TITLE: That Thing On Cyrus


A/N: Fuck me I really need to start doing some real work. Ah well, one shot sequel to Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure. Set roughly a year and a half after the Adventure.

Frank Elliot glanced up as Cameron studied his watch. He'd only just entered into this partnership, and had no idea about the kind of crew Cameron was working with. Sure it was a definite positive that the man already had an established run for his own diamonds, and the products of Elliot's gem mines needed transport. To his right Badger was sipping his beer with an expression of smug anticipation.

Elliot sighed. "I thought you said they'd be here at seven, it's already eight."

Badger shrugged. "They got other things ta worry 'bout, precious. Mal's boys'll be here soon enough, an' Mal's comin' later."

Elliot shifted uncomfortably. "Don't know why I have to deal with his employees rather than the Captain himself – seems downright rude."

Cameron leaned back in his chair, lighting a slim black cigarette and looking at Elliot through the smoke. "No stress, they'll be here and you'll be more than pleased to see them."

He smirked and Elliot scowled. Working with Cameron was a lot like walking through a mine field; you never knew when the ground was going to fly out from under you and leave you in pieces. Still, he was reliable, and not a name to sniff at in the gem world. He finished off his third glass of whisky quickly, enjoying the burn as he gestured for another.

Badger's eyes narrowed at the doorway and he smirked. "Here we go."

Elliot looked at the two men who had entered. The first was tall and lean, dark eyes whipping throughout the room as he surveyed the inhabitants of the bar. He was dressed in a dark blue business shirt and black slacks, although the shirt was untucked, and he had a side arm holstered on his left. The high cheekbones and full lips meant the ladies of the bar were taking a second look, and Elliot would have bet money that this was Serenity's doctor.

Largely because he knew he was meeting a doctor and a merc.

And damned if the other man wasn't a merc.

The eyes of the ladies looking at the doctor now swept over the big man with visible interest, obviously fans of a good ol' Rim boy. He was tall, well over six feet and counting, and built like a brick wall. Broad shoulders and heavily muscled arms were left exposed by the black tank he was wearing against the heat. A large tattoo was visible on his arm, the green cargos had seen better days, and he was wearing combat boots. He was strapped with a small arsenal; Elliot spotted two side arms and a sheathed hunting knife, along with whatever was strapped across his back.

They approached the weapons log to hand over their firearms and Elliot's eyes went wide. The doctor removed his weapon, along with another hand canon stashed along his boot. He took out a hunting blade from the other boot and then reached up either sleeve to pull out two more throwing knives. The big man took off both side arms, the monstrosity strapped to his back, the hunting knife, two more blades from either boot, and what looked like…was that a set of grenades?

Cameron chuckled at Elliot's shocked look, and Badger stood to greet the doctor as he approached the table. The big man was heading straight to the bar, handing over credits for a bottle of whisky and two glasses.

The slim man grinned as he shook Badger and Cameron's hands with the ease of long standing familiarity with the two. He turned to Elliot, who had the uncomfortable feeling of being evaluated as he flashed a charming smile.

"Hello Mr Elliot, I'm Simon Tam, Serenity's doctor and Mal's liason."

Elliot took the hand and shook it once as the big man strode over to the table. "Good to meet you, Doctor Tam. I was expecting to be meeting with the Captain of Serenity."

The big man let the bottle of whisky hit the table with a clunk, passing Simon a glass without taking his eyes off Elliot. If the other man had been evaluating, this one was sizing him up, and Elliot had a feeling he was being found wanting.

"Yeah, well Cap'n's got a prior engagement."

Cameron, obviously taking note of the annoyance in Jayne's eyes, stood quickly. He extended his arms out with a wide smile.

"Cobb darling, where's my hug? Didn't you miss me?"

Elliot watched the big man cross his arms and glare. "'Bout as far as I can throw ya."

Cameron licked his lips lasciviously. "Ohh and I bet that's far, isn't it big boy?"

Jayne was silent as Cameron kept pressing. "How's that tiny little wife of yours? Still enjoying women or are you ready to try the real thing?"

He snorted. "And yer the real thing huh?"

"Oh you better believe it sweetheart."

Elliot stared as the big guy flexed his arms threateningly, glaring down at Cameron and for a second he wondered if he'd need to find a new business partner. Suddenly the big man threw his head back in uproarious laughter, grabbing Cameron's hand with a grin and slapping his back as he hugged him quickly.

Badger stood with a smirk and was rewarded with another exuberant handshake as Simon sat and poured himself and Jayne a glass of whisky. The big man sat heavily, still grinning as Cameron sat and gestured disdainfully.

