This popped into my head after I was thinking about all the fights Han and Leia go through in ESB. It kinda all spawned from Luke's last comment at the end about what else Chewie said.
DISCLAIMER: If you claim this, Imma have to Dis you. Get it?
Rogue Squadron Gossip
Luke took his usual seat in the empty mess hall in Hoth Base between Wedge and Hobbie. Wes sat across from him, Sabacc cards at the ready. It was their weekly game, fueled by any contraband liquor available, the base gossip and the pure need to alleviate boredom. Luke smiled at his fellow members of the Rogue Squadron as Wes shuffled the cards in anticipation of the game. Given the fact that the Rebellion paid out in off planet accounts and not in cash to its members, the foursome instead bet the chores of the others and any personal effects available to them. Chores were written on a piece of flimsy and tossed into the pile in the middle of the table for a bet.
"So what are we drinking today, Gentlemen?" Luke asked, grinning wryly. Wedge smiled and produced a bottle Luke recognized immediately.
"Corellia's finest!" Wedge proclaimed and Luke and Hobbie groaned.
"C'mon, Wedge? What's with you and Han and that stuff?" Luke complained.
"It's not even that great of a drink!" Hobbie backed him up. "You Corellians and your nationalism for your own products!"
"Hey!" Wedge defended. "Now, for one, Corellian Whiskey is the best drink to get you where you're going, and two, our ships are twice the crap Kuat puts out!"
"Which is why Incom sells us the X's!" Wes laughed. "Isn't hard to be twice as good as Kuat!"
"Yeah! Look at the Falcon!" Hobbie joked. "Han's always piecing that thing back together!"
Wedge waved a hand in front of him to dismiss Hobbie. "The Falcon is an antique! Thing should be put in a museum!"
"Don't tell Han that!" Luke laughed. "You'll end up in the museum instead with a blaster hole between your eyes!"
"Yeah, well, I won't tell if you won't tell," Wedge mumbled and started pouring the drink into four glasses. "Are we going to get this game started or not? I need some runs on the Tauntauns pawned off."
"Fat chance I'm betting any Tauntaun duty!" Wes mumbled.
"Same here," Luke shrugged. "I despise that duty, whether in the base or out."
"Hobbie?" Wedge asked hopefully.
"Nah, I've still got Janson's from last week."
"Damn right you do!" Wes laughed and dealt the cards out. The game began as everyone shuffled the cards and chose which ones they'd hold. "Bets gentlemen?"
"Picked this up on my last run out," Hobbie said, tossing in a shiny 22T4 blaster pistol to the center of the table.
"How in the Nine Hells did you get one of those?" Wedge asked, picking up the blaster to examine it.
"Stole it off an Imp," Hobbie shrugged. "You can't buy those as a civilian."
"No Sith, man," Luke said, eyes wide at the illegal weapon. "You know it only holds 6 shots, right?"
"Yeah," Hobbie shrugged. "It's no used to me. I'm a pilot, not a fighter."
"You're a fighter pilot," Wes stated, eyes narrowed at Hobbie. The man in question merely shrugged. Wes rolled his eyes.
"There's a shot missing," Wedge stated. Hobbie blushed.
"I may have wanted to see just how powerful it was."
"You caused that cave-in in the Eastern Passage last week, didn't you?" Luke asked, laughing at the realization. Hobbie blushed and looked down.
"Wow," Wes whistled. He shook his head and moved on. "Okay, Luke, Wedge, bets please?"
"I got free X-Wing maintenance for a week," Luke said, tossing the flimsy onto the table. It was well known that next to Han Solo, Luke was one of the best mechanics in the base. No one doubted the legitimacy of his bet.
"I got sentry duty for two days," Wedge shrugged.
"I thought you were trying to ditch Tauntaun duties?" Luke asked, laughing.
Wedge shrugged. "I really could care less about Sentry duty. It's the cleaning up and working in confined spaces with them I dislike."
Luke laughed and again and turned to Wes.
"I have a spare blanket, and extra socks."
"Socks?" Hobbie asked. "I bet a kriffing blaster and you are betting socks?"
"And a blanket!" Wes defended. "If you don't see the merit of them during this supply shortage, you are sadly mistaken. A blaster won't keep you warm when the winter storms hit."
"Wes, it's a snow planet. By definition it is a winter planet," Wedge stated.
"Nah, according to Rieekand, this is the planet's summer months. And we're stationed near it's equator."
