All twilight Characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer.

"My name is Bella Swan and I am a habitual liar." I tried the words on for size and cringed at the sound. It wasn't like I tried to deceive people; I just answered before I thought about the question and went with the first thing out of my mouth. I was only thinking about it now because of Rosalie.

She was one of my best friends and had a horrible habit of marrying old men, not older men, but old men. She was widowed twice now, but also extremely rich. She had signed us up for a personal retreat where we would be perfected, mind, body and soul. This had disaster written all over it.

Alice was our other friend, making us the three amigos. Alice was…less than bright. I wouldn't call her outright stupid, because she had a great sense of style and fashion, but common sense was not her forte.

We were headed to an island resort where we would have our own bungalow and all the fun in the sun we wanted. I'm sure the place would be filled with weirdoes, but it was a free trip, so what the heck.

My phone rang and I picked it up as I held a bikini up to my body. "Hi Rose," I answered.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Making dinner," I lied, having no idea why I chose to lie at that particular moment.

"Don't eat, we have to look beach ready," she said to motivate me.

"I'll throw it up," I promised, and she was good with the plan.

"Alice said she isn't going unless she can have a boob job first," Rose said in a panic.

"If she gets bigger boobs she'll tip over," I said in frustration.

"She said hers are too saggy," Rose explained.

"Oh, yeah, they are," I said, to take a dig at Alice's perfect body. If anyone needed breast enhancement it was me, and I'm not lying.

"Don't tell her that," Rose screamed.

"I didn't, I'm telling you. You should know, it isn't like you haven't seen your fair share of sagging in your life, what with your dearly departed husbands and all."

"Bella, I'm paying for this trip," she said, to remind me I could be easily left behind. It didn't change my attitude because I had no desire to improve my mind, body and soul. I liked myself! Okay, that's a lie but I didn't mind myself a lot of the time.

"I'll talk to Alice," I promised, and then hung up the phone. I continued packing way too many clothes and left the tags on so I could return what I didn't use. It was close to midnight when I finally picked up the phone to call Alice.

It rang three times before she picked up without saying hello. "I'm not going," she said adamantly.

"Either am I," I replied.

She hesitated and then said, "Why?"

"I just found out it is a woman's only retreat. Men won't even be there."

"Bella, are you lying?" she asked outright.

"I never lie about the possibility of having sex," I lied.

"If men won't be there than I'm going," Alice said cheerfully. "I ate a candy bar today and now I don't even care."

Alice was the size of a petite model with worms. The only problem with her eating a candy bar would be the possibility of strangers being able to see her intestines digesting it. She didn't have to worry about weight, but for some reason she always did.

"Okay, if you're going I guess I'll go," I said and smiled at how easily she was played.

I finished with my packing and climbed into bed, only to have to wake up four hours later. Rose picked me up in a limo and we headed over to Alice's apartment. She was already waiting on the sidewalk and had just as much luggage as I did. I handed her a mimosa as she entered the limo, I figured if I got her drunk she would forget about the women's only resort.

We traveled in a private plane and the first thing I did was put the seat into a full recline and went to sleep. I was out cold for most of the flight and only woke up to use the bathroom. I leaned against the sink and squinted at the bright light over the mirror. It was then I saw what Alice did for revenge. I had bright red lipstick circling my mouth like a clown.

I flew out of the bathroom without zipping up my jeans and yelled for Alice. "This is not funny," I said angrily.

"You lied to me for the last time, Bella Swan," Alice said back, and Rose laughed.

"Yeah, it really is kind of funny," Rose pointed out.

I crossed my arms as I seethed and finally let loose with my revenge. "Yeah, well, your boobs are saggy," I announced.

Alice's eyes grew wide and she looked at her chest before bursting into tears. Rose glared and me and put her arm around Alice. "You have great boobs," she said, "And you know Bella lies."

