Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Timeline: Post "Blame It On The Alcohol." Ignore everything that happens after that.
Pairings: It mentions around twenty pairings/possible pairings so clearly not one of them is actually important.
KURT AND THE BISEXUALS
My name is Kurt Hummel, and I, like any young gay man worth his knowledge of Hungarian fleece, have a problem. Actually, I have many problems, but sadly this isn't my story so I'm not going to go into those. (My story would probably just get monopolized by someone else anyway.) This isn't a tale of Neanderthal bullies or self-inflicted insecurities. Frankly, I'm not even sure that this qualifies as a tale. It's more like a tragic enterprise of Lohan proportions. No seriously, this has cheap tabloid written all over it. How else would you categorize an outbreak of bisexuality at William McKinley High School? Or more specifically, an outbreak of bisexuality within my former glee club.
Bisexuality. It's such a loose term. It was clearly created by overtly gay individuals who wanted to maintain a sense of "normalcy." Either that or drunk students of the collegiate level looking for a way to increase their number of sexual partners. I'm sure I'm confusing someone out there so let me clarify: Just because I am gay doesn't mean that I have to approve of or enjoy everyone in the LGBT community. I don't need to support "bisexuals," and I certainly do not have to support those extreme lesbians who wear crocs and cargo shorts. Cargo shorts. Besides, I may sort of have a slight personal issue with bisexuality. To be fair, it is attacking my personal life.
For the first time, in reality, I have fallen in love with an actual gay man. Blaine Anderson for all intents and purposes is perfect. At a time maybe a little too perfect, but I of course was able to overlook this. And it's not like I preferred him that way. The fact that he had passing feelings for an older hippie clerk didn't bother me. Really. I think we've only grown closer since that experience just like we'll get through these new setbacks and become Dalton's Prom King and King as well. That is if Dalton has a prom. I'll have to mention this to Blaine. Ah see, that right there only proves my point. I can still have normal conversations with him about topics such as prom and it's not uncomfortable. I can completely overlook that my future boyfriend comes down with bisexuality every time he has a little too much to drink.
This was originally discovered in Rachel Berry's basement of all places. A part of me, the small fragment that is still left over from when I used to imagine drowning Rachel in a small pool of tadpoles, wants to blame this whole thing on her. I'd love to say that it's just another unfortunate ailment that only Rachel Berry carries like giving people the will to stab sharpened pencils in their ears or turning respectable school boys into the ones that will break her heart, but I can't. This isn't just another Rachel Berry produced melodrama. After her party, infatuation, and then Blaine's realization, I still needed to be sure. So when Dalton was having their monthly meeting with their sister school, I dragged him along. After more than a few drinks, he went into straight mode and began flirting with more than a few girls. It's just this thing he has. Suffice to say, I have now explained the dangers of drinking to him and it's no longer something we do.
For a few days there, everything was going fine and the idea of bisexuality completely escaped my life until one girl changed it all. Ew no, not like that. No, thankfully this doesn't directly have anything to do with me. It was just something I (along with Blaine) got stuck playing witness to. The constant feeling of bile rising in my throat over the last couple of weeks was all thanks to one Quinn Fabray. It was surprising and ordinary all at once. If anyone, I would have thought her sexuality was intact since birth considering she had a baby of her own and was very in tuned with her Christian faith. I guess I overlooked that this was Quinn Fabray. Oh you haven't heard? That was supposed to mean something.
Quinn was the girl all the boys she never talked to would bring up in future life conversations. While surrounded by their circle of twenty-something friends, these once boys will answer the common questions by simply sighing, "Quinn Fabray." Who was your first crush? "Quinn Fabray." Who was the one that got away? "Quinn Fabray." What was your favorite subject to study? "Quinn Fabray." It was a name that rolled off a student body's tongues as easily as Sandy Olsen or Regina George. So really, any of Quinn's decisions or endeavors shouldn't shock anyone. Especially this Quinn. After coming back from babygate on top no less, she's to be excused from everything. If she lies, manipulates, cheats, or destroys other people's lives, it doesn't matter because she's Quinn. That's what Quinn does. In two years from now when she graduates none of this will matter because she won't even remember whose lives they were.
Honestly at this point, I think we all secretly want her to get knocked up again. Apparently, having a fetus growing inside of her is the only way for her to show any compassion. Okay, so maybe that's not entirely true. She was still some version of an actual person when the school year started. But when I was still attending McKinley, Mercedes and I (and Santana if I had to guess) were all privy to witnessing that persona be shed away. We could all thank Sam Evans and his gay hair for this. It wasn't enough that Quinn regained captainship of the Cheerios, she also needed a boyfriend to take back over McKinley, and Sam was the perfect stand in. With that, she got her prized status back, and the only time she showed actual emotion was during glee club performances until a couple of weeks ago that is.
