A/N No excuse but on the bright side,my muse is back!
Addison watched the parents go in to see Sofia and she turned to look at the rest of Sofia's team. She didn't need to hear Archer say a word. She knew what was about to be said before he actually said it. The very thought of Sofia having significant brain damage was enough for Addison to want to vomit.
"Prognosis?" Addison whispered as she looked at Archer. Addison knew that her brother would be honest with her even if it would be hard to hear his honest answer.
"Five percent." Archer responded. Addison had known it was going to be bad, but she had had no idea how bad it was going to be. This wasn't fair. She was sick at the thought that her friends would likely be losing their daughter. If it had been any other patient, any other family she would have been more aware of how serious it was.
"You know what caused the code, don't you?" Bailey asked Archer with a slight catch in her voice.
"Yes it was a seizure." Archer confirmed quietly. A pit was rapidly forming in Miranda Bailey's stomach. This baby belonged to Callie Torres, Mark Sloan, Arizona Robbins and Lexie Grey. All four of them had been a part of Miranda's life for varying lengths of time, and they were all genuinely good people. Yes even Mark Sloan, who Miranda had not liked very much at the very beginning.
"What do we do?" A previously quiet Teddy questioned.
"We wait." Archer said solemnly. Addison looked at him in surprise. She wasn't used to Archer being so calm and serious. This was a different Archer than she remembered.
"And if she arrests again?" Teddy asked. She knew that Sofia's two biological parents had signed the DNR but she needed to make sure that everyone was going to honor that DNR no matter how hard it was to even think about let alone actually do it.
"Then we…we let her go." Addison choked out. Damn she hated this. Sofia was so loved by so many people and there was a good chance she wouldn't make it. She felt tears stinging her eyes but as part of Sofia's team, she couldn't let her tears fall. She had to remain professional. She would stay until things were all over. Until Sofia was gone and buried or until she beat the odds and went home to her family.
At that moment Derek came by. He had missed all the commotion and he nearly always stopped by the NICU at this time to see his best friend's baby. He scanned the solemn faces of Sofia's team and his stomach clenched uncomfortably. He didn't want to voice the thoughts that were running through his head.
"How is she?" He asked.
"She had a seizure which caused her to flatline. We got her back but…" Addison trailed off knowing that Derek could fill in the blanks.
"But things don't look good." Derek finished glumly.
"Mark and Callie. They…they signed the DNR." Miranda murmured, her voice catching.
"Oh…well maybe that's for the best." Derek murmured. He was worried about Mark now. He knew Mark had been devastated when his older daughter had cut off all ties with him and Derek couldn't imagine how he was feeling now.
"She won't be able to survive another seizure." Archer commented quietly. Derek hadn't even noticed Archer's presence until he spoke. He was too focused on getting an update on Sofia.
"Archer, what the hell are you doing here?" Derek asked. He couldn't believe that he hadn't been the one called on Sofia's case.
"They asked me to come because you were too close to the case." Archer told Derek gently. Derek gritted his teeth even though he knew that Archer had a point. Mark was his best friend and this was taking its toll on Derek as well even though he was doing his best to hide it. Addison took this moment to let the tears finally fall. She couldn't hold them in any longer.
"Excuse me." Addison whispered as she fled the corridor as tears continued to slide down her cheeks. Miranda and Teddy both made a move as if to follow her, but Derek stopped them with a hand.
"She just needs a minute." Derek told them. He was worried about Addison and so without a word, he turned and headed off in the direction that Addison had gone. He knew Addison better than almost anyone in the world. He knew he could help her.
Inside the NICU the atomosphere was sobering. Their baby girl now had a signed DNR in her file. Arizona was not happy that it had been signed. Neither was Lexie. They both understood why Mark and Callie had done it but it didn't make them feel any better about this situation.
"Such a special baby girl." Lexie whispered.
"She's beautiful. She looks nothing like her Daddy." Arizona commented softly before she shot a glare in Mark's direction.
"She is beautiful. She looks just like her Mama." Mark agreed quietly. He looked at Callie whose head was bowed in prayer. Callie had always believed in the power of prayer but she was losing faith in God's ability to listen to prayers. If there truly was a God why wasn't He healing her baby? Why wasn't He here, protecting Sofia from all the bad stuff?
"I...I don't want her alone. Not for one minute. One or two of us must always be with her." Callie whispered past the tears that threatened to choke her.
"Of course Calliope." Arizona whispered. Arizona didn't plan on going anywhere. She may not have agreed with everything that Mark and Callie had decided to do for their daughter, but she loved Callie and she loved Sofia.
"Arizona and I will take the first shift. You two go get some sleep."Lexie told both biological parents sternly. Mark and Callie hadn't slept much since their daughter was born and they couldn't afford to become ill. Sofia needed them healthy.
Mark was about to argue with Lexie but he stopped when he saw the look on Lexie's face. All the arguments he had ready disappeared. He looked at Callie who looked reluctant to leave her daughter. He knew getting Callie to leave would be next to impossible. He shot Arizona a pleading look knowing that Callie would only listen to Arizona right now.
"Go Calliope. We'll get you if something changes." Arizona promised. Slowly Callie nodded in Arizona's direction. She held out a hand for Mark to help her up, which Mark did. They left the NICU, each of them leaving a piece of their heart in that NICU.
Derek found Addison upstairs in the chapel. He couldn't remember the last time that he had seen Addison near anything resembling a church. She was sitting in the front pew with her head bowed. If Derek didn't know better, he'd swear she was praying.