I turned and marched back into the bathroom and began trying to scrub the clown smile off my face with harsh soap. I only managed to make my face raw. I came back to my seat when the pilot announced we would be landing soon. I looked out at the darkness of the ocean and couldn't see anything that looked remotely like land.

"We're crash landing into the ocean," I said.

"Shut up," both Alice and Rose yelled in unison.

"I'm just saying there isn't any land down there, and I would hate for Alice's saggy boobs to weigh her down if we have to swim for it."

"You look like Mick Jagger," Alice said, referring to my red stained mouth.

We all laughed and then tensed as we felt the landing gear lower. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for the ocean water to come crashing in on us. But we touched solid ground and pulled to a slow stop. I opened my eyes to see Alice and Rosalie doing the same.

"We made it," I smiled.

"There better be a car waiting," Rose said and looked out the window.

The door opened and we walked down the small flight of stairs to the waiting jeep. Rosalie was upset it wasn't something more upscale, but I was grateful for any form of transportation. The island was dark and the humidity was stifling. I wanted out of my jeans as quickly as possible.

After a short ride we pulled up to a beautiful resort tucked into the jungle. A waterfall fell from the side of the building and exotic flowers were everywhere. A young man opened the vehicle door and said with a Brazilian accent, "Welcome to Paradise."

I was a bit disappointed Tattoo wasn't standing there pointing and saying, "De Plane, De Plane."

We climbed into a golf cart and were taken to our bungalow. I expected something similar to the huts on Gilligan's Island, but our little bungalow was bigger than my entire condo at home. It was amazing and I had the desire to stay forever.

"Your things will be delivered here and you are free to follow me to the greeting room for refreshment if you like," the man said with a smile as he handed us a key to our own golf cart.

We were all starving and quickly climbed into the cart to follow him. I drove, since Rose was used to being driven, and Alice would most likely drive off the side of a cliff. We could hear music coming from a lighted cabana and smelled the wonderful scent of food.

"Let's eat fast and get back to the room to change," I said as I felt my jeans beginning to rub as they stuck to my legs.

I grabbed a plate and began loading it up with fresh fruit and huge shrimp. I picked up a glass of something tropical to drink and made my way to a small free table. I almost ran into a man who was talking to the people at the table next to the one I wanted.

"I'm sorry," he said, and held onto my arms to steady me. I didn't care about my body falling; I just wanted to protect the food I was carrying.

"Yeah, well, watch it or I may eat you," I said, and then quickly got embarrassed.

He laughed and said quite loudly, "I believe you; I can still see the evidence of your last cannibalistic meal."

It had been a while since I had been with Jake in any way intimately. I had no idea what evidence this guy was talking about and wondered if he was the island psychic.

"We're breaking up soon," I said to explain, and wiped my mouth harshly.

I finally looked at the man I was talking to. He had a confused look on his face, but it did nothing to hide his gorgeousness. He was tall and thin with long, wild hair. He kept running his hand through his locks to keep the hair from his eyes, which were a strange grey color.

I lost control of my ability to think and was thankful I didn't lose control of my bladder. I began talking without a clue of what I was saying. I could see his face growing more and more confused, but I couldn't connect my brain to my mouth. He finally nodded and backed away.

Alice sat down and asked, "Who was that?"

"What was I saying?" I begged, and prayed she would learn from my example and lie to me.

"You told him you piloted the plane here and landed in the ocean," she laughed.

"Oh my God," I said and lost my appetite. "No wonder he was looking at me like I was insane."

"I think it is the red clown's mouth that gave him that impression," she said, as she put some fruit into her tiny mouth.

I had forgotten all about the lip stain and neither Alice nor Rose felt the need to remind me. I had no idea why they were my best friends and planned to get new ones as soon as I got back to Seattle.

I downed my drink quickly and walked with my hand over my mouth for another one. I figured if I drank enough I wouldn't care about the gorgeous man who thought I was psychotic. Alice drove the golf cart back to our bungalow since I no longer cared if she drove off a cliff. I jumped right into the shower and stayed there until all traces of Alice's joke were removed.