I'm not really sure how it happened per se, but if I had to render a guess, I'd say that she just finally snapped. It was official, Quinn had lost it. Her sanity had been breached. It was bound to happen sooner or later, what with the growing up in the oppressive religious home and all. Not to mention the year she had last year, and the fact that it all just came crashing down. Quitting the cheerios, losing Sam, and now Finn, why wouldn't she walk off the limb? And walk she did; in the most unexpected of ways. (But not surprising, remember?) As someone who tended to get what she wants—and more times than not what she doesn't want—Quinn Fabray formulated a plan after she left the limb. And what a plan it was. (In the idiotic and unnecessary sense.)
It consisted of the common things you'd expect out of a Fabray patented plot. To accomplish her task, she would use several people without giving it a second thought. And her first target? Sam Evans, the lovable bleach head. Obviously for her to accomplish her task, it all began with Phase One. If Phase One failed, then she would fail. Too bad it was a simple phase. All she had to do was get back together with Sam which may seem like a stretch until you actually thought about it. It was possible. She briefly got Finn back this year didn't she? And he wouldn't even take Rachel back after committing the same crime to a much lesser degree. (Though, for the record, my step brother is a complete idiot. Not that anyone wants him with Rachel of course. Those two are like, well, crocs and cargo shorts.)
It was not surprisingly simple how fast she got Sam back. Some manipulations, a couple of earnest apologies, a few promises, and he was back in her pocket. Collectively it only took two days. Sam Evans is now an equivalent of pathetic. Personally, I still think it had more to do with getting away from Santana than anything that had to do with Quinn. But really, who can blame him? At any rate, once Ken and Barbie were settled and comfortable around each other again, Quinn drifted toward her next step. This is generally when the tabloid tale gets to be vomit worthy. Oh how I yearn for the days when I assumed Quinn was just another dumb blonde.
After about a week of heavy petting, um, dating, Quinn entered into Phase Two. Phase Two was much less than a given then Phase One was. Quinn's entire plan rode on Sam's possible hidden sexuality which just for the record, I questioned first. Credit givith were credit dueith, that's all I'm saying. Anyway, back to the –heh– story. This is the part where I have to warn you to avert your eyes if you can't stand the sight of two blondes in a close vicinity to each other. Like any two teenagers in heat, they were spending this typical Monday afternoon in a horizontal position. Fully clothed of course. (It is Quinn after all.) From my perspective they continued to waste Sam's lips in this disturbing imagery for a few minutes until Quinn took the leap and asked him her question.
"Have you ever thought about what kissing a boy is like?"
The question hung in the air for a few moments before Sam finally responded.
"What?" He tilted his head back to stare up at his girlfriend. "Why are you asking me that?" He laughed nervously.
"Oh come on, Sam. Don't make me say it."
"No." He shook his head slowly.
"Two guys together is a total turn on for girls."
"Really?" His only answer was Quinn doing something with her tongue against his throat. (Trust me; you don't wanna know.) "Oh man." Sam grinned stupidly.
Absolutely pathetic. I'm not sure, but I'd say that's not your common girl's turn on. Honestly, if he's dumb enough to believe anything that comes out of her mouth, he deserves to be used. Face meet palm.
"So have you?" She asked again.
"Wanted to kiss a boy?"
"Um…well there was this one guy at my old school."
I knew it.
Quinn smirked at the initiation of Phase Two. "Tell me about him." She prompted.
"Well, ah, his name was Fred, and he was on the football team with me." He began. "He was really cool. He had the best vintage Pokémon card collection I've ever seen. I was so distracted by him. I can't tell you how many interceptions I threw because of him." Sam laughed a little.
Note to self: Take Blaine to McKinley to rescue Sam from Narnia.
"This is so hot." Quinn went back to festering Sam's neck. At least that's what I'd call it.
"So did you ever actually kiss Frank?" She continued.
Sam sat up, bringing Quinn with him by default. "Uh no. I never brought myself to do so."
"So you've only ever kissed girls?"
Sam frowned. "Sorry?"
"So was this Fred special," she shifted closer to rest her chin on his shoulder, "or have there been others?"
"No, not really. Just Fred."
"What about any of the guys at McKinley?" She pressed on.
