Like a Child in the Dark.
They were in the library finishing Will's history paper, that was due tomorrow. But Will had spent the weekend slacking off at the lake with Sophia and forgot to do it, so now they had to spend their afternoon working on it.
Well, Will was doing it while Merlin offered moral support. He had brought his camera from his room and was doing close-ups of Will's face and taking some pictures of the other students.
"Could you stop playing with that thing and help me with this shit, Merlin?"
"If you hadn't been with Sophia all weekend we wouldn't be here."
Will left his pen and turned to look at Merlin. "And lose the chance to get laid? No fucking way."
Merlin laughed and hit him on the back of the head. "Then you should be the only one working today."
"You're a lousy friend, Merlin, and if it depended on me you would burn in hell."
Merlin smiled and stuck his tongue out at Will. "If I remember right, you're the one who's going to burn in hell."
"Those girls were crazy and you know it."
"They were sisters and you slept with both of them!"
"Yeah, I guess I deserved it, but it was totally worth it!"
Merlin shook his head and started taking pictures again. Will was a lost cause.
He was taking a photo of Mr. Monmouth, the school librarian, when Arthur appeared in his lens. He was walking fast and with determination towards where they were sitting. Merlin expected him to rant about the stain that was still on his red shirt. Merlin had, honest to god, tried to wash it away but it didn't want to leave Arthur's shirt. He had meant to call his mum and ask her how to remove it but he hadn't had time yet.
But Arthur didn't look at him when he got to their table, he just sat in front of Will and started talking to him as if Merlin wasn't even there, and what Arthur said made Merlin choke on his own breath.
"Oi, William, do you like cock?"
Will lifted his head from the paper and looked at Arthur as if he had grown two heads.
"Yeah, I love cock… And yours is God's answer to my prayers."
"Don't play with me and answer my question."
Will ignored Arthur and looked at Merlin. "What the hell is wrong with him now?"
Merlin was too embarrassed to answer Will, he didn't even know what to say to that, for him Arthur was always a mystery.
"Answer my question, William."
"No, Arthur, I don't like cock, except for mine, obviously. And if you're so intent on knowing what I like, I must tell you that your sister's boobs make me crazy."
"Good, that's good, I think. I would warn you against my sister but I would really like to see you try something with her. She would eat you alive." And, as an after thought he said "I hope you don't mind changing rooms."
That's when Merlin knew what it was all about.
As Arthur was getting up and about to leave the library, Merlin started talking to him, trying to get some sense into his head.
"Arthur that's not necessary, this is getting ridiculous. You're making this bigger than it is."
"Shut up, Merlin, you don't have a say in all this. I made a promise and I'm keeping it"
"It's my room! Of course I have a say!"
"No you don't and that's final. Or do you want me to call your mum, Merlin?" Merlin opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to think of an adequate reply but nothing came to mind.
Arthur was about to leave the library when he came back and leant towards Merlin to talk to him.
"There's still a stain on my red shirt, Merlin, I expect it to be removed for tomorrow." And with those last words he left.
"What the hell was all that about? Your slaver is getting crazier by the minute!"
"Yeah, he is, but he's not my slaver, I get paid for what I do. Sort of."
"Well, Merlin, care to explain to me why your master is going to get me out of my room? And why is he interested in my sexuality?"
"I think he wants you to be my new roommate, but I don't think he can achieve it, the school is the one in charge of the room placements, so there is that."
"Are you joking? He's a Pendragon, he can get anyone in this school to do as he asks, so I better start packing. But that doesn't answer the other question, Merlin."
"He's worried about my virtue."
Will couldn't hold a laugh at that, "What the hell did Gwaine do?"
"He didn't do anything… he just… God this is ridiculous. This weekend, when we were all at the lake he was flirting with me, like he does with everyone else, and I was flirting back, but it was all innocent and meant as a joke. You know he's crazy about Elena… but he started biting my neck from behind and he left a mark. He was talking about what he wanted to do with her the next time he saw her but Arthur saw the mark and somehow I told him it had been Gwaine and it all went to hell."
Merlin knew all this mess was his fault. Well, Gwaine had his share with all the biting and teasing, but it was a game. They had never even kissed, just fooled around - he was in love with Arthur and Gwaine was mad about Elena, even if he didn't want to acknowledge it. But it would all have been fine if he had kept his mouth shut.
iHe had been on his way out of the bathroom when Arthur went in to take a shower and saw the bite mark and the easy expression on his face changed.
"What the hell is that, Merlin?"
Merlin tried to be evasive, but Arthur took none of it.
"Who did this, Merlin?"
