Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach. I started this in one of my journals on the twenty-seventh of February, 2010 and happened to have dug this one out. So, some stuff will not fit with the manga as it is now.
Breaking One's Heart
No matter who it was, when he got close to them, he seemed to find some way to hurt them. On top of that, he managed to hurt them with his very own power. The most recent event was stabbing the person he thought of like a sibling through the heart, Hinamori Momo. Further back was when his life was chosen of Kusaka's for some unexplained reason. And before he even entered the academy, his reiatsu was killing his grandmother.
One day, Matsumoto went to talk to Gin. Ichimaru was the only one of the traitors to have survived the Winter War and was now under the custody of the Gotei Thirteen. Of course, Hitsugaya completely understood his fukutaicho's need to resolve things with her former classmate. Classmates was how he understood the twos relationship to be, no... that was how he choose to perceive Gin and Ran, as their relationship wasn't like the others he had seen in his young life time.
He figured this was no different from him resolving things with Sojiro, back when his friend came back to life. Both of them questioned why things ended up the way they did. It was no different then him needing to approach Hinamori later on, asking his childhood friend, his sister, for forgiveness for being unable to protect her. Yet he also knew it was different, something he couldn't place his finger on.
When the woman came back though, he found himself being suddenly ignored by her. Sure, she did her usual work, not to mention avoiding it. However... the office suddenly became lacking in her usual, bubbly conversation that he came to expect from her. He also found that he didn't receive the usual daily quota of touchy, feely hugs, as his dragon loved to refer to it. As much as they were uncomfortable for him, he still found he missed being touched.
After a few days lacking positive response from his fukutaicho, along with the constant silent treatment, he began to think he had done something wrong. No matter who it was, when he got close to them, he seemed to find some way to hurt them, always unintentionally. Truth of the matter, he had to admit that he had come close to Matsumoto. This unsettled his stomach as there were way to many examples of him getting close to someone, then turning around and hurting them in some way.
Also, he at first thought she simply was in one of her moods, where she remained down in the dumps for a few days. He figured this had something to do with visiting Ichimaru, so he didn't push the issue. However, every so often, Rangiku would look up at him a sad look on her face. The look on her face made him flinch, as he felt at any moment she would burst into tears. That was when he became sure he had done something wrong.
"Matsumoto?" The small taicho's voice was a tad timid, fearing that busty woman would only become more upset with him for prying.
"Ehh... taicho... you need something? The woman actually looked up from her paperwork, which oddly enough, she was doing. Actually, now that he thought about it, she hadn't been shirking her duties, but simply doing them, which made the silence even more painful as he was around her more often then usual. He also realized then, while he thought she was drinking sake, she had cut back on that too.
"Not... really..." That was the truth. He didn't have anymore duties for her to do. His want to know what was bothering her was just that, a want and not a need.
"I'll get back to work then." The woman smiled at him, yet for some reason the smile seemed ever so fake.
This seemed to greatly concern the small taicho, making him figure on the idea he he'd done something wrong play through his mind worse then before. "Matsumoto?"
At that, Rangiku glanced up again from her paperwork, her eyes going wide. "Taicho..."
"He should have asked her if she was in fact angry with him. Instead, eh asked "Why are you angry with me?"
"Taicho..." Her normally sweet voice turned dark and stern, like it always did when he was off on something and she was even the slightest bit disappointed in him. "I wasn't angry with you. Please... just ask your question."
"Ahh... but... that is what I've been trying to ask." Confusion suddenly splattered across his face. "Haven't you been mad at me for some time now" Glancing away, he figured either way he had asked would have ended up with the same response.
"Angry at you? Why... no." At that, Rangiku started laughing, which caused the small taicho to turn his head towards her, biting his lip and puffing out his cheeks in frustration. "I haven't been angry with you. Where exactly did you get the idea that I was angry with you."
"Because, Matsumoto has been ignoring me," the small taicho muttered, his face adding a flush to his expression. "You like having conversations with me. You like giving me hugs, just to see the reaction on my face. Unfortunately... you also like to suffocate me... but the point is, you're acting differently around me."
"Sorry... I guess after I talked to Gin what he told me rather upset me. I am upset with Gin, not you." The woman smiled. Her eyes though, had that sad look in her eyes. "As far as I know, the only other people he's told are Yamamoto and Unohana Taicho."
"You..." Two teal eyes suddenly filled with a level of questioning and concern. "...are only upset with Gin?"
"Of course!" Matsumoto though paused, studying his, trying to give him a fake grin. "You don't believe me, do you?"
"But..." Toshiro suddenly glanced at the ground, shuffling his feet and hiding his hands behind his back, his discomfort becoming quite apparent.
"Taicho... please. Just spit out what you want to say." The woman let out a deep sigh, her eyes retaining that sad look.
"Every time you look at me, you have a sad look on your face. It makes me think that I've heart a person I've gotten close to again..." He glanced back at his own stack of paperwork, which had accumulated due to his inability to focus as of late.
"Is that the only time you can admit that you've gotten close to someone, when you think something bad has happened to them and you feel it is your fault?" Rangiku's face twisted up in frustration.
