Hi everyone! This was inspired by too much Spider-Man and hero songs... :3 Anyway, not much to say other than it's cracky, funny, has mentions of yaoi and yeah...humorous!
Warnings: Language, hinted yaoi, crackness.
Disclaimer: Pfft, not a chance people. Not. A. Chance.
Pairings: KibaHina, mentioned SasuNaru.
My Roommate is Super!
Who am I?
Well, if somebody told you I was just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life...
Somebody better call the cops, because that person was obviously stalking me.
I was just an ordinary guy. I had a normal, boring job; lived in a normal apartment...I was pretty much the dictionary definition of normal. There was nothing really special about me. My features were pretty average, you know; brown hair, dark brown eyes, normal skin with the occasional zit appearing somewhere that every Tom, Dick and Harry could gape in horror at. There was nothing very special about my appearance. Well, I did have some cool, red triangle tattoos on my cheeks, but that was the result of too much Tequila at the opening of a new tattoo parlour.
But that was it. I was just a regular guy. Your average Joe. Nothing special about me at all.
But that's not to say that there weren't moments in my life that were...well...exceptional.
Hang on, this isn't working.
It's best if I start at the beginning, right?
Well, it started like this...
"It's a boy!"
Dammit not that far back! Ergh, okay let's try this again.
It began, after my birth, like this...
Kiba Inuzuka sighed as the large man behind the counter hummed in thought, his large fingers drumming on his two-or was it four?- chins. Kiba tried not to yawn loudly as he leant against the counter, his red and yellow McDonald's cap drooping down slightly.
The line of people behind the large man were starting to get impatient, and he couldn't blame them.
Finally, the man huffed loudly. "I'll have one of everything on the menu!"
Kiba's elbow slipped off the counter and he almost smacked his jaw against the solid top. Catching himself, he sent an incredulous stare at the man.
"...Are you sure? Sir?" he just remembered the formality.
"Yes please! I'm a growing man, I need all the food I can get." The man patted his...stomach...fondly.
Kiba bit his lip to keep any comments at bay. The last time he'd made a comment about the obese customer he served, his boss Kurenai had almost castrated him.
Sighing softly, he began ringing up the items on the menu, calling out the total that quite frankly left him more than a little envious when the man was able to slap the money on the counter from his very fat wallet.
When the man had all his purchases, and was ambling out the store, there came a call from one of the customers.
"Hey! Turn up the volume on the T.V!" the girl screeched. Kiba, along with many other patrons and workers turned to the T.V as one employee turned it up. It was on the news channel, and the screen showed a burning building.
The news reporter, a woman with long black hair and pale lavender eyes, was explaining things in a soft, yet formal voice.
"The fire has started to spread out of control, and local firemen are struggling to hold back the ferocious flames as they consume everything in their path. There have been confirmed reports of at least four people still trapped inside the building, and hope for their survival is quickly diminishing as this monster rages out of control." She said, a look of sadness on her face.
Kiba smiled, his eyes glazed as he looked at the woman. Her name was Hinata Hyuuga, one of the leading reporters in the city.
She was also Kiba's secret love. He had known the girl in middle school and high school, but the two hadn't ever talked more than the occasional chat in the hallway. However, Kiba's feelings for her had started since middle school and they hadn't changed over the years.
A gasp of 'How horrible!' snapped him out of his dreamy daze, and he quickly gained a serious face lest someone chew him out for smiling during something so horrid.
People kept watching the screen, commenting on how sad it was that the people were trapped when suddenly the camera zoomed away, looking to the skies while the crowds in the T.V began to cheer.
"Wait...It seems...Yes! It appears that Rasengan has arrived on the scene!" Hinata cried happily, joy etching her face.
The people in the restaurant cheered along with the crowds on the T.V as a masked figure flew into view, hovering in the air slightly above the burning building. The figure wore a tight black, orange and blue suit that showed off his muscular form. A blue mask hid his face from the forehead down to the tip of his nose. The outfit was complete with a black cape that with a large emblem of a swirling ball-vortex...thing. Kiba had never quite been sure.
He watched as the city's superhero swooped down, crashing through one of the windows, which exploded in flames mere seconds afterwards. The crowd was watching with baited breath, wondering if their hero was okay.
Kiba rolled his eyes and leant his elbows on the counter. He knew that the moment the hero had arrived, everyone would be heading home safe and sound with a few scratches and that the ending would be happy. That's how it always was.
Sure enough, a few seconds after he finished his thoughts the doors to the building burst open and Rasengan flew out, carrying five people with him. He gently deposited them to the ground near the ambulances before turning his attention to the building. Flying up a bit, he seemed to take in a very, very deep breath.
The crowd watched in amazement when Rasengan blew out, a powerful wind roaring from his mouth and smothering the flames in a solid blow, leaving the building to smoke like a newly heated meal in a cold room.
The cheering that followed left Kiba feeling like he'd just attended a concert in a crowded hall. He couldn't hear for shit.