"Whatever," Hobbie threw his arms up in surrender. "Let's just get on with the game."
The foursome held and traded cards once before getting on with the base gossip. It was a regular even for the four, and was looked forward to every week. People of interest were always at the top of the gossip chain, along with news from the outside Galaxy. It was really the only way to stay sane.
"So, you guys hear about how people are delving into the past of the big wigs of the Empire?" Hobbie asked the group, grinning.
"Yeah, I heard," Wedge nodded, studying his cards. "Don't know how much good it will do them seeing as how nothing will go public with the Emperor monitoring the news feeds."
"Word of mouth, my friend!" Hobbie said. "Wonder what they'll find on Dark and Scary."
"You mean Vader?" Wes asked, eying Hobbie. "Nothing. He'll choke anyone who gets close. He's probably erased all ties to the past anyways."
"He was Jedi," Luke stated. "Apparently Obi-Wan Kenobi taught him."
"That general that died up on the Death Star?" Wes asked, looking at Luke. Everyone knew Luke knew the old Jedi, but they really didn't know the story.
"Yeah," Luke nodded solemnly. "So if they find anything, it'll be during those days."
"During the clone wars?" Wedge asked, his cards almost forgotten. "Gods, I barely remember those days."
"You were what? Barely three?" Hobbie teased. Wedge narrowed his eyes at the man.
"As a matter of fact, yes, I was. I have a few memories. Jedi this, Separatists that, Hero With No Fear, planets in turmoil... Just general stuff."
"Hero with fear? What kind of name is that?" Wes laughed.
"No fear! Hero with no fear! Get your ears checked Janson!" Wedge said. "Anyways, I just remember it was some Jedi. Back before they got wiped out."
"Clearly it wasn't a Jedi after they got wiped out," Hobbie laughed. Luke shook his head at the comment. "Oh, Kreth, Luke! I forgot your Dad got wiped out in the Purges."
"Yeah, s'okay. It doesn't really matter. Just a fact, right?" Luke smiled, easing the tension. "Anyways, you guys want the situation with our favorite comedy couple?"
"What would they say if they knew their best friend was dishing out insider info?" Wes asked, laughing.
"Remember what I said Wedge would end up as if he told Han the Falcon needed retireing?" Luke said and the four laughed. "And to quote Wedge, 'I won't tell if you won't tell'."
"So what's up with those two anyways? Solo still messing with the Princess' head?" Hobbie asked. "He's going to find himself with a broken hyper-drive courtesy of Ms. Organa there."
"Yeah, apparently after I left one of Han's Sabacc games, Leia stayed with him and Chewie and got a little smashed," Luke grinned.
"Did I win the bet yet?" Wes asked playfully, causing the group to chuckle a little.
"Nope! Apparently she only got smashed enough to mention that he was so desperate for her only because she was so unattainable and that if it wasn't for the fact he was ruggedly handsome, she'd have kicked his ass to the Alliance curb a system ago."
"If that isn't love, I don't know what is," Wedge said, rolling his eyes and focusing back on his cards. He was the only one in the group that played particularly seriously. Maybe it was a Corellian thing?
"No, I'm serious!" Luke said. "Look, she admitted that A, she knew Han has feelings for her, and B, that she was attracted to him."
"And who told you that story? Huh?" Hobbie asked incredulously. "Our Rebel leader or the Smuggler with that cocky Corellian attitude. No offense, Wedge."
"Neither!" Luke shouted, laying his cards face down on the table to emphasize things with his hands. "Chewie did!"
"Are you sure you translated that Shyriiwook right?" Wes asked.
"Yes! Look, you guys gotta trust me on this!"
"Nah, I really don't think-" Wes started but got cut off by yelling voices down the passage.
"Well, Your Highnessness! I didn't think I needed to run every modification I make on my ship past you and your command crew!"
"Well, you do when it involves the chance of blowing up in the hangar!"
"Hey! I have my things under control, you have yours! And might I remind you, I'm not one of those things you need to control!"
"I know, seeing as how you refuse to join up with us because you have commitment issues!"
"Commitment issues? COMMITMENT ISSUES? I can commit just fine, I'll have you know!"
"Oh really? What about committing to something other than your ship and copilot? Huh?"
"I can do that too! I thought it was obvious when I run sentry for you crazy bunch of people every other day! I don't see you freezing your tiny ass off on this Force forsaken rock!"
"Because I work in the command room making sure you get your half-witted self back every other day!"
