my own eyes before I did that! (Which is practically what I did the last time you made me watch that piece of crap…)

Pegasus; Yeah, shame that…

Kaiba; Actually, I wanted to know if I could borrow one of your private boats.

Pegasus; Really? Planning a little party, are we?

Kaiba; No, and even if I was, you wouldn't be invited. But if you must know, Mokuba and I are taking a short vacation.

Pegasus; Getting soundly thrashed by Yugi-boy finally take its toll, huh?

Kaiba; Why does everyone always say that?

Pegasus; …

Kaiba; What?

Pegasus; Nothing~!

Kaiba; *sighs* So can I borrow a boat or not?

Pegasus; Oh, I suppose so… But only if you bring it back in mint condition.

Kaiba; Huh, I guess that's not so bad-

Pegasus; And throw a party.

Kaiba; Oh god-

Pegasus; And invite me.

Kaiba; Please don't say it-

Pegasus; And have karaoke.

Kaiba; Oh, I guess he didn't say it after-

Pegasus; Spice Girls karaoke.

Kaiba; Uhg. He said it…

Pegasus; So do we have a deal?

Kaiba; …Do I have to stay for the whole thing?

Pegasus; Well…I suppose you don't have to stay for more than one or two songs…

Kaiba; Then fine.

Pegasus; How fabulou-

Kaiba; But if I get asked to do even one duet then I'm getting the f[beep]k out of dodge faster than straight at a jazzercise workshop.

Pegasus; I guess that's the best offer I'm going to get out of you. Very well, you may borrow one of my boats.

Kaiba; Kay thanks. *hangs up*

Pegasus; That totally made my day. This calls for some Spice Tunes! Now, where did I leave my leg warmers?

*Meanwhile, in the tool shed…*

Jaden; Yo, fo-sheezy my heezy!

Syrus; Jaden, no.

Jaden; But I-

Syrus; NO. *cocks gun*

Jaden; You do have the safety on, right?

Syrus; *evil grin*

*Meanwhile, at the docks…*

Téa; Now we are at the docks.

Everyone; We know!

Yugi; Well, there's the ship we're suppose to take. Let's get on.

Joey; You know, for some reason, I'm getting this odd sense of déjà-vu. Anyone else know what I mean?

Tristan; I hope The Lonely Island is the house band.

Tèa; I wish we were going to a lonely island. Just me and Yugi. Alone. On an island. No one around for miles. Anything could happen…

Yugi; Hey! Here's an idea; let's all get on the boat!

Tristan; The mother fu-

Yugi; Don't even go there.

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* I just hope there'll be hot girls in bikinis on this thing. You know, for my condition.

Serenity; I thought we cured that already.

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* It's a chronic condition. Like I told virgin boy over there-

Tristan; HEY!

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" resumes* -I need half naked girls applied to my body at regular intervals.

Mai; Unless you got a thing for geriatrics, you might want to get that out of the way now.

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* Why do you say that?

Mai; Because there's nothing but old people on there boat.

Yami; So that's how your grandpa got the tickets.

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* Any chance any of them are hot cougars?

Joey; Nyeh, it's not lookin' too likely.

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* Nooo!

Yugi; And I thought living with one grandpa was bad enough…

*Meanwhile, somewhere in Egypt…*

Bakura; Does anyone hear have any cards or something? I'm bored.

Council members; *all hold up their decks. Even Zorc*

Bakura; No, I mean normal cards.

Marik; But these are normal card.

Weevil; Yeah, heh heh, where have you been, Buttmunch?

Rex; Huh huh. Yeah, buttmunch.

Teddy; Why would there be any other type of cards?

Zombie Boy; Brains brains brains…. (I'm dead and even I know that.)

Bakura; I don't mean Duel Monsters cards; I mean the kind you use to play poker and Go Fish and Blackjack and stuff like that. I'd even settle for Baseball cards…

Steve L; I'm afraid you are only speaking nonsense; none of those things you have mentioned exist. Even on the moon.

Steve U; You all messed up, fool!

Bakura; Wait, this isn't some f[beep]ked up episode of The Twilight Zone, is it? Please tell me I'm not being bloody Punk'd.