"Once again, the hero of the city, Rasengan has saved the day!" Hinata announced, her voice dripping with admiration and awe as Rasengan slowly floated down to stand next to her. "Rasengan, how can we, the people of this city, ever thank you for your services to us?"
Rasengan grinned, flashing perfect teeth and he reached up a muscled arm to light rub at the back of his head. The mask didn't cover his hair, and it was clearly seen as a golden blond that seemed to glow in the sunlight.
"All I want is for the people of our city to live in safety and peace and be happy. That is my greatest reward!" he declared and the crowd cheered again.
"Tch. Ass-kisser." Kiba grumbled into his palm when Hinata blushed and looked at the hero with utter adoration in her eyes. Kiba turned away from the screen, not wanting to hear the rest of the questioning while watching Hinata make googly eyes at the man in tights. It was the end of his shift, so Kiba tore off his cap and apron and dumped it into the staff room as he passed by on his way out.
He shoved his hands into his pockets and made his way through the streets back to his shared apartment. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't deny it.
He was insanely jealous of Rasengan for gaining Hinata's attention and obvious affection.
He was jealous of a superhero...
Our fair city had a superhero. No one really knew much about the guy, but it's not like people know much about superheroes anyway. The guy randomly appeared one day, did a few good deeds and bam! He was an icon for the city.
It's not like I really had anything against him. I wasn't jealous in the sense that I wanted to have super awesome powers and fly around saving people.
I just wanted Hinata's eyes to look at me the way they did at him.
I'm just a regular guy...how was I supposed to compete against a muscle-bound dude who could fry your brain with his eyes and who probably lifted elephants as a warm-up exercise?
But at least I wasn't totally alone. My good old friend was always there for me.
Sometimes I wonder where I would be right now if he weren't there for me.
The door to the apartment burst open, and Kiba turned to watch in amusement as his best friend and roommate stumbled in, tripping on his own feet and cursing loudly.
"Shit!" A crash resounded, and Kiba flinched when he heard the pained whine his friend emitted. Sighing, he walked around the counter in the kitchen and leant over his friend.
"Need some help?"
Bright blond hair moved up, revealing a tan face and dazzling blue eyes and whisker-scarred cheeks.
"Kiba! You're home!" Naruto Uzumaki yelled excitedly. Kiba nodded, pulling his friend up.
"What's got you so excited? Well, more so than usual..." he trailed off, his nose wrinkling. He leant closer to the blond, who had fallen silent at Kiba's face, and sniffed the air before pulling back. "...Naruto, have you been smoking?"
Naruto's eyes widened. "What?"
"You reek of smoke." Kiba pointed out, wrinkling his nose in distaste as the smell invaded the air. "Were you hanging around the smoking area at work or something?"
Naruto stared at him, seemingly lost in thought before he started laughing loudly. "Ah yeah! I had, like...five people to serve in the smoking section and they really took their time." His blue eyes were looking to the side for a moment before he rubbed the back of his head.
Kiba frowned, something in the back of his mind ticking away, but he shrugged it off and moved to sit on the couch along with Naruto.
"So, what's got you excited?"
Naruto grinned and scooted closer, leaning forward. "Guess who's coming to dinner here on Saturday?" he sang, looking at Kiba with gleeful eyes. Kiba shifted, not sure what to make of the look.
"...Who?" he asked warily.
Naruto's face turned into pure joy. "Hinata!" he cried happily, and as anticipated, Kiba's face lighted up like a tree on Christmas.
"Seriously!.? You got a hold of her!.?" He asked, grabbing the blond's shoulders. Naruto nodded, happy that Kiba was so ecstatic. He had invited Hinata over in the hopes that she and Kiba could get a bit closer, since he knew how much Kiba liked her.
One could only hear a name moaned in another's sleep before they figured out what was going on, after all.
Kiba felt like he was floating, he was so happy. However, the T.V was on and something caught his attention which snapped him from his happy fantasies of Hinata in a dinner gown while he got down on one knee with a ring.
"-Once again saved our city! We owe our safety and our peace to the great hero, Rasengan. This is Hinata Hyuuga, KGH News." Hinata's face was beaming as she finished the report, and soon they were replaying clips of Rasengan's latest act of heroics.
Needless to say, Kiba was in a bad mood almost instantly.
"Say Kiba...I want to talk to you about something..." Naruto started slowly, having been lost in his own thoughts while Kiba's mood darkened. His voice was low; the tone he usually adapted when he was insecure about something. "It's really important..."
"What's so great about that douche anyway?" Kiba interrupted, glaring at the screen.
"Huh?" Naruto blinked, turning to look at the screen. He saw the clip of Rasengan swooping into the building and stiffened briefly before turning to look at Kiba. "What do you mean? Are you talking about Rasengan?"
Kiba nodded angrily. "Yeah! I mean, sure the guy does some good deeds and shit, but really I don't see the need for all this damn hero-worship! And he's probably ugly too! That's why he wears a mask!"
Naruto narrowed his eyes. "He wears it to keep his identity a secret, moron. He might be really sexy!"