He wanted to lie or tell him to fuck off, but he had never been able to that to Arthur, not when it was important.
"It was Gwaine, but it's not what you think."
"Then explain it and fast because all I want to do right now is go get that bastard and punch him in the face."
"We were playing and talking about Elena and he got excited, but that's it, I swear."
"And he tends to get excited often when you two are alone?" Arthur's face was blank.
"What? No! Of course not!"
"Don't worry, Merlin, I'm going to take care of this." He said it as he turned around, leaving the bathroom two minutes after he came to take a bath, and left Merlin gasping and confused.
Merlin tried to run after him to tell him he didn't have to give him any explanation and that he didn't have to take care of anything but Arthur had already left./i
"So you let Gwaine bite you and then Pendragon got jealous and now I have to switch rooms. Awesome. What the hell is wrong with this guy? He doesn't touch you but he doesn't let anyone else do it either, who does he think he is? Your mother?"
"God, get him alone and fuck the life out of him. Tell him you want him and show him that you have some needs."
Merlin blushed all over at that, and looked around to see if any of the other students had heard what Will had said, but it seemed that everyone was focused on their own papers.
"You know it's not like that, we don't have that kind of relationship. Besides, he likes girls; I can't do anything about that, even if I wanted to."
"You don't have that kind of relationship because you're too scared of being rejected. If I were you I would have jumped him long ago."
Merlin lowered his head at the thought. His relationship with Arthur was a complicated one.
They had known each other since they were kids. Merlin's mum, Hunith, worked in the Pendragon house, and when Merlin's father died, Uther allowed her to bring Merlin with her to the house. Merlin had been scared at first but as soon as he saw the blonde boy smile openly at him he knew that everything would be okay.
iMerlin had been alone all morning since his mother introduced him to Uther. The man had been nice to him, and told him to feel at home but soon he went back to his office and Merlin had been left alone.
He went to the garden and that was where Arthur found him when he came back from practice.
"Morgana says that if you look at the clouds long enough you can see shapes."
Merlin looked at the blonde kid that had sat by his side and started talking without even saying his name.
"And who's Morgana?" He already knew who the girl was. After all, his mum worked at the house and she used to tell him stories about the kids of the house.
"She's my sister, and a pain in the ass, but what is more important, who are you?"
Arthur was exactly how his mother had described him; blonde, blue eyed, and really pretty.
Arthur face turned into realization. "Oh, so you're Hunith's son! I'm sorry about your father…"
Merlin didn't really want to think or talk about it. Arthur must had seen it on his face because he changed the conversation. And smiling he said,
"Your mother makes the best cookies ever! I bet that if we ask her she would prepare some for us!" And taking Merlin's hand in his he ran to the house's kitchen./i
Since that day they had never been apart, they played and studied together every afternoon, and played pranks on Morgana and Gwen every chance they got. When Arthur was accepted into a public school, Uther offered to pay for Merlin too. Hunith refused but Uther was determined to pay for it, so he proposed that Merlin acted as Arthur's manservant at the school. He would have to clean Arthur's room and clothes.
Merlin and Arthur were happy with the arrangement and it had survived to this day. Sometimes Merlin felt like a slave but in the end it was worth it. Arthur was his best friend and though they fought everyday they couldn't be apart.
Merlin had always had a crush on Arthur, and though sometimes he thought Arthur wanted the same, he never let it happen. Arthur always retreated when something got too deep between them. They had almost kissed three times now, but Arthur always composed himself before anything could really happen, leaving Merlin confused. It had hurt too much, so now, Merlin never let it get that far.
iMerlin had been cleaning Arthur's room when he entered like a force of nature, throwing his shirt on the floor and jumping on his bed, without taking off his boots, which were covered in mud.
"Arthur! I just changed and made your bed!"
"Shut up, Merlin. I'm not in the mood." Arthur put his pillow over his head and screamed.
Merlin dropped the cloth he had in his hand and sat on Arthur's bed, putting Arthur's leg on his lap and taking his boots off.
"What are you doing here? Didn't you have practice?"
"Yeah, I did but Mr. Roberts thought I was too sick to play." He followed that with sneezes.
"Which of course, you aren't." Merlin said laughing softly.
"Of course I am, but a couple of sneezes and a temperature shouldn't take a man away from his duty, and my duty is to be there with my team. If their leader doesn't train every day how can he ask the same off them?" Arthur was really serious about it, which made Merlin proud of his prat.
"They will understand it, Arthur. They know you and I'm sure they want you to recover and come back to the field with them."
"It sure didn't show today." Said Arthur huffing. "They were all against me."
