WOOOOOOOOOOO after a long wait, I have finally finished it! WHOA! Stupid computers and their random fuck ups! lol. But I think this chapter turned out pretty okay. I made the last chapter easier to read to, if you guys want to reread it. It's up to you, do whatever you wish. Anyways, here's the new chapter FINALLY have fun, hope it was worth the wait. I am going to get started on my other stories first, and then I will circle back around to this one, and THEN go to Post Partum, just to make up for the lack of updates.
Enjoy 3 3 3
Chapter 20: Acceptance.
You ever have those moments that you don't ever want to leave? It can be anything you can think of. From the best ice cream cone, to just simply feeling extremely comfy in your own bed. I am having one of those moments right now, while wrapped in my boyfriend's arms. All my life I have tried not to be the typical girl who becomes goo-goo-gah-gah over just one boy. Or maybe it isn't always just one boy. Most girls are like that with every boy. Then it leads to them becoming too dependent on them. I like being independent. I love being strong, and singlehanded.
But this feeling I have with Jace lying beside me is nothing like the typical girls at all, it feels almost as if we're two puzzle pieces who have finally found each other.
That still sounds lame. Truth is that I don't know how to put it. He's not only become my boyfriend, he's become my best friend.
He was an even better friend than Simon. Actually, I don't mean that exactly. Simon was my very best friend, but there were different levels I could go with Jace, that I can't with Simon. I mean…. I don't have sex with Simon, so therefore this is different, but it's not just the sex. Jace and I can laugh, fight, cry and still be the same at the end of the day. Basically we're friends, who fuck…
And who also happen to be in love.
I didn't want to leave the comfort of Jace's bedroom, his house, or even his scent. It was like the world around us didn't matter, all that we needed was right here with us, and we had no use for anything else. I knew stepping outside this place would bring back reality. A shouting brother, a blood shocked best friend, and an incredibly angry Isabelle. Questions flew through my mind like a flock of birds. Is Aline angry with me for telling Jon about her feelings? Would Alex side with her? Most of all…
Does my big brother still hate me?
Then other thoughts would flow into space. Like maybe a small factor of me did not care about any of this. I had Jace, and the moment we were in was perfect. If they were going to act so immature than who needs them?
I have better, I have me….
Then I come to realize how lonely that sentence sounds. I also come to realize that only one half of me does not care, and the other half is already devastated that everyone hates me. And if I didn't care than why would it bother me so much? Why even contemplate it? I heard Jace grunt into my back, he started to burrow his face in between the mattress and I; his breathe dancing along my skin.
"Hm?" He hummed while I giggled at the sensation.
"Your breath tickles."
"Oh!" His voice was tired as his arm unwound itself from me, leaving me with a sad empty feeling where he kept me warm. "Sorry," he yawned and stretched out, I turned over to see him slowly climb out of his side of the bed and slowly make his way to the bathroom, still yawning all the way there. He swung the door closed behind him, but not with enough force for the door to latch shut. It slightly drifted back open just enough for me to see his back. I heard him urinate into the toilet and for some sick reason it entices a giggle from me again. I see his head turn slightly, and I can even see a small smirk play on his lips.
"Now what are you giggling about?" He asked, sounding more awake, and bright.
"Nothing," I called back. "I just think that it's funny that guy pee sounds different from girl pee." I could almost imagine him scrunching his nose and furrowing his eyebrows at my observation. It made me giggle again.
"Umm." He mumbled. "You made this discovery… how?"
"It sounds different." I laugh out loud; I can hear him laughing too.
"Because we stand…?" I heard him stop, and flush the toilet. The running water of the faucet in the sink, the sound it makes when you rub soap in between your hands to wash. Then suddenly he was back out with me in his bed again, grinning from ear to ear.
"Chicks are so penis hungry." He chuckles. I do the same.
"Ha! Duh!" I say while rolling over on my back, gazing up at the empty ceiling. I saw Jace out of the corner of my eye look at me sideways.
"So you confess it?" It was a question.
"Of course!" I say and turn to face him, again.
"Huh…" He looked curious while turning his head to look at the ceiling as well.
"It's just that…" He smirks and looks at me again. "I have yet to meet a girl who has not argued the point." I laugh at this.
"Well, I won't lie." I confess. "I am incredibly curious to know what it is like to have a dick! To have an orgasm with a dick, to get to PEE with a dick! Do you have any idea how lucky you dudes are!?" Jace is now laughing loud enough for neighbors to hear.
"Lucky that the world is your toilet. If we're out in the park, you can be like Hold up, I gotta piss! And you can march off into a discreet bush or something and just let it rip. Us girls have to slouch down, and be extremely careful not to accidentally pee on ourselves!" Now Jace's laughter echoed off the walls, he bought his hands over his face and rubbed them downwards.
"You are by far, the best chick I know!" He said, smiling so big that his chipped tooth was smiling too. I loved when he naturally smiled.
"You better think so, you are my boyfriend aren't you?" I laughed along with him, and rolled over to face him.