"Well what about Puck? Everyone loses sight and finds Puck attractive. I'm proof of that."
Sam thought it over. "Um, yeah I guess. Why are you askin–"
"I think you should go for it with Puck."
"Really?" He asked her distrustfully.
"Yeah." Her teeth traced the shell of his ear. "I really, really do."
And so he did. Or at least he tried to. The next day, he got about as far as a few lockers away from Puck's before freezing up. While Sam simply stared at the mohawked boy, Quinn sighed in frustration beside her boyfriend. Her momentary glare went unnoticed before she calmed herself and went with a different approach.
Quinn placed a pleasant, soft smile on her face. "What are you waiting for?"
"I'm not sure I can do this." He explained.
"It's just one kiss." She breathed out in his ear. "I promise to make it worth your while."
She never would.
"Okay." Sam nodded once and took a deep breath. As soon as he walked away, Quinn traded her pleasant smile for an eye roll. She then watched as he made it down the hallway to where Puck and Lauren Zizes stood.
"Txan mefun." Sam greeted but received blank expressions. "It means great arms in Na'vi."
That went on for a while, and Quinn had to watch Sam disregard her advice and fail at flirting with her baby-daddy. Sam continued to make very poor attempts at being subtle with his intentions for Puck. Total embarrassment, really. Though to be fair, he's brand new at this. He has even less experience than me which is really saying something. This would've been the point where Quinn stepped in to initiate Phase Three, but Lauren unintentionally did it for her. God forbid anything's made hard for the pretty blonde one.
Puck glared at his teammate. "Okay seriously, bro, what the hell are you–"
"Oh come on, Puckerman." Lauren interrupted. "Don't tell me you're afraid of a little boy on boy action."
"What?" Puck faced her, surprised.
"Are you not badass enough for a little kiss?"
Never one to back down from a challenge in front of his peers, especially when his "badassness" was in question, Puck just went for it. Despite the fact that this body crash was more appealing to me than the idea of Sam and Quinn, I still found it disturbing. Sorry, but after all those years of torment, I will never find Noah Puckerman attractive. It'd be like actually thinking of Dave Karofsky as eligible. Just– no. Thankfully, the kiss was nothing more than a glorified peck so I didn't suffer all too much. Amidst the stunned hallway, Puck walked away with Lauren wearing some glare-smirk look while Sam rejoined Quinn, and a certain voyeur went unnoticed.
At this point I'm going to end up having more extra credit than actual credit. Remember when I said my step-brother was a complete idiot? Well, case and point. As Puck threw himself onto Sam's face, their teammate stood down the hall watching. Finn's face contorted from surprised to confused to envious in a matter of seconds. I don't know if he was jealous of Sam or Puck, but frankly I don't care. This problem Finn has where he only wants what he can't have is getting old. He wanted Rachel when he was with Quinn; Brittany and Santana when he was with Rachel; Rachel again when she was with Jesse; Quinn when she was with Sam. Apparently, all I had to do was find a boyfriend last year and Finn could've been mine. Not that I'd go back and change anything if I could. Talk about your awkward family dinners; even if it would have been deliciously soapy. I love the suds. Maybe I could've even gotten on board with this whole epidemic if it was sudsy. Sadly though, it wasn't. This was hardly a soap opera. It was nothing but high school as later that afternoon proved.
I'm not sure why they were in the locker room. They were probably working out or maybe they were on the basketball team. I can't keep track. The whys aren't important. The point was that Sam and Puck were in the locker room where Mohawk stared heatedly at Bieber making him fear for his little life.
"Hey, uh look, sorry about earlier." Sam tried to apologize as Puck just continued to approach him. "It's just Quinn–"
"Your mouth is huge."
"Um, what?" Was all Sam got out before Puck was shoving him against a locker.
Ladies and gentlemen: Round two of face suckage. Excuse me, but I'm a little bit biased when it comes to hating locker room kisses. Luckily, Sam pulled away when oxygen was needed or however the cool kids phrase it these days.
"Whoa." The blonde uttered.
Voyeur number one cleared his throat to get their attention. "You guys wanna tone it down a bit? People are gonna start talking."
Puck turned around to give Finn a very bored look. "So what. As long as I don't shave my head, this school worships me."
"Plus girls totally find it hot." Sam added.
"Really?" Puck frowned before grinning. "Sweet."
"Whatever." Finn sighed. "Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean Sam can." He turned from Puck to Sam. "What are you doing with him anyway? Aren't you back with Quinn?"