"Oh, poor baby, no one loves him." Arthur took the pillow away from his face and threw it at Merlin's head.
"Go and bring me some aspirin. Do something useful!"
Merlin helped Arthur to get inside his bed and left to get him his aspirin.
When he came back he found Arthur under the sheets and sweating.
"Merlin! You came back!"
"It's been ten minutes Arthur. It hasn't been that long." He walked towards Arthur and handed him the aspirins.
"I'm dying, Merlin." He said it with a serious face.
Merlin laughed and gave him a glass of water. "You're not dying Arthur, you just have a cold."
"I'm dying and that's it. I want you to prepare me a Viking funeral, would you do it for me, Merlin?"
Merlin couldn't stop laughing, a sick Arthur was always a funny Arthur. "You're not dying Arthur."
"Don't laugh, this is serious, Merlin. If I have to die from a cold at least I expect my funeral to be something awesome."
You couldn't deny his delusions of grandeur, that was for sure.
"Okay, I'll do it. If you die I'll make a Viking funeral for you, I'll even send your boots with you."
Arthur made a strange face and Merlin wasn't sure if it was because of the pain or because of what he had said.
"Just my boots, Merlin? I will expect you to put my full equipment with me. And my ipod, and gold, Merlin, I want gold! Ohhh, and did you know that sometimes they would gift the dead one with slaves? You can forget about the gold, but you have to come with me, okay? If I die, you go with me in that ship."
Arthur was delirious, but hell if that didn't make Merlin stomach flutter. He didn't answer, he just looked at Arthur's closed eyes.
Suddenly, Arthur caught Merlin's tie and brought him to his face.
"Promise me, Merlin. Promise me that you would go with me."
Arthur was close and he looked really serious.
"Yeah, Arthur, I'd go with you."
Arthur smiled at Merlin and tried to let Merlin go, but he lost balance and had to grab Merlin by the neck.
"Mmmm… you're cool. I'm burning and you're like a popsicle." Arthur was saying while putting his hands all over Merlin's face and neck.
Merlin wasn't feeling cold at all he was burning from Arthur's touch. He had to make Arthur stop or he couldn't be held responsible for his next actions. He tried to move away, but Arthur caught him by the back of his head and put their foreheads together. Their eyes met and their mouths were inches apart, and both of them knew what would happen next… but Arthur threw Merlin out of his bed, laid back and turned around to look at the wall.
Merlin stayed on the ground a few minutes until Arthur started snoring and then he started to cry./i
Merlin had come out when he was fifteen, as soon as he realized that it wasn't just Arthur he liked but men in general and Arthur in particular. He had always known he liked Arthur but when you were in an all boys college and all of your mates are talking about kissing chicks and you don't feel the same you start to wonder.
He had gone out a couple of times with a girl from Morgana's school, Freya. She had been nice and sweet and had a great body. She was all he thought a man should like in a woman, but when they kissed he felt nothing, no sparkle, no fire, nothing. So they stayed friends and he decided to make it public.
Everyone had taken it surprisingly well, but his mother had asked Arthur to watch out for Merlin's well-being in a boys only college. And Arthur had taken it to heart, he didn't let any guy interested in Merlin near him.
Getting some when you had Arthur Pendragon as your bodyguard was almost impossible as no one wanted to get on Arthur's bad side. They all remembered what happened to Edwin. The poor guy just kissed Merlin and when Arthur saw it he punched him and broke his lip. Edwin tried to fight back but Arthur was stronger and won easily. Edwin had never talked to Merlin again. To prevent a repeat of the situation Arthur had even made flayers where he warned all boys against touching Merlin, but Merlin saw them before he could spread them and he made Arthur destroy them. So, yeah, no one tried to get in Merlin's pants, which was really annoying and frustrating. If things went on like this he would finish his college experience as a virgin. And it would be understandable if Arthur would follow the same path, but he didn't. The bloody prat hooked up with every blonde he could get his hands on, needless to say how Merlin got jealous every time he witnessed it.
Like the past weekend at the lake. If Arthur was so worried about Merlin's virtue, he could have tried to pay Merlin more attention and not disappeared with that bloody Vivian. At least he had never made out with any of them in front of him, like they say, out of sight, out of mind. But still… it fucking hurt seeing him leave with them.
He had confronted Arthur about it, but he never got a straight answer. Arthur always tried to make excuses but they were never enough.
So Merlin had to suffer with blue balls. Arthur was all the inconvenience of a boyfriend without any of the benefits.
