Title: You Did What?
Author: artificial kiss
Warnings: slash, mpreg, AU, fluff, and cheesy April Fools pranks
Rating: M, just to be safe. If you think that this is the wrong rating, please put that in your review, too. thanks
Summary: "I've adopted a muggle child." Voldemort blinked. "Excuse me?" It's April Fools Day and chaos ensues at Riddle Manor.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. All but the plot belongs to J.K Rowling
A/N: This is my first story, so please tell me how I can improve! I attempted to make this funny, but it sort of just came out fluffy. Oh well. The story is in Voldemort's pov.
You Did What?
The library at Riddle Manor was exceptionally large; even bigger than the one at Malfoy Manor. Countless shelves lined the huge square-shaped room. The wood was a dark mahogany, making the window-less room dark and gloomy. Voldemort loved it. He admired the swirling detail etched into the wooden shelves as he strolled through them. There was not a speck of dust in the room; in the entire manor, for that matter. After all, the home Lord Voldemort absolutely must be clean, dark, gloomy, and full of traps. The library, of course, was one of the few rooms that were trap-free. Voldemort would never dirty the purity of a library. Ironic that the most feared wizard in Britain would die before making a single mark in a book. Still, everyone has their moments.
"I'm not a nerd," Voldemort reassured himself as he lovingly ran his fingers over the books' spines.
"Of course not, Tom. Why would you ever think that?" came the mischievous voice that Voldemort knew well. He turned and regarded the man behind him with mock hurt.
"Don't give me that look," Harry said, "You can't swim in Denial River forever!" Voldemort huffed and turned away from his husband. Yes, he was married to Harry Potter. Five years ago, before the final battle was planned to take place, Harry had approached him with quite a strange proposition. He asked if he could join the Dark side in exchange for Voldemort ending the war. Apparently, Harry had learned about Dumbledore's secrets during his Horcrux hunt and was none too pleased. He didn't care if Tom took over the Ministry (it was already twisted) as long as there was no more fighting. After ascertaining that Harry was still quite sane and not setting up a trap (Legilimens really was a useful talent) Voldemort had agreed. With Harry at his side, it had taken only two months to bring down the ministry and it was smooth sailing from then on, which left the two of them with plenty of time to get to know each other. After a year of flirting and growing sexual tension, they finally gave in one night after a long ministry party (and more than a few drinks). Let's just say, the morning after was not a pretty sight. Still, they had admitted their feelings for each other and began dating. A few months later, they were hitched and have been quite happy together for the last three years.
His reminiscing did not lessen his aggravation, "Did you want something?" he snapped.
"Why? Do I need a reason to come see you?" Voldemort turned to face Harry, worried that he had hurt him, and saw the mirth sparkling in his eyes. So Harry was still teasing him, huh?
"Actually, yes, I do have something to tell you," Harry continued on innocently, "I've adopted a muggle child." Voldemort blinked.
"I've adopted a muggle child," Harry repeated patiently, "His name is Luke."
"You….what?" Voldemort stuttered. Sure, he and Harry had been married for three years, but a child? And a muggle at that? Tom was in no way fit to be a father, much less to a child that would remind him of his own childhood self. He was totally out of his element.
"I've just sent the papers to the orphanage. Luke should be here tomorrow. Oh, you're going to just love him! He's got brown hair and the most adorable, puppy dog eyes," Harry gushed.
Voldemort began to panic, "Harry," he interrupted, "I-I don't know if this is a good idea." Harry stopped and looked at him with big, innocent eyes.
"Why would you think that?" he asked. The excited grin on his face began to waver and he looked like he might cry. Voldemort bit his lip. Stupid! How could you deny Harry something he seems to desperately want? He took some deep, calming breaths and prepared himself for the choice he was about to make.
"Harry, if this is what you really want—" Voldemort cut off at the look on Harry's face. He was grinning from ear to ear and seemed to be having trouble containing his laughter. His eyes sparkled with mischief and amusement.
"Just kidding! April Fools!" he crowed. What? The words echoed uselessly in Voldemort's head, not yet sinking in. Harry bounced forward and kissed him on the cheek. Well aware that his mouth was hanging open like a gaping fish, Voldemort watched his husband skip out of the room. Oh, it was so on!
Voldemort snickered as he took one last glance in the mirror. Yes, he looked perfect. Harry was going to be pissed.
After Harry had joined his side and Voldemort found himself with the title "Minister of Magic," he had decided it was time for a makeover. After consulting with Severus about different potions, he had finally found one that would permanently (excluding glamours) restore his appearance to its original, youthful self. At first, he was dubious about the change, but then Harry began to notice him and, dare he say it, flirt with him. Voldemort was quite pleased with his choice after that. Now, though, he walked down the halls of his manor wearing a glamour of his old snake-face. He did not stop to admire said gorgeous appearance in the decorative mirrors that lined the walls; he was on a mission. Voldemort opened the kitchen door that lead to the side garden and quidditch pitch. Even after leaving Hogwarts, Harry still retained his boyish love of quidditch, and Voldemort was certain that the man would be there. Sure enough, Harry was flying around the pitch, eagerly chasing after the invisible snitch. Voldemort paused to admire the graceful loops and spins. Harry rode the broom like it was and extension of his body; and extra limb. Voldemort caught his eye and motioned for him to come down. The expression on Harry's face as he climbed off of the broom and walked closer was priceless.
