Okay, before we get started, I really wanna thank the ONLY person who reviewed the first chappie, supernaturalrenegade. ^.^, Hearing that you've now read two of my stories, and liked them, made my day... erm, night.
Just to let you know, I made this while listening to Ignorance by Paramore... I always connect that song to Supernatural... Sam more specifically. How Sam pretty muvh feels about Dean and maybe some Cas in there... I mean, it says Rapture! The name of the epi when Cas wasn't in Jimmy Novak! I mean, come on! I think it's on purpose :D
Warnings: Same as last chapter, but here they are again...
Might be some more flashbacks of abuse, not sure... Drunkenness in the future, and swears of course!
Disclaimer: Norwhale, Mr. Eric, Chuck/God, The Krip Keeper XD, whatever you call him... He owns this, not me. I'm not making money, and this never happened 'cept in my dreams *pout*.
Dean had gotten to the motel maybe 20 minutes later and Sam, much to his current relief, was there and very much asleep. Dean smiled, seeing how peaceful his brother looked, until he was at the edge of the bed. Sam's face was hidden behind his arm before and Dean couldn't see it until he was right there. When Dean saw it, he relized that Sam's sleep wasn't as peaceful as he had thought, his little brother's face contorted into misery.
Dean had the urge to wake him up, make it better, but he knew that Sam needed his sleep. Especially with how tired he's been lately, Dean didn't know how he'd been missing it. 'I suppose I wouldn't be a sound sleeper with the Devil in my dreams, either.' Dean thought, sitting down on th bed across from Sam's, watching him sleep. Dean wanted to make sure the nightmare didn't get too out of control, like the old ones with Jess. Dean was sure he was still having those from time to time, but he didn't mention it. Much like the subject of Dean's Hell dreams had been dropped.
Watching Sam fidget and wriggle around in his sleep, making pitiful noises, proved too much for Dean after about 45 minutes, and he went outside to get some air. He sat on the cement outside the motel door and took in a big breath of the cool air. The moon shone brightly and the stars glittered about. He swept a hand over his face and made a groaning noise. Dean was tired. Not just tired, but weary. He knew that this needed to end sooner, rather then later.
As Dean sat there contemplating how to move forward with the current case, Cas appeared beside him. "Jesus, Cas!", Dean cried, surprised yet again by the angel's sudden appearence. "My apolgies Dean, but I have news regarding the case."
Dean stood up from the ground, not really wanting to be looking up at the angel, and asked, "You find out what it is yet Cas?"
"Yes, Dean. It has already been taken care of, you need not concern yourself with it now." Cas said, and with a nod, he was gone. "Okay, then..." Dean grumbled, walking back into the motel room. He glanced toward the bathroom when he heard running water. Sam walked out moments later with a wet face. Dean guessed he splashed some water on it to wae up a bit.
Dean walked by him and gave him a pat on the back, "Hey Sleeping Beauty, how was your nap?"
Sam frowned and gave a little, "Fine." and walked over to the motel room's table where his laptop was. He sat and pulled it onto his lap, pulling the top up and pushing the ON button.
Dean watched suspiciously, he knew for a fact Sam's sleep wasn't 'fine' and he wasn't about to let it slip, "Was it about... y'know who?"
Sam looked up with color-wrecked eyes and said, "Who, Lucifer? Yeah, Dean. It was. And no, I haven't said the 'Y' word to him. I never will."
Sam looked back down at his computer, researching something else to put in that ginormous head of his, Dean mused. "You don't have to look up anything for this case, Cas said it's taken care of."
Sam nodded, not looking up at him. He continued to research, typing harder than neccisary. Dean sighed, knowing that it meant Sam was keeping something inside his head that was aggravating him. "Sam, just tell me what your thinking and stop making the poor computer suffer."
Sam looked up, sighed, and put the laptop on the table. He stood up, cracked his back, and then looked at Dean with eyes seemingly more tired than his own. And Dean had been to Hell.
Sam shuffled his feet a bit before looking up at Dean from beneath his bangs. Dean knew that look. It meant Sam didn't know how to put what he was trying to say, into words.
Dean tryed to give him a helpful look, but he was positive it looked like a strangled cat.
"Dean, I've died, I've seen you torn to shreds by Hell Hounds, I've seen you die hundreds of times in ways you couldn't imagine and then I hunted an Archangel-Gone-Trickster for 3 months and thought about nothing else, I've had broken bones, stitches, I've been shot, and God knows what else. But these dreams, everytime I close my eyes, they're worse than all of it. I would gladly take all of those at once if it meant I wouldn't have to sleep again." Sam's face was set in agony and Dean would do anything to help if he could, but he didn't know if he could this time.