Kiba laughed. "I doubt it! If that guy had any good looks at all, he'd probably showcase them to the world. He's arrogant!"
"No he's not!"
"Oh yes he is! Look at him, swooping around in his little tights and acting like the king of the world." Kiba crossed his arms, glaring when they showed the clip of Rasengan and Hinata talking. The look on her face was enough to put his anger to new heights. "He's probably a lady killer too! Goes around, swooping up any girl he can get and then leaving them in the dust."
Naruto had gone quiet, watching Kiba with wary eyes. "Why do you hate him so much?" he asked after a long silence during which Kiba continued to glare at the screen. Kiba glanced at his friend before turning back to the screen.
"...Look at Hinata's face..." he mumbled.
Naruto raised a brow and looked before looking back to Kiba. He repeated the action once more.
"...I don't get it." He said at last.
"She's head over heels in love with that tight wearing weirdo!" Kiba yelled in frustration before curling up and pouting. "I don't stand a chance with her..."
Naruto's face opened into a look of realization before he made a sympathetic noise and leaned over, rubbing Kiba's arms.
"Aw, don't worry Kiba! Once Hinata sees how awesome a person you are, she'll date you and you'll get married and all that jazz! Besides, I'm sure she doesn't really love Rasengan. It's probably just, you know, respect or something."
Kiba turned to look at his friend and smiled. "Thanks Naruto." He sat up, sending a last glare to the screen before switching the T.V off and turning back to his blond roommate. "So, what did you need to talk to me about?"
Naruto froze for a second before laughing loudly, rubbing his head almost frantically. "Oh, nothing. I was just, uh...wondering what we should make for Hinata on Saturday!...Yeah..."
Kiba stared at him, an eyebrow raised before he shrugged lightly. "We could order out?"
"Nah, we want to impress her with your cooking remember! So what can you cook?"
"Say what? Dude, I can't cook to save my life!"
"Well you'll have to learn in the two days then."
Well, there it was. Naruto forced me to learn how to cook in two days. He would literally stand right behind me in the kitchen, watching my every move like a damn hawk! Sometimes though he would randomly disappear, stating he needed to go fetch something or whatnot. The funny thing was every time he had to dash out, I could have sworn I heard police sirens or something passing the house. It was a bit weird.
But in the end it paid off! I was able to cook a nice meal by the time Saturday rolled around.
But something else was happening while I was mastering the skills of the forbidden kitchen. Rasengan, the hero schmuck of our fair city, had been rather busy. The biggest problem with having a superhero in the city was that it seemed to encourage all the psychotic and really powerful super villains to migrate here too! I still remember a few years back when this really strange villain came to the city.
What was his name again? Beachy? Er...Granule Guy? Mr. Sandman?
Ergh, I can't remember what exactly he was called, but he could do all this weird stuff with sand. Like control it and shit. He caused quite a bit of havoc in the city until Mr. Goody Tight-shoes kicked his ass and he vanished.
Hmm...now that I think of it, that year was the same year Naruto made a new friend. Gaara.
Weird person if I've ever seen one. The guy was so quiet and I swear he enjoys walking in mud or something. Whenever he stayed over, there was always sand and mud on his clothes. It was so annoying to clean.
But yeah, Sandy Boy was just one of the villains that came to get their asses kicked. After him there was some freaky dude who was like a Snake Mutant or something. He actually kidnapped the son of one of the wealthiest families in the country. But Super-Douche did his usual routine, swooped in, kicked Snake-Schmuck's ass and rescued the poor boy.
Well man...but yeah.
Oh yeah... I just realized that I actually know the guy he saved! Sasuke Uchiha!
Super prick, and a total bastard, but he's okay...He pays for shit when he comes to visit, so I guess I can deal with him. Actually, he and Naruto are really close. He's Naruto's best friend aside from me and I'm sure that if he ever got tired of the high life, Sasuke would move in with us. Ah...a rent free life...that would be awesome.
Naruto sure makes some odd friends sometimes. Where does he find these people?
But I'm getting off track here.
My point was that a new super villain seemed to have come to town. And this one was dead set on getting Rasengan to reveal himself...
Yeah, because that's an original plot for the bad guy.
I swear these people need to fire their agents.
But this leads me to what happened on Saturday...
When the doorbell rang, Kiba almost suffocated himself with his tie in his surprise. Naruto looked up from his magazine at the strange noises and his eyes bulged when he saw Kiba clawing at the tie that was squeezing impossibly tight on his neck.
"Kiba!" Naruto was by his side extremely quickly, almost like a blur. His fingers came up to work and Kiba gasped for breath when the tie was loosened easily.
"Holy...Shit...thanks!" Kiba panted, rubbing at his sore neck. He looked towards the door, feeling rather anxious suddenly. "...Is it her?"
"Yes I think so."
Kiba grabbed his hair, feeling panicked. "Dude...dude I can't do this! I'm not ready! Something is going to go wrong, I just know it! I'll mess up! I'll offend her somehow! She'll laugh at me! She'll have an allergic reaction to my smell or something!"