"T-Tom?" he managed to choke out. "Um, you know I'll love you no matter what you look like, but, um, why, do you look like that?"
Though he smirked inwardly, Voldemort kept up a perfect mask of innocence. "Oh, this? Well I noticed lately that some of the ministry workers were slacking off. After thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that they believe me to have softened up. Thus, I realized that my young appearance was a bad choice after all, and that I needed to return to my original appearance. For good."
"For good," Harry repeated dumbly. Ha! Now who was the one with their jaw on the floor?
"Of course, I would have asked you about it first, but I knew that you didn't marry me for my appearance, so I figured that it would be alright," he said, looking at Harry expectantly. He watched in sadistic glee as Harry struggled to compose himself. He had used his ace card, knowing that Harry would be unable to do anything but accept his choice of appearance, lest he look as if he did marry him for appearances only.
"R-right. Of course," Harry stuttered. Voldemort smiled and stepped close, pretending he was going to kiss Harry. The man looked positively terrified, and Voldemort let himself smirk openly as he by-passed Harry's lips and moved to his ear instead.
"April Fools," he whispered and dropped the glamour. He heard a shocked gasp before he hurriedly made his escape. His laughter drowned out Harry's furious cry behind him.
After his revenge, April Fools Day had digressed into a battle of pranks. Several hair and skin color changes later, Voldemort was once again in the library, which now served as a hide out. He sighed and yanked at his fuchsia-colored hair. This latest prank had been particularly stubborn and he had yet to figure out how to undo it. Speaking of pranks, he hadn't seen Harry in at least two hours. What was he up to? As if reading his mind, the door creaked open and Voldemort drew his wand, immediately on guard. Harry looked rather suspicious as he peeked in first, before sliding inside the room and shutting the door behind him. Voldemort noticed the way his hands twisted nervously. Why was he so fidgety? Was it part of an act for another prank? Harry looked everywhere but at him as he slowly approached the chair Tom was sitting in. After a few minutes of tense silence, Voldemort told harry to sit down. Harry regarded the seat apprehensively before sitting and finally staying still. It didn't last long. Within moments, Harry was nervously pacing the area. Finally, he spoke.
"Um, Tom, I-I have some news." Voldemort waited for him to continue. "This afternoon, I received a letter from St. Mungos. See, last week, I had a test done, and these are the results," he was talking at full speed now, "I'm pregnant."
Voldemort sat still, completely stunned. He didn't know whether this was an April Fools joke or not. He searched Harry's vivid green eyes and found only truth; no amusement. The silence was loud to Voldemort's uncomprehending mind.
"For God's sake, Tom, put down your wand. I'm not pulling a prank!" Harry hissed. He hadn't even realized that he was still holding his wand pointed at Harry. Who, by the way, was really crying this time.
"Oh, Harry," Voldemort breathed, suddenly understanding how Harry had misinterpreted his shocked silence. He leapt to his feet and pulled the shaking man into his arms. "Harry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I was just shocked. Are you really pregnant?"
"Y-yes. Here's the letter," he handed Voldemort a piece of parchment with St. Mungo's seal stamped on it. He skimmed the letter and found that, sure enough, Harry was pregnant. With his child. He was going to be a father. Oh, God. Voldemort collapsed heavily into his chair as the reality of the situation hit him.
"Tom?" Voldemort looked up at his husband, his own emotions mirroring Harry's anxious eyes. "Harry, I don't know if I can do this. I never had a father. I don't know what a father is supposed to be like, how to act," he trailed off, afraid of his next confession," What if I turn out to be a bad father?" He suddenly found himself with an armful of Harry Potter.
"Tom, don't say that! You'll be a great father! Sure, you didn't have a father, but that will help you to avoid becoming a bad father. You will probably spoil our child rotten, just to make sure that he never experiences what you did." Harry finished his argument with a tight hug. Voldemort let the words sink in before he returned Harry's hug just as fiercely. He drew back to look at Harry, whose eyes were shining with love and happiness.
"Do you want to be a father, Harry?" he asked, unreasonably afraid of the answer. He was still worried that this might turn out to be another elaborate joke. Instead, he was rewarded with a bright, delighted smile before Harry leaned forward and captured his lips in a sweet, lingering kiss filled with love.
"Yes, of course, Tom. I wouldn't want anything else."
Ok, so after proofreading it, I feel like it went a bit fast, but whatever. Please review and tell me how I could improve my writing! I also feel a bit weird saying Lord Voldemort would be a good father, but it's AU, so if I want him to be good, he will be.