Note: Alright. Thanks to Alikuma and my little short story Pride in Dark little things, I have been hit with the continuation, or making a whole story, to make Pride a longer story with Lily and Sev going through the ups and downs of the horrid event that happened in Hogwarts during the Marauder era and having Lily break pride's grip on her. It will switch point of views between Lily and Sev and third person, being marked according to who is being told through at the time. So again thanks to Alikuma on DA, thank you for sharing your idea and I dedicate this to you for that idea sharing.
Warnings: Cursing, Abuse, Self-abuse, suicide attempt(s), hatefulness from Potter to Severus, Beatings, fights, raging emotions, Self hate/loathing on Lily and Severus' parts, bashing of the Marauders, some Slash, Het, Sex (in future chapters), side changing (I.E. Lily becoming darker and more Slytherin like), Stalking, eavesdropping/spying, backstabbing, forgiving, and finally, self-change.
READ PRIDE BEFORE THIS!
Key: L - Lily p.o.v.
S - Severus p.o.v.
3 - 3rd p.o.v.
D/J - Diary (Lily) or Journal (Severus)
On with the story!
I stare at Sev as he just finished saying Mudblood to my face and in front of everyone else on the school grounds. I could see that right after he said it that he didn't mean it as he looked shocked at himself and guilt plus sadness towards me. I lowered my head so my bangs would cover my eyes as the one thing I could live without took over.
"Fine, you don't need my help, then our friendship is over Snape" I hissed in anger as Pride made my mouth move. I saw through my bangs the devastation look cross over his face as the words processed in his head. Turning away from the crowd, I walked away from the open space and headed to a spot I went to when I wanted to think or be alone. While I was heading away I heard Potter and his goons laughing and Potter used the same spell that he used earlier when I showed up to help Sev. I frowned and glared murderously at Potter as I turned the corner and caught sight of him.
The guy has the audacity to do that to Sev even after I broke our friendship to just rub it in his face. I hear a hateful sentence come from Potter's mouth that makes me go livid with anger and I shoot a hex at him after that and saw he dropped Sev on his head and shoulder. I heard a soft yelp come from Sev and a painful constriction wrapped itself around my heart. Tears filled my eyes as I continued onward to my hidden location, knowing full well that Sev was safe for now.
I watched Lily walk away from the crowd, a pain passed through me as I watched her leave, but couldn't think on it as fucking James Potter used my spell on me and lifted me off the ground and turned me upside down to remove my trousers once more. This time successful and now everyone could see my underwear while I was hidden among the folds of my robe. My face was hot with embarrassment, shame and sadness as all three emotions hit me at the same time.
"Snevillus! I never knew a half-blood like you had the guts to even say those words! I guess a lowly bastard child needs words to protect himself since he's useless with a wand" I hear Potter's taunt, "I wonder what your bitch of a mother would think? I think she's glad to be dead to get away from a disappointment that she gave birth to!" after this I hear him practically scream in pain and the spell lift off me. Dropping to the ground, I yelp as my shoulder and head connect to the ground. I could tell that my shoulder dislocated again for the second time in a span of six months, once thanks to Potter and the other from my father.
I get up slowly and grab my trousers, quickly putting them in my bag and leaving the big courtyard. I heard whispers, but ignored them and hid my face while I trekked to my room in the Slytherin dorms. Along the way I healed my shoulder and found Narcissa looking for Andromeda who was hanging out with a Hufflepuff seventh year by the name Tonks, I pointed out that I saw the two of them earlier in the library working and nothing more. Leaving the near hysteric Black heiress, I found myself saying the password and practically running towards my dorm that I share with Lucius Malfoy. I close the door and drop to the floor as I silently raise a silencing shield.
'How could I have done that?' I berate myself with my most inner hatred saved for just my whole being, my father and Potter, 'Lily hates me now! Stupid, fucking half-blood! Lily is twice- no three times the person you could ever hope to be and has every right to hate me, I can only beg for her forgiveness, but if I was her, I wouldn't be able to do that'I let myself think negatively and slowly get up to get to the bed. Once there, I close the curtains and make it unable to be opened from the outside then drop my head against the pillow and let my mind go numb with the events of just the past hour.
The story had spread with various version going around, but all leading the the same conclusion of Lily Evans breaking things off with Severus Snape. Lucius Malfoy went to the dorm to find his friend that is his brother in all, but blood and was lucky. He found the curtains closed on Severus' bed and used the counter for the spell before opening it to see his friend laying on his bed, motionless, dull-eyed, emitting sadness from his eyes and unaware of the silent tears falling from his dark, obsidian, black eyes. Lucius sighed heavily and turned to his bed to grab some smelling salts that would knock Severus out of his current state of shock mixed with depression. He saw Severus' eyes slowly come back to normal and look at him, though still overflowing with sadness and tears.