I came out of the bathroom with a tiny see through robe and my hair wrapped in a towel to see the room attendant standing in the middle of the room. I tried to cover myself, but at this point I had little self respect left.

He handed me a packet with our schedule and then left with a big smile. "You can see your tits," Rose informed me.

"Yeah, I know. It was my way of welcoming him to paradise too," I said with a shrug.

"Sorry, Bells," Rose informed me, "Your chest is more like a budget motel."

Alice began to laugh and I spun around and headed into my own room. I was determined to find new friends as soon as I could. I set the packet on the nightstand without opening it. I had no idea what time we had to be up and decided to let the morning sun awaken me.

The room was stuffy so I opened the glass door and let the breeze blow through. The white gossamer drapes blew with the cool wind so I took off my robe and crawled onto the bed naked. I could smell the scent of gardenias and planned on finding one for my hair the next morning. I fell asleep without a care in the world, excited for tomorrow to come.


It was Alice who woke me when she jumped up and down on my bed. I was laying spread eagle on the bed with all my mother lands showing. I sat up and rubbed my eyes harshly. "What time is it?" I asked.

"Time for breakfast," she said, making my stomach growl. "Let's go before fat people eat all the food."

I rolled off of the bed and pulled on a pair of cut off sweats and a tank top. I put my hair in a messy ponytail and shuffled grumpily to the golf cart. Rose had on a tiny dress that barely covered her ample ass, and Alice had on a one piece jumper, looking like a child.

We entered the large cabana where we had eaten the night before to find everyone dressed in white scrubs, sitting on small mats. A gorgeous man with blonde curls and sky blue eyes turned to look at us. "Obviously you didn't read your packet," he said with a smile trying to break onto his face.

"Is this a commune?" I asked, because I did not sign up for some religious cult.

"It is meditation hour," he said. "I'm master Jasper."

"What's a master Jasper?" Alice asked in confusion.

He looked at her with wide eyes and then explained. "My name is Jasper and I am a master of meditation techniques."

She giggled and held out her hand. "I'm Alice, and I'm the queen of shopping."

I wasn't about to sit for an hour and think about my life. I usually tried not to think about my life, so I quickly lied to get out of it. "I'm a master of meditation too, from the University of Washington. So, I'll just skip this part. Where's the food?"

"Breakfast is after meditation, and I'm afraid it is required," he said directly to me.

I took a step closer to him and spoke softly, "Look, my friend here just lost her husband and if she thinks about it she'll cry, and when she cries she gets gas. You can't expect me to allow her to six cross-legged and be humiliated in her time of mourning."

"We'll place her in the back of the room," he whispered back, and then pointed toward some free mats like a teacher scolding difficult students.

We walked past all the people with their eyes closed and sat on the mats in the back of the room. Rose sat with her legs to the side since she had on a dress, and Alice had to keep readjusting her jumper which was cutting her in half. I sat with my legs crossed and placed my fingers on my knees as I began to hum.

I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and looked up to see Jasper looking at me. "Please don't hum," he instructed.

"I wasn't," I lied and gave him a disgusted look.

We sat there until my legs went numb and he finally announced we could follow him to breakfast. I stood with my back hunched over and my legs bowing as I hobbled into the next room. I was going to load up on eggs and bacon but I was handed a bowl of mush.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Whole grain wheat," a tiny Brazilian woman answered me.

I spun around to look at Rose accusingly. "I'm not eating snot for three weeks."

"It's healthy," she said, trying to be a trooper. Alice quickly took a bite and then spit it back into the bowl.

"Bella's right, this is snot."

Rose reached out and picked up a pinch of brown sugar and added a bit of skim milk before trying it herself. I wasn't as tactful; I poured an entire cup of brown sugar on the mush and stirred it up. Just before I put a spoonful in my mouth a large man with huge muscles grabbed my spoon and took it away from me.