Zorc; Could we start the meeting now? I have an appointment to go destroy Euro Disney later that I can't push back any farther.

Bakura; I thought you already destroyed Euro Disney.

Zorc; They're rebuilding.

Marik; Fine, I guess we should start the meeting now… *clears throat* I now call this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order! Si-

Bakura; Marik, if you say "silence" one more time, I will strangle you.

Marik; *EFF* you, Florence! And for your information I wasn't going to say "silence". I was going to say that since we have guests with us today that they should introduce themselves.

Nappa; Hey Vegeta, look! It's a giant purple dinosaur!

Zorc; Yeah, I get that a lot.

Vegeta; That's nice Nappa, they've got a Barney. Good for you.

Nappa; And he's got a huge dragon too.

Vegeta; Goddammit Nappa! I really didn't need to hear that.

Zorc; I get that a lot too.

Alexander Anderson; So this is what ya villains do in yer spare time. Got any Frankenberries around here?

Jedite; I brought my Jack Lelaine Power Juicer™©®. How about a fruit juice cocktail?

Prof. Crowler; Only if you put some Ancient Gear Golem in mine.

Kira; I thought that was just a children's trading card.

Crowler; Shows how much you know.

Ryuk; Ooh! Light, they have apples!

Kira; Damn straight they do.

Bakura; Swell; even more loonies. That's just fan-tucking-fastic.

Vegeta; Hey, that's my line!

Bakura; Actually, I'm pretty sure Yami said that in one of the more recent episodes of the series.

Nappa; He's got you there, Vegeta.

Vegeta; Shut up, Nappa.

Kaiba; *from off screen* Hey, that's my line!

Bakua; Wait a minute, where's Pegasus? Shouldn't he be here by now?

Marik; He called earlier; said something about not being able to find the right tights to go with his leg warmers.

Anderson; Sounds like a real fruit, that one does.

Bakura; Oh, you have no idea…

Marik; Also joining us again is famous voice actor Dan Green.

Dan Green; Hi, I'm Dan Green.

Bakura; What the bloody hell is he doing back here? I thought we kicked him out after that fiasco about Yugi's puzzle.

Dan Green; Well, my PR people said it would be good to get some extra exposure in…

Bakura; *sighs* Oh why fight it anymore? The only thing that could possibly make this any worse would be-

Slenderman; Hey guys!

Bakura; Him. *cocks invisible gun*

*Meanwhile, at NERV headquarters…*

Gendo Ikari; Fuyustki, I'm hungry! Where are my graham crackers?

*Meanwhile, on the mother f[beep]king boat…*

Yugi; So what are you in for?

Old Guy 1; What? I'm old, sonny; I can't hear you well.

Old Guy 2; Oh, and you think you have it bad? Why, if you only knew the problems my libido has been giving me lately…

Yami; You think you got it bad pal? I had to live in alone in a stinking puzzle for five thousand years and get randomly challenged to card games now that I'm out. Not to mention I'm pretty sure someone killed me originally.

Yugi; You know they can't hear you in spirit form.

Yami; So? I still got it worse then them, don't I?

Yugi; Oh I don't know, I think you actually have it pretty good now; you finally have a body again, you can eat and drink, and you can play card games. But most importantly, you have me!

Yami; Yeah, the little 3'2" pipsqueak who gets regularly assaulted and hasn't hit puberty, despite the fact that he's fourteen. I'm sooo lucky.

Yugi; Please, you make it sound like it's you who feels the punches- WHAT DO YOU MEAN 3'2"! I'll have you know that I'm a very respetible 3'7".

Yami; *sarcastically* Oh, my bad!

Yugi; *takes a sip of drink* Oh! 3'8"!

Yami; OK, what the f[beep]k? I know for a fact that the only time you get bigger is when I take over. Or, you know, when Mai's around…

Yugi; *sighs dejectedly* You're right…a guy can dream, can't he?

Old Guy 3; Talking to yourself, huh? Why, I remember when I started going senile-

Yugi; OK, time to go. I wonder where everyone else got to?

*Meanwhile, over there…*

Joey; Whadya mean, 'foul'? That was totally in!

Old Woman 1; *scoffs* Please, that was so far out it flew off the boat!