Naruto rolled his eyes at the brunet's rambling and reached up to grab Kiba's cheeks with one hand, pinching them together.
"Kiba, relax. You'll be fine. She'll laugh with you, not at you, and it's not possible to be allergic to a body odour." The blond assured his friend before spinning him around and ushering him towards the door. "Go on!"
Kiba swallowed, ruffling his hair before squeaking in panic and smoothing it down again. Naruto watched from behind the whole time, smiling in amusement at the boy's antics. He really hoped that things would work out for the two of them.
Kiba finally took a deep breath and pulled the door open. Sure enough, Hinata was standing there wearing a lovely purple dress and a small white cardigan. Her hair was tied back into an elegant pony tail with a few locks loose. She smiled sweetly at Kiba, who had frozen in the doorway and was currently gaping rather stupidly at her.
"Hello, Kiba. It's been a long time," she said extending her hand. Kiba stared, mouth hanging open and eyes wide.
For a moment, Hinata stood with her hand held awkwardly and Kiba gaping. Suddenly, a tan hand was sneaking underneath Kiba's arm and gripping his wrist lightly, guiding his hand out to Hinata's and placing it into her grip. The tan fingers patted Kiba's hand before withdrawing and Hinata giggled as she shook the limp hand while Kiba finally pulled himself from his stupor.
"A-ah, yes. It's been a w-while..." he stammered, blushing as he finally realized he was holding her hand. Hinata tilted her head cutely.
"Oh? I don't remember you having a stutter...if I recall that was me," she smiled kindly while Kiba went red from embarrassment and Naruto chuckled from behind. The blond finally stepped forward, waving slightly to the woman over Kiba's shoulder.
"Hello Hinata! Glad you could make it."
Hinata smiled at him before looking to Kiba again. "Kiba?"
"...May I have my hand back now? And may I come in?"
Kiba blinked before quickly releasing Hinata's hand, sputtering an apology and backing away so that she could come inside. Naruto stepped up to give her a quick, friendly hug before motioning towards the dining table. "Let's get started shall we? Kiba made dinner and I'm looking forward to it!"
Hinata sent an impressed look at the brunet. "You made the dinner?" she asked. Kiba nodded, smiling slightly when Hinata beamed. "I'm looking forward to it too!"
Well, that boosted his ego alongside his nerves.
They had just settled down, Kiba having dished up the roast lamb, potatoes, vegetables and mint gravy when Naruto's phone buzzed. He excused himself, quickly looking at the text. Kiba frowned when he saw the worried expression pass through the blond's cerulean eyes.
"Naruto? Is everything alright?" he asked, reaching out to pat his friend's arm. Naruto looked up, already tucking his phone away before he pushed his chair back.
"Sorry guys, but I've got to step out really quickly. Something came up with...work. I'll be back so just enjoy the dinner and stuff. Sorry!" he called as he grabbed his jacket and keys before the front door opened and closed behind him.
Kiba and Hinata exchanged worried glances, wondering what could have happened at the blond's work.
And why would there be urgent business for a waiter when the restaurant was closed by now anyway?
However, the followed the blond's advice and continued with dinner. Kiba was ecstatic to find that he and Hinata shared several common interests, and the conversation never dulled between them. His jokes made her laugh and he couldn't help but grin every time she looked at him. Dinner passed by quickly, and Kiba had just suggested they perhaps watch a film when there was a knock at the door.
Kiba blinked, wondering if Naruto left his keys at work again. He headed over to the door, opening it without a second thought.
The cheerful voice and the faint scream from Hinata were the last things Kiba heard before electricity jolted through him and he collapsed into darkness.
I had not expected that to happen.
After all, how many people open their doors and get zapped by a tazer? In the neck, I might add!
It was completely rude and I was so ready to beat the punks' ass for doing it.
Well...I would have if this particular punk didn't have several very large, intimidating laser guns and other big weapons of death and torture.
And the fact that this particular 'punk' looked like he could be my great, great, great, GREAT grandfather also contributed to my merciful nature.
A groan was the only reply to the soft whisper of his name. His head was pounding and he couldn't feel the floor.
"Kiba wake up!"
He recognized that voice though. Groaning in pain, he struggled to open his eyes. When he did, the first thing he noticed was that the reason he couldn't feel the floor was because it was several hundred feet below him.
"FUCK!" He jolted in surprise, and then came to realize why the floor was so far away. He was suspended in the air by a thick cable connected to the ceiling of the very large, very spacious, very evil looking hangar he was in. Panicking slightly and very confused, he looked around and froze when his eyes landed on Hinata. She was also suspended by a cable, and her appearance was ruffled. Her hair was no longer tied back, but rather hung loosely around her face. The bottom of her dress was torn slightly and she had the overall appearance of someone who put up one hell of a struggle.
"Hinata! Are you okay?.! Are you hurt?" Kiba called frantically, worry for the girl overriding his earlier panic. "I swear if they hurt you I'll kick their asses!" he yelled.
