Chapter 1

"But Bella, we could be a proper family. Are you that selfish that you're willing to put yourself ahead of your son?" Jacob yelled at me.

We had the same argument on a month to month basis. It happened almost like clockwork. And it always coincided with a talk from his father. The guy needed to get a life.

My name is Bella Swan. I am mother to the most gorgeous little guy on the planet, well in my opinion. My son Carson is two years old. He is the result of a one night stand with Jacob, my ex best friend.

I say ex because now he just annoys the crap out of me.

"Yes Jacob I am that selfish. I am so selfish that I look after our son twenty four seven while you do whatever the hell it is you do with your friends all the time. I am so selfish that on weekends when you are out getting drunk three nights in a row I am cooking and cleaning and spending time with my son. I am so selfish that I work full time to feed and clothe him and put a roof over his head while you lie on your ass in your fathers house.

God, you do nothing for him except show up once in a while and spend a few hours with him before disappearing for weeks. You don't even pay child support for him. You can't keep a job for longer than a few weeks. It's time to grow up Jacob. The only reason you want to be with me is because you're deluded enough to think you can come and sponge off me instead of your dad for a while!"

Jacob seemed to think he was the world's best father when in reality he was pretty far down the list. Even when I asked him for some money to buy something for Carson the normal waiting time was four or five weeks. When I asked him to buy him something he rarely got the right thing, that's if he got it at all.

My friends and family, all except for my dad, thought I should cut him off from Carson completely but I couldn't bring myself to do that. He deserved to know his dad and make a decsion for himself when he was old enough. His mother and stepfather were great with him and his sisters adored him.

Jacob seemed to think that Carson should fit in around his life rather than him fit around Carson. He had missed so much.

"That is so not true. You know that I love you. I've been in love with you since I was fifteen years old. You just can't get your head out of your ass long enough to see how good we could be together!"

"You know what I've had enough of your shit today. Now are you taking Carson or what? I have things to do today."

I turned my back on him and then I heard the door slam. Thankfully my baby had slept through all that. I went up to his room to check on him. I could never get over how gorgeous he was.

He had Jacobs sallow skin and dark hair but with my lighter brown eyes. He got all his features from me my nose, the shape of his eyes and lips. I adored him.

I went back downstairs to call Angela. Angela was my best friend. We had been friends since we were fourteen and she was there for me through thick and thin, like a sister more than a friend. We had plans to go out tonight but since it looked like my boy was staying home I had to cancel on her.

I text her instead of calling.

Hey Ang I'm afraid I have to cancel for tonight. The douche left without the boy after we had a fight. Looks like I'm home bound tonight.

Well that sucks. I haven't seen my little man this week. How does dinner, a movie and a bottle of wine sound? I'll come over to your place.

Sounds like a date. As long as you don't expect me to put out at the end of the night we're golden!

I'm sorry honey but you couldn't handle me! I'll come over about six, we'll order chinese.

Okay sounds like a plan. See you then xx

Bye babe xx

I decided to do some housework while I waited. I kept my phone on me knowing I would have my dad on the phone shortly. He and Jacob's dad Billy were best friends. They were like a pair of nosy ass women always getting involved when it came to me and Jacob. They loved the idea of us being together but it just would never be happening.

I slept with Jacob after a night out. We had all had far too much to drink and it sounded like a good idea at the time. That was in the February. In the August my Gamma Swan, who I was extremely close to, passed away while I was on vacation. She had been sick for a while with lung cancer and came home from the hospital to spend her remaining time. I had already booked a holiday away with Ang and my parents thought it would be good for me to go. I was in my second year of cooking school. Were supposed to be gone for two weeks but my grandmother passed at the beginning of the second week so we came home.

That month I missed a period. I put it down to stress. By October I had to go up a jean size. I'm one of those people who when they gain weight it all goes on around my middle. My ass and legs stay the same but my waist expands. I didn't think anything but I was getting fat so began to diet and excercise. My mom then suggested I could be preganat.

Being that I had only missed two periods and the last guy I had been with was back in February I thought she was crazy. I went to the doctor anyway and what do you know? Carson was on his way.

I had him in the first week of December, the 5th. Problem was Jacob had moved to Canada to stay with his aunt and uncle. After we slept together he wanted a relationshio and I said no. He said he couldn't handle seeing me around the town where we lived, Forks Washington, so he left that summer. A tad dramatic if you ask me.

I asked my dad not to tell his dad as I felt I should be the one to tell him. His dad wouldn't give me the phone number to contact him, said I had hurt him enough. I did get a phone number from his friend Embry but by the time I built up the confidence to call, the number was no longer in service.

The following February Jacob came back to Forks to see his friends Sam and Emily get married. I was invited too but no-one thought he would show up. Turns out he did, I found out on my way to the reception. After some vodka courage I took him outside and told him about Carson. He met him the next day and saw him a few times while he was home. He had begun college up in Canada and said he wanted to go back there to finish out the year before he moved back to be apart of Carson's life.

I never heard from him again until June.

My mom and dad watched Carson one night so that I could go out in Port Angeles with Angela and she let slip that he had been home for almost a week. She had met his friend Seth and he told her. She thought I was too pissed to talk about it but knew he was back.

I didn't.

He had the audacity to call me the next day and ask when he could see Carson. I made him wait until the following week. Petty, I know, but it felt good to ignore him for a whilke the way he ignored my son.

I had just finished putting the laundry on when I heard Carson through the monitor. I went up to his room.

"Momma!" he squealed happily.

"Hello baby," I said as I picked him up and gave him a kiss.

