A/N: I realized I'd never posted this on ffnet, and since it's an actual finished one-shot, I thought I should post it so people could read it.
Written in response to a prompt at the glee_fluff_meme on LJ. "Imagine if Kurt DID drink at Rachel's party...Bonus points if: *Finn or Blaine or both have to deal with him. *Kurt learns his lesson the hard way (again) and this time pledges that he will never drink again."
This story is officially subtitled "Finn is an Idiot"
Italics are used for thoughts, and for emphasis.
The whole spin-the-bottle thing? Yeah. That was such a bad idea. Finn should have said something, but at the time, it hadn't seemed that dangerous. Yeah, Santana was mouthy and even more of a possessive bitch when she was drunk, but she was Sam's problem, not Finn's, so he didn't think it was that big a deal.
But then Blaine & Rachel had kissed. And he'd been uncomfortable watching her kiss another guy, but he kept reminding himself that they weren't dating anymore, and it was because she was kissing other guys that they weren't together.
And then Kurt had given that weird wow-I-am-so-uncomfortable-right-now laugh of his and told them that was enough, and really, Finn should have seen it coming, then. Kurt had told him he was trying to impress Blaine, which... yeah, okay, it was still kinda weird to think about, but as long as Kurt wasn't hitting on him, Finn was cool with whatever. So long as Blaine didn't hurt Kurt, or pressure him into anything, because then Finn would have to hurt him, and Kurt wouldn't appreciate him beating Blaine up, even if he was only doing it for Kurt's sake.
Rachel had mentioned karaoke, and Finn had watched her start to get the machine ready, and the next time he looked, Kurt had a cup in his hand. So, Kurt wasn't worried about impressing Blaine anymore. Good for him, Finn had thought, standing up for himself and not letting Blaine's non-romantic feelings get in the way of him having a good time.
Finn was an idiot.
He should have stopped Kurt from drinking. Should have talked him out of it, told him alcohol wouldn't solve his problems, only delay them, and quite possibly even add to them. He should have done something, instead of just stand by and watch his new step-brother steadily get more and more trashed. He should have realized what a lightweight Kurt was - he remembered how light Kurt was, from tossing him in the dumpster all the time last year, there was no way he had enough body weight to carry that much alcohol.
But no, Finn had been an idiot, so now he was dealing with his punishment. First, he took care of Blaine. Because even if he was the reason Kurt was now passed out in his car, Finn couldn't just leave the guy. Besides, once Kurt was sober, he'd be mad if Finn hadn't helped his crush. (Eww. Don't ever think that again, Finn.) Blaine, thankfully, was past the really loud and obnoxious drunk stage, and into the ragdoll/follows-orders-really-easily/sleepwalking stage of drunk. There was no way he was letting a drunk Blaine and a drunk Kurt sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed, so Finn figured he'd have to let Blaine sleep in his room.
Blaine was a little hard to guide to his bedroom, because of the stairs, but Finn managed. Blaine snuggled into the comforter with a contented smile and hum as soon as Finn sat him on the bed, so Finn figured he'd stay there while he dealt with Kurt.
Kurt was out cold. No drunkwalking for him. That was okay though, because Kurt was little, and Finn picked him up pretty easily. He took him to Kurt's bedroom, and just placed him on top of the neatly made bed. He took Kurt's shoes off, 'cause he knew how uncomfortable sleeping in shoes could be...but hesitated at undressing him any further. Not because Kurt was gay, though! It was more... Finn was worried he'd accidentally rip or tear or otherwise somehow damage part of Kurt's outfit, and then Kurt would kill him.
He settled for very gingerly untucking Kurt's shirt, and managed to unsnap the button on his pants before he decided that was too much for a brother to do and left the pants done the rest of the way. They were tight pants, too, and Finn cringed at how Kurt would feel after sleeping in them all night, but...no. There was no freaking way he was undoing any dude's pants, gay or straight, step-brother or not. Uh-uh.