Hinata smiled briefly before a voice drawled from below. "Oh of course. After all, judging by the way you snored on the way here, it's obvious you're a very powerful adversary. I'll have to watch my back around you."
Looking down, Kiba saw a rather old man standing there, but judging by his outfit he was obviously the head honcho. The villain was wearing a long, flowing white robe with a high neck and fluffy edges and a mask covered the right side of his face.
Kiba stared down at him incredulously. "Who're you supposed to be? Dr. Drapery?" Hinata's giggle lifted his spirits. "No no wait! The Bad Bathrobe? Is that it?"
The old man seemed amused and he stepped to the side towards a large red button.
Kiba did not trust large red buttons. Too many episodes of Dexter's Laboratory had taught him that large red buttons were very bad things to push.
Sure enough, when the man pressed it, Kiba and Hinata tensed at hearing electric saws start buzzing. He twisted his head around and screamed, along with Hinata, when he saw the jagged razor edges descending towards him.
"Okay! Okay I'm sorry! You're a very stylish villain! The robe works for you!" He yelled out desperately.
Dr. Douche, as Kiba mentally dubbed him, chuckled and pressed the button again. The saws retracted and Kiba sighed with relief while Hinata took steady breaths to calm herself.
"Why have you kidnapped us?" She asked, glaring down at the man.
Dr. Douche smirked up at her. "It's quite simple, Miss Hyuuga. You two are bait."
"Bait?" Kiba asked indignantly. "Do I look like a big fat worm to you?"
"Do you really want me to answer that, Mr. Inuzuka?"
Kiba snapped his mouth shut, growling lightly. But when Dr. Douche let his hand hover over the Big Red Button O' Doom, he silenced himself.
"Now then, as I was saying. You two are bait. I've spent months tracking that confounded goody two-shoes Rasengan, and I've discovered that he often disappears near your place of residence. I've figured that he knows you, somehow, and so you are the perfect bait. There was one other that I tried to take, but he had his own defences set up and I was unsuccessful. So you shall have to do."
Kiba blinked before turning to look at Hinata, who was struggling against her restraints lightly. "...I feel strangely insulted at being his 'second choice' of victim..." he said slowly, and she sent him a frustrated look before returning her angry gaze down to the man below.
"You won't get away with this!" She snapped, her eyes glaring at the man.
Dr. Douche laughed, the sound making all the classic villains of the old T.V shows very proud. "Oh I beg to differ, Miss Hyuuga! For I have planned this out to the very last detail! I will—"
"Oh great, he's monologue-ing." Kiba mumbled, his eyes shifting to the side in his annoyance. What was it about villains that required their need to spill all their evil plans before they were finished?
"—And then I shall," the rest of Dr. Douche's monologue of evil was drowned out by alarms going off. The old man grinned sadistically, turning to a large collection of monitors. He pressed a button and the two captives were privy to an outside view. They saw the span of ocean that separated the small harbour island from the rest of the city and in the distance a figure was zooming towards them.
"Finally, he's on his way." Dr. Douche let out an evil laugh and strode back towards the Big Red Button O' Doom, opening a small compartment somewhere underneath. Kiba almost cried at seeing many smaller versions of the BRBOD.
"They multiply!" he hissed to himself frantically. Dr. Douche proceeded to press several of them and Kiba's head snapped up as Hinata screamed. He panicked when he saw her plummeting towards the ground, the cable that had been holding her having been withdrawn. Before she hit the ground, however, two mechanical arms shot out from one of the bigger machines and grabbed her around the waist. She screeched as it swung down, pulling her closer to Dr. Douche until she was held before him. She kicked and struggled against the metal hold but it wouldn't budge. Kiba was writhing against the cable, trying to get loose.
"Let the show begin!" Dr. Douche yelled and on cue there was a tremendous bang as part of the hanger wall shattered.
Rasengan flew in, landing on the floor and causing a small crater to form from the force. He looked up, glaring at the robed villain and straightened up.
"Let them go, Deceptivus!" he said loudly, his voice holding a definite growl to it.
"Deceptivus?" Kiba asked, staring down at the robed man. "...I think The Bad Bathrobe is better."
There was a definite twitch to Rasengan's lips after that. The hero glared with icy blue eyes at the robed villain, taking a heroic step forwards and...he slipped.
"Motherfucker!" Rasengan yelled as he fell to his back with a loud thud. He sat up, staring incredulously at the floor. "...Is that...cooking oil?"
Deceptivus, as he was supposedly called, blinked his visible eye. "Uh...Yes!" He held up a finger. "Yes, I had...planned that! And you have fallen into my trap! Ha ha ha!"
Kiba gasped. "You're a mad genius!"
The old villain looked up at him smiling. "I know."
"I was being sarcastic." The brunet deadpanned.
The Big Red Button O' Doom was pressed.
"Shit!" Kiba yelled, trying to twist away as the electric saws lowered towards him. Hinata was screaming for him and kicking, trying to land a hit on the laughing villain.
"Kiba! Hang on!" Rasengan cried, and with a tremendous whoosh of air, he shot up into the air, heading straight for Kiba. But when he was only a few feet away, the sound of mechanical movement met their ears.
