A CSI Miami FanFic

By NiteJasmine

This came to be after watching some re-run eps from a few Seasons back…

Our beloved H is wrestling with his feelings about everything this life has taken from him.

Rated T. It's just sad, no other warnings at all.

I don't own any characters from CSI Miami, I just borrow them for fun on occasion…

Horatio sat motionless on his living room sofa, quietly lost in his own somber thoughts as the bright Miami sunshine slipped below the horizon, pulling long shadows along with it until finally giving way to the deep blue darkness of night.

One small table lamp in the far corner of the room cast a faint amber glow across the saddened features of the figure on the couch, slightly hunched over, his hands clasped in front of him, staring into the distance.

So many years. So many gut-wrenching and heart-breaking losses. Everyone was gone and he was completely alone. He wearily came home every evening to a house that was empty and silent. Sometimes the crushing weight of his loneliness felt like more than he could possibly bear. His heavy heart knew no measure of happiness or comfort. And at times, hidden away from the world's eyes by these four walls, he would surrender to his raging emotions, fall to his knees and weep bitterly for hours.

He stared blankly at his gun, sitting on the coffee table next to his badge in front of him. Sometimes he allowed his thoughts to drift down that dark path. But even that option was utterly denied him, as he knew that God in heaven would never forgive that transgression. And forgiveness was what he had been so desperately pursuing for so long now… The priest's words echoed in his head and haunted him, he had heard them time and again throughout the years, since he had confessed his single most grievous sin so very long ago…

"Horatio… It is the lives that you make right in the here and now… that is what God is judging you on... When you have done enough, Horatio, you will know…"

He had not been granted any absolution. He had not been shown any of God's kind mercy. He could find no comfort or solace in the church. And there would be no forgiveness until he had fully paid his penance.

So he would continue to drive himself on relentlessly. He could not falter. He had to keep going. His work was all he had. The people there, they were his responsibility. He had to protect them. And he had to save as many people as he could from the evils and depravities of this world. This same world that had already taken so much from him, yet still demanded more. He had to help as many as he could escape all of the horrific things that human beings were capable of doing to one another. Save them. Save them all. Or die trying.

Resigned to his fate, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. He pushed his tired body up from the couch and slowly headed towards his bedroom. He found himself briefly hoping that perhaps tonight, his dreams would allow him some peace. But he knew better. This night would be no different. And he would arise again tomorrow, and wage his battles to save as many as he could.

And perhaps, one day… it would be enough…

Enough to save himself.