Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sue me and absolutely nothing will happen.
Warnings: Gender-bended characters, mentioned slash, abuse of parentheses and tea. Expect ooc-ness since this is a fanfiction. May cause brain fart. Tread carefully.
Pairing/s: KakaFem!Iru, mentioned GenRai
Note: Any confusion in personal pronouns is intentional. If you are still confused, well- damn you. Just pm me!
Hatake Kakashi was straight. Honest to goodness straight. Now, don't get him wrong, he has absolutely no qualms about other kinds of relationships and people who batted for the home team. After all, shinobi lives are far too short and dangerous to worry about societal norms and nuances. How he figured out he was still straight?
Well, he still liked his Icha Icha Paradise (complete with illustrations!) and walking in on Genma and Raidou had been scarring, to say the least.
He shook his head, a frail attempt at focusing his mind, After all, he was about to go to the mission room to file a report on another successful B-rank mission. As a matter of fact, had Naruto and Sakura not abandoned him; one saying she was needed at the hospital and the other leaving due to some freakish Maito-Guy style training or whatnot; he wouldn't have never needed to come within a mile of the Mission Room, thereby avoiding all contact with...
"Kakashi-sensei!" a bright, cheerful voice called out to him, "Here to turn your mission report in?"
Ah, yes. The current bane of Kakashi's existence, the object of Kakashi's endless (dis?)comfort. The one and only Iruka-sensei.
"Ah." Kakashi tried to fight down his oncoming blush, although technically no one would even see it due to his mask. "Maa, sensei. Here it is."
If Kakashi could explode from blushing, he would have done so by now. As Iruka frowned(it was not a cute pout! Kakashi reckoned) while reading his barely legible report, Iruka's finger grazed across the horizontal scar on his face. Irr-resistable! (inner perverted Kakashi mused)
"Maa, Iruka-sensei," he began in his usual, lazy drawl, "If there's nothing else, there is an old lady in need of my assistance to cross the street..."
"Actually, Kakashi-sensei if you could..." Take me on a date, sleep over at my house, marry me, stay with me forever... Kakashi's mind was swimming with possibilities.
"...fill this form again. Your handwriting is simply atrocious! Much worse than when Naruto was in the Academy! You can send it back after two hours." Aw shucks, inner perverted Kakashi sighed. Opportunity lost.
"Ne, Iruka-sensei," enunciating his name clearly, "I was hoping this report..." lifting his badly written report with little pink Pakkun-doodles on the side and setting in front of Iruka, "...would be satisfactory to your standards. I...uh... I mean, ahem. I am a busy jounin, after all." He somehow felt doomed. Desperate, he went for a last ditch-pitch.
"I- I have to train Naruto?" He asked wearily, hoping to use Iruka's love for the fox-child against him. The sensei seemed to consider this, and Kakashi fervently prayed to whatever gods were up there to listen to his pleas. Iruka's temper was, after all, legendary, especially among those who frequented the Mission Room. He himself had personal experience; a plaque now adorned his hallway after being personally awarded to him by Mission Room-nin. For being one of the rare few survivors of Iruka's Mission Room Rage (patent pending).
After what seemed like an eternity to Kakashi but really was only a few minutes at most, he was finally set free.
Kakashi had to stop himself from doing a victory chicken dance on the way out.
Kakashi paused to stow away another tidbit of information on his ever-growing mental 'Iruka Files' as he walked a sedate pace towards his house. Yes, Iruka-sensei's weakness is Naruto, and Kakashi now knew that 'training with Naruto' was now a new plausible excuse not to hand in legible mission reports. Sixty-seven excuses as of today. Smirk.
Now the one-eyed man happily perused his 'Iruka Files' on his way home Going over information such as how Iruka-sensei normally prefers to bring a bento to work, or how Iruka-sensei prefers to use Lavender scented shampoo ninety-eight percent of the time. Or how Iruka-sensei takes Naruto out to eat at Ichiraku's after every successful mission. You get the picture.
After arriving home and making sure Mr. Ukki the cactus was watered after his three-day absence and changing out of his shinobi gear into more comfortable clothing, he set up a couple of silencing jutsus around his house.
Bird. Dog. Bird. Monkey. Ram.
"Kuchiose no jutsu!" Pop.
"What do you want, Kakashi?" drawled one of his most trusty nin-ken, Pakkun. "It'd better be good. No more of this nonsense! Stalking poor Iruka-sensei..."
Kakashi had the nerve to look affronted. "Oi! Pakkun! I didn't have you stalk-er engage in a surveillance mission on Iruka just on a silly whim. It was for the safety of the village. I'm being a responsible jounin!"
Snort. Yeah right, when green panda's fly Kakashi, when green panda's fly.
Pakkun rolled his eyes. "Kakashi- you had us alternately stalk Iruka-sensei for over a month, and you found what? That the sensei likes to use floral scented laundry detergent for her clothing. Or that she likes two sugars in her tea. Which, by the way, is Ceylon tea ninety-two percent of the time." Cue more eye rolls. "The only thing that needed protection was your pride and inner masculinity, which doesn't amount to much at all."
Kakashi tried to look hurt at the assault to his masculinity and overall general sanity.
"Don't worry, your precious masculinity is still intact, Kakashi."
Kakashi gaped and went bug-eyed. Impressive for a cyclops.
"Maa, don' fret about it. You're still a man either way. Unfortunately, its not my place nor my secret to tell." and with that, Pakkun popped out, leaving Kakashi to wonder about the latest developments in his esteemed 'Iruka Files".
Kakashi had been left to ponder about Pakkun's rather cryptic message all afternoon, which continued into the night over his simple fare of eggplant-miso soup and a couple of onigiri.
You're still a man.
Now that didn't really help much with things, Kakashi decided. After all, Genma and Raidou were still very much men... even when they were lip-locked and hugging in a dark corner in the Hokage's Tower. (The horror!) So that didn't help much. At all. So that just left the actual subject himself.(Herself? Kakakshi wasn't so sure anymore.) Then, an idea struck Kakashi.
Now this Kakashi could do. Time for a little more stalk-er surveillance. Yowza.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!
All feedback and criticism will be greatly appreciated and will be replied to.