Tristan; Joey, there are a lot of old people here.

Joey; Not now Tristan, I'm trying to convince this geriatric whackbag here that my last shot was in. It's like she doesn't even know the first thing about Shuffleboard.

Old Woman 1; Bullsh[beep]t!

Joey; You wanna go at it, Grandma?

Tristan; I wonder how the witch is doing…

*And over here…*

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays distorted* So…tired… Must…find…hot…cougars…

Mai; Oh give it a rest Tightpants, the odds of you finding one are about as high as the odds of people believing my breasts are real.

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays distorted* They're real?

Mai; Why does everyone always act surprised at that?

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays distorted* Hey, would you mind taking your top off for a moment?

Mai; What's in it for me?

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays distorted* I'll fix the results of your public opinion poll in your favor.

Mai; *sighs* The things I do to convince people my breasts are real… I bet Téa never has to resort to this kind of thing…

*And also over there…*

Téa; What's in it for me?

Old Woman 2; I'll help you get your sex muffin alone again.

Téa; *sighs* The things I do to get my booty call from Yugi… This seems like the kind of thing Mai Skankentine would resort to.

Old Woman 2; Now get to it Honey, those bunions won't massage themselves.

*Meanwhile, back over here…*

Serenity; Yugi?

Yugi; Oh hey Serenity! What's up?

Serenity; I was just looking for my brother, do you know where he is?

Yugi; I think I saw him storm past a few minutes ago, arguing with some old lady about the finer points of shuffleboard.

Serenity; Huh?

Yugi; They went that way. *points*

Serenity; OK, thanks!

Yami; Are we there yet?

Yugi; Huh?

Yami; Wherever this boat is going, are we there yet?

Yugi; I don't know. I don't even know where we're going?

Yami; Didn't you ask your grandpa when he gave you the damn tickets before you accepted them?

Yugi; No, I just assumed it was one of those three hour tour things, like Gilligan.

Yami; I've never seen that show before, what's it about?

Yugi; Oh about six or seven people get stuck on a lonely island somewhere and have to live there while trying not to kill each other.

Yami; Sounds fascinating. Did they ever play card games?

Yugi; Hmm, I don't remember.

Mako; Don't remember what?

Yugi; AH! Mako? Don't scare me like that you freaky fish guy! Wait, what are you doing here?

Mako; I am not a freaky fish guy! And for your information the Ocean and I are on our one year anniversary. *turns to Ocean* Isn't that right, darling?

Ocean; *ocean sounds*

Yugi; …

Mako; The Ocean say 'that's right'.

Esper Roba; Excuse me, would you like this baby?

Yugi; AH! Who the hell are you?

Esper Roba; My name is Esper Roba! I was a duelist in the Battle City tournament! Don't you remember?

Yugi; Not really… And why do you have to shout so much? It's kind of annoying.

Esper Roba; I'm not shouting, this is me normal speaking voice! But seriously, would you like this baby? We don't want it anymore! It's kind of starting to smell!

Yugi; What the- No! Why the hell would I want a baby? I'm only 14! Beside, I already have Grandpa.

Kaiba; I'm surprised he hasn't keeled over yet…

Yugi; AH! Seriously, why is everyone doing that…?

Kaiba; Who cares. What are you doing on my boat?

Yugi; This is your boat?

Kaiba; Actually, it's Pegasus's boat; he's just letting me borrow it for a while.

Yugi; A senior's cruise?

Kaiba; Yeah, I kind of got screwed over with that…

Yami; Yeah, cause you don't know nothing about screwing, Orphan Boy.

Kaiba; Hey, I only screw the rules! Wait, why did I just say that?

Yugi; Kaiba, Are you feeling OK?

Kaiba; Like you care…

Yugi; Is my beating you on a weekly basis really getting to you that much?

Kaiba; Why do you automatically assume that's the reason?

Yugi; …

Kaiba; What?

Yugi; Oh, nothing…

*Deep beneath the ocean's surface…*

*someone shouts "Double Fine!" and "The Hellion" by Judas Priest begins playing*

Dartz; Gather wound, evwyone! I got us a special announcement for y'all, douche bags!