"Why do you care?" Puck asked him.
"I don't really. It's just not cool to do this to her or Lauren." Puck and Sam stared at him, incredulous.
I share their sentiment.
"Besides," Finn continued, "I'm the one who's been you friend since moving here." The stares continued. "You're supposed to idolize me." Finn crossed the benches to get into Sam's personal bubble.
Sam frowned. "What are you–"
"Puckerman, you in here?" Lauren strode in and halted at the scene in front of her. "Well, well, well. I smell sex and candy. Interesting." She narrowed her eyes before grabbing Puck's wrist. "Let's go. I suddenly have a craving for some Jujubes."
I will forever be thankful that Lauren chose that moment to join the boys. I don't think I was ready to know about anything else that would've taken place had she not showed up. And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, Phase Four came about. This one required Quinn to use Santana. I'm not sure exactly how this one would've gone down or what Quinn was planning here, but I'm fine with that. I've always felt the less I know about Santana Lopez the better off I'd be. Anyway, once again Quinn was given some accidental assistance only this time it came from the congenial Brittany. Quinn literally stopped in her choir room tracks as her fellow blonde made it over to Santana before she could. Instead, Quinn just idly watched and eavesdropped.
"Hi." Brittany crossed the busy choir room and sat down next to Santana. "So I thought that maybe since the school doesn't care that Puck and Sam are now bi with a capital B-Y, we could go out."
Brittany was right. Since Puck and Sam were two of the most popular guys at McKinley, no one did really care. (I absolutely loathe this school.) However, because Santana still had her own reservations, she counter-offered Brittany's Breadstix date with a private one in her bedroom. Brittany was obviously upset by this and Santana's continued lack of emotion. So Britt decided to play puppeteer herself. Like her predecessor, the first puppet she played with was the boyfriend. If there's anything Brittany vaguely understands other than animals, it's relationships. When she first pursued Artie it had gotten a rise out of Santana. It wasn't until Puck got out of juvie that she stopped caring. But now that he was with Lauren, Santana seemed to be frustrated with everything again. It was time to use this to her advantage and get Santana to admit she likes their sweet lady kisses the best. But this time she needed more than just Artie. So she talked to her boyfriend about pulmonary (polygamy). And who better to do something like this with than Mike and Tina. Yes, I know. Nothing makes sense.
Because Artie learned never to be surprised by or question anything Brittany says, he gave her proposal some legitimate thought. For a whole two minutes there, he considered the pros and cons of seeing the only two girls he's ever dated getting together before saying yes. Despite the fact that he did truly love Brittany, it didn't just erase his previous love for Tina. This may be the perfect opportunity to act on it without any consequences. Now just came the part of convincing Chang Squared to go along with it. Mike said no. Tina said yes. Therefore, they agreed. Yeah, I don't get it either. What I do know is that the background couples transformed into a foursome. For a second there, the girls swapped partners. Artie got his wish and once again made physical contact with Tina. Mike was made comfortable with the situation by Brittany, and I gotta say, their actions were far to smooth for it to be the first time. (I guess she really does keep a list.) It was when they swapped partners again that things got pornganic. Mike and Artie got a good few minutes of The Brittany/Tina Show before reality hit them.
"You guys need to kiss too." Brittany told them.
"It's only fair." Tina continued.
The boys shared a glance with each other and then their girlfriends and then each other once again. The rest, they say, is history.
Santana, naturally, was raging over all of this. And as any (ex) cheerio would do, she formulated her own plan. (Don't get excited. It's just as ridiculous as Quinn's and Brittany's.) If Brittany was going to go play with "Asia," then Santana was going to have to step up her game. She was going to have to find someone to throw back in Brittany's face too. It was just a question of whom. Since Tina was out and she'd never go near Lauren again, that left three options. Well actually two. (Santana was still pissed at Miss Celibacy for stealing Sam back.) Rachel would have been too easy. Ever since it became clear to everyone in glee that bisexuality was spreading throughout them, Rachel had been trying not to be left out. (As always.) She figured because Santana was so open, she'd easily give in to Rachel's advances. And maybe if the tiny diva hadn't been so annoyingly desperate she could have. As it was, giving in would also help Rachel—something Santana never wanted to do. So instead, Santana went for a darker flavor.