"Do you know what that would do to your blood sugar? You might as well eat a spoonful of poison," he said loudly.

"Great, get me a spoonful of poison," I said angrily. I would gratefully take it at this moment to get out of this torture. I thought I was coming to a day spa where I would give orders, not take them.

"It is my job to get you in the best health of your life, so you'll only use the best food as fuel," he informed me and I felt tears in my eyes.

"I have a medical condition that makes it necessary to ingest huge amounts of M&M's. If I die, I'll sue you," I threatened.

"I've heard it all, but that may be the biggest load of crap I've ever heard," he laughed.

"It isn't that bad," Rosalie said, as she took a second bite. It took the big guys attention, since Rose is pretty much a Greek goddess.

I used her interruption to stick my fingers in the slop and shove it into my mouth. All I could taste was the brown sugar so I took another bite. I was almost finished with it when he turned his attention back to me. "Oh God, you'll have a sugar crash in about two hours," he complained.

"Good, I'll lie on a chaise and rest by the ocean," I planned.

"No, you'll be in the middle of your morning workout or your therapy session," he said back.

"Therapy," I gasped. I wasn't about to go into therapy. Therapist kept track of your lies and there was no way I could keep my stories straight. This trip was turning into a nightmare and I was growing angry at Rosalie.

When she suggested we go back to the room to change I was all for it. I thought we were going to pack and make a run for it. I was stunned when she began changing out of her dress. "Wait," I cried. "Are we staying?"

"I pre paid, Bella," Rose yelled, as she pulled on the white guru outfit.

"I'll pay you back," I lied; there was no way I could afford to pay her back on my salary.

"Master Jasper is so hot," Alice blurted out, making me want to smack her with the bedside Bible.

"I like Emmett," Rose said with a laugh.

"Who in the hell is Emmett?" I asked, feeling like I had fallen down the rabbit hole. I couldn't remember seeing an old man anywhere around the resort.

"The fitness guy," she explained, but I just shook my head in further confusion.

If they wanted to play this game they could, I was doing my own thing and therapy was not my thing. I put on my bikini and headed toward the beach. I found an isolated place and put down my towel. I was resting comfortably when I heard footsteps walking toward me. I turned my head and looked at the side of me to see bare legs standing next to me.

I looked up the long legs and saw the man from last night. He had his hands on his hips and was staring at me with reproach. I groaned and shut my eyes again. "Tell your boss I'm lost."

"Okay," he replied to shock me.

I shaded my eyes and looked up at him again. "That's it? You'll lie for me?"

He shrugged and asked, "Why are you hiding?"

"I was brought here under false pretences. I thought it was a club med, not a guru, hippie place."

"Have you been to club med?" he asked.

"Yes," I lied, "They're the best, so much drinking and partying."

"Aren't vacations supposed to be relaxing?" he chuckled.

"Well, this place is dead. I'm not dead yet, so I'm not taking part in the crap sessions they have here," I said full of attitude. I had gone back to my resting position and he sat next to me as I continued my pontificating.

"I have no idea how three weeks is supposed to change your life forever, unless you can learn a new way to masturbate or tricks for playing poker."

"Why did you come here?" he asked.

"My friend is mourning the death of her husband and needs to find another one," I chuckled. "I had no idea the place was a frickin commune."

"So you came to help her find a husband?" he asked.

"No, I came to party while she looked, don't you listen?" I said and finally looked over at him. "Why did you come?"

"I was invited here by a very wealthy member of my congregation," he said.

I sat up and looked to see if he was lying, although I would have no way of telling. "You're a minister, or a preacher or something?"

"Yes, and a clinical therapist," he said with a shy smile.

"Are you shitting me?" I yelled without thinking. "I mean, are you shrinking me right now?"

He laughed loudly and ran his fingers through his hair again before saying, "You're assigned to my group. I'm on staff here now."

I jumped up and gathered my things in anger. "Oh no you don't….Sir, or Father, or whatever you are."