Alister; Oh great and powerful Dartz, what is this announcement that you have so graciously chosen to bestow upon us?

Valon; Kiss ass…

Raphael; Please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it…

Dartz; Listen up, man. Because tomahwoh, we gunna go see Dick Twickle!

*record scratches*

Raphael; Oh not again- *barfs*

Dartz; Hay man, not on the carpet again man! You know how big the biwh for the cweaners is?

Alister; Boss, are you sure about this?

Dartz; Of couwse I am, Asshole! Do I need to get Dick to come down here and swap you siwwy?

Alister; NO SIR!

Dartz; Then kindly shut the *EFF* up and listen, man! In only twenty-two ourwers we all gunna go see Dick!

Valon; Crickey, I think he's serious…

Raphael; Do we really have to?

Dartz; Yes! We gunna go see Dick, and we gonna hang out with Dick… Hell, we might even show him our dhecks!

Raphael; Why me, Lord…?

Dartz; And then we gunna have ourselves a dwink with Dick Twickle!

Raphael; *barfs again*

Dartz; Man, you weally gotta go see a doctow or somethin', man…

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Marik; Geez Bakura; did you really have to shoot the guy twenty-five times…?

Bakura; Yes I did; he was annoying me.

Nappa; Wasn't that the guy from Slenderman?

Bakura; You mean you actually saw that movie?

Nappa; Yeah. Hey Vegeta, didn't that movie do well in the box offices?

Vegeta; Who cares!

Dan Green; At least none of his vital organs were hit.

Bakura; *dripping sarcasm* Yeah, good thing…

Kira; Hey, I've got a question. You guys are supposed to be evil, right?

Marik; Absolutely evil!

Kira; So then how many people have you killed?

Marik; Well there was that guy in Episode 2, and Bob was killed off-screen. Apparently…

Kira; Really…

Bakura; …And that's pretty much it. That is if you don't count all the people Marik's evil alter ego killed in my dreams…

Kira; So then what's the purpose of this club thing of yours anyways?

Marik; It's not a club! It is a *EFF*ing Evil Council of Doom! Get it right or we won't let you back in! We'll put up a "No Kiras allowed" sign and everything! And we won't share any of the snacks our mummies packed for us with you!

Bakura; Oh yeah, not a 'club' at all! I'm surprised we don't hold this thing in a tree house in your back yard…

Zorc; Tee hee hee!

Bakura; What is it?

Zorc; He said our 'mummies'! It's funny because he's Egyptian!

Nappa; Ha ha ha ! You're right; that is funny! Hey Vegeta, is that funny?

Vegeta; F[beep]k you Nappa.

Nappa; And I love you too, Vegeta!

Anderson; Actually, Ah wouldnae mind meetin' a real, live mummy! Ya think if Ah sliced it open there'd be Lucky Charms inside?

Crowler; I thought that's what leprechauns were made of.

Anderson; So did Ah, unitl Ah actually found one; turns oot there's nothing but blood and guts inside uv 'em.

Ryuk; Then what's made of apple?

Kira; Aside from apple pie, not much.

Bakura; Who the bloody hell cares about apple f[beep]king pie? Marik, start the bloody council meeting already! All this talk of food is starting to get on my nerves…

Marik; OK, fine… Um…Does anyone have any ideas on how to destroy Yugi this time?

Steve L; In the spirit of fairness, I suggest we let the new guys have a turn.

Steve U: I second that!

Anderson; *holds up bayonets* Do you think if Ah cut him open he'll spill out children's trading cards?"

Marik; For the last *EFF*ing time Yugi is not to be harmed! How many times do I have to *EFF*ing say it before you get the message!

Anderson; Don't be lookin' at us, ye crazy heathen! We're new here.

Jedite; Why don't we figure out a way to suck out his energy?

Vegeta; Oh please, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! (And trust me, I've heard some really stupid stuff…) As if anyone would-

Marik; Excellent! We shall suck out his energy! …um, how do we do that?

Vegeta; But…but…but…

Bakura; I feel your pain…

Nappa; Who's Yugi?

Zabuza; Yeah, who's this 'Yugi' person?

Bakura; HOLY F[beep]K! Who the hell you and where did you come from? And why is my gaydar suddenly acting up around you?

