A/n: So I saw the movie and loved it from the start but never got around to posting this. I have no intention of making this a weekly post because I don't have time and I have other stories that need tending. But I do promise that if you like this story I will eventually post chapter 2 after I write it. I have gone back and fourth about whether I want this to be a Ilosovic/Alice or Hatter/Alice and have decided on the first for the soul purpose that I love Crispin Glover. Plus his character is just so….seductive? Dark? Creepy? Awkward? I don't know you pick an adjective. Anyway… please enjoy and read and review and let me know what you think!

PS if I misspelled a name, place, location etc PLEASE TELL ME with out flames of course. I prefer to use the more interesting names like Terrant or Mctwisp instead of the white rabbit or Mad hatter but if I spell it wrong it's not because I didn't do my research I probably just forgot how to spell it. Enough jabberwockying around enjoy!

Chapter 1

The Burden

Alice looked out at the gloomy day, she sighed and tapped her fingers on the cool windowpane. The room she so often found herself in nowadays was bland and disinteresting. And of course, when it came to Alice if things were bland and disinteresting then her attention span was not going to linger on them for long. She stared out the window and every once and awhile added a sigh.

When she had woke up this morning she had laid in bed for a good hour, because she had woken up before the sky had even been graced with light. Her dreams had been laced with bad things that kept her awake and nauseated. When she had been thrust from her dream world the noises of horses and splintering, shattering wood, and screams from people had festered in her ears and she had clung to the hot heavy air of the room and to consciousness to keep herself from sinking back into the nightmares of her mind.

Once her room had started to regain light from the outside she had pulled the rickety old wheel chair towards her bed and slowly sat up. She had flung her covers aside and, on shaky arms, had raised herself and gotten into her wheelchair. She waited now, in her sleeping gown for her mother or nursemaid to come hustling in and stare at her in shock.

Which, unfortunately, happened as Alice wondered to herself, "God lord child how did you get out of bed on your own!" The nursemaid asked rushing to her, "It's freezing in here, you shouldn't be out of bed when it is this cold out!" Alice had tossed and turned all night with sweat on her brow, "Actually Hilda, it was quit warm in here last night. I would so much like to open a window." Alice said quietly.

"Nonsense child, you will catch your death, I think I shall add more wood to your fire." The woman said pulling clothes out for the girl.

"Is my mother home?" Alice asked hoping the answer was yes.

"No, she went out for a little bit, probably to buy some clothe for your new dresses."

"But I do not need new dresses… I have no place to go." Alice said looking down at her hands.

"Oh pish posh child, there are parties to attend, hands to kiss, families to impress. Just because you are in a wheelchair does not mean some nice young man will lose interest."

"William lost interest." Alice muttered into her lap.

Either Hilda heard and chose to ignore, or she truly had not heard at all because she turned to Alice and walked over carrying her least favorite dress. It was red and black with frills and it made her think of the nasty curtain dress she had worn a long time ago.

But Alice was far too old to have a tantrum, she was almost twenty-one, in fact she would turn twenty-one in less then six days. The fact that she hadn't gotten married yet had not shocked to many people.

After all she was Alice and Alice was a strange girl. She had turned down several wonderful marriages so she could help Lord Ascot with the trade routs to China. For several years she had been working as his Apprentice to makes things for the company profitable and show everyone her father's business was not something to be taken for granted.

That is where she had met William. A savvy young man who knew all kinds of interesting things, he was also from London, and from the start he had fascinated Alice. She had been staying in China in hopes to convince the businessmen to start trade, unfortunately it had been hard for Alice to get them to listen; she was after all in their eyes only a woman.

William had been her perfect idea; he would come with her to the meetings and help support her as she pitched the ideas and the benefits that would come from a joined trade route. And though Alice had done the talking, the fact that there was a man with her to support her efferts seemed to help the men take her more seriously and soon enough they were drawing up papers. She had returned to London to consult Lord Ascot about some things and that's when the accident happened.