"Elliot this big hunk of denial is Jayne Cobb, Mal's public relations man. He and Simon seem to come as a team, though both deny my suspicions about that."

Badger chuckled as Jayne and Simon clinked their glasses together, each downing their whisky quickly. Cameron smiled as they finished.

"You won't find a better crew for this, Elliot. They're good people."

Jayne belched as he poured them both another one while Elliot tried to get a hold on the conversation.

"Well boys, welcome to Cyrus. Cameron here tells me you do bi-monthly runs for him, and I was hoping you'd be interested in doing the same for me."

Jayne sat back and listened to something that Badger whispered as Simon leaned forward. "Yes, Mr Elliot, we would be interested. But I have to warn you, we don't come cheap."

Elliot narrowed his eyes as Cameron and Simon shared some private smirk. "Well, what're we talking?"

Simon scratched his chin and glanced at Jayne, who nodded minutely. "We'd be willing to take your offer for…three and a half thousand credits a run."

Elliot's eyes bugged out of his head and he turned to Cameron. "What the guay is this! You said they were decent folk! This pansy is trying to rob me!"

Jayne finished his drink and slammed the glass down hard enough to shake the table. "What'd ya call him?"

Simon didn't look at his crewmate as he pressed on. "If I was trying to rob you, Mr Elliot, I'd simply let Jayne here do the talking. He's far more eloquent than I in those situations. Find a better rate going and we would encourage you to take it. Your run is through outer Reaver territory, and since we're the only crew willing to take such risks I think our price is more than fair. Out of courtesy to Cameron we're also willing to offer restricted liability."

Elliot's face was turning red and his voice came out strangled. "Restricted liability? You don't even provide a full guarantee? Those Reaver stories are unheard of since the Miranda broadwave; they're extinct by now."

Badger shook his head. "No they ain't, precious. Reavers are still very much real, though their numbers have been thinned out some since Miranda."

Elliot scoffed. "Go se, who the hell do you boys think you are? The Miranda heroes?"

Elliot found himself pinned by four very different sets of eyes, two of which were glittering with something dark and dangerous. He gulped as Cameron gave him a look that clearly stated he thought his new business partner was an idiot. Badger was shaking his head and turning his eyes skyward as Simon and Jayne never took their eyes from Elliot.

When Simon smiled Elliot felt his skin break out in goose bumps. "You have our terms, Mr Elliot. Jayne and I will let you think it over for a moment while we order some food."

They stood, Cobb's eyes boring into Elliot, the big man sneering when he shrank back slightly. As they walked to the bar Cameron hissed into Elliot's ear.

"Are you really that stupid? Did you not figure it out from the name of the boat?"

Badger was running a hand over his face. "We're lucky they're still willin' ta listen after that. I seen Cobb break a man's face for far less."

Elliot shook his head. "Cameron you said they ran for you at two and a half thousand. Why are they jacking me up like this?"

Cameron rolled his eyes. "Because none of my runs go through Reaver territory, you idiot!"

Badger nodded, looking at Elliot thoughtfully. "Well, that an' they don't trust ya."

Elliot sat back and watched the two men at the bar. They seemed to be arguing over who was to pay for the meal, and he could hear snippets of the conversation.

"I paid fer the damn whisky."

"I paid for it last time!"

"Don't be livin' in the past Doc."

"Fine, I'll get the meal, but you're getting the next bottle."

"Aww come on Doc, ya know I ain't got that much cash with me."

"The pay from our last run was more than enough!"

"Yeah but…"

"But what?"

"Well…she said she needed ta buy stuff."

"Urgh, seriously you could not be more pussy whipped if you tried."

"Yesterday I saw ya bringin' Kaylee tea an' rubbin' her feet."

"That's because she told me if I didn't she'd set the temp controls in our bunk to freezing!"

"Yeah well imagine that only it's yer bed that's freezin'."

"Damnit Jayne I don't want to hear about that!"

"I'll tell ya more iffen ya don't pay fer the next bottle."

"Fine, how about we get Mal to buy the next one? Deal?"


The bartender headed over to take their order as Elliot turned back to Cameron and Badger. "They always like that?"

Cameron nodded. "'Cept when their wives are about."

Badger laughed. "And barely even then."

Elliot could only imagine the ox who would have married the big man, raising a family of giant ape-boys with hair on their knuckles. Badger saw the look of disgust and smirked, looking carefully around the bar.