"Call me Edward," he offered.

"I'm not calling you shit," I said and then stamped my foot as I tried to control my mouth. "I'm not here to be psyched. I came to get some sun, to get my drink on, and to find a bit of disease free booty. So leave me alone and let me do my thing."

He stood and looked at me with his hands in the pockets of his guru pants. "You just told me everything I needed to know about you. You are insecure, don't feel like you deserve a real relationship, and most likely come from a broken home so you don't believe in lasting love."

My mouth fell open in shock. I believed in lasting love, I had a lasting love, if you counted Jake. He wasn't the kind of man you keep forever, but he would last as long as I needed him to last. Oh hell, he was cheating on me constantly and I just ignored it.

"You don't have a clue who I am," I lied.

"You are Bella Swan, a middle school teacher from Seattle who needs to eat better, drink less, and get in touch with her inner strength," he said, as if reading from a list.

I laughed nervously and wanted desperately to do something to shock him. I wanted to show him he wasn't the great mind reader he was pretending to be. He only saw me twice in his life, once with a red stained face, and once with a little bikini.

I finally did something without thinking it through. I pulled up my swimsuit top and flashed the man of white cotton cloth my breast. It would have been much more shocking if I had Rose's breasts or even Alice's saggy breasts. Mine were similar to a man with too much estrogen in his system, but it was a boob none the less.

I stomped off, leaving him there to repent, or wash his eyes with holy water. I passed a group of guests doing some weird slow motion martial arts on the lawn and another group doing yoga under a pagoda. I needed a plan to get myself out of this predicament and came up with a foolproof plan.

I stepped off the sidewalk and fell to the ground as I cried out in pain. I pulled up my leg and forced myself to cry as I rolled back and forth. "I broke my ankle," I cried loudly and heard footsteps running toward me.

I was placed on a stretcher and rushed to a first aid station where a tall blonde man looked at my leg. "My name is Carlisle, I'm the island doctor," he informed me. "I don't think it is broken."

"How do you know," I asked as I continued my act.

"It isn't swelling at all. Just take it easy today and I'll check it again tomorrow," he instructed.

I nodded and wiped my eyes in agreement as I planned to whack my ankle with a stick this evening. Carlisle gave me something for pain and then called for someone to help me back to my hut.

It was the big muscle guy, who grinned at me as I glared at him. "Come on, we'll end up being friends," he said, and put his arm around my waist as I held onto his shoulder. "I'm Emmett."

A smile grew on my face and I finally had a great plan that would guarantee I wouldn't have to do anything at this place. "Emmett, you're right, we are going to be great friends, because I'm going to make your biggest wish come true."


I had always wondered if Rose actually liked the old men or just their money, but since she was all hot over muscle man here, I figured it was just the money she was attracted to. Since she had more than she needed I would make sure she got this big dumb guy to play with and guarantee me some peace.

"Do you know Rosalie, the blonde who is with me?" I asked him, as he helped me walk.

"The voluptuous one?" he asked, which basically meant huge hooters.

"Yeah, her," I groaned. "She has a thing for you."

"What thing?" he asked. Oh God, he was the mental equivalent of Alice.

"Her thing," I explained. "She would like her thing to meet your thing."

"We're not allowed to have sex with the guest," he said and I could see the pain it was causing him to admit that to me.

"Is that a hard and fast rule, or more of a suggestion?" I asked and he smiled.

"I would be fired," he said.

Dang it, this was turning into my greatest fear. I was stuck on an island where celibacy ruled. If we became stranded here it would be the end of our civilization, because the cute men wouldn't procreate.

I gave up the pretense and stood in front of Emmett. "Look, I don't want to be here. I don't want to participate in anything, and I don't want to eat healthy food. If you want to sneak a poke with my roommate, as I sneak some sugar, I won't tell."

"Did you lie about your ankle?" he asked, as he looked down at my perfectly working legs.