Then it was Blaine's turn. He was easier to deal with, partly because he was at least a little awake. He was mostly out, but when Finn tried to rouse him, he helped sit up enough to get his shirt off - another reason he was easier to get ready for bed, because Finn didn't care if he did anything to Blaine's clothes. In fact, he was a little disappointed nothing got ripped or damaged. Would have served the jerk right for being such an insensitive jerk to Kurt and leading him on and kissing Rachel and singing a sexy song with Rachel. That was just not cool, dude. Guy wasn't even straight, why was he singing a song like that with a girl? Rachel especially.
Blaine was a little more awake by the time he was topless, so when Finn said, "Take your pants off," Blaine turned and blinked at him several times in drunken confusion. "What?"
Finn sighed. "I said, take your pants off, dude."
Blaine's face scrunched up in confusion. "I thought you were straight."
It took Finn a couple seconds to understand just what he was saying - and then he took a quick step away from the bed and held his hands up defensively. "What? No-I mean, I am! Just for sleeping, dude! Just-leave your pants on, whatever!" Why did all the gay guys think he was hitting on them or something?
Blaine shrugged - or at least, Finn thought he shrugged, it was sort of off, one shoulder lifting then falling as the other lifted, kinda like it was doing The Wave. He did undo his jeans and push them down, but instead of standing up to pull them down further, he flopped back to lay on the bed, planted his feet on the floor and lifted his hips and shimmied a little to get them over his butt.
Finn had never been more embarrassed in his life, and he wasn't even sure why. He tried not watching, but didn't want to completely turn his back on Blaine, because he'd had enough experience with drunk people to know they could get into trouble amazingly fast, no matter how slow and incapacitated they seemed.
Thankfully, Blaine was wearing modest boxers, and not some kinky bikini bottoms or anything weird like that. Not that Finn thought all gay guys did that, or even that he'd expected Blaine to do that - the whole Kurt's-crush-issue aside, Blaine seemed like a pretty cool, normal guy. Not that being gay meant he wasn't normal! Just, he liked football, and was nice to talk to about guy things, and not just gay things. No, not gay things, but just the kind of things that Kurt liked to talk about. Yeah.
"Done!" Blaine informed him cheerfully. Finn went and pulled the comforter down and helped Blaine around the side of the bed so he could crawl in. "Mmm," Blaine hummed peacefully, "this is nice." He snuggled his head against the pillow and sighed. "You smell nice..." he mumbled. Finn rolled his eyes, and was just turning to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed, when he heard Blaine mumble again, "...Kurt..."
Finn's lips twitched a little to the side. Did Blaine really not see Kurt as anything other than a friend? Finn understood that you could be friends and nothing more with the opposite sex-or, well, with people of the sex you were attracted to. But it was almost painful to listen to Kurt talk about Blaine. Not because he was a guy, talking about another guy, but because it was so obvious how he felt about Blaine, and how much he wished Blaine felt the same.
Finn sighed as he grabbed his night clothes and headed for the bathroom. He had enough problems with Quinn and Rachel to be worrying about Kurt's love life, or lack thereof.
Kurt's head felt like Finn had set up his drum set in his cerebellum and was playing...some really drum-heavy song in his head. He couldn't even think of a good analogy, it hurt that bad.
I drank last night, he finally remembered, moving his head slowly to take in his surroundings. He was in his room. Finn was nowhere to be seen, and neither were his drums. I drank a lot last night.
He tried to remember what he'd drunk, to make him feel this bad, but just trying to recall made the sensory memory of the taste rise up, and his stomach roiled, and Kurt had to grab his trash can, because there was no way he was running across the hall to the bathroom in time before he threw up. Most of it was liquid, and it tasted even worse the second time. The thought made Kurt throw up again.