"Don't get the wrong idea, precious. Ya won't ever meet nobody quite like 'er."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Don't think I'd want to."

Cameron chuckled. "Just you wait and see." He stared at the merc wistfully. "Oh but if only…the things I would let that man do."

Badger grinned. "He'd break ya in half."

Cameron sighed longingly. "Wouldn't he just?"

Elliot rolled his eyes as the two men chuckled, eyeing Mal's boys as they once more approached the table. Simon's previously charming smile now had sharp edges to it.

"Well, Mr Elliot? Will we stay here and drink to a deal, or should we take our leave?"

Elliot sighed. The Miranda broad wave had changed everything, and he knew of families who had lost their loved ones to the Alliance's greatest massacre. Cameron seemed to trust them, as did Badger, and those were not two men who trusted easily.

He nodded once, extending a hand. "We have a deal."

Simon took the proffered hand as Jayne grinned, pouring whisky for everyone. Cameron laughed at the gleam in the big man's eyes.

"You up for a big night?"

Jayne grinned. "You better believe it."


Elliot was drunk. Yup, definitely drunk. But he'd figured out why Cameron and Badger liked the boys so much – they were funny as all hell. They'd wolfed down their steaks and then proceeded to argue over the last bread roll, before arguing about another bottle of whisky until Badger had stepped in and bought two. Then they'd argued about some pickpocket on Philia before bursting into gut busting laughter over a bar fight in Ranscog.

Cameron was drunk and laughing readily as they tried to tell the story.

"So I'm busted up somethin' bad-"

"And I'm pissed because I've just figured out that he's got a thing going with River-"

"An' this fat man comes an' tells us ta get out-"

"All we wanted was some food!"

"So's I can't help myself, an' then the Doc joins in-"

"And then we both went through the window of that clothing store!"

"That was yer fault-"

"You were sleeping with my sister!"

"Ain't like she minded!"

"Well, you fellas been lookin' after my boys?"

Elliot's eyes travelled up to the tall stranger in the brown coat. This had to be none other than Captain Reynolds, leaning with a hand on the back of either chair and raising an eyebrow. He looked at Cameron, who immediately burst into snickers.

"Thought I told ya no more gettin' 'em drunk while they're on business."

Badger raised a guilty hand, hiccupping. "Uh, that was me Mal – they kept arguin', figured another bot'le'd shut 'em up."

Cameron laughed. "And then another one after that."

Mal sighed, stepping aside and revealing his other crewmates. A tall woman with chocolate skin was wearing combat boots, a leather vest and…a baby boy strapped to her chest. Another woman with a sweetheart face was bending to kiss the doctor on the cheek, while the third…Elliot stared. Rich silks, ebony curls, golden skin and large cat eyes surveyed him calmly.

Cameron grinned and whooped to his feet, sweeping up the finely dressed woman and twirling her as she laughed affectionately. "Oh Inara, my beauty, my muse! When are you leaving this hun dan and running away with me?"

She kissed his cheek and replied in a voice like warm honey. "The very minute you decide you like women, darling, I'm all yours."

The Captain looked put out. "Hey!"

She laughed again. "Oh Mal, if it's a choice between you and being showered with diamonds you know who'll win out."

He smirked and snuck a quick kiss. "Oh ya say that but I know ya can't resist m'charms."

She sniffed primly. "We'll see!"

Elliot watched the whole display. Cameron was now fussing over the happily burbling baby in the tall woman's arms, pulling funny faces as he greeted the mother. The woman with the smile like sunshine was giving Badger a hug of greeting, and Elliot couldn't shake the feeling that this is not what he expected from Mal's crew.

He glanced at Jayne, who was looking around for something. "Which one's your wife, Cobb?"


Elliot turned with a jump to look at the girl appearing at Cobb's side. She was slender and small, couldn't have been much over nineteen, and her arms were locked around a baby girl with the same dark eyes and long lashes. This wasn't some older Rim gal built like a brick house; this girl was Core, all dainty and delicate looking, and when Cobb grinned up at her wolfishly Elliot couldn't shake a feeling of disquiet.

The mercenary stood, taking the tiny baby girl in his huge paws and grinning when she tugged happily at his goatee. He wrapped his free arm around his wife, pulling her onto her toes and bending to plant a kiss on her mouth. Elliot turned as Mal gave him a nod.

"Frank Elliot, I'm Malcolm Reynolds, Cap'n of Serenity. An' this here is my crew; Cameron hear said ya wanted ta meet the whole operation."

The tall woman nodded once. "Zoe Washburne, first mate."