Marik; Maybe he's Egptian; he is wrapped up like a mummy…

Zabuza; The name's Zabuva, and I'm a ninja. And just for asking that last question, you're going to be my prison bitch.

Nappa; Hey, what a coincidence! Vegeta was a prison bitch too!

Vegeta; That's it Nappa; the minute I find something to use as a shiv…

Bakura; Want to borrow my invisible gun?

Vegeta; Don't mind if I do… *takes invisible gun and puts seven rounds in Nappa's skull*

Nappa; Hey Vegeta…Ow… *falls over*

Anderson; Well, he's noht maed of Lucky Charms…

Bakura; And now to deal with the apparently gay ninja mummy… *pulls out second invisible gun and points it at Zabuza*

*Meanwhile, on the three hour tour…*

Kaiba; So since we're both here, why don't we play a children's card game?

Yami; You mean so I could just beat you again? Please, the writers have more originality than that! (And that's saying something...)

Me; Hey, wait a minute! When did you switch places with Yugi?

Yami; Some time during the last couple segments.

Me; Oh. Carry on then.

Kaiba; Breaking the fourth wall to talk with the author? Kudos on screwing the rules.

Yami; Thanks, but I'm still not interested.

Kaiba; Oh come on! We'll be stuck on this motherf[beep]king boat for ten episodes; that's enough time for at least one children's card game, right?

Yami; Urgh…

Kaiba; Huh?

Yami; You just made a reference to The Lonely Island's song "I'm on a Boat". I was hoping no one would do that. I mean, I was just barely able to prevent Tristan from doing it earlier.

Kaiba; You mean Sailor Venus?

Yami; That is an insult, sir! Sailor Venus much smarter than Tristan!

Kaiba; You may actually be right about that…

*Meanwhile, in Japan (At least I think it's Japan…)*

Mina; So, like, then, after he put his plug into my socket, he-

Raye; OH FOR THE LOVE OF [honk]ING GOD MINA, SHUT THE [ahoogah!] UP!

Mina; But I didn't even get to the part where his friend came and-

Raye; Why did I have to leave my rusty knife at home today of all days?

Mina; Why the hell do you need a knife?

Raye; To cut myself of course, dumbass.

Mina; But you might get rabies!

Raye; *flatly* No Mina, that what's you get you get bit by an animal.

Mina; *giggles like the blond she is* Silly Raye; animals don't eat people, people eat animals!

Raye; Oh GAWD!

*Meanwhile, back on the motherf[beep]king boat…*

Yami; Wow, we actually agreed on something. Scary…

Kaiba; So does that mean we're dueling?

Yami; Look, I can appreciate what you're triyn go to do here, but absolutely nothing that could happen that could make me want to-

Téa; Yugi's sexy alter ego, I found you! I shall give a friendship speech, and then we shall make mad, passionate love to each other!

Yami; So you wanna go first or should I?

*Meanwhile, after many more minor characters arrived…*

Tristan; Holy [bleep] on a [bleep] sandwich with [bleep] on top and [bleep] on the side, with a [bleep] milkshake!

Yami; *dripping sarcasm* Oh gee, you lost. What a shocker! I'm sure nobody saw that one coming!

Kaiba; I…can't…believe I lost…. Again.

Yami; *writing on pad* And that makes Kaiba: Zilch, Yami: So f[beep]king far ahead….

Old Woman 3; Oh please… Why back in my day-

Kaiba; Oh god, nobody freaking cares!

Yami; At least it's better than Téa's friendship speeches.

Téa; Hey!

Captain; Attention, passengers! My spray-on tan says the ship will be docking at the Domino City Harbor in three minutes! Please prepare for departure.

Joey; Nyeh? What happened to all the time?

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* Don't children's games last about five years?

Tristan; Blasphemy!

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* No it's not; it's a scientific fact!

Yami; I'm afraid he's got you there, Mina.


*Yami changes back to Yugi*

Kaiba; Well this whole thing was thoroughly dull. Come on Mokuba, it's time to go- Mokuba?

Yugi; Hey, what happened to Mokuba anyway? He pretty much disappeared after the beginning of the episode.