Half an hour later, his stomach hurt from heaving, but there was nothing left in it to throw up, so Kurt decided to try and salvage his morning. It wasn't like it was his first time being drunk, but he swore, it would definitely be his last. He changed out of his clothes, curling his lip in disgust that he'd slept all night in them. He stank, his body hurt, his head was still throbbing-although that was an improvement over pounding, but not by much, in his opinion-and to top it all off, now that his stomach was starting to settle, he was kind of hungry.
Kurt rapped perfunctorily on Finn's door before tilting his head in. "Finn, are you up?" His voice sounded like shit. It was deep and scratchy, probably from the puking. Never, ever drinking alcohol again.
"Mmmrrrnnn..." Grumbled from the mound of comforter on Finn's bed, which Kurt knew translated into "I hear you, but I can't answer coherently yet. Keep talking."
"I'm gonna take a shower, and then make some breakfast. Scrambled eggs and toast, probably." He wanted something plain, that would be easy on his stomach, and that was simple, because he didn't think he was quite ready to handle complicated tasks yet. "You want some?"
"Please don't mention eggs, I might throw up..."
Kurt froze. That... had not been Finn's voice.
Finn sat up yawning, arching his back with an audible pop. "Yeah, sounds good, dude. I'll probably grab a shower once you're done."
Kurt stared at Finn, his mind unable to process what was going on. It had gone completely blank, even as he really was trying to figure out what he'd just heard. And then, the blankets beside Finn started to move, and suddenly Kurt's mind was working again, but he almost wished it wasn't, because suddenly he felt like he might throw up again, for an entirely different reason than a hangover.
"What time is it? And...where am I?" And then, Blaine's head appeared from Finn's comforter, his hair a mass of curls. As he sat up a little bit more, the comforter fell to reveal his bare chest, and Kurt wondered if he really was going to throw up, because ithis was not happening.
"Kurt?" Finn said, sounding confused. "Were you gonna take a shower now? It might help clear your head, if you're still a little foggy from the alcohol."
"Am I hallucinating," Kurt asked in a dull, flat voice. He hoped he was. Because otherwise, it meant that Blaine and his straight step-brother (and former crush before Blaine, let's not forget that) had slept together.
"What?" Finn finally realized what Kurt was staring at, but it still took him another long moment to realize what the problem was. "Oh!" he shouted, and scrambled to get out of the bed, briefly getting tangled in the sheets before jumping up and away from the bed like it was on fire. He held his hands up in an I-didn't-do-it pose.
"No-it's not what it looks like!" Finn was wearing a pair of lightweight cotton sleeping pants and an undershirt, Kurt was marginally relieved to note. "He just slept under the comforter," Finn was explaining in panic, pointing at the still confused-looking Blaine, "I slept under the sheets, there was no touching, nothing, I swear! I swear, Kurt!"
"Please...stop shouting," Blaine pleaded quietly, grimacing. Then he laid back down and buried his head under the pillow with a whimper, pulling the comforter back up over his shoulders.
"I swear, Kurt," Finn repeated more quietly, now holding his hands out beseechingly, wanting Kurt to believe him. Finn was pretty sure it was because Kurt was hungover, but his feelings were laid bare across his face, and he'd looked devastated at seeing Blaine in Finn's bed. "Even if I were gay-which, I'm not-but, even if I were, I would never sleep with someone you liked. I swear. Kurt, please, you gotta believe me, I would never-"
Kurt held a hand up and said softly, "Please-shut up, Finn. I get it. I believe you. I'm going to take a shower and make breakfast." His voice was dull as he spoke, and without waiting for Finn to say anything else, he turned around and left the doorway.
Finn sighed explosively and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he turned and glared at the lump of blankets on the other side of the bed. "This is all your fault," he hissed.
And Rachel's, for wanting to play spin-the-bottle and making Kurt drink in the first place. If Kurt had stayed sober, he would have dealt with Blaine, who would have ended up sleeping in Kurt's bed instead of his, and then maybe Kurt wouldn't have looked so sad.
Yes, Finn was definitely blaming Rachel for this one.