The woman dressed so beautifully gave him a radiant smile. "Inara Serra, Mal's wife and Serenity's cook."

The bright woman gave him a happy wave, one hand grazing over the bump in her stomach as Simon wrapped an arm around her waist. "Mr Elliot, this is Kaylee, my wife. She's our genius mechanic."

He glanced over to where Jayne was still exploring the slim woman's mouth and rolled his eyes. "And that girl that Jayne is pawing is River, my sister."

Elliot watched as the slim girl pulled back from the big man with some hesitation and nodded once. Cobb turned, grinning as he slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her tight to his side.

Elliot made the effort to try to be polite. "And what do you do, River?"

Mal grinned. "Oh, she does lots o' things. Mainly keeps our merc in line but she's also my pilot an' gun hand."

Elliot regarded her and if he'd been sober he probably could have stopped the words coming out of his mouth. No such luck, however, and he glanced over at Simon.

"You let your sister get married to that?" He stared at Mal. "And you let her play gun hand? She's just a little thing, barely even a woman! What the guay is wrong with you people!"

The bar seemed to go very quiet all of a sudden, and Elliot gulped as they all stared. The girl slipped out from her husband's arm, and Elliot noticed her press one hand into the bicep as if telling him to stay put. Nobody else moved as she glided towards Elliot with the grace of a predator, never taking those bottomless brown eyes off of his own.

He was suddenly reminded of the stories he'd heard after Miranda, stories of a dark government secret, of a Reader, of a weapon, of something dangerous prowling Serenity's hallways. He'd always thought such stories were just poetic license, but looking into those unearthly eyes as the crew and his business partners watched silently he suddenly thought they were probably very, very real.

She bent down close to him and he felt his throat go dry. She was a looker alright, even being so slim, though he thought he saw the tiniest tell-tale bump to her stomach. She watched him and he watched her and he had the feeling that she wasn't looking at anything visible on the outside.

She cocked her head, quiet voice sounding strangely haunting. "Looking only at the face of things, failing to dig underneath."

One pale hand trailed across the table, picking up a used steak knife without looking. He tried hard to swallow as he watched her idly flick the knife over her fingers with the dexterity that comes from long familiarity with blades. Her hand whipped out, the knife flying into the centre of a nearby dartboard.

She hadn't even looked.

She grinned at him then, turning to the Captain. "Alcohol loosens his tongue inappropriately, no harm meant. Strange sight, the wolf and red riding hood. Solid investment, however."

Mal stared at Elliot for a minute before looking to Jayne. The big man was watching his wife carefully, and he scratched at his chin. The baby in his arms was looking at the little boy Zoe was holding with wide eyes, burbling happily as her enormous father held her tight. Elliot sat very still, some primal instinct kicking in and telling him that his next few minutes of life depended entirely on whatever was passing between the girl and the merc.

Cobb glanced over to Simon, who raised an eyebrow and shook his head. The mercenary looked back to his wife and nodded once, and she gave him a radiant smile in answer. He looked straight at Elliot, eyes narrowing dangerously.

"'Nother word like that an' I'ma get me an ear tonight, dong ma?"

Elliot nodded, well aware that an apology wasn't really going to help right now. The crew of Serenity were all giving him those coolly dangerous looks, and he was suddenly very aware that for all the family attitude they were displaying these were not people to be trifled with.

He stood, extending an arm to Mal. "My apologies Captain, the whisky gets straight to my head. It would be a pleasure to do business with your crew; if they're even a quarter as protective of my cargo as they are of each other it will be credits well spent."

Mal nodded, taking the proffered hand. "Our 'tross says yer alright, so we'll take you up on the deal." He turned to his first mate, looking at her carefully.

"Reckon this bar might not be the best place fer a family meal, ya should maybe head back ta the ship."

The tall woman nodded once, hands clutched protectively over her son as she looked to Inara and Kaylee. The mechanic gave her husband another kiss and linked arms with Inara, who smiled at Mal as they left. The girl, River, gently took her tiny daughter from Cobb's arms, kissing his cheek sweetly as he ran a hand over his baby's face. He kissed River's forehead, turning to watch appreciatively as she followed her crewmates out of the bar, throwing a smile over her shoulder as the little girl waved happily to her father.

Mal pulled out a chair and watched Elliot, who was staring at the mercenary he'd nearly earned a beating from. Cameron and Badger watched Elliot carefully as he raised a hand to the waitress, calling her over.

"Miss, we're going to need two more bottles of whisky, the finest you have, and some cigars for my associates here."