Merlin called his mum that afternoon to ask her about the bloody ink stain on Arthur's shirt. She told him to heat some milk and cover the stain in it, leaving it on the milk for a few minutes and then wash it by hand. If it wasn't completely removed he had to repeat the process again until it was gone.
And that's how Gwaine found him.
"I can't believe what your boyfriend did! He threw me out of my room!"
"Already? I thought he would have calmed down by the time he got someone to listen to him."
Gwaine lifted himself to sit on the washing machine. "Calm down? Are we talking about the same Arthur here? Same guy who got Cenred expelled because he said you were pretty?"
Merlin rubbed the shirt harder. "It wasn't because of that, Cenred cheated on an exam."
Gwaine laughed, "Yeah, of course, because the rest of the guys here never cheat. You know why Arthur did it as well as I do."
Merlin stopped rubbing and lifted his head to look Gwaine in the eyes. "Don't start again, please."
Gwaine got down from the washing machine and pushed Merlin against it, holding him in place by the hips and leaning closely to whisper in his ears. "You know it's true. He wants to be the one this close to you, he wants to roam your body and kiss it all over. He wants to mark you and make you his.
He wants to be the one who left marks like this one on your skin, and you know it." He said while he licked the bite he had left the other day.
Merlin was getting hard, impossibly hard and he wanted this to go somewhere, anywhere. He was fed up of being the only one in this bloody college who couldn't have a kiss whenever he wanted. He knew Gwaine wouldn't mind, he had been a bit of a slut before Elena came into to the picture and he would know this would be a favor to a friend. So he went for it, and caught Gwaine lips with his, adding tongue way too soon and feeling it was all wrong - the wrong lips, the wrong tongue, the wrong hands - and he had to stop it. But he didn't get to it because soon there was a groan in the room and it wasn't one of pleasure.
Arthur had entered and seen them kissing. He raged and caught Gwaine by the shoulder and took him off Merlin, throwing him all the way across the room. Arthur would have hit Gwaine if it weren't for Merlin, who caught him by the arm giving Gwaine time to get up.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"You know what's wrong. No one can touch him. No one." Arthur was yelling and it took all of Merlin's strength to restrain him.
"Come on, Arthur. Cut the crap, and give us all a break. Merlin has his needs and you can't change that and if you don't want to help him someone will have to do it, and gladly." That last part, he said it looking at Merlin and winking.
Merlin couldn't handle this anymore, Gwaine and Arthur were friends, and teammates, they shouldn't be fighting about something like this. This whole situation was getting out of hand and he had to do something to stop it. He was the one at fault here, at least to a certain extent, he knew how Arthur would have reacted to this… but that was the other problem. Arthur. He would have to talk to him, once and for all.
"Shut up, Gwaine. Go. I'll see you tomorrow." Gwaine was about to reply but he saw the look in Merlin's eyes and left the room without another word.
Arthur turned around and for the first time since this whole debacle began, and looked Merlin in the eyes. And Merlin saw fire there.
"It was just a kiss, Arthur. We were just talking and it got out of hand." He didn't know why he was apologizing but Arthur always made him feel that way - guilty. It was stupid and ridiculous and pathetic but Merlin always felt that with every kiss he gave to someone else he was betraying Arthur. Not because of that fucking promise to his mother that Arthur hid behind, but because he knew, deep down, that Arthur didn't want him to.
"You're going to pay for this, Merlin. I've tried to keep my promise but you don't want to cooperate and now I'll have to use other methods to make you understand."
He was talking calmly while walking towards the door and closing it. He unfastened his tie and lifted his sleeves.
Merlin had always loved the messed-up look on Arthur, but right now, he was plain scary.
Arthur went to Merlin's bag and started looking for something while saying,
"You are going to learn to do what I tell you when I tell you. Enough with the procrastinating and slacking in your duties."
He seemed to have found what he was looking for, because he stopped messing with Merlin's bag. He turned around and Merlin saw what he had in his hand - a ruler. A bloody ruler.
"Get your pants down."
"You're kidding, right? This is ridiculous, you can't be serious." Merlin wanted to laugh; this situation was all kind of ridiculous.
"I'm deadly serious, Merlin. You're going to start to obey me, one way or another. Get. Your. Pants. Down."
"This doesn't make sense, Arthur. Can't we talk like normal people?" Merlin wanted to reason with Arthur but it wasn't getting through.
"You choose, you take them off on your own or I rip them off."
Merlin watched as Arthur walked across the room and sit on a chair to look at him. He was scared, but turned on. If Arthur was joking he was going to kill him and bury his body. Being naked from the waist down in front of Arthur had always been a dream of his… if this was what it took to get it, so be it.