Dean rubbed his arms at his side before looking up from the ground to see Sam's face. It was now depressed, given in, like he didn't know what to do anymore or if he could do anything more.
Dean was about to say something, anything, but then Sam spoke again, "Dean, he makes me go to Hell in my dreams. He makes me relive everything Dad-" Dean growled, he did not want Sam calling that man thier father, "-did. Makes me see you die over and over and not be able to do anything about it. He makes me see Mom die, and Cas, and everyone I ever even liked... Jess, Madison, Sarah. They all die. Jo, Ellen, Ash, Bobby. All of 'em. And then, he tortures me, but I don't die." Sam's eyes were just about to overflow now, "He said he'll never let me die, and if I do, he'd just keep bringing me back if I did find a way..."
Dean's heart felt like a stake had been driven through it, then twisted, pulled out, and replaced by a knife. I mean, Dean knew his time in Hell had been unbearable, but he'd only felt the pain himself. He had never seen anyone else put through it, and just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Sam continued on,
"The worst part, the very worst, it when he isn't torturing me. Or, at least, that's what he thinks. Sometimes he appears as Jess, just to turn back into himself and he says I can have her back. Sometimes he does it as Mom. It changes. He tells me I can have everything I ever wanted, a big happy family with Mom and you and Dad. He said he can change it and make it better. Make sure Jess never died or that I never got Demon Blood in me. He says he'd never lie to me, he'd always be honest and that I should have the courtesy to do the same. And God, Dean-" Sam looks up at him, the tears freely flowing down his face, "-most of the time, I just wanna be selfish and say 'Yes'. Let the world end and let everyone who deserves to burn, burn. But then, I think about you and everyone who would hate me if I did that. Mom, Madison, Jess, you, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Pastor Jim, everyone. And so I don't. And every night, when he offers me the same deal of saying 'Yes', having the perfect life and the torture stopping, I say 'No'. Every single time."
Dean couldn't say anything comforting to his little brother, he knew nothing could make this better, but he did have one little question at the back of his mind that he accidentaly choked out in a grief filled voice, "How long? Every night, how long is it?"
"Forever. That's what it feels like. But once, he told me, said it's only about 10 years or so a night." Sam whiped his face on his favorite jacket's sleeve. Dean gulped, a big lump was in his throat and it was proving hard to swallow around, "H-H... W-When did the dreams start Sammy?"
Sam blinked, trying to stop the stream of tears coming like a waterfal from his eyes, but he couldn't seem to, so instead, he cleared his voice, "Ummm... I think about a month or so. Might be a little more... I've only been sleeping like 4 times a week lately."
Dean stopped to run his hands over his head, pulling on the short strands of hair, doing the math of it in his head. If Sam had only slept 4 times a week for 4 weeks and every time he slept was 10 years that's... 160 years in Hell. Maybe more. "Jesus Sammy!" Dean cried, engulfing his brother in a hug.
Sam stood still, like he was in shock, but slowly, he put his arms around Dean. He pulled his brother close and gave him a bone-crushing hig in return.
They both knew it was far from alright, farther than it had ever been, but it was worth it if they still had each other. Because they went to whatever lenghts for the other, and they knew it. Hell, everyone knew it. Apparently, even the Devil. But that didn't matter, because both brothers were still here, more or less.
For now, that was all they could ask for.
But, apparently, not everyone had that in thier mind.
Yes, yes. I believe there will be more. Near, maybe half-way through this short little thing, I was listening to The Ballad Of Mona Lisa By Panic!AtTheDisco. I love them soooo much. Like, really. And whoever hasn't seen the video or heard the song, do it now. I thought I wouldn't like it, but it's FUCKING AMAZING! I mean, there's freakin' Steampunk in the video and it's too awesome for words... Totally unexpected. You NEEED to watch it. Now.
Okay, sorry for that ramble. But yea, there will be more of this. I dunno how much more, but more. Hopefully, more people will read it and hopefully.. they'll even like it XD.
And if you wanna know why I always call Eric Kripke a norwhale, look up Supernatural Chalie The Unicorn 3. Funniest video you will EVER see. Watch ALL of the videos that person has made, please. It's not me, I just really love those videos. I crack up every one. The only ones you don't need to watch are the ones about Mark Pelligrino and the In Memorium one. 'K?
I promise, if you watch those, I will write whatever you want! Promise! Anything! I'll even try my hand at some smutt :P, yeah I know it's not spelled like that, but I think 2 T's make it kinky. Don't look at the screen like that, you know I'm right.
Sorry again for the shortness of this, AND sloppiness, I wanted it done ASAP.