Cameron nodded approvingly as she left. "Smart move."

Elliot sighed, looking at Jayne. "My mouth runs on – normally I'm considered reasonably intelligent, I swear."

Jayne's eyes flicked to Simon and something passed between the two men. When he looked back at Elliot he nodded.

"S'alright, I get it. Ya thought any woman shackin' up wit' a guy like me would be somethin' like Mal in a wig."

The Captain snorted. "You wish, I make a right pretty girl."

Simon laughed and Elliot felt himself relax as the conversation turned to gentle ribbing between Badger and Mal over something called Atherton. When the waitress brought over his order Elliot was smart enough to offer Jayne a light, the merc still looking somewhat wary.

The cigar helped.

The whisky helped more.

An hour later and they were all laughing like old friends, Elliot's slip of the tongue earlier forgotten. Cameron grinned at Simon.

"You know, he'sh got a point – no way I'd let my shishter near a big guy like Cobb."

Simon smirked. "You really think I let her do anything?"

Jayne grinned wolfishly. "I let her do plenty."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we know, that's why I'm expectin' another mouth ta feed in a few months' time."

Badger laughed. "Can ya blame him Cap'n?"

Elliot nodded. "Nice girls like that don't come along often. You're a lucky man Cobb."

Jayne nodded as Elliot turned to Mal. "See, him I get – girls like that bad boy thing, they're into danger. Why's a fine woman like Miss Serra shacking up with you?"

Simon chuckled. "You want danger? Go on any one of Mal's jobs; there's danger a plenty."

Mal slammed his glass down indignantly, sloshing around the amber liquid. "Hey, ain't my fault so many folk don't realize iffen I'm doin' a damn job I get paid! Sides, after what you two pulled on Philia ya can't be accusin' me o' bein' the dangerous one."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Jeez, ya blow up one warehouse full o' Reavers an' ya never hear the end o' it."

Elliot did a spit take. "You boys blew up a warehouse full of Reavers?"

Simon grinned. "You think that's impressive, you should've seen what River to him afterwards."

Cameron chuckled. "Yeah, Badger was tellin' me about that – she kick you in the head or somefink?"

Jayne growled. "Mebbe."

Badger snorted. "Cameron after wha' ya put 'em through I'm jus' impressed they got outta that club o' yours."

Cameron sighed wistfully. "Oh, the things I could have shown them that night."

The table burst into raucous laughter as Elliot voiced something that had been niggling at him.

"Reynolds, where'd ya find a crew like that?"

"Whatcha mean?"

He shrugged. "Ain't many folk'll go through Miranda and stay on board. Plus…that isn't a crew. That there's something else…"

Mal nodded. "That it is. I got good folk on my boat," he glanced wryly at his two crewmates. "When they ain't gettin' their wives knocked up at least."

Badger laughed. "An' at the same time! You boys plan that?"

Simon pretended to shudder. "Badger, every day I get through without thinking of him doing that to my sister is a day I'm happy with."

"Shoulda seen what we did last night Doc."

"No, please-"

"Girl's flexible like ya wouldn't believe."

"Come on, you promised."

"Won't be layin' on my back fer a week…"


"What wit' all them claw marks."

"I swear Jayne if you don't-"

"An' stamina too, whooo, she can go fer-"

"Mal you said he had to stop doing this!"

"You're on yer own Doc, I'm too busy tryin' ta block out them images."

"Likes it rough too-"

"Damnit Jayne!"


They all turned to the group of drunks who had approached the table and interrupted the conversation. They reeked of booze and were having some difficulty standing, but their eyes were full of trouble and the one at the front grinned lecherously.

"Ya talkin' 'bout the skinny lil thing come in 'afore?"

Jayne stood, his crewmates and the others standing with him. "Ya got somethin' ta say?"

The drunk man smirked. "Girl looks like she'd be good fer a tumble or two."

Another drunk shook his head. "Naw, rather have that fancy lady; bet she goes like nobody's business."

Yet another interjected. "I'll take them other two, always liked me some ebony an' ivory action."

Mal's eyes flashed and even Elliot felt a burst of fury at their foul words. "Ya best watch yer mouths."

The one at the front stumbled forward slightly, coming to stand in front of Jayne. "Come on, I don't even care iffen she's knocked up; how much?"

Simon's hand twitched and Jayne raised an eyebrow, glancing back at Mal and the doctor before turning and slamming a fist into the drunk's face hard enough to send him flying. All hell broke loose as Mal and Simon surged forward, each taking an opponent while Jayne threw a man over the bar. Cameron whooped loudly and cheered with Badger as Elliot watched in awe.