I was actually relieved when I first found out that this is where the tale drifted off to. I thought: Finally, someone with some logic. Glad I didn't hold my breath. Do you see what bisexuality causes? It causes my sound best friend's logic to become illogical. I don't know. Maybe sexuality-questioning is more common than I thought. I just never expected Mercedes to do so. After ignoring Rachel's pursuit like everyone else, Mercedes was approached by Santana. Because they hated each other, Mercedes turned her down as well. But then she began thinking. Maybe the reason why it didn't work out with Hot Anthony or why she didn't really date too often was because she wasn't entirely straight. She was in glee. She could live up the gay. My heart broke for her. She was the Rhoda to my Mary. It hurts that she couldn't come to me with something like this. Perhaps this was just something she needed to do on her own, and for Mercedes, I could accept that. Doesn't mean anything got less nauseating.
Mercedes and Santana still spent the rest of the week "dating." Mike, Tina, Artie, and Brittany still spent the week being too graphic to even recap on. Lauren still encouraged Puck to compete with Finn over Sam. Rachel still tried to join the club through anyone that would have her, and Quinn just stood by watching it all unfold. She had the patience to just wait and do nothing until the zit finally came to a head. And where do excessive pimples pop? Well at parties of course. I still don't know whether to be grateful or upset that Blaine and I missed this one. Lauren, forever entertained by these recent events, took it upon herself to throw a weekend party.
After an hour or so of listening to catchy tunes, things began to liven up. Not by too much though. Oddly there were no drinks considering they were all under contract with Mr. Schue or something. And oh dear God, I can't believe this whole thing took place sober. It was seriously unthinkable considering what took place. Tina rotated between Brittany and Mike's abs while Artie stared helplessly down at his flabs. Lauren munched on popcorn as Finn and Puck (dumbly) tried to impress Sam on her couch. Santana traded small kisses with Mercedes while paying close attention to Brittany. (Still can't believe Mercedes' first two kisses were with Noah Puckerman and Santana Lopez. That's as bad as my record.) Rachel tried to actually make it a party rather than what it was (teenagers divided amongst a living room), and Quinn, unsurprisingly, just stood by and spied all of this with her little eye.
"If I up my steroid intake by 100mg, I can bench around 350." Puck told Sam proudly.
"That's great, uh…" Sam trialed off, having no response.
Finn sent Puck a glare. "Dude, stop trying to impress him with your guns when you know I don't have any."
"Hey, I already told you your body's amazing." Sam reassured his fellow quarterback.
Puck scoffed. "Yeah, if you're in to the Finnsbury Dough Boy look."
Finn reached over Sam to give Puck a shoulder shove. "Like yours is much better."
Puck reciprocated the shove. "Do I need to prove it?" Puck stood from the couch.
"No, you really don't–" Sam tried to stop him before he was distracted by the shirtless boy imagery. "Is that a nipple ring?"
"Greatest movie ever." Lauren ate some more popcorn.
In the other corner of the room, voyeur number two continued to take advantage of my best friend's mouth as she watched Brittany and The Bunch.
Brittany raked her fingers through Tina's streaked locks. "You have the softest hair."
"That's it." Santana growled before yanking her and Mercedes off the chair they were using. "Cedes and I are going upstairs to have sex." She announced to the room. "On the floor. Cause we'ze be too hot for a bed."
And I'd say by everyone's lack of reaction, not one of them cared.
"Have you lost it?" Mercedes stopped herself from being dragged away.
And there's my missing logic.
"Oh what." Santana rolled her eyes. "You're gonna have to drop the big V sometime, and I'm great at collecting them."
"Okay do you hear yourself right now? Look, I know you have some type of heart buried deep, deep down inside of you. Somewhere. Just find it and talk to Brittany like an actual person. I'm going to watch the three stooges."
Santana looked over at the quartet of strippers before deciding to just deal with that later. "What are they doing?" She joined Mercedes and Lauren.
Lauren passed over her snack bowl. "Seeing who's better at combing Blondie's hair."
Neither of them was winning, and Sam ended up with some God awful part down the middle. This was all made clear by Rachel's rant. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Rachel was ranting. I know, I know. Nothing new there, but she was. When she was done pointing out that both Finn and "Noah" were inept at such gestures, she began to lay into how they were all failing at partying. Then she yelled at Lauren about being a poor hostess only to not enforce her point by grabbing the now empty popcorn bowl and diva storming into the kitchen. Mercedes, Santana, and Lauren just shrugged before going back to boy-watching. (Or in Santana's case: Boy and Brittany watching.)
"Rachel." Quinn followed the self-proclaimed glee leader into the kitchen.
"Quinn, hello. Are you enjoying the gathering that it merely pretending to be a party?" She huffed, pouring more popcorn into Lauren's oversized bowl.
