Title: Public Admissions
Rating: PG for some swearing I think.
Summary: My fluffy speculation fic for the combination of the release of Somewhere Only We Know and making me cry and grin and swoon and the pictures of them filming on the stairs.
Warnings: Too late not but spoilers and fluff and songfic (which I never do but kind of had to here).
Characters: Kurt/Blaine with cameos by an assortment of others
Spoilers: Somewhere Only We Know, obviously. And the fact that Kurt returns to McKinley and that Blaine is then there on the stairs. I think everything else is speculation.
Word Count: Somewhere abouts the 3000 mark
A/N: Okay, so spoilers are here. Except if you've read this far you've already been spoiled so hopefully the warnings were sufficient. Somewhere Only We Know came out and I'd planned on writing smut for the day and then this just got written because it had to be because swoon/weep/grin. It's songfic and my take on what should happen and is so fluffy and ridiculous. I just couldn't help myself. Terrible author's note, I know.
No beta because I still haven't organized one for Klaine and this has happened in the last four hours. Any mistakes, let me know and I will fix it. Con crit and love are also completely welcome.
Kurt is terrified of his return to McKinley. Sure he presents himself as self-assured about the whole move, joking about it with anyone that will listen, but his boyfriend knows better. And as much as Blaine's sideways observation of him over coffee makes him wriggle uncomfortably and bite back the urge to tell him everything it also makes him simply think 'boyfriend' and that word still makes him smile broadly.
"What?" Blaine asks.
"Just…thinking." Blaine gives a half-roll of his eyes and waits, pushing the strain he's been watching in his boyfriend to the back of his mind, happy to be distracted by this moment of light-hearted teasing. "Sometimes when I'm thinking about us, you, I think 'boyfriend' and it makes my heart skip a beat," Kurt eventually confesses with a blush.
Blaine can't help but grin because he's the same and he nods to admit to it. He had always ached for someone to call his, to be partnered up with, but he hadn't realized the implications that went along with it, that having a boyfriend like this meant so, so much more. "You're going to be fine today," he whispers, taking a gulp of coffee.
Kurt's eyes flicker and his smile dies. They've discussed the schematics of the move, have talked about Kurt wanting to go back and face things, about the money, about missing his friends. They have avoided speculation about how well it will go and worst case scenarios. Kurt has also refrained from discussing how terrified he is because terror is terror and there isn't much to be done about it.
Or so he tells himself. The thoughts that keep him awake at night aren't of bullies beating him up or people laughing at him: he can deal with that if he has Blaine. Blaine makes him brave but Blaine won't be at McKinley, won't be there to talk to between classes and sing with and steal kisses from. What if Blaine forgets him? They'll both be busy, they'll be lucky to see each other a few times a week and they've discussed that and mulled wistfully over imaginary alternatives.
Kurt knows it's a stupid line of thought because Blaine plainly feels for him what he feels for Blaine but terror is terror and the idea that one day Blaine just won't answer his phone and he'll be stuck at McKinley with no one to make him brave is persistent.
Blaine lays a hand over Kurt's and chuckles when the younger boy jumps a little. "Tell me," he pleads, wishing only for a chance to take the pain out of Kurt's eyes.
Kurt breathes deep, conscious of the time and his need to leave soon if he's going to be on time for his first day back. Blaine rarely asks him for anything. "I think I'm just really going to miss you," he reveals, hand turning over to squeeze back. "I don't want to be apart because it hurts and I need you with me for stuff like this." Blaine's being patient and he will definitely be late for his own day. This is more important.
Kurt continues, "I'm ready to be myself and not just the flamboyant me, the real me, the one that wants to walk down corridors hand in hand with you. I'm ready for people to know I'm gay and I'm proud of it because I get to show off that I have you and I am happy. But I can't do that because we'll be hours apart and I just don't know how I'm going to get through that." Once it's out, it's out, and it's a blathering rush of emotion that just screams 'I love you. Don't leave me,' and it's painted across Kurt's face.
Blaine smiles softly and leans forward. "Kurt, you are going to be fine. We are going to be fine. And if you want to shout from the rooftops that you love me that's fantastic."
Kurt's expression turns horrified and Blaine quickly realizes the mistake, Kurt's sharp "I never said I loved you," only confirming it.
"Oh god, I've just completely stuffed up one of those important Disney romance moments, haven't I?" Blaine says through another gulp of coffee and a laugh.
Kurt does not look so relaxed and his expression only darkens when Blaine glances at his watch, a movement indicating he's trying to work out just how late he is going to be.
Having someone tell you you love them and in so blasé a manner is not romantic, it is not how Kurt pictured it.
Blaine is ignoring the death stare and continues, now semi-serious: "Did you want to say it first? Or did you want me to?"
"What?" Kurt bites out, incredulous and wondering how they ended up discussing this here of all places, today of all days and whether Blaine is going to be able to put it right. He ignores the voice at the back of his mind that sniggers and says of course Blaine can fix this.