They were tearing the place apart, their fight drawing more and more of the room until it was little more than a violent melee. Cobb was barrelling through, sending men flying while Reynolds socked another in the gut. Tam was elbowing one man in the face, ducking another blow as he broke the nose of a third. Cobb threw a chair and upended a table as Tam rolled out of the way of a stomping foot.

A shot rang out as one of the bar's inhabitants obtained their safe locked weapon, and Mal shouted to Badger and Cameron. "Times up fellas, we gotta bail!"

Simon and Mal sprinted to the safe locked, pulling out their weaponry as quickly as possible while Jayne cleared a path. They bolted out into the street, Elliot struggling to keep up at the gruelling pace they set before finally coming to an empty alleyway.

Mal checked they weren't being followed as Simon and Jayne began to laugh maniacally, Cameron struggling not to bring up his dinner after the jog and all that whisky.

Jayne clapped Simon on the back, panting heavily as he spoke.

"S'like ol' times, huh Doc?"

"Least...least this time we weren't robbed by a whore."

"Well that's cuz…cuz we don't let ya carry the cash no more."

"One time…one time!"

"Yeah, an' ya remember how well that one time went fer us."


"Sorry Mal."

"Sorry Cap'n."

Mal sighed. "Left a bottle o' Cyrus' finest whisky back there boys."

Badger looked shifty as he pulled something out of his coat, Jayne's eyes lighting up when he realized what it was. "Uh, not quite Mal…mighta grabbed this on m'way out."

Even Elliot grinned at the sight of the bottle.

He loved Badger.


Elliot hated Badger.

Why did he have to grab that whisky? He sighed as he adjusted himself, the cold bench of the jail cell leeching into his bare skin. Simon was passed out in the corner against a barely awake Mal, while Cameron was dozing against Badger. Jayne was pacing the cell, glaring out of the bars whenever he wasn't drunkenly tripping over his own feet.

Footsteps echoed in the distance as the sound of keys jangled. Elliot looked up as the guard appeared in the doorway, meeting Jayne's glare. Said glare was considerably lightened when Jayne saw the woman standing behind the guard with one eyebrow raised.

He nodded as if she found him standing stark naked in jail cells all the time. "Evenin' baby-girl."

River shook her head ruefully.

Her eyes sparkled as she gestured to his equally nude fellow prisoners. "Public indecency?"

Jayne looked down unashamedly at his lack of clothing. Elliot briefly reflected that a man of that size and build had very little to be ashamed of, a fact that Cameron had gleefully mentioned earlier. Why streaking had seemed like such a phenomenal idea was completely beyond Elliot, but at the time the logic had been solid.

Of course, they probably didn't need to do it through the town square.

Mal and Simon had managed to keep their boxers, and Cameron had his coat wrapped around himself. Badger and Elliot, however, only had their boots, which meant the cold jail cell was particularly uncomfortable.

Jayne shrugged. "Weren't my idea; Cameron suggested the run."

Mal mumbled sleepily. "Course he suggested it, ruttin' hun dan."

Simon muttered in his sleep. "I'll get the protein bar in a second Kaylee..."

River held up a duffel bag and Jayne grinned when he saw his discarded clothes stuffed inside. "Found these, thought you might be in need of garments."

He nodded as the guard opened the cell, still glaring at the men inside. "Now this young lady's paid yer bail, but I don't wanna see you boys round these parts ever again."

Elliot scrambled to the bag River tossed inside, pulling on his clothing quickly. Mal, Cameron and Badger did the same as Jayne pulled on his cargos and t-shirt, but Simon was out cold.

Elliot smiled gratefully at River. "That's some wife you've got there Cobb."

Jayne nodded. "Better believe it."

River moved to her husband's side. "Great battles, brilliant heists, incredible journeys…and you all get caught for public indecency?"

Jayne grinned as he threw an arm over her shoulder, kissing her forehead. "Well I jus' like ta keep ya guessin'."

She rolled her eyes and tapped her head. "No guess work required."

He hugged her closer. "Good thing, too, else I'd be spendin' the whole night in lock up with these idjits."

She drew back and smirked. "Still, there will be some punishment."

He sighed as she continued. "Must take unconscious brother back to the ship."

Jayne shrugged as Mal stood. "Ain't no problem, I've carried his drunk ass home before."

Her smirk grew wider.

"Perhaps. But I couldn't find Simon's clothing."