Merlin took his pant off and lowered his underwear. He stood like that in front of Arthur and saw the nervousness and doubt in Arthur's eyes. Knowing the Arthur he knew was still there made it easier and without any command from Arthur he positioned himself on Arthur's lap, giving him access to his ass.
At first Arthur didn't move, he just sat there with the ruler in one hand and the other on Merlin's lower back. He started caressing it, lifting Merlin's shirt to get a better look at his back. Merlin had never pictured himself as the type of guy who would enjoy this kind of practice, but laying like this on Arthur's lap, being so exposed in front of him, was a real turn on. But these soft touches so close to his ass without really touching it were killing him. Merlin just wanted Arthur to get on with it, and so he tried to show him by lifting his ass.
Arthur groaned at that, but then he lowered his hand and started caressing Merlin's ass softly with his finger pads making shivers run through Merlin's body. Nobody had ever touched his body in this way and the sensation made his blood run south and his cock twitch.
If Arthur noticed it didn't show, he just kept caressing Merlin's ass, sometimes venturing to his crack. He kept doing it for a couple of minutes, which made Merlin's cock grow impossibly hard, by then Merlin was sure Arthur must have felt Merlin's cock poking at his thigh.
Arthur left his ass to grab Merlin's cock while with his other hand he started to hit Merlin's ass. It was painful but nothing Merlin couldn't handle, and between the ruler hitting his ass and Arthur's fingers on his cock, Merlin wasn't really sure what he was feeling, but he didn't want it to stop and it showed in his moans.
"You like this, then. I can't believe you. I thought you were some kind of saint but you're a whore, you just want to get fucked, don't you Merlin?"
Merlin didn't know what to answer, Arthur was talking while he hit his ass and stroked his cock and Merlin was lost between pleasure and trying to make sense of Arthur's words.
"No. Yes! I… I want this… and I want to get fucked, but I'm not…" Arthur was making it hard to talk with all the squeezing and stroking, but he had to make him understand. "Just you, Arthur. I want all of it… but just with you."
Arthur groaned furiously and took his hand off of Merlin's cock, leaving him harder than ever before and begging for any kind of release but Arthur stopped even the hitting.
"Don't do this, Merlin. I can't... You know I can't do it."
"You can, but you don't want to." Merlin was almost crying suddenly, if Arthur wanted to reject him he would have to do it for real, no excuses this time. He was fed up with Arthur's shit, he wanted real answers to their relationship, he couldn't stand this situation any more.
"That's what you think, Merlin? That I don't want to?" Arthur voice sounded broken like he was almost on the brink of tears but Merlin knew that wouldn't happen. Arthur didn't cry, never, this was as close as it would get. Arthur let the ruler fall to the ground and started caressing Merlin's red ass. "I didn't meant for this to happen, I just… I saw you with Gwaine and jealousy got the better of me. I can't stand seeing other boys near you… thinking that someone may touch you like this someday makes me want to scream. You're mine, Merlin. Mine."
Merlin lifted himself from Arthur's lap and kneeled in front of him placing his hand on either side of his face to lower Arthur's head till both of their foreheads touched. "Yes, Arthur, I'm yours, whether you want me or not, but I can't keep living like this." He stood and pulled up his underwear and pants. He turned around to grab his things. Arthur's shirt was on the ground and he had to bend down to grab it, his ass hurting because of the abuse.
Arthur was still sitting on the chair, looking at the floor.
Merlin was overwhelmed by everything that had happened this afternoon, he never expected Arthur to tell him those things. Merlin knew there had been something between them all along but he never expected Arthur to acknowledge it. But here they were, at the edge of something that could change their friendship forever, for better or worse.
"You have to say something, Arthur. Either you want me as more than just a friend or we really stay like friends. You can't keep pushing everyone away from me if you're not gonna get close, Arthur. It's not fair."
"You make it sound like it's easy, like I can just choose you and forget about everything else, and I can't do that, but I can't not choose you either- I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, Merlin." Arthur looked broken and Merlin thought about taking it all back, he thought about hugging Arthur and begging him to forget this ever happened. But he had to stand his ground on this even if it hurt now, cause it would be easier on the long run for both of them.
"I know it's not easy, Arthur, but that's how this works and whatever you choose you're not going to lose me, okay?" Merlin tried to leave the room but Arthur caught his wrist.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to my room, Arthur. You need to think this over, this is something big and I don't want to rush you into anything, okay?" Merlin was afraid that if he tried to rush Arthur he would run away from him.
"But we're good, right?"
"Yeah, Arthur, we're good."
Next Chapter comming soon. I hope you liked it!
Comments are love!