"I love you." Blaine says without any particular panache. Just kind of says it like it's obvious and it kind of is and moves up from his chair to kiss him but then thinks better of it and sits back down. Blaine considers Kurt with a critical eye before revealing, "So damn much."
It's out. Just like that. And it feels good and right and Kurt is mentally kicking himself for trying to make it into something it wasn't: this isn't some crazy movie where it needs to be a big event, sure he'll always remember this moment, this first moment where they said it. Not that he's said it yet, Blaine's said it and Blaine's said it for him. And then So. Damn. Much.
"Yeah, I love you, too," and he's blinking rapidly and smiling and being smiled back at as Blaine just whispers 'good' under his breath and that is that: they love each other.
And then it's back on topic because Blaine is giving an apologetic shrug and pushing his chair back. "You'll be fine today. Call me if disaster strikes. Or just call me. You can do this."
Kurt's panicking again. Can do what? Profess he's sexual orientation for all McKinley to hear? Profess his very much requited undying love? Be himself?
Blaine's moving too fast and he's out the door before Kurt can really say anything and Kurt feels giddy and loved and terrified all at once. He moves as well, mind reeling at Blaine's not so perfect words and grinning and almost forgetting why he's getting in his car and where he's driving.
Things have not gone as planned. Not that there was a plan. But he's been pushed into lockers, laughed at and comforted by the usual stream of Glee-associated friends. Expected. Disappointing. It doesn't look like anything has changed but he feels different. Holds himself differently and smiles to himself when he thinks of Blaine and he's managing. In all honesty it feels better than it used to. So that's progress.
Rachel noticed the change. Finn didn't but then he lives with Finn and Finn's had weeks to notice things. Puck asked him whether he was going to miss being surrounded by boys in a not unfriendly, though no entirely appropriate, manner but Rachel arched an eyebrow when Kurt didn't dive on the chance to bring up Blaine. The pair have been together for weeks, happily, and only Rachel and a few choice friends know.
Now it's lunchtime and Kurt's managed to get away from everyone and hide in the library with plans of calling Blaine for a pep talk or maybe just to hear his voice. But the phone rang out and now he's at the stairs with plans on finding Mercedes or Rachel and convincing them (not too hard a task) to talk about themselves for the rest of the break.
Except he doesn't make it up more than a few steps when a wave of whispers and silence moves through the dozens of students around him and he wonders what he's done this time. Eyes down and he tenses, willing himself to be brave, to look up and face whatever, whoever, it is and just walk through it all.
He doesn't get the chance because as the whispers return, hushed and scandalous he hears the crackle of the PA system kicking in and then…
"I walked across an empty land."
That's Blaine. Unmistakably Blaine and that's everyone whispering about Blaine.
"I knew the pathway like the back of my hand."
Blaine and the Warblers and there are strings in the background and maybe Kurt has died and gone to some strange kind of heaven because he needed that voice and that strength.
"I felt the earth beneath my feet. Sat by the river and it made my complete."
Kurt can't help himself but break the fantasy of this being his boyfriend singing to him when he needs it, he needs to look so he does, looks up and is only vaguely aware of hundreds of eyes directed to the top of the stairs because the only pair that matter are closed. Blaine looks nervous, it's only barely there, he looks tense and unsure but he's selling it and then his eyes flutter open and his lips tug just slightly upwards as their gazes meet. He takes another breath and keeps singing.
"Oh simple thing where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on. So tell me when you're gonna let me in, I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin."
Blaine's nose screws ever so slightly at that and Kurt knows he's disagreeing with the lyrics and wishes Blaine was daring enough to let him read his poetry but that's for another day because the whispering is annoyingly loud so Kurt takes tentative steps forward and almost stumbles at the intensity of the look Blaine throws him.
Another breath and Kurt's life has never felt this much like a slow-motion movie scene and his stomach won't settle and Blaine won't stop smiling and inching forward, the song catching him and making him move to it as he gets braver.
"I came across a fallen tree. I felt the branches of it looking at me. Is this the place we used to love? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?"
And everyone knows who Blaine is singing to because they can't tear their eyes off each other and the whispering won't stop and there's some offensive muttering somewhere beyond them but Kurt's legs feel week and he finds a metal rail and leans back to steady himself and just knows that it is all going to be fine.
"Oh simple thing where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on."
Blaine's eyes flicker and he shares a momentary grin with a backing Warbler and Kurt's gaze follows and he has to bite him lip to stop from laughing at the strength of the delight on their faces as they harmonize and smile back.
"So tell me when you're gonna let me in. I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to being."
Kurt admires his boyfriend, openly letting his gaze drift as Blaine plants his feet and stretches a hand out to him and starts to push his voice a little harder.
"And if you have a minute why don't we go? Talk about it somewhere only we know?"
Blaine winks, trying to lighten the mood because he can feel tears stinging his eyes and Kurt clasps a hand over his mouth to stop a giggle.
