It Felt Like I Was Drowning Again, Peaceful, Detached From Reality And Yet Hearing It In Perfect Clarity. Only This Was More Painful, Because My Life Was Becoming More And More Vague And Opaque. I Could Literally Taste the Transition between Life And Death-And Death Was So Much more Inviting.
I wished for death. Not to hurt Naboo or Bollo, but because i was so ready to die. I'd lived my life, out-lived it more accurately. I understood that i should have left the earth as soon as Howard's lungs failed to intake oxygen, should have closed my eyes from the world and opened them next to Howard. We were one being. Like one thread, cut the thread and you cut both people. The truth was i died nearly a year ago, not literally but in my mind, i was dead. I was simply surviving, i wasn't human, i was robotic.
I could feel myself drawing closer to the end of my life; i could hear my death coming- the quiet sobs from Naboo and Bollo. I felt so guilty to leave them, but they had each other. They were a couple still, i was not. I was simply drifting around, like a leaf detached from a trees protective grasp, floating in the soft wind. I didn't belong anymore, my home was with Howard. When he died, he left with my heart and soul. He put the sunshine into the sunshine kid, the rock n' roll into the rock n' roll star. He completed me, the superglue to my life. Without him i was and could never be Vince. I looked like someone who had once been Vince, but that was the only characteristic that could determine me from that of a robot.
A gush of intense pain flooded my entire being as i was swept into darkness. I could feel myself being wrenched from my body, as if i could hover over myself and wave. I could hear everything; see everything-every piece of dust, every strand of my hair-where my black hair dye was fading. It irritated me that i couldn't correct that, but it didn't matter. I could be with Howard now, i could almost feel his warm arms surrounding me already.
The ear splitting drone of the heart monitor echoed through the hospital ward and my open, blank blue eyes- which had once echoed true happiness, and rainbows, and childish innocence, fell dull and glazed. My skeletal body- that had once been clothed with amazing, unusual materials, lost all tension and lay flat and still. My closed pink lips parted slightly and tinged paler tinted a fraction to a touch of blue, which could only be spotted by my alert eyes.
Naboo let out a tiny wail as the paramedics approached and told both him and Bollo what was already perfectly apparent and relieving to me.
I was finally dead.