"Of course I am, your one and only!" Then he chuckled one more time, before saying. "And by the way, most men are just as vagina hungry as girls are penis hungry. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?" I just shook my head against the pillow, tucking my hands underneath it. "Duh! Multiple orgasms!" It made perfect sense to me, except one thing.
"Jace, there have been instances where you came twice."
"And there are situations when I've made you cum four times!" He countered. I smiled in defeat.
"Okay, fair enough." I nodded. Before Jace could possibly get up and say he has to go to work, or plan our day according to the pissed off people from last night, I spoke up immediately. "Do you have to work?" I asked him.
"No." He sighed. "Why?"
"Good!" I smiled. "Then we can lay in bed and be lazy all day. Not do anything. At all!" Jace smiled, and squinted his eyes at me. Great, he already picked up on what I was doing. I should've known he would, he's a lot more intelligent then he looks.
"Translation:" Jace smirked. "I want to avoid my brother, and all my friends because I don't want to deal with any of their shit." I let out a childish groan. He rolled over onto his stomach, and leaned over me. "You know you have to eventually, right?" I groaned again, and pulled the covers over my head.
"I know!" I drew out. "But it's so nice here, so calm and peaceful. Do we have to leave this moment?" Jace gripped the blankets and slowly pulled them away from my face.
"I wont tell you what to do." He said. "But I will tell you that doing it sooner, rather than later, is probably just as much of a peaceful state mind. At least it's over and done with.
"Okay are you officially Atticus now?" I asked him. He smiled brightly.
"Nah, that would be incredibly wrong."
"Why?" I laughed.
"Because I call you Scout, who is Atticus' daughter, you are my girlfriend… that would be incest."
"Not literally." I said. He laughed again, and pulled me against him. I still didn't want to move; it felt so peaceful to be right here in this moment, alone with Jace, and nothing else. But I know it must end soon.
"I guess I should go home." I whispered. "Find Jon, talk to him, set things straight." I sighed again. "Also make sure Aline doesn't hate me."
"If I remember correctly." Jace sat up. "Simon was the one who let out her little secret about your brother."
"I know." I breathed in deeply. "But I instigated it."
I walked up to my apartment door, getting ready to knock. Of course a strange thought overcame me.
Duh! It's my apartment too!
I don't have to knock!
But just when I started rummaging through my bag to find my keys, someone cleared their throat behind me. I spun swiftly, to come face to face with Ross. I wasn't in the mood for his overly judgmental shit. I huffed at the sight of him, and went to turn my back on him again, before he grabbed my arm, and made me turn around.
"Where were you last night?" He asked. Even though he sounded sincere, rather than controlling. My instincts told me to turn and attack.
"None of your business!"
"I'm- I am just-" he stumbled over his words. "I was just making sure you were alright." He said in a hushed whisper.
"I stayed with Jace! That what you wanted to hear?"
"Yes." He finally looked at me. "Because then at least I knew you were safe. As well as your brother." Okay I was shocked at this; I was expecting to be drilling me for information on Jace. I was deflated after this. I was left speechless to argue back on anything. I desperately wanted to dart inside.
"How did you guys get home?" I asked.
"Isabelle gave us rides with her mother's car."
"She probably still hates me." I said with my head down.
"Hey," He chuckled. "Not that I am taking sides or anything, but seems to me that she is jealous. I mean, why else would she be this upset? I'm sorry, but that's dumb." I couldn't help but giggle. He was still the same old Ross. The one I loved being friends with, not the one I dated.
"Look," He said, while scratching the back of his neck. "What I said last night… when I asked you if Jace was what you wanted…. I didn't mean it the way it sounded."
"Oh yeah." I said straightening out at the mention of last night. "Then what did you mean?"
"I was asking in confidence. Like he was what you always wanted." Okay, strange. Was he really asking what I think he was asking?
"You mean, is what he is… what I wanted in you?" Ross turned pink, and he shuffled his feet into the cement ground below us.
"Yeah, pretty much." Then I began laughing, I think I annoyed him with my sudden outburst of amusement, but I couldn't help it.
"What you really mean is…." I cut myself off. Knowing Ross, he would never admit to what I was about to accuse him of. He wanted to know how high of a pedestal I put Jace on compared to him. He wants to know who is better. I am not stupid. But Ross would definitely try and turn it around on me, making it look like I was the arrogant one.
"Nevermind." I said.
"Really, forget it." I forced my laughed back down to my stomach. Which was very uncomfortable, just so you know. "To answer your question… I didn't even know if you were really what I wanted. As of now…." I paused, thinking carefully if I wanted to admit this to him. "Apparently it's always what I've wanted. I just.. I just didn't even know." Ross chuckled at me.
"Yeah, I kind of figured it out a long time ago. We are too opposite, we really are." Now it was okay to laugh loudly.
"We are the reciprocal of each other!"
"That's for sure!" He laughed. I was then startled by the front door swinging open behind me. I turned swiftly to see Aline standing in the doorway with Alex behind her. I wasn't able to read Aline's face; I could not tell if she wanted to scalp me, or hug me, so I stood blatantly still. We were all quiet for what felt like too long.
"Aline, I am so sorry for last night." I finally said, hugging my book-bag tightly against my chest. She let out a long breath, like she had been holding it in, turning blue in the face before finding taking in some oxygen.