"Ah ah ah!" Deceptivus said, wagging his finger tauntingly as the large mechanical hands grabbed onto Rasengan's arms and legs. The hero grunted as his limbs were pulled, stretching him apart. He struggled but the large metal clamps refused to give away.
"Foolish boy! I warned you that I had this planned!" Deceptivus laughed. "You shall never break free of—"
"RASENGAN!" There was an explosion and the metal clamps shattered. The smoke cleared slightly, showing Rasengan holding the same swirling vortex-ball that was sewn onto his cape. A high pitched whistling sound was heard as he thrust his hand towards the remaining clamp and it shattered the moment the swirling ball made contact. Fiery blue eyes glared at Deceptivus as the villain gaped stupidly before Kiba interrupted the glare with a high pitched shriek.
"SOME HELP WOULD BE LOVELY?"
"Kiba!" Hinata cried, her eyes expanding to three times their size. Rasengan cursed and swerved around. With a burst of speed he shot towards Kiba.
Kiba saw the electric saws heading straight for his face and he closed his eyes, not wanting to see his death any more. Just as he was sure he would start feeling the indescribable pain, there came a loud screech. His eyes snapped open to see Rasengan's hand grabbing the spinning saws and stopping them in their path. His body went limp with relief while the hero tore the machines from their holders and threw them far off. He advanced and grabbed the cable keeping Kiba up and with a small huff ripped it apart as if it were made of paper. Kiba started to fall, his eyes widening but before he could really panic Rasengan had an arm around his waist, hoisting him up over his shoulder.
"Hinata! We need to get Hinata!" Kiba said quickly, already staring down at the woman. She was kicking even fiercer now since Deceptivus was trying to grab her, undoubtedly as a hostage.
"I'm on it!"
Kiba couldn't stop the shout of surprise when suddenly he was hurtling through the air on the hero's shoulder, the wind whistling in his ears and the scenery nothing but a blur.
"Give it up you old fart!" Rasengan's voice yelled and there was a very loud cry of pain.
"My back! Oh ball-sacks, my back!"
"Rasengan!" Kiba twisted and saw Hinata's face close to his own as Rasengan hoisted her over his shoulder as well. Something inside Kiba boiled when he noticed Hinata was beaming at the hero over her shoulder.
"Hey Rasengan..." he called, and when blue eyes held his own he gave a small snarl. "Keep your hands to yourself."
The blue eyes shone with amusement, but the moment was interrupted when a loud, electronic voice sounded.
"Self-Destruct sequence initiated. Ten...Nine...Eight..."
"Oh sweet merciful cheese..." Kiba whined. "Seriously? Who the hell puts an automatic self-destruct sequence in their lair?"
Rasengan groaned, and swooped down, grabbing the crippled villain by his ankle. As the voice called out a 'Two', he crouched.
"Everyone hang on!"
"Oh—" Hinata gasped, clutching his shoulder.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Kiba screamed as they shot through the air. There was a bang and glass exploded around them before the two captives found themselves watching the hangar grow smaller and smaller as they flew higher and higher. And then, the entire thing exploded. Heat waves washed over them even as Rasengan flew even faster, carrying them away from the deadly bonfire.
They stopped off at the local prison to drop off Deceptivus, who was immediately carted off on a stretcher. Then, Rasengan was swooping through the air once more, heading towards Kiba's apartment.
When Kiba was finally set back on his feet, in his own living room, several questions came to mind.
First... "How the hell did you know where I live?"
Second... "How the hell did you get in?"
And third... "What time is it? Where the hell is Naruto?"
Kiba stopped his frantic questions and pacing and turned to see Rasengan standing in front of the window. The hero looked slightly pained and nervous as he slid the window closed and drew the blinds. Hinata had taken a seat on the couch, looking at the superhero with interest as he paced around the apartment closing doors and windows. When all entrances and exits were closed, locked and otherwise barricaded, Rasengan returned to the living room and faced the now silent people.
"Okay...What I'm about to tell...show you...must be kept a secret, no matter what!" the hero said, his voice stern but his eyes were pleading. Hinata, bright as she was, immediately nodded.
"I won't tell a soul, I swear on my life," she stated, her voice filled with genuine sincerity. Kiba looked at her, his heart aching slightly at the adoring look she was directing to the hero before he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands.
"Yeah yeah...I promise too. What do you want to show us?" he asked, resigned.
Rasegan took a deep breath. "Okay...here." And with that he reached up and yanked off his mask.
It was the most shocking thing I'd ever gone through really. I think I'd have rather been zapped in the neck twenty times in a row then have to go through the emotions of that moment.
What was so shocking about the superhero taking off his mask, you might ask? Well, I understand you might be confused...Let's carry on a bit more before I continue...
Hinata's eyes looked ready to fall right out of her head when the hero's mask was pulled away only to reveal a familiar whiskered, tan face and nervous blue eyes.