"It is what I do," I admitted truthfully. I walked on my own two feet back to my room and sat on the sofa to pout. I was still there when Rose and Alice returned from their workout and session.

They were both giggling and talking about things they learned about themselves, as if they had just recently met themselves. "Bella, you missed a great session," Rose said.

"I was busy setting you up with Emmett," I said and she spun around to look at my eyes to see if I was lying. "He isn't allowed to have sex with guests, so you'll have to just walk by the surf with him," I laughed.

"Did you really say something to him?" she gasped.

"Yes, I did. I want sugar Rose, and I'll do anything to get it," I admitted.

"Set me up with Jasper," Alice begged. "He can place his foot over his head."

I went to say something to Rose but the visual Alice gave me made me lose my train of thought. I looked back at her and asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I thought sex is better if you're limber?" she said stupidly.

"If the woman is limber, not the man," I explained.

"Why?" she asked.

I looked for the Bible, ready to smack her with both the old and new testaments but Rose interrupted me. "Bella, did he seem interested in me?"

Did she really need to ask me that? Did she not know how gorgeous she is? Any man with eyes would be interested in her. "Of course," I told her.

She smiled and walked over to the mirror to fix her post workout makeup, as Alice worked on the limber information. I put on a tshirt over my bikini and we all headed to lunch. I was starving and hoped for a cheeseburger or burrito. I was met with a full table of different kinds of lettuce. Surely it was only the pre lunch salad.

I saw something that looked like French fries and began to cry when I saw it was just julienne sliced jicama. I was going to starve to death if I ate like this for three weeks. I loaded my plate with all the fruit I could find, certain diarrhea would be my end. I sat at a table and ate angrily.

Edward came up from behind and sat in the chair next to me. "Hello, nice to see you remained," he teased.

"Shut up," I said to a man of God, or Allah, or Buddah, whoever he was the man of.

"Ah, still not a fan of the retreat?" he asked.

"I'm a huge fan of the retreat, if I could retreat the hell out of here."

"Give it a try, you may learn something," he suggested.

I turned and looked right into his eyes as I crunched a grape, spraying it from my mouth to his. He wiped his mouth and it somehow felt a bit nasty. Maybe it was because he was a spiritual man, but we just shared fruit juice and it got me a little excited.

"That was weird," I mumbled.

"Excuse me," he said and left my table quickly. Alice watched him leave and came over to see what was going on.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"The Friar," I said, knowing she would think it was a cook.

"What did he want?" she pressed.

"My spit," I said and began gnawing on some papaya.

"Are you going to get off the rag and start having fun?"

"This is me," I pointed out. "I find the down side of everything and exploit it, don't act like any of this surprises you," I said as I continued stuffing myself with fruit.

At that moment Jasper arrived at our table to see how we were enjoying the serenity of our captivity. I rolled my eyes at him and then blurted out, "Alice is hot for you, even in the jammies you wear."

"Bella," she said angrily, without disputing the facts I had told him.

He chuckled and Alice smiled widely as she gave him her best come hither look. Alice was a great girl, loyal as hell, and deeply devoted to anyone who gave her an ounce of attention. She really had grand boobs and I only teased her because I was jealous.

I managed to put the pineapple to the side of my mouth and said with great difficulty, "Can you two go to a different table."

"You are so rude," Alice said, and stood to lead her jammie wearing guru to another table.

I continued on with my gluttony until Rosalie arrived. Her plate was loaded with salad and it angered me, so I dropped my fork and began eating the fruit with my fingers. She kept looking around the place and I finally caught her attention. "Looking for a man on oxygen?" I asked her.

"No, I'm looking for Emmett," she said honestly.

"Isn't he too young for you?"

"I'm ready for a marriage that includes sex," she laughed.

My fruit filled mouth fell open and I gaped at her. "You never had sex with your husbands?"

She leaned in to speak softly. "They went to bed for the night at five pm, of course we never had sex."

