Me and Grimmjow have been best friends since we were 12 years old. We both moved here at the same time and got picked on by the same people, for the same reason. Me for me ridiculously orange hair and him for his beautiful blue.

Once when we were fourteen we went to this party we got drunk and ended up having sex in the bathroom. We never talked about it, and we never stopped having sex. By the age of fifteen I was in love with him, but I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to end our friendship. So instead of being miserable I began to date other people, girls, boys anyone who wasn't Grimmjow. That only made things worse I began to compare then to him, which just made me love him more. Oddly enough every time I broke up with someone he had someone new on his arm, luckily he didn't like any of them.

I have loved him for twelve years of my life and I still have not told him, we're still friends. I'm torturing myself but it's too good of a friendship to lose. I would kill myself if I lost him.

September 21, 2006

Today we were sitting at my house on the floor, back to back,head on the others shoulders. I like it this way. We talk about nothing, everything, anything we can think of. He'll try to irritate me by licking my face or tickle me and then I hit him and we start fighting, and then we're back on the floor. Sitting.

"Ichi" he says

"yea" I say

"I'm horny"

"me too"

"wanna fuck"

I'm so happy i can barely hold back my smile "yea" I say

He does something different this time, he takes my hand gently and tangles his fingers in mine. He leads me to my room and closes the door softly. He kisses me but its not like any of the other times we kissed this one was filled with something but i don't know what it is. I looked into his eyes. they weren't dark and lust filled like they are usually when we have sex, they were a pretty light blue and very soft. I love his eyes. I was so busy looking into his eyes i didn't notice that he has taken all my clothes off. He put me on my bed and we start kissing again. He began to kiss down my chest, he sucked my very hard nipple in to his mouth. He knows I love that. He did the same to the other. He began to kiss down my stomach and down to my cock and kisses the head, he licked it. He teasing me "just do it already" I yell. He looks at me and gives me that sinful grin I love so much and licks it again. He licks like its a popsicle. I'm getting restless. He teasing me to long. I can't take it. I grab his head and I bring it up to my face and i tell him "stop teasing me and suck it". He gives me that grin again and finally obeys.

It feels so good I can't breathe, he has never sucked me off this good before. It was all over to quickly when i came in his mouth, he swallowed all of it and kissed me. I moaned when I felt his hard cock on my thigh. I start to go down to suck him off but he stopped me

"not today" he says

"but I want to" i say I'm so confused usually he want me to

"not today" he says again

"but why"I whine

"cuz i said so" He kiss me but its so soft and sweet I agree.

He reaches for the lube in my drawer and puts some on his fingers. He teases me hole for a little and then slides his finger in my ass hard and fast, like i like it stabbing my prostate. I scream out "yes". He puts two more fingers in me and starts scissoring me until i can no longer take it and I scream "fuck me". He looks me in the eyes and for moment i see something. He shakes his head violently and puts more lube on his cock. He slams into me again stabbing me prostate again. I think I almost went blind. He keeps hitting it over and over again, I can't take it, it feels too good, and all i can do is scream his name over and over. I'm hard again and i reach down to help myself, he slaps my hand away and does it for me. In second a came all over the both of us and he come soon after inside me. He pulls out and puts his strong arms around me. I try to get up and take a shower but he doesn't let me get up.

"don't leave" he tells me very softly

"okay" I tell him

I start to drift off to sleep he won't let me he knows I like to sleep after a good fuck. He begins to kiss my neck, down my jaw and to my lips to keep me awake. He kissed down my chest and my stomach and he starts so suck my cock again. It's so much better this time I stay awake. He fucks me again and this time it's soft and slow. He slides into me slowly and slides out even slower. I love it. He then speeds it up and goes hard and fast before he goes soft and slow again. It doesn't end until he came inside me and I was screaming his name over and over again and dragging my nails down his back. He pulled out of me and laid down next to me and I laid on his chest I fell asleep to his heartbeat with a shit eating grin on my face.

He woke me up early that morning telling me he had something to do. He kissed me when he left and he told me I would hear from him again.

September 22, 2006

I raced to my phone when it rang thinking it was Grimmjow "hello" I answered

It wasn't Grimmjow "Ichigo" it was dad and he sounded worried and scared

"yea dad what's wrong"

"It's it's..."

"It's who dad"I didn't like the way he sounded

"It's Grimmjow, he got into a car accident"

I froze "I I'll be right there"

I grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and I left my house. I drove so fast I'm surprised I didn't get a ticket. I hoped he was alright, I hoped he lived so I could finally tell him I love him and he would hold me and tell me he loves me to.

How wrong was I.

When I got there a nurse told me that he lost a lot of blood and he's not breathing on his own. I almost cried right there. I asked to see him and they told me to his room but I could only see him through the window. It hurt me to see him like that. It hurt to see him not laughing at me for crying and telling me I'm a sissy for crying and I'd hit him and then we would laugh on the floor. I put my hand on the window and looked at him a little longer until I couldn't stand it. I slid down the wall and listened to his heart monitor. I listened to it until I heard it flat line and beep again it did that two more times before the doctors raced in there. I heard them yell clear and the monitor beeped and it flat lined again. They kept at it for a while until it completely flat lined and watched the whole thing. And then I thought I just lost him.

I just lost my best friend.

The love of my life.

I lost my everything.

I had to sit down I couldn't look at him any more. A doctor walked up to me "are you Ichigo" he asked

"yes" was all I could say

"this is for you, it was in his hand when he crashed" He handed me and envelope. It had my name on it and it was written in Grimmjow"s handwriting.

"thanks"

I said and the doctor left me to my thoughts. I thought about everything we when through together. Everything the time we fought and had to go to the hospital. I don't know how long I sat there before a nurse told me I had to leave. I sat in my car and I took the note out of my pocket and I read it:

Dear Ichi

I love you. I have for some time now. I know you love me but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. You don't deserve someone like me, You deserve better. Last night I cried because I knew what I was about to do. I had to make love to you before I left. If you hate me I don't blame you I would to. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I'm sorry.

Love Grimm

I couldn't believe it, he loved me. I didn't hate him, I love him. The hardest part of that letter was the fact that I was the last thing he thought of before he died. I drove home but I couldn't go in there, too many memories. I stayed in my car and I cried myself to sleep I woke up with his arms around me telling me he loved me. Then I woke up for real I was alone in my car. I drove around until I got tired again drove to my childhood home. I walked in with saying a word to anyone. I didn't try to notice the looks my sisters and my dad were giving me I just went to my room and closed the door. I went through some old photos and I saw my favorite picture of me and Grimmjow. It was when we were at a festival and I was on his back. I had the time of my life. I was always happy with him.