Kaiba; Did he get himself kidnapped again? Oh, someone is so not getting a pet cobra after I rescue them!

Serenity; I thought he was getting a scorpion.

Kaiba; No, he was getting a cobra. Key word being "was".

*Meanwhile, behind closed doors at Yugi's house…*

Grandpa; Oh Black Luster Soldier…you know I like it, like it, like it like that!

Black Luster Soldier; But we're only playing checkers…

*Meanwhile, in Hinamizawa…*

Keiichi; Well, all's well that ends well I guess… Come on Shion, let's head back to the Batcave and have an all night Elfen Leid marathon.

Mion; I'm Mion you douchebag!


And there you have it, folks; the second day in the life you Yugioh; Abridged!

Bakura; You are so going to get sued for using all those other abridged series.

Hey, people like those other abridged series!

Bakura; Yeah, like the lawyers suing you.

Oh just shut your face! I don't have to justify myself to you, you're fictional!

Bakura; And yet you can't seem to get enough of me.

You do know that sounds a little gay, right?

Bakura; No it doesn't. If it was my gaydar would be acting up right now.

You know what, I'm just going to end this thing before it gets anymore out of proportion.

Bakura; And now you're just copping out.

So from me and Florance Kitty other there-

Bakura; Not a kitty…

-thanks for reading! And always remember…

"Because shut up."


Me; Jack…

Jack; What is it, Layman?

Me; I have…

Jack; …

Me; …

Jack; What-

Me; An important message.

Jack; Oh.

Me; For you.

Jack; What is it, Layman?

Me; …card games of motorcycles!

Jack; Card games on Motorcycles?

Me; Card games on motorcycles!

Jack; Hey Yugi, did you hear that? Card games on Motorcycles!

Yugi; Card Games on motorcycles!

Yami; Card Games on motorcycles!

Joey; Nyeh, Card Games on motorcycles!

Téa; Card Games on motorcycles!

Tristan; Card Games on motorcycles!

Grandpa; Card Games on motorcycles!

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* Dice Games on motorcycles!

Kaiba; "Screw the rules, I have Card Games on motorcycles! Wait, screw that, it's stupid…

Mokuba; Card Games on motorcycles!

Hair Guy; "Attention Duelists, Card Games on motorcycles!

Pegasus; Oooh! Card Games on motorcycles!

Mai Valentine; Card Games on motorcycles!

Mako Tsunami; "The Ocean says Card Games on motorcycles!

Rex; Card Games on motorcycles, Buttmunch…

Weevil; "Heh heh, yeah."

Bandit Keith; Card Games on motorcycles! …In America!"

Zombie Boy; "Brains…" (translation: Card Games on motorcycles!)

Marik; Card Games on *EFF*ing motorcycles!

Bakura; Card Games on motorcycles!

Ryo; Card Games on motorbikes!

Kaiba lackeys; "Hail Kaiba!"

Zorc; Card Games on motorcycles!

Teddy; Card Games on Satan's motorcycles!

Melvin; Card Games on motorcycles, Binky Boy!

Ishizu; Card Games on motorcycles!

Odeon; Gummi Bears on motorcycles!

Hobson; Card Game on motorcycle!

Internet Trollz; "POUT!"

Kuriboh; "Do da la la la la la la la la la, lala la lalala la la!" (translation: Card Games on motorcycles!)

Celtic Guardian; Card Games on motorcycles!

Flame Swordsman; Card Games on motorcycles!

Steve Lunar; Card Games on motorcycles!

Steve Umbris; Card Games on motorcycles!

The Paradox Brothers; Card Games on motorcycles!

Dratz; Cawd Games on Motowcycles, douchebags!

Raphael; Card Games on motorcycles!

Valon; Card Games on motorcycles!

Alister; Card Games on motorcycles!

Dude from Judas Priest; Double Fiiine!

Shadi; Jagshamesh! Card Games on motorcycles! I am a ghost!

That Robot; Card Games on motorcycles!

Dan Green; Card Games on motorcycles!

Ghost Nappa; Card Games on motorcycles!

Ushio; Card Games on motorcycles!

And just for good measure…

Rena Ryuugu; Card Games on mewtorcycles!