If Time is All I Have

If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you.

~James Blunt

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He imagines that most people would feel sorry for him if they realised quite how much he loves her. They would shake their heads, give him a sad smile, and think what a pity it is that a man can love a woman with all his heart and never have her love him back – at least not romantically.

If people did know, and responded this way, he'd want to correct them, although he isn't sure he's articulate enough to properly be able to convey quite how amazing it is to know Gillian Foster, how lucky he is to have her in his life, and what a privilege it is to love her.

He will gladly spend the rest of his days loving her, although he's aware that most people might consider that a waste. Is it a waste of a heart to love someone when that love is unrequited? For him, the answer is an unequivocal no. Loving Gillian Foster could never be a waste; not when it brings him so much joy to be close to her, to know her, to sometimes be the reason she smiles or laughs.

There are times, of course, when the pain is sharper, when the knowledge that she'll never love him the way he loves her hits a little harder, when it all just feels too real. But her gentle smile, her soft voice, the way she does love him, even if it's not how it is in his fantasies, gives him more than he could have ever dreamt of. And if loving her from afar with a heart that will always be half broken is all he has, he'll happily spend a lifetime that way. It's better to love her, even if it is unrequited, than it is to not love her at all.

She knows how he feels; of this he is certain. She doesn't question it, doesn't make things awkward by bringing it up, and would never use it against him. She may not love him, but she lets him love her. And that's more than he could have ever hoped for.