"Uh-huh, I bet that would really tear you up inside! Me not coming back."
"Yes, the Alliance needs you! There aren't enough pilots as good as you here!"
"Uh, are we Wampa Liver or something?" Hobbie asked in hushed tones. He was greeted with three hushed shushes as they struggled to hear the fight down the corridor.
"Yeah, I'll bet your Alliance will miss me. I was asking about whether or not you will miss me and my ruggedly handsome looks."
"Don't you think highly of yourself?"
"It wasn't me who said it, Your Worship. You were the one who told me without them you'd have kicked me to the Alliance Curb!"
"Yep! Can't deny it sober, can you?"
"Ugh! You are incorrigible!"
"No, I'm Corellian and us Corellians happen to be a handsome, good piloting bunch!"
Hobbie, Wes and Luke glanced at Wedge who merely shrugged, not denying the accusation.
"Hah! You can pilot, but you're all too selfish to do anything without thinking of yourselves first!"
"May I remind you who saved your pretty little royal ass off that battle station?"
"Only after Luke promised you credits! You still only cared about yourself!"
"Well, I came back didn't I? With out me, where would you guys be?"
"Safer considering we wouldn't have a Hunk of Junk threatening to blow up in the Hangar bay!"
"Hey! That Hunk of Junk is the fastest thing in the Galaxy!"
"I doubt it."
"Oh really? Name something faster?"
It was quiet for a moment before Leia replied. "Light! Light is faster."
"Not when I'm at light-speed your Highness."
"Oh, why you!"
"Nice comeback, your Highness! Can't admit defeat can you?" Han's tone was laced with sarcasm.
"And you can't admit you have Commitment issues, can you?"
"I don't, so I don't need to!" Leia grunted and then the sound of crunching footsteps in the snow was heard in the opposite direction, before they heard Han groan and head their way. The four quickly picked up their cards to pretend as if they hadn't heard a word of the fight.
They glanced over at Han as he stormed into the Mess Hall. He paused as he noticed the four members of the Rogue Squadron sitting there innocently playing Sabacc.
"Hey," Luke said, nodding. Han nodded in acknowledgment, running a hand through his hair. He looked away and then looked back at Luke and cracked a crooked grin at him after a second.
"Told 'ya she thought I was ruggedly handsome, Kid."
Luke laughed and rolled his eyes. Han joined in with the laughing before heading back out through the other entrance to the mess hall.
"Did I mention that Chewie also said that Leia told Han he needed a haircut or he'd end up hairier than a wookiee?" Luke asked. Wedge chuckled and picked up his cards again.
"Last time I don't believe your outlandish stories about them, Luke," Wes said, grabbing his own cards.
"Me too," Hobbie laughed. Luke grinned as he splayed out his cards.
"Pure Sabacc, boys!" He announced as the other three groaned. Luke reached into the pile and pulled the bets to himself, smiling at the thought of extra socks and no Sentry detail for two days.
Okay, Han's last comment is not me not being consistent. I am just implying that Han also told the story to Luke. Sorry if there was any confusion.
In other notes, this was really fun to write. The fight kinda came easily to me, and once I found out the first line, the rest just flowed. I have no idea what part of Han's ship was going to blow up, but it doesn't seem too far fetched to me. According to Wookieepedia, Wedge was indeed about three when the purges took place. So he may or may not remember Anakin's nickname, but for the sake of an ironic laugh, he does.
Hobbie's blaster is real. You can find it on Wookieepedia as well. It is for Imp Agents only. Where Hobbie got the stones to steal it off one is beyond me. Again, writer's liberty. From what I've read in stories, Kuatian ships are actually pretty decent, but opinions are subjective. When I played up Wedge's Corellian-ness, it seemed natural for him to do the same thing Han does when showing off Corellia's things (ships, whiskey, ect.)
And for those who've never read up on Sabacc, I recommend skipping Wookieepedia in this case and just googling it. There is a lovely site out there that allows you to play it yourself. Google SABACC and it's the casino sabacc link. They have a link on there that jumps into the interactive version, no download needed. (Doesn't work on iPods, just an FYI.) Now, a Pure Sabacc, in simplest terms, is a 21 in Black Jack. It's unbeatable. You get a Pure Sabacc and the round is yours.
And, I'm completely with Wes on the sock thing. I took some liberties again with the placement of the base on Hoth. They were probably off the planet before Winter anyways.
Thanks for reading, and please Review!