After much consulting and debating, I will admit that technically, I, Blue, for the most part, in accordance and context to the laws of reality and the facts of life verbatim do not in any way, shape, or form that can be physically, chemically, or naturally proven own Marvel in any noteworthy capacity.

Kazoo Productions ™presents:

There was a prince who wanted to marry a princess.

"Very reasonable fellow," Remy observed.

But she would have to be a real princess. He travelled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were princesses enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real princess.

"Aw, poor Rems," Rogue said. "Just what was wrong with the girls?"

"They weren't you."

One evening a terrible storm came on. There was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it.

"Old king as in the one before the current king?" Remy asked. "Because otherwise, the very idea of a ruling king to open his own city gate in the middle of the night is completely stupid."

"And Remy knows about stupid," Rogue commented.

"Well, bien sur! I had to put up with Emil and Sabretooth and Magneto!"

"You were paid t' deal wit' de last deux," Jean Luc, the king, pointed out.

"Oui, after you had the meeting and you signed the contract without tellin' moi anythin' 'bout it. Let's not forget that part," he near growled at the man.

Down, Cajuns. Let's not get testy.

It was a princess standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious, what a sight the rain and the wind had made her look! The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess.

"Well, we'll soon find that out," thought the old king. But he said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a pea on the bottom; then he took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pea, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

"You have got to be the most paranoid man I've ever known," Remy commented.

"Did you really have to start with this?" Rogue mused.

"'S not paranoia when assassins really are tryin' t' kill ya, garcon," Jean Luc shot back.

"If only they was competent…"

"Wha's dat s'posed t' mean?"

"Pull ya head out of your – "

Rogue jerked Remy down by his collar, locking lips with the Cajun, effectively shutting him up.

I appreciate that girl so much. Don't you, Jean Luc?

"Eh, she's a decent daughter-in-law."

On this the princess had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

Ooh, askin' a lady, much less a princess, how she slept is a total breach of propriety! For shame.

"Girl, why do ya know dat?"

Well, Jean Luc, before fanfiction, I read my mom's books that she has in about five boxes in the garage and things from the library. They also didn't bathe regularly.

"Uh-huh. Shouldn't ya be tryin' t' get dis done, 'stead o' talkin'?"

I would, but you know how those two are once they get started. So…how's Tante?


Ah…and what about Lapin?


Hm…GUYS! Anytime y'all decide to come up for air, we still have a production to finish! 'Cause I don't like talkin' to him!

"Oh, very badly!" she said "I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It's horrible!"

Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.

"Wait, that's a good thing?" Rogue asked, incredulous. "He actually wants a girl that spoiled?"

"And if she's that sensitive," Remy started, "how is he supposed to have – "

This is K+; watch your mouth.

"an heir without killin' her in the process?"

"She ain't gotta have de bebe," Jean-Luc shrugged.

"What, like a concubine?"

"Or adoption," Jean Luc replied pointedly. "Serve 'im right if de chil' turn out difficult as he was."

"Should I be concerned, sugar, that 'concubine' was the first that came to your mind?"

"'Course not, Chere. You know I just want you."

"Nice recovery, boy," Jean Luc laughed at him.

Concubine might up this to T actually.

So the prince took her for his wife, for now he knew that he had a real princess; and the pea was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

Jean Luc and Rogue looked at Remy.

"What? He is the King of Thieves! And it's a pea. What would I do wit' that?"

"Do he sound defensive t' ya, petite?" Jean Luc asked her.

"Very. Think he did it?"

"Not really, non."

"Stop conferring with my wife!"