His boyfriend just winked at him across the schoolyard.
"This could be the end of everything."
A determined shake of his head with the beat of the song and a smile and Kurt doesn't have to think about the lyrics because Blaine has managed to almost sing it ironically.
"So why don't we go somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know. And if you have a minute why don't we go, talk about it, somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go, so why don't we go?"
He looks spent, chest heaving like he's run a marathon and letting the song rest on the laurels of the Warblers for a moment while he stares at Kurt, asking him if this is okay, if they're okay and in a split second letting Kurt understand that he gets just as scared.
And then he opens his mouth and lets the music carry long smooth notes of admission from his throat as he maybe forgets the lyrics just a little bit and then picks them up again.
"This could be the end of everything so why don't we go somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know. Somewhere only we know."
And then it's over and the spell is broken and Kurt blinks as his senses wake up and everything's brighter and louder and there's a scatter of applause and catcalls and a fight breaking out somewhere as someone says something terrible and someone jumps to the pair's defense but Blaine's still staring and with an absolute rush of awe Kurt realizes he's shifting nervously, waiting and Kurt hasn't moved.
And then he does. He stumbles, and runs, ignoring the questioning mumbles from Finn who now very much has noticed and the wolf-whistle from Santana and up the steps and then throws himself at Blaine who staggers at the unexpected momentum but is propped up in the nick of time by three balancing Warbler hands against his back until he has his footing and his arms around Kurt and Kurt's arms around him.
They cling desperately to each other and mumble mostly incoherence into the other's hair until Kurt is just whispering 'Thank you' and Blaine is just whispering that he had to be there. They pull back enough that they can look each other in the eye, still a mess of limbs. Laughing and staring and then Kurt asks why and how.
"Rachel called me and said you were going to keep us a secret," is the only explanation.
"So you thought you'd just out me?" Kurt asks mock-outrage ruined by their chests pressing and their hearts beating too loudly.
"I know you need me to help you be brave sometimes. And this was something for me, too." Kurt's eyes question and Blaine explains. "You don't think there are people here right now angry and disgusted and probably saying some pretty terrible things?"
"They don't get to dictate what you do nor what I do. I wanted to make you understand I'm here for you no matter what. I wanted to understand that, too."
"I know," Kurt mumbles, clutching tighter as he feels reality threatening at the periphery, thinks he can sense Rachel off to his left tapping her foot impatiently: they can't stand like this forever. "I love you," and it's not quite shouted from the top of the stairs but when he leans forward and manages to press his lips to Blaine's, swallowing the gasp of surprise and melting against him Kurt thinks this might be even more spectacular.
He pulls back before the kiss deepens to the level usually only put on show in public by Santana but not before he's reminded himself how good kissing Blaine feels and the taste of him and the warmth. They unwrap themselves and look around.
Beaming Warblers, six of them, just looking content. Rachel is already talking but her eyes are wet and she seems pleased. She's saying something about slightly off pitch and offering to help with that. Finn is staring with a half smile and Kurt makes a mental note to talk to him. There are other people, girls with smiles and wet eyes, boys too. People looking confused. People pulling faces and judging but it hardly matters because Blaine's hand has found his and is holding fast.
Blaine's wants to drag Kurt away from it all, not to escape or hide but to be together, he's about to bundle him into his car and drive and ignore the fact that they'll probably get in trouble for skipping class and high-jacking the PA system, not to mention six Warblers but he doesn't get the chance.
Noah Puckerman is sauntering towards them, Santana, Brittany, various cheerleaders and a footballer in tow and Kurt's hand tenses in his. "Dude," Puck says, addressing Kurt and completely aware that everyone on the stairs is paying attention again. "Seriously, how did you manage to leave that behind at Dalton? Even I thought that was fucking intense."
Kurt relaxes and laughs but doesn't say anything in response as he feels a blush crawling up his neck and the group eventually moves on. Then Rachel's back talking and Mercedes and Tina and more people being excited and complimentary than he can even begin to name and count and his head is spinning and Blaine is stepping in. "Excuse us," is all he says and then with a gentle tug, they're walking away.
They don't speak until they get to the parking lot and when Blaine begins to explain something or other Kurt just ends up pressing him back against the driver's side door of his car and kissing him senseless. It takes ten minutes to disengage and get into the car. It takes another five minutes to stop staring and kissing and touching and start the car. Blaine ends up pushing Kurt away and jokingly telling him to stay in his seat and then laughing and asking where he wants to go.
Kurt shrugs and Blaine grins, puts the car into drive and steers them out of the parking lot. Kurt doesn't really care where they're going and doesn't ask but settles and thinks. He is actually looking forward to tomorrow and going back to McKinley and letting Mercedes and Rachel and, good god, Puck gossip and fawn over his new romance. And when Blaine asks him what he's thinking about he beams and just settles on saying "Tomorrow."
Finished. Let me know what you think because I love reviews, I do, and…my brain's all fuzzy from writing this out so…yeah.