"Clary, it's alright. Jon was seriously being a giant tyrant last night. I think we all should've let Jace beat the shit out of him. Something tells me he would've won that one." She giggled, and I couldn't help but reach out and hug her.
"He's here." She whispered in my hair. I groaned and let her go, but not forgetting to roll my eyes. I slowly walked into the apartment, and headed straight for my room, only to find someone none other than my brother.
I just wanted to shower, and settle down before I had to speak to him.
"Hey, Little Bit." He said.
"Don't call me that!" I snapped. "What are you doing in my room?"
"I just wanted to be civil with you. Can you do that?" He said, standing up quickly. I stood still, with my arms crossed. My eyes alone said "Well then, let's be civil." Jon took a breath, and let it out slowly; he walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I didn't respond at first. I was still hurt by the words he said to me the night before.
"I'm sorry… I am so sorry, Clare." I couldn't help it. He was my brother, my best friend. I wrapped my arms around him, returning the effort by squeezing him tightly. "I love you so much. I didn't mean any of that." He said in my ear before letting me go. "It's just… I sometimes forget that you are no longer my baby sister. And you are going to do things that I…. Don't really want to think about." I nodded. Understanding where he was coming from. I smiled for the first time since I saw him in this room.
"I love you, Jonny. I get it."
"I just want to protect you." He said, and turned his head away from me, letting his eyes wonder around my room. He light from my window hit his face, lighting up the dark shadows. That was when I noticed the bruise and dried blood around his nose. I let out a chuckle and gently put a hand on his face.
"Well, maybe the next time you meet Jace, it'll be on better terms." Then something dark flashed across his eyes. It was clear enough to frighten me. I stepped back as he glared daggers at me.
"So… you plan on staying with him?" I shoved every ounce of disappointment and fear down into the depth of my stomach, and stood tall.
"Yep." I said, popping the 'P'.
"Jesus, Clary!" He turned around, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "That guy will destroy you!" He said. "Don't be with guys like the ones in our family."
"And what exactly is wrong with the men in our family, Jonathon?!"
"Anthony, is a drug addict. Rob deals heavy drugs. The rest of them are Alcoholics, or hoodlums vandalizing seven/eleven at midnight!" Tears swelled in my eyes.
"And Luke?" I choked. "How do you feel about the only father we know." Jon then became pale, and swallowed hard.
"He's different." He whispered.
"How so, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern!?" I shouted. Jon winced at the sound of his whole name being used. A last name that I didn't keep, a last name that till this very day, I have had absolutely no respect for the fact that he decided to keep it. To chose a man's name that abandoned us, over a man who took very good care of us. Maybe Jon was just like Dad… our real dad. Tears spilled over my cheeks, and Jon tried to approach me to comfort me, but I shouted "NO!" and stepped back.
"How dare you not trust me!?" I cried. "Jace isn't anything like them, nor is he anything like Daddy." I mocked the fatherly term. "You don't know Jace, you know nothing about him. You are just pissed because he stood up against you last night, and nearly made you look like a fool!" I sobbing now, my face was soaked with tears; it was more like I had splashed my face with water, rather than tears.
"Wait!" I laughed mockingly. "Not Jace, or anyone else can make you look like a fool, Jonathon Christopher… you do that all by yourself!"
"Clary, I just-"
"The point is that I am not a baby. I am your sister, not your fucking baby sister. I can make my own decisions, and make my own fuck ups if I damn well please. It is my God given right as a fucking American to be a motherfucking idiot sometimes. And if being an idiot means being with Jace. Than fuck you, and get out!"
"Clary, if you'd just listen!"
"GET OUT!" I screamed so loud, that Lucas came rushing in, and pulled him out of my room. Leaving me to sob alone.
I know, Jon is a Giant Dick! There's a reason why he is acting weird though.
And he's only just being overly protective of Clary. He thinks she should be with someone like Simon or Ross, not a bad boy, tattoo artist like Jace. Yeah, Jon is being judgmental, but he just wants Clary to have the best. Don't worry I think he's a real ass too. But he'll come around. I also want Jace to punch him a few more times. LOL :P just because I think it's sexy when a man defends his woman by throwing a few fists. lol ;)
Jace: For real... your brother really is a Dick!
Clary: *Slaps Jace's arm* That's my brother you are talking about!
Jace: So!? He IS a Dick!
Clary: I know! But he's my brother
Jace: *rolls his eyes*
Isabelle: You have made me such a bitch! I mean, I know can be a bitch sometimes, but you REALLY made me a bitch! I am feeling rather unloved :(
Me: I'm sorry, it was necessary for the story. :(
Simon: If it makes you feel any better, I just got paid today. I'll take you clothes shopping!
Isabelle: EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK! *Jumps and hugs Simon*
Me and Clary: *face palm*
Clary: Well... at least it aint me...
Me: Tell me about it sister... no go away, fetch some pizza or something so I can flirt with your boy!
Me: Nothing... *clears throat* had a scratch in my throat.
Jace: hehehe Ohhhh Right! ... Giggidy...