This was inspired by the Merlin fic BIP by Lor Lupin y KSan Potter. And when I say inspired, I mean I basically redid it quite badly for Glee *rubs head* I read it ages ago and it refused to let me be, so… yeah. Review and all that.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I own the basis of this fic. Basically I stole this.
"Hello! You've reached Kurt Hummel's answering machine. I'm probably too busy being fabulous to answer, but leave a message and I'll get back to you!"
"Kurt, it's Blaine. We haven't actually spoken since we went to lunch at Breadstix, and I'm kind of worried, because I don't know if I said something wrong and you're angry at me, or if you've been busy, or something's happened, or if I'm just overreacting – anyway, call me."
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. Not that it's any of your business, but there's been a lot of stuff happening lately, and I didn't have the time. I'll call you when I call you."
"What did I do now? I say one thing and then you're all pissed at me - this must be what Wes feels like when his girlfriend is pissed at him – not implying that you're a girl, or that we're dating, or that – err – I think I just dug myself into a hole. I'll just go now, but please call me soon. It's Blaine, by the way."
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. Maybe if you stop acting like a typical male and actually said something helpful I would talk to you. Call me when you decide to grow up."
"Kurt, it's Finn. You have a super weird phone message, by the way – it's not about me, right? Oh crap, I can't remember what I did wrong… aaw, now two people are mad at me! Great. Oh, and your Dad wants to know where you are, and if you'll be home for dinner, and why is your phone off anyway? It's like, never – anyway, call your Dad or he'll freak out."
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. You didn't do anything wrong Finn, that was meant for someone else. Someone who I'm still not talking to."
"Okay Hummel, this is Wes, now what did you do to Blaine? It's seriously messing with us all – he won't go out of his room except for class, and he his Sad Song playlist on repeat, and he refuses to sing, which is super not-good. Why are you even ignoring him? Blaine mumbled something about assuming and foot-in-mouth disease, but none of us really trust his coherency right now. So sort out this thing or you'll pay."
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. Sorry Wes, but it's between Blaine and me – I'll forgive him when I'm damn ready to."
"Would that time happen to be now? I said I'm sorry, really! What more – oh never mind. David kind of forced me to call you anyway, and I'm pretty sure it's because he and Wes played Scissors Paper Rock to see who would force me to call you – anyway, I'm really sorry, and I hope you'll call me soon. It's been a week, and you missed Rom-Com night, so I didn't even bother. Shame, I was in the mood for watching One Fine Day again. George Clooney is hot in that one. So, please forgive me?"
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. Thank you for telling me that you're only calling me because your friends forced you to, it sounds like you're really sorry. I'm still not talking to you. But yes, he is hot in that one."
"White boy, you better pick up your damn phone! I thought you were being quiet on the Blaine front, so you gotta tell me what's going on now – do I need to cut a bitch? Coz I will cut a bitch if Blaine said something about you. Nobody messes with my boy Kurt! Oh, you are going to spill tomorrow."
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. Okay, can everyone seriously stay out of this? I know you people thrive on drama, but it's a private matter."
"Kurt, this is Rachel. I've been noticing lately that you have been having trouble singing, and while on a professional level I admit that I am seizing this as an opportunity to look better than you, as a friend I'm worried. Are you okay? I saw that Neanderthal Karofsky push you into a locker earlier today, and you looked quite shaken. I would like to tell you that if you're having problems, you can talk to me or my dads, who would be glad to help out."
"This is Kurt Hummel's phone. I appreciate the offer Rachel, but I don't think I'm going to need it. I'll be settling the matter at Glee Club tomorrow."
"If you're going to Glee tomorrow, why did you say you were transforming into a dolphin today? I'm confused. But you said earlier that you were going away, so I called to say that I'll miss you. Even if you don't want to make out with me like the other guys."
"Kurt, it's Tina – you ran out of there so fast none of us got a chance to say anything. Why didn't you tell us it was so bad? But if it's over now… I'm going to miss you, Kurt."
"Dude! It was that punk Karofsky wasn't it? I swear, I'm gonna kill that guy for forcing you out of here! Man, if you'd told us, we would have so been your bodyguards. Whatever, if you wanna go to some prep school, fine. Have fun."
"Hi Kurt, it's Quinn. I know we haven't been as close as we were last year, but I'm still going to miss you. We'll still see you, right? Don't forget that we love you Kurt."
"Hey, it's Sam. Um, we haven't really talked since we were gonna do that duet, but I still feel bad that we didn't help you with Karofsky as much as we could have. So, um, hope it's better at Dalton."
"Kurt can you please call me! I'm really worried! I know you're not talking to me at the moment, but can you PLEASE just put that aside and tell me what's wrong? Please? I'm getting desperate here!"
"Hello, Kurt speaking?"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER?"
"Hello, you've reached Kurt Hummel's phone! I'm probably studying right now, which sucks, but leave- no, Blaine, don't, seriously!
-It's not my fault you're so ticklish!
Blaine, no, stop it! I surrender! I surrender!"
"Kurt, this is your father. You better believe that when you get home this weekend we are going to have a long talk about your voice mail message. In the meantime, be safe, okay?"