Oh these two. If this wasn't why Quinn put everything into motion, I would have gladly just skipped this part. As much as I have grown to appreciate Rachel, she's still far from being interesting. And Quinn is much worse. I think I can honestly say that she's the most boring person I've ever met. She somehow managed to make a teen pregnancy with a false paternity boring. I think the only one who surpasses her is Miss Pillsbury (dash Howell). So I'll save you some agony and skip over their conversation. It was really just Rachel ranting over the non-party some more. Quinn, being a relatively sane person, tuned her out. This went on for a while as it's Rachel. Once she finally lost all patience, Quinn accomplished Phase…I lost count.
Quinn cut Rachel's tirade off (yay) with more face crashing (nay). Spit was swapped, hands I guess did something, Rachel was happy to actually be included in a group activity, and Quinn's sanity breach finally ended.
The blonde shoved the shorter girl away. "That's it?" Quinn complained. "But that's no better than kissing boys."
I could have told her that.
THE END…of Quinn's (and Brittany's and Santana's) insane ploy at least. I might as well go into what happened afterwards. I've gotten this far haven't I?
As for Quinn and Rachel, well, they didn't go out and purchase any "Gay for Fabray" "Fairy for Berry" t-shirts afterward. Actually, they never spoke of their whatever-in-the-kitchen again which props to Quinn because that was what she intended all along. The whole reason she came up with a plan instead of just macking on Rachel in the astronomy room was to be able to blame it on the week that was. And it worked. Rachel contributed the kitchen way kiss to New Directions' week of experimentation, and Quinn easily went back to ignoring Rachel slash insulting her depending on what the occasion called for. The ex-cheerio also produced a list of pros and cons in order to choose between Finn and Sam. Sam's pros are too moronic even for me to list while Finn's simply stated something about Prom King and Queen. Personally, I would've gone with the tiara. Sadly though, Quinn had other ideas and has decided to once again blind us with too much blonde…or at least until next week when she decides otherwise.
Not to worry, however. Finn wasn't lonesome for too long. Rachel called forth her American Rights and focused in on Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Finn. She followed him around and he followed her around because of that invisible children's leash attached to both of their wrists. This went on until about Regionals when they reiterated love confessions and reunited again. I'm convinced that this is going to be an annual event. I've already got bets going with Blaine and Mercedes on when they'll breakup next year so they can repeat this scene one more time. And because they're both such realists, I'd reckon they also choose a Regionals "theme" for their future wedding.
I could be slightly overreacting. Perhaps Finn was just trying to hide his recent gayness. It wasn't that things were awkward within the jock triangle; quite the opposite actually. It's just Lauren got bored. To cure her boredom, she decided to yank her Puck-doll back. That decision left Finn and Sam to their own devices until Quinn came to retrieve her own plaything as well. Sam tried to remind her of her previous promises only to have his head bitten off. Quinn then went on a spiel erasing everything she said; denying anything about how girls enjoy seeing two boys together. Had I not generally liked Sam as a person, I would have found all of this very amusing. All in all, it just made sense for Finn to go back to Rachel after the other two angles of his triangle disappeared.
As far as the rest of them went, their bisexuality began to fade too…well, most of them. The fiercest foursome was killed once everyone (the boys) involved began to realize how far Tina's actions were going, and I must say: I concur. I will never forgive Quinn for inadvertently introducing me to this side of Tina. I'll never be able to look at my friend the same way; even if she did go back to being nothing but Mike Chang's girlfriend. I'm not alone with this viewpoint. She also managed to scare Artie away and back into Brittany's arms exclusively. And Brittany, oh sweet Brittany, to her, she's still just Artie's girlfriend and Santana's…whatever.
Speaking of which, time to tell you about the only new development that came forth through this whole ordeal. I'm not sure how this is the only change, but it is. Brace yourself people, we now have a Wheezy/Satan friendship on the loose. Mercedes has taken on the challenge of making Santana human, in turn giving Brittany and Santana and their whatever-relationship a sense of monogamy. Santana will return the favor by giving Mercedes a voice box of insults and a duet partner. I know my talent goes above most others so I hate to admit this, but they're pretty much unstoppable. They've bonded into this super-team of doom. I guess they'll just be inseparable until Brittany and Santana are back on track. I'm looking forward to our sleepovers with Rachel now. Ugh.
If I've learned anything from all of this, it's that I'm pretty sure I'm needed back at McKinley. Just look at what happens when I'm gone.