"Nemo Nemo!" he yelled while clapping his hands. He absoloutley loved Finding Nemo.

"Okay buddy. Let's get you downstiars. I need to change you"

His face fell. He hated getting his diaper changed. I had agreed with his daycare to start toilet training him in a couple of weeks so hopefully I wouldn't have to do this much longer.

"No! No wipey!" he cried.

"Yes wipey. Let's go"

I carried him downstairs to get his box. I kept a box down here with spare diapers, wipes cream and other bits and bobs I needed for him.

After an uneventful change I put on his dvd and went to get him a snack. It was already four so Angela would be here soon. I was starting to think that maybe Jake hadn't went home to cry to his dad when my phone began to ring.

'Hi dad to what do I owe the pleasure?' I asked knowing full well what he wanted.

'Bella I've had Billy on the phone. Jacob is really upset. He said you wouldn't let him have Carson'

'Thats bull!' I snapped 'He started on again about us and I told him a few home truths and he stormed out. I wish you and Billy would but out. I don't want Jacob like that. He can't even be reliable with his own son, what kind of boyfriend would that make him? At least this way Carson has a stable home without his dad and me yelling at each other all the time' I ranted.

'Bella he really loves you. Could you not give him a chance.? It'd be nice for Carson to have you two together.'

'No dad. I'm not having this conversation again. It is never going to happen. Would you like to speak to your grandson?' I asked changing the subject.

'Sure. Put me on speaker.' I pressed the loudspeaker button on my phone.

'Hey slugger' my dads voice rang out

'Gampaw!' Carson yelled and started babbling to my dad.

When he was done I said goodbye to my dad and got Carson some dry cheerios to snack on. I tidied up the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom and then went to check the guestroom. Angela would probably wend up staying over.

A little while later I heard my front door open. I went out into the hall from the kitchen.

"Hey I know I'm early but I was in Port Angeles today and I got a present for my little man"

"Ang, you need to stop buying him stuff!" I grumbled, knowing she never would.

"Shush! Now where is he?"

"In the kitchen. I was just about to give him dinner."

We went through to see my boy. He was strapped into his high chair eating his food. I had given him homemade chicken nuggets with sweet potato fries. I tried to make as much of his food myself as I could. I didn't want him having all the processed crap I had eaten growing up. My mom wasn't much of a cook.

Angela went around the back of his high chair and kissed his head. He looked up grinning when he saw her.

"An!" he immediately put his hands up for her to break him out but she shook her head.

"Hah, not likely buddy. Eat your food and then we'll talk" she said ruffling his hair.

"So what happened today with him." she asked. She couldn't stand Jake.

We had all been friends together, went to school together and Jake was a good guy. Still was. He just wasn't a good dad and Angela despised him for it.

I filled her in on our fight.

"Good for you. It's about time you gave him a few home truths. And your dad and Billy seriously need to get over this idea of you two together. The day that happens I am kidnapping you and having your mental health checked out." We laughed.

A few hours later after Angela had given Carson the new Nemo teddy she picked up for him, I put him to bed and Angela and I settled in the living room with our wine to chat.

"I am so stuffed. I always pig out with chinese, it cannot be healthy." I laughed at her.

"So you know how I went to PA today? I bumped into a few people from high school."

"Really? What unfortunates did you come across?" I didn't really like alot of the people we went to school with.

"Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale. They were out looking at property for their new boutique."

Alice and Rosalie had been in the year above us at school. Alice was really nice, if a little hyper. Rosalie was always a little closed off. She didn't really talk to anyone outside of her immediate circle of friends.

Alice's younger brother Edward was the same age as me and her older brother Emmett was two years older than her. Rosalie's twin, Jasper, and Alice dated in High School. A few months ago I had heard that Alice and Rosalie had opened a fashion boutique in Seattle.

"Why are they looking here? I thought they had a shop in Seattle."

"They do. Apparently Alice and Jasper are getting married next year and she wants to live nearer her parents in case they have children. They'll still own the shop in Seattle but will have a branch here too. I went for coffee with them."

"How was that? Has Rosalie thawed any?" I snickered.

Her nickname had been ice queen. She really was that bad.

"She was okay. Polite but quiet, but then you know Alice. She talks a mile a minute. Anyway, she was asking about everyone from school. This is the first time they've been home in a while. Apparently her parents and the Hale's go to visit them in Seattle instead of them coming home. They all live in Seattle now. Rosalie is now Rosalie Cullen. She married Emmett two years ago.

Anyway, she asked about you and I told her you were good, working in the bakery untill you opened your own place. She asked if we wanted to meet up next week so I said I would ask you and let her know. So how about it? Do you think your mom will watch Carson?"

"Yeah probably. Either that or Patty and Dominic might." Patty and Dominic were Jacobs mother and stepfather.

"I'll call during the week and ask. I'm seeing my mom tomorrow so I'll see if she wants to have him or not. So, did she mention what Edward was up to these days?" I asked as Angela started chuckling.

"I was wondering how long it would take you!" she snorted.

Back in the day I had a major crush on Edward Cullen. He was gorgeous and it was as though he never even knew it.

He had the most unusual hair colour, light brown with blonde and red through it and the most stunning green eyes I had ever seen.

He kept to himself in school though, only hanging out with his family or his small group of friends, Ben Cheney, James Redmond and Duff Johnston.

"Shut up! So did she mention him?" I couldn't resist asking.

"She didn't. I'm sure she will when we go out with them though." she replied, still laughing.

We stayed up late talking and as predicted Angela crashed in my guestv room.

I went to bed that night and dramt of Edward Cullen for the first time in years.

Characters Not Mine