"Lucius" Severus said roughly due to the tears and clogging of his throat. Lucius sighed again and help his brother up to a sitting position before taking him to their shared bathroom so he could get Severus in the shower, it was the only thing that could get Severus back to normal if the smelling salts didn't work all the way. Severus allowed Lucius to take him where he needed to go and quickly turned on the shower, disrobe him through a spell and push him into the shower before leaving, knowing that Severus would do what he needed to do automatically from the repetitive process.
Severus sighed as the warm-hot water hit his taught muscles and sore shoulder. The water seemed to slowly take away the dirt and clean his mind of the events, but not quickly enough for him in his opinion and he pulled a loose brick and took out a old-fashioned shaving razor then flipped it opened. He looked at his arm and saw the smooth unmarred flesh, no Severus never marked his wrists; that was far to predictable and noticeable. No he cut higher up in a place that people generally didn't think about cutting, yet the pain still kept flowing in that area.
Taking the the fashioned razor, Severus pushed it against the skin of his right bicep and slowly moved it away from his body, creating a medium sized line that quickly started to bleed and tumble down his arm in a thick line. Severus felt himself tremble slightly with the numbness coming from the cut as the memories of the event flowed out of the freely bleeding wound. He did this three more times before cleaning the razor and tucking it back in its hiding place and cleaned up the mess so Lucius wouldn't find out. He continued his routine until he was cleaned from the grime and his hair shined as it was freed from the oil of the potions he brewed.
'Now to hide you so Lucius won't see and I won't have to be ashamed once more' Severus thought as he put a glamour on his bicep that had rows of old scars and the new ones that were slowly healing from the shower's hit water. Severus spell dried his hair and brushed out the tangles before wrapping a towel around his wait and heading out to face the music that would be hanging around his brother as it usually did. Upon exiting, Severus heard Lucius ask his usual question.
"Feeling better Severus?" to this Severus nodded and went to his trunk to fetch some clothes so he could relax after the long, gruelling, dark day. Lucius watched his brother and noted that Severus favoured his left arm instead of his dominant right arm. Lucius' eyes grew slightly darker as he knew what Severus had done while cleaning himself up, Lucius himself had done it as well, most, if not all, of the Slytherins' have scars from the activity and Lucius knew that through out the school the other houses had some as well and it was mostly favoured in Slytherin and Gryffindor students.
Lucius placed a hand over his leg and felt the scared tissue through the glamour that he placed upon the area he favoured over everywhere else. No one spoke about what they did nor acknowledged it, but they all knew who had the dark secret as it hung over their heads from their experience. Lucius had gotten at least twelve of the younger years to talk to their head of house about their problems they deal with in school and at home. Lucius' father, Abraxas was a hard man, but he didn't dare lay a hand on his son unlike other pureblood parents. So unlike the others, Lucius cut himself for another reason.
Lucius was trying to redeem himself for something he caused when he was younger and knew he could of stopped if he hadn't been so selfish, stuck up and ignorant of the event.
'When will I be back in Father's favour? Or will I ever be?'Lucius thought darkly. Off to the other side of the room, Severus sat on his bed and pulled out a leather bound book and opened it, pulling out a quill and a pot of ink as well so he could write.
Today was the worst day I could of ever lived. While I know I've had bad days due to Potter and his group's little petty, aggravating and degrading pranks, they never added up to what happened. In the heat of the moment when I was at my wits end of embarrassment and full of anger I lashed out at Lily and called her something that should of never been created in our language.
That horrible tasting word left my lips and threw itself at Lily. Thanks to this, Lily and I no longer have
any sort of relationship. The quickness of her backlash still stings from the venom that dripped from her voice and the vileness of her words.
But I deserved it.
I deserve it all as I'm nothing, but a lowly, pathetic, worthless half-blood that even my own father can't stand. I'm not sure about mother as you can't speak with the dirt from which the dead lays beneath. I'm sure Potter already has his hand going a mile a minute just with the thought of being one step closer to his goal and I'm sure the taunting will escalate in the morning.
This I am sure of.
Severus close his journal and placed it in his pillow before gathering up enough courage to go find Lily and apologize to her in the best way he could. Lucius just sat on his bed, staring at nothing so Severus didn't bother telling him anything, he had a feeling that Lucius would be in the same position when he returned, and left the dorm.
He crept along the side of the commons and quietly ducked out of the snake pit, slipping past the painting of the Bloody Baron and continued down the darkness of the dungeons dank hallways. Severus knew that Lily wouldn't be in the lion's den so he immediately scratched that idea out of his mind and continued to some areas he knew Lily would probably be at, skipping the library as she hadn't stayed so long in there when she was angry since they were first years.
He dodged Filch and Mrs. Norris as well as the perfects, teachers and head boy/girl as he knew it was well past curfew, but Severus didn't care because he needed to find Lily, he needed to find his only unrequited love.