"N-N-Naruto?" She stammered, her face seeming to pale as she realized exactly what the situation was. "Y-You're Rasengan?" Her old stutter was coming back at the shock.
Naruto swallowed thickly, rubbing the back of his head before he turned to look at Kiba. The brunet stared at him, eyes blank before he abruptly got up and walked into the kitchen.
Hinata looked after him in concern while Naruto sighed, already knowing what was coming.
He counted to ten.
So after finding out that my very best friend of many, many years as well as my roommate was really the very same superhero that I'd been envious of for a long time...I'm sure you can imagine that I was rather shocked.
But since I'm a grown man and I am very mature and such, I handled the situation very well.
"Kiba calm down!"
"K-Kiba! The neighbours will hear!"
"He sounds like a girl doesn't he?"
"Just give him a few more seconds and he'll snap out of it...I think."
Well...okay maybe I could have handled it a little bit better but come on, I was in total shock! It's not every day you discover such a huge secret about your roommate!
But after I finished having my momentary freak out-
"It's been nearly ten minutes..."
Ergh, just let me get on with the story will you?
Anyway, after that incident in which I may have acted a bit weirdly and demonstrated my more feminine vocal chords, I finally managed to compose myself and I took on the situation head first with much panache and dignity!
"You're Rasengan!" Kiba yelled, pointing to Naruto with a look of shock on his features. Hinata was leaning against the fridge, her hands clasped together as she looked between the two men. Naruto rubbed the back of his head quickly, mussing his hair up as he looked at his friend sheepishly.
"Yes." He confirmed.
"You're Rasengan!" Kiba repeated, his voice now holding slight awe while his hand lowered.
Naruto nodded. "That's right."
"You're Rasengan." Kiba's voice had turned slightly excited, as if he was just realizing his best friend was a superhero. Naruto was encouraged by the tone and smiled.
"You're Rasengan..." Kiba's voice had become a bit sceptical now, and his face was slowly contorting.
Naruto blinked, his smile dropping. "Uh...yes, Kiba. We've kind of established this already..."
"You're Rasengan." That was a growl. Kiba was now glaring at Naruto, and the blond superhero took a step back, raising his hands in a motion for peace.
"Whoa, okay! Kiba I understand you might be a bit upset that I kept this from you but let's just think..."
"YOU'RE RASENGAN! YOU JACKASS!" Kiba started to pace around the kitchen, grabbing at his hair. "All this time! All those times you vanished without a word, the strange noises at night—"
"Uh, well actually those are—"
"—And the strange smells, like...!" Kiba gasped, smacking his hands to his cheeks as his jaw dropped. "That time you stank of smoke! You'd been in that burning building! That was...that was three days ago!"
Naruto nodded, looking at his friend pleadingly. "Kiba I wanted to tell you, but it wasn't exactly easy for me to say and you didn't help by going on about how much of a douche Rasengan was...or I was or...gah! I'm sorry alright?" Naruto said, walking closer to his friend.
Kiba backed away, and the blond's face fell. "Kiba...it's still me! I'm still Naruto Uzumaki!"
Kiba stared at him, a hand covering his mouth while he breathed deeply through his nose. His head was going haywire with different thoughts, scenarios and realizations. However, as he looked back at his friend, he saw the begging look in Naruto's eyes and his frantic thoughts came to a screeching halt as he realized that...
It was still Naruto. Under the powers, the heroics, the tights-dear Lord those looked uncomfortable- it was still his goofy, lovable best friend Naruto.
He stared at the blond, seeing the increasing fear in those familiar blue eyes and felt his heart twang with guilt at having freaked out so badly. Naruto was Naruto no matter what he wore or what he did, and the worst thing someone could do to the blond would be to dismiss him after such a long time of camaraderie. With a sigh, Kiba let his hand fall away from his mouth and land onto Naruto's shoulder.
"I know...I'm just a little bit shocked." He gave a smile. "It'll take me a while to adjust but I know it's still you, Blondie."
The smile on Naruto's face probably made the sun blush in shame at how radiant it was.
"Thank you Kiba!" Naruto said happily, moving forward to pull the now panicking brunet into a tight hug. "I knew you'd understand!"
"I...can't...breathe!" Kiba gasped, feeling several things in his back crick. Naruto let go immediately, holding him up and apologising. Kiba coughed a bit and looked up, finally noticing that Hinata was still in the room. And he also noticed she was looking at Naruto.
He frowned and turned back to his blond friend. "But first there's something you need to take care of!"He hissed. Naruto blinked, leaning closer to hear.
"What is it?"
Kiba sent a pointed look to Hinata and then to the blond. Naruto cocked his head to the side, confused.
Kiba rolled his eyes and then made exaggerated head movements towards Hinata's direction. Then he clasped his hands together, smiled sweetly and fluttered his eyelashes.
Naruto was still confused.
"Oh for...Sort things out with Hinata! Stop the hero worship! Please!" Kiba hissed into his ear, and Naruto's eyes widened in realization.