Toshiro instead avoided the question. "Can you tell me, that whatever bad thing happened isn't my fault?"
"No... none of its your fault?" Sadness dimmed her eyes, causing him to bit his lip in frustration for at least the second time. "Was I really that transparent?"
"That something's bothering you?" Toshiro saw in Rangiku's eyes, along with the sadness, quite a bit of mirth. "Yeah... but... did you mean something else?"
"Taicho... why don't we take a break and sit on the couch?" Matsumoto stated, stacking her papers and straightening her desk. "There is something I need to talk to you about."
"Can it wait... I kind of... have gotten... behind in paper work..." Something about the way she acted around him, continued to make him uncomfortable.
"What Gin told me... I shouldn't hold off telling you much longer." The female stated, walking over to the couch and sitting down.
Hitsugaya followed her, standing and staring at her, confusion written all over his face. "Shouldn't you be telling this to someone else, like Ise Fukutaicho?"
"Taicho..." Matsumoto's words barked out and he found him self snapping to attention, sitting down on the couch next to her, his body completely rigid. "I've already talked to Nanao about this. What Gin had to tell me involved you."
At that, the small boy turned, his hands in his lap, his entire body tensing up. "If he said something bad about me, I don't want to hear it."
"I think it may... no, I know it will surprise you to hear, he didn't have anything bad to say about you. Maybe if he had, things would be easier to deal with in my head and my heart. I could brush off what he did as simply him being cruel to the both of us. This though...
At that, Toshiro took a deep breath. "Can you get to the point?"
"That's the problem, I simply can't get to the point." Rangiku glanced at the ceiling. "Can I ask you, what kind of relationship do you think Ichimaru and I have?"
"You were classmates, right?" The child frowned, wondering where this line of questioning was coming from.
"Actually, Gin graduated before I did. We met out in the Rukongai. We were actually lovers, maybe we still are. It is kind of hard to tell with him anymore."
At that, Hitsugaya's face turned beet red. "Matsumoto!"
"Gomen taicho! I know your sensitive about these kind of issues. Goodness knows I would prefer not telling you these if I had a choice, but what I have to say, it is something I am going to have to tell you eventually. With the way I've been acting around you, the sooner the better. It honestly... none of this, is fair to you."
"Is it going to get to be more embarrassing to talk about? If it is..." Toshiro suddenly had a finger placed on his mouth.
"I need to tell you. You need to know." Rangiku took a deep breath. After she let it out, she continued. "Well, one thing led to another and Gin and I... the best way to put it so you don't over react is, we were going to start a family. However, Gin told me I miscarried... a baby girl to be exact."
"What, Matsumoto... does this have to do with me?" Toshiro narrowed his eyes, his face becoming frustrated. "I don't like this topic. It's weird..."
"I know it is. Gin told me he lied about the miscarriage. One of the lies was the baby was a girl."
"It was a boy then. What does this have to do with me?" The white haired youth began to fidget.
"Taicho, the baby was born, alive on the twentieth of December," Rangiku began to watch his expression carefully. "Do you understand, taicho?"
"Wait..." Two teal eyes opened up wide. "I'm supposed to be the baby. Rangiku, I died and came to Soul Society!"
"Are you so sure?" Matsumoto watched him carefully, only to see him turn away from her.
"No." Toshiro felt a hand places on his shoulder and he thought she could feel how he trembled under her touch. "You say I didn't hurt you Matsumoto, but yet I did..."
"Taicho... you were a baby. That was out of your control." Rangiku gave him a weak smile. "I'm the one who hurt you by not being there when you were little." At that, she watched as he turned to her, his eyes narrowed and glaring at her. To her dismay, she watched him get up and walk out of the room. At first, there was a level of hurt plastered on her face, however that quickly disappeared and another fake smile appeared. "Well, I shouldn't have expected him to react in a positive way."
At that, she got up and got the paperwork from her desk and his paperwork and started in on the work, finishing her own and making a rather large dent in his. She didn't hear the person approaching her, until she heard the stuttering words coming from their mouth. "O...o...o..."
At that, her head snapped up, to see Hitsugaya Toshiro suddenly flinch as she looked him in the face. In his hands was a tray with tea and a few sweets on it. She gave him a smile. "Taicho..."
"It... it... t...t..." at that, he glanced away, his face turning red.
"Toshiro, sit." Rangiku smiled, pulling him into her lap as he sat down, holding him close.
"I thought I'd get some tea so we could work together." He didn't move to set the tray down, thus she did it for him
"You're upset about something though." Her hand reached up to brush some of his hair away. "I have most of the paperwork done anyways."
"Don't ever say that you weren't there for me. It's not your fault you weren't there. You're also the one who saved me. You told me to join the academy, remember?" At that Rangiku turned the focus on making up for lost time, holding the small taicho close.
Author's note – Anyways, this was written up to the point where Rangiku tells Toshiro to sit down and he asks about Nanao. A few things were edited to be worded better. I think this fanfic is why, when someone asked if Rangiku knew in any of the fanfics I've written or not, I thought there was a point. I had it written partly, but not posted.