"Did you cheat on them?" I asked her, believing there was no way she lived sex free for so long.

"No, I was respectful of my vows," she said proudly, as if gold digging was an honorable business.

I saw Emmett talking with the doctor and I wave wildly until he looked over at me. He smiled and headed in our direction. Rosalie pulled out a chair for him and he sat next to her. I was ready to make an excuse to leave when a woman walked onto a stage and began speaking into a microphone.

"Hello Everyone, I am Esme Cullen, the owner and operator of this health retreat. It is our goal to have you leave her with an enriched mind, strengthened body, and enlightened spirit. If you take advantage of everything offered to you, it will be a life changing experience."

"Bullshit," I mumbled, and a couple at the table next to me looked over. I showed them my half chewed banana and they glared and looked away.

"I want to introduce you to my managers. Jasper Whitlock, can you stand," she called out, and Jasper stood from his spot next to Alice. "Jasper is in charge of the mental experience you will have here at the retreat. His staff will teach you how to meditate and open your mind to new experiences and information."

I chuckled, thinking how much Alice's mind needed opening.

"Emmett McCarty," she said and Emmett pushed his chair back and stood. "His staff will tone your bodies and educate you on healthy food choices."

I really hated Emmett and his staff at the moment!

"Edward Masen," she called and looked around the room. Edward was leaning against the back wall and waved his arm at Esme. "Edward is our spiritual leader. He was trained as a Catholic Priest and is now an Episcopalian Pastor. His staff will be working to bring your mind peace and comfort."

I laughed a bit too loudly and everyone turned to look at me. Edward narrowed his eyes and I held up my glass and said, "Shalom."

Rose smacked my arm and I laughed louder. People paid hard earned money for this retreat and I found it hysterical, not that Rose earned the money, but it was hers and she spent it on this trivial crap.

Esme began announcing the medical staff and it was then I learned her husband was the doctor. She had quite the little shell game going on here and I had to give her props for the initiative. I was just about stuffed with fruit, enough to guarantee horrible intestinal pain, when Edward took hold of my arm and pulled me up out of my seat.

"Hey," I said loudly.

"Come with me, please," he said, and I could hear the anger in his voice.

I let him pull me from the room and onto the pebbled walkway before I pulled my arm away from him. I had no idea why he was so angry, unless he wanted to see my other breast, but I wasn't going to be manhandled.

"Don't act all caveman on me," I demanded.

"Look, you can think whatever you want about me, but when you disrespect Carlisle and Esme it is going over the line," he said with a tight jaw.

I wondered if they were relatives of his, but I couldn't see any resemblance. They were too young to be his parents, so I raised my chin and said, "What's it to you?"

"They are two of the most decent people you will ever meet, and I won't let you mock them."

"I didn't mock them," I said, and then thought back to see if I had mocked them.

"It is your attitude, the way you smirk and roll your eyes," he explained. Yeah, my parents hated that too, but as a middle school teacher it was a hazard of the job.

I smiled softy and said, "So kick me off the island."

"We don't give up on people here," he informed me. "In fact, you are now my personal guest. It is my sole goal to reform you Ms. Swan, may God help me." He actually crossed himself like I was a demon or something.

Most people would be thrilled to have their own personal clergy taking responsibility of their souls, but I'm not most people. I am Bella Swan, and I'm a habitual liar, so I smiled and said, "Great, Edward. I look forward to it."

He had met his match and his life was going to change forever. I would make him my personal project, too. I was going to do everything in my power to corrupt the great Edward Masen. I began by taking hold of his hand and pulling him to my hut.

"I'll change into the jammies," I told him, and then proceeded to undress right in front of him. I expected him to fall to his knees for forgiveness, or at least a better look, but he stared directly at me as I dressed without a hint of embarrassment.

Something told me Edward Masen had been corrupted long ago, and it was how he ended up as the spiritual advisor at this play palace. I was suddenly much more interested in the ex priest, Pastor Masen.