"Oh! Oh right!" He straightened, turning to look at Hinata and then back to Kiba. "Actually that's another thing I need to talk to both of you about." He didn't let them question before dragging them both back to the living room. They stood in front of the couch while Naruto stood before them, his arms crossed as he thought for a moment.
Finally, he looked up. "Hinata...Kiba...," he took a deep breath; "...I'm gay."
Hinata sat down.
Kiba gaped at his friend with wide eyes while Hinata, bit her lip, looking very worried for a moment.
"Y-you're gay?" she asked quietly. Naruto nodded solemnly. "So..." She turned to send a glance Kiba, who looked back at her. Then she glanced back to Naruto. The blond, ever ignorant didn't get what she was thinking.
However Kiba immediately saw the connection and began to frantically wave his hands. "NO! No no no, you've got it wrong Hinata! We're not...I'm not...We're not a couple!" He finished, his voice cracking. Naruto finally understood and also began waving his hands in defence.
"Oh no! No I didn't mean it like that! I'm not attracted to Kiba that way!" He said.
"Yeah! I never even knew about this!" Kiba said before pausing. He then rounded on the blond. "Why the hell didn't I know about this?.!" He demanded, stomping his foot.
Naruto rubbed his head again. "I didn't want to freak you out."
Kiba let out a high pitched, hysterical laugh. "Didn't want to freak me out? How's that working for you?" he asked, voice wobbling and cracking in his growing hysteria. Naruto swallowed, obviously less than happy with his friend's reaction. He knew Kiba was going to freak out. Hinata seemed to be taking it rather well however, as she simply had a contemplative look on her face.
"So...Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked quietly. Naruto smiled at her.
"SAY WHAT?.!" Kiba had paled tremendously, his breathing becoming a bit erratic in his shock. Was nothing the way it was? Was his entire life a lie? "Are you serious? You have a boyfriend? I didn't even know!"
"Well like I said, I didn't want to freak you out." Naruto defended. He was starting to worry about Kiba's mental state.
Kiba laughed again, clutching the side of his head. "Don't want to freak me out...Dude after tonight I don't think there's anything that could make me lose it any more than I already have," he said, closing his eyes at the end.
Hinata hummed for a moment, looking at Naruto. "Who is it, if I may ask?"
Kiba fell down onto the couch.
That was a very traumatic night for me. I get kidnapped, find out my roommate was a superhero, and then find out he was a gay superhero to boot. And if that's not enough, I found out he's a gay superhero dating the spoiled rich guy he once saved from a twisted snake mutant.
Yes, very traumatic night.
And it just kept getting worse. At every turn I would find out some new disturbing detail.
Like the fact that Hinata, sweet Hinata, was a closet fan girl for gay couples.
"YOU DID NOT JUST ASK THAT!"
"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THIS!"
"Why Sasuke and not you? You're the superhero."
"That's exactly it. If I top I'm afraid I might end up hurting him so it's safer for him to top."
"WRONG ON SO MANY FUCKING LEVELS! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"
Definitely a traumatic night. I think everyone can agree that it took a couple of months of therapy to get over it. And they just wouldn't stop freaking me out.
"So those strange noises that Kiba mentioned earlier...?"
"Ah yeah...sometimes we can't keep it down as much as we'd like."
"CHEESE AND FUCKING RICE! I. DON'T. WANT. TO. KNOW!"
I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that one.
But finally, after everything, life continued on as always. Hinata and I started dating, and it was perfect. Of course, we kept Naruto's secret. No matter how freaked out I could get, I would never betray his trust. Naruto, Hinata and I kept that secret.
Okay well Sasuke as well. Turns out he knew Naruto's secret too, which is why they could date without issues of secrecy. And I also discovered that Deceptivus A.K.A Dr. Douche had tried to kidnap Sasuke on Saturday. But he had all these cool defence systems that made it pretty impossible. He'd sent a text to Naruto after the bad doctor left telling him what had happened. Naruto, being the loving person he is, flew over to check up on his dear boyfriend.
So Sasuke was included in the small group of secret keepers. We all went about our daily lives as usual, and life was back to being pretty damn normal. Of course, there were a few ups and downs.
"You two better keep it down. I do NOT want to hear what goes on in that room."
"Hn. No promises."
"Sasuke, be nice."
And sometimes I almost let the secret slip, but I managed to catch myself.
"Put your hands up! This is a robbery."
"Not so fast."
"...Naruto where are you? Rasengan is here! It's so very cool and awesome, you have to come see this!"
Luckily I was a skilled master of covering up, so no one suspected a thing.
"Hey Naruto...are you Rasengan?"
"W-What? What are you talking about Sakura? No way."
All of you shut up.
There's my story.
As you can see, I am just a normal guy. I have a normal job, live in a normal looking apartment, date a very beautiful girl who also has a normal-ish job and we live our lives normally.
Well...most of the time.
It's a bit hard to stay normal when your roommate is a superhero.
Awwww...I enjoy writing with Kiba. He's so much fun! :D
I hope you all enjoyed this little one-shot (little she says...over 8,000 words) and I'd love to hear what you think! Reviews are awesome!