In My Arms
He Left Me, Got Taken From Me. One Month Ago He Laid There Cried Into My Sleeve And Told Me He Loved Me Before Breathing Once More And Smiling Into Nothingness.
As I wept into the picture of me And Howard stood on top of the Eiffel Tower, I remembered in perfect clarity the day where my life ended. Where his life ended. Our life, together.
"Will you come on Howard we're gunna be late to see robots in disguise." I moaned at Howard's impossibly slow driving. "Safety comes first little man, we'll get there." "I want to be there before the world ends!" I replied sarcastically."Vince, I am not going past the designated speeding limitation. That Sir is why it is there for your own safety. Now sit back and listen to some Gary Numan while we travel safely to our destination." I huffed like a toddler and crossed my arms, infuriated that i wouldn't get there before the Robots and therefore wouldn't meet the beautiful women.
"Quit sulking little man, five minutes and we'll be there.." Said Howard smiling sweetly and looking at me with a friendly expression. "Alright. Thanks Howard" I said beaming again, he has been nice enough to take me. As we pulled up to the concert, I could see that the queue was marginally small and Howard had got me there in the nick of time to see the band. I sprinted into the crowd and yelled for them to give me there autograph. That was when it happened. Some guy pulling a knife to me and told me to fuck off because it was his girlfriend. He backed me into a wall holding the knife inches away from my neck.
"VINCE!" Howard yelled running towards me. "NO HOWARD!" It was too late, a cry of agony pierced the air and Howard sunk to the floor. I caught him in my arms before he hit the ground and saw the most horrific sight. Howard looked normal until i gazed at his chest. A huge wound was gushing blood and Howard's eyes were tearing. "Someone calling a fucking ambulance!" I choked. I knew he was dying, his eyes were blank. "V-Vince don't bother, i won't make it." "Don't be so fucking stupid Howard you'll be fine." I cried my nose running and eyes streaming. "L-little man, I've always wanted to tell you, i love you. You're my best friend and, the love of my life. You're beautiful you know that?" He gasped in pain and i sobbed into his hair kissing his head gently. "Howard, i love you too. Don't leave me please. I Need you, i can't be without you. I'll be nothing. Howard, please." His eyes were closing, i shook him awake. "Howard look at me, don't die on me now, you can't. Please stay awake for me. Until the ambulance gets here. Please." Crowds of people were around us calling ambulances and trying to help, other than telling them to fuck off if they got too close, I didn't notice anyone. Howard, my Howard was dying. "I'll always love you little man, see you soon." He smiled gently and i kissed him one last time before he closed his eyes shedding a tear and breathing once more. "Howard?" I choked out. I shook his body. "Howard! Wake up, Please Howard!" But i knew he was gone. The one person I'd ever loved, my soul mate, had left me. And the bastard who took him would pay. Overwhelmed with grief and anger i kissed Howard's cold cheek one last time and got up, trembling and sobbing heavily, before collapsing to the ground.
That was the last day i'd ever bothered with myself. Since then i hadn't touched a pair of straightners or a kohl pencil. I was simply a shell. I'd stopped eating. My body was a mere skeleton of what had once been and would never be again. There were healing cuts on my arm where i'd tried to slice away the painful memory, it never worked but i still continued to do it. It was my fault he died. I was so intent on meeting a pointless electro band that Howard had lost his short-lived life for it. It should have been me lowered into the ground in a pristine white coffin with a hundred red roses on top. Should have been my grave stone which read "Vince Noir, Beloved Friend, King Of The Mods, Forever Missed And Loved" Instead of "Howard Moon, Beloved Friend, Musical Genius, Jazz Maverick, Forever Missed And Adored By All." And most of all, it should have been my heard pieced by that knife and bled dry in Howard's arms.
I pushed away the same plate of food that was prepared everyday by Naboo; ham sandwich with malt loaf-part of the Gi diet that i no longer cared for. He knew all to well i never ate it, partly because i always missed the bin when i threw it away, but mostly from my protruding back bone and xylophone ribcage bulging from my frail skin that clung to anything it could reach. I reached into the draw and took out the same knife i used each time and sliced 16 precisely shaped lines-both curved and straight, to form 'HOWARD' on my arm. The lush tearing of skin as i ran the knife along it cut through the silence in an eerie noise, but i didn't give to shits. Salty tear stung my wounds and mixed with my blood as i thought about how much I'd lost, i dropped the knife back into the draw and ran my hand through my greasy black hair. I ran upstairs ran a bath, sobbing into the water. I stepped out of my clothes robotically and climbed into the warm bath, still wailing and hyperventilating from the lack of oxygen intake i could get through each sob. I plummeted my head into the water and held my breath thinking only of Howard. 'Howard i love you, this is to be with you again. I'm useless without you' I thought the words long and hard and the oxygen starvation caused me to go light-headed and water filled my ears.