"It isn't fair." Addison whispered as Derek walked up the aisle to join her in that front pew. He covered one of her hands with his and held it in what he hoped was a comforting manner. She lifted her head to look at him and he noticed that she had tear tracks running down her pale cheeks.
"I know it isn't. Meredith and I have been trying to get pregnant for months. Callie gets pregnant without even trying and then she gets put through a windshield. The universe is mean and so screwed up." Derek whispered. He remembered the conversation he had had with Meredith during the first night Callie had been brought to the hospital.
"Callie wanted Sofia. She…She called me the day she found out she was expecting. She told me that she was excited but nervous. I told her that Mark would be a wonderful father and that if Arizona truly loved her, that she'd stick around." Addison whispered.
"Mark was thrilled. He was so excited for the baby. Even though it cost him Lexie."Derek admitted quietly. They both ached for their friends. They couldn't believe that this was actually happening.
"Tell me that Archer is wrong. Tell me that Sofia doesn't have a five percent chance of survival. Please." Addison whispered.
"You know I can't Addie. If I truly didn't agree with Archer's predictions I would tell you that but he is a good neurologist and he knows what he is talking about." Derek told her softly. Addison rested her head against Derek's shoulder and wiped the lingering tears from her eyes.
Mark and Callie had managed to find an on call room and they had slipped into the room and locked it behind them. Years ago the locking of the door would have been a prelude to hot sweaty sex between the two of them. This time the door was locked to make sure no one came in there to bother them. They needed to take a time out. A time out from everything that was going on with their daughter. They needed to be allowed to cry and scream and get angry. None of the things their significant others would understand.
As soon as Mark had closed the door and locked it, Callie flew into his arms with tears pouring down her face. As much as she loved Arizona, Arizona could not truly understand the pain that Callie was experiencing. Mark was the only one in the world that could right now. Mark wrapped his arms around Callie's waist and buried his scruffy unshaven face into her hair. Only then did he truly feel like he could cry. Lexie was an amazing woman but she couldn't possibly understand what Callie and Mark were going through.
"Why?" Croaked a sobbing Callie. God Mark wished he had answers for Callie. After everything that had happened, they were facing the very real possibility of Sofia dying and dying soon.
"I wish I knew Cal." Mark whispered back against her jet black hair.
"It's punishment. God's punishing me for being with a woman. God's punishing me for my divorce." Callie whispered.
"No he isn't Callie. He gave us that beautiful little girl. He's not punishing anyone." Mark assured her. He wasn't sure if he believed in a higher power, but he knew that Callie did and right now, that was enough for him.
"I don't want her to suffer." Callie whispered as she rested a hand on Mark's chest. Sometimes it felt good to let Mark hold her. He was good at that though Callie would never tell him that.
"That's why we signed the DNR Cal." Mark murmured. He was sure that he looked like absolute hell right now but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was being here with Callie. In his heart, Mark knew that signing that DNR was the right thing to do for Sofia. If she was going to live a life of suffering, then neither Mark nor Callie wanted it to be a long life.
Callie knew she had never experienced this level of emotional pain. Everything she had gone through before was nothing compared to what she was facing now. She was convinced that she had cried a small ocean since Sofia's birth and no one expect for Mark could relate to this kind of gut wrenching pain.
"Should we start the…arrangements?" Callie whispered. Of course she didn't want to think of burying her daughter but she knew that if it happened, she wanted to have everything already arranged so she didn't have to concern herself with it.
"No Cal…We can't. We have to just wait and see." Mark told her. He couldn't think of starting the arrangements before his daughter was even gone. She was still fighting, damn it and he wasn't going to give up on her. Even if things didn't look promising. Even if she was growing weaker. Even if the doctors held out no hope. Callie knew that Mark was still holding out hope that Sofia would defy the odds. She wished that she too could hold onto that hope but any hope that she had was fading.
"Okay. We'll wait." Callie whispered as she rested her head on Mark's shoulder and silently begged the tears to please stop flowing. She was sick of crying. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to believe that God would heal her baby.
"Do you think there's a God Mark?" Callie whispered. Callie used to think that nothing in the world would shake her faith. The experience with Sofia had shaken her faith in God and she was now questioning his existence.
"I don't know Cal. It's hard to believe in God when there is so much crap in the world." Mark murmured.
"I don't think I believe in Him anymore Mark. He…He could let my baby…our baby live and instead…instead he's letting her die." Callie whispered as a fresh wave of tears hit her. Her blotchy face buried itself into Mark's shirt and she let the tears stream down her face once again.
"Don't Cal. If you keep thinking like that, it's gonna drive you crazy." Mark told her calmly. Callie drew in a ragged breath and attempted a small smile in his direction. She was going to try to take his advice even though she suspected that he didn't even believe in God.
"That's better. Now I think we should get some sleep." Mark suggested as he let go of Callie and turned to climb up to the top bunk.
"Wait, can you sleep next to me?" Callie whispered. She meant nothing by it. She just wanted to be lulled to sleep by Mark's heartbeat. Mark was a little uneasy about that. He was seeing Lexie and Callie was engaged to Arizona. Callie could tell that Mark was uneasy about this.
"Mark I'm not going to jump you. I love Arizona, but right now I just need you to hold me." Callie told him softly. Sighing Mark nodded and joined her in the bottom bunk. He pulled her body close to his, being mindful of those injuries that had yet to completely heal. He only fell asleep after Callie's breathing evened out, telling him that she was asleep.