He couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene in front of him. Out of possible futures he never foresaw this one. A sob threatened its way through his chest and he choked down tears as he stood, frozen in the doorway. The bag he had been carrying, had fallen to the floor out of his grip from the pure shock that passed through him those first few seconds. The grease from the burgers were already staining the carpet of the cheap hotel room. The buns and insides of the burgers were in a pile at his feet, no longer together much like his heart. His eyes burned and blurred as he fought the tears, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of seeing him this way. Them, the people he trusted the most, who he loved the most. Except now all that he felt was betrayal, heavy and suffocating him with each breath. Making his stomach churn and his toes to curl.
Right before his eyes he watched as Dean was pushed down so that he was on all four. He was naked, except for the blindfold and gag in his mouth. There was nothing he couldn't see as Dean was shaking in what could have been anticipation or just pure pleasure as the man, no angel behind him thrusted his hips forward. Strong upper body, with wide toned shoulders complimented with sweat a body that once he had loved, one he had cherished. The angel's torso was tan, just like the rest of him, not surprising from his amount of time he spent on the beach. His abs, sheer with sweat looked as if they were chiseled from stone and his hips were narrow. This angel was on his knees, thighs twitching and buttocks clenched in pleasure. For Sam, this would not have been an odd sight at least not if the angel's hair was black.
This was his fault, he honestly believed that. In the back of his mind he knew that somehow this was all of his fault. He was to blame for the one person he loved to betray him this way. Looking back he knew why this was the perfect revenge Gabriel would choose.
It was a week back, before they came to Baton Rouge and him and Dean were working a case in Springfield, Missouri. One night after a particular long day of research and digging around for a grave that turned out to be empty he had reluctantly agreed to going out with Dean. There was a local bar not far from where they were staying, seeing as Gabriel was not around he didn't see the hurt in going to go have a few beers with his brother. That was until four beers and a few dozen shots of tequila he was out in the ally making out with Jean, who he was pretty sure was really a John, but it wasn't like he cared. In his drunken mind he let this perfect stranger suck him off, and it was going pretty good until Gabriel showed up and everything went to hell. So, maybe he did deserve it. He got a taste of his own medicine and he had to admit Gabriel could have done much worse. The only difference was that he had been with a perfect stranger, someone he didn't care anything about, someone he would never see again. He was someone that Gabriel didn't even know, didn't care about. Except this, this was his brother who was taking it, it was his brother who was moaning around the gag in his mouth.
Watching, thrust after thrust Gabriel made into his brother he saw anger there, hurt and pain but the only thing that could be seen overall of those other things. Was smug revenge and when Gabriel turned his head around to face him. He didn't look apologetic, or surprised he was caught. In fact he gave a smirk and arched his eyebrow as if to ask for something. So, Sam did the one thing he knew Gabriel wouldn't expect.
He walked away and didn't let one tear fall away at least not until Dean found him later that night drunk and in an alley way. This time he was bleeding, bruised and giggling like a school girl as his older brother forced him up and shoved him into the Impala. Maybe one day he could forgive Dean for what he did, actually he already did but there was one condition. The real reason why Gabriel never came back around and now the last memory he has of his lover was the image of him dying. Trying to make things right in so many ways that in the end it killed him. This was the guilt Sam carried with him and the only betrayal he felt was the betrayal he caused in Baton Rouge. When he walked away, when he should have fought back.