Alice recalled the night that William had proposed, and how he had promised they would travel the world, see exotic places, and help build the business that had at one time been her fathers. Pushing the thoughts from her head before she lingered on them to long she noticed that she was almost completely dressed now and how she missed her little blue linen dresses.

The red dress washed her out more so then normal, it made her look chunky and fat and she hated it. She looked at Hilda and said, "I really do hate this dress."

The nursemaid smiled and said, "Love it or hate it, your wearing it today." With that she wheeled Alice out of the room and towards the breakfast that Alice really wasn't that hungry for.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alice spent the day reading, wondering what she was going to do. Not that she could do much with the two lifeless appendages attached to her waist. Maybe that was the answer, Alice could have her legs removed from her body and then she could build wings and she could just fly every place. What a wonderful idea, she would be the talk of the town, but not do to pity, do to joy and jubilation. People would cheer as she soared by overhead, no dead limbs to slow her down.

"Alice darling, light blue or dark blue?"

Looking up from the book she hadn't been reading she stared at her mother, "Pardon?"

"Light blue or dark blue for your new dress?" Her mother asked.

Alice looked at the fabric that was draped over her mother's arms and cocked her head to the side, "Hmm, perhaps both? In patches… like a quilt."

"Be serious darling, this is for the party at the Manchester's next Friday."

Alice shrugged and said kindly, "The light blue, it makes my hair shine."

"Indeed it does." Her mother said leaving the room with out even looking at Alice.

How she dreaded the parties, she was displayed like a rag doll, people stared and whispered and it all turned into one little pity party and Alice detested pity parties. Especially when they were about her. She set her book down on the near by table and let her fingers on her left hand stray to her upper right arm.

They danced over the scars and she felt something flood her, relief maybe? Perhaps some security in knowing the scar was still there. That maybe she wasn't as crazy as she thought. Memories that often led to daydreams were now her constant companions. They were her friends for the last year of her life that she had wasted in this chair. Her lament and depression at her first being confined to this horrible chair had lifted when she recalled the dreams of her childhood, the laughter of people whose faces she did indeed remember. The insane faces that ironically kept her mentally stable.

Adventures she was sure she had gone on and people she was sure she had met. The scars were from one of those adventures, three perfect lines across her upper arm. She had claimed it had been from roots that had scratched her arm when she had fallen down a hole and hit her head. But she knew deep down that something greater had happened, it was her seceret. She was the champion of Underland. And when ever she felt like she may give up and just become the dress up doll her mother wanted her to be she felt the scars and remembered she was strong and she was much much more then just ordinary Alice.

OOOOOOOOO

Her mother and Nursemaid hoisted her up together out of the chair and into the tub of hot water. "Now clean yourself up good darling one, we will be back in a half hour to dress you and get you ready for the party. Try to actually get your hair clean this time, we don't have time to go back and get out all the extra wash you put into it." Her mother said closing the bathroom door behind her.

Alice stared at the door and sighed, she hated getting baths, because it was a team effort. They had to lift her in and lift her out and dry her off and help her do her hair and get into and out of clothes and it was just awful and Alice hated it and never felt more weak and vulnerable.

The party was tonight and Alice had requested she be allowed to have as much dignity as possible and wheel herself around the party. Her mother had been reluctant, because in her mind it was more dignified to have someone push you. But Alice was Alice and despite how she acted sometimes her mother did love her and did want her to be at least somewhat happy.

So Alice would be allowed to wonder on her own tonight at least for a little bit. Alice laid back for a moment and allowed herself to daydream of a wonderful ball that would be held on the Frabsures day in Underland.

With the White queen looking beautiful and pale as always, the hatter doing his silly dance. Chess appearing and disappearing at will and Alice dancing with fun people who liked to sing and dance and laugh and really truly show their madness.

She sighed, bringing herself back to reality and stared at her body through the water and laughed at how much bigger it looked. She poked the tips of her fingers out and looked at how strange her hands looked half in the water and half out. It was like a mirror that you could see through. Her eyes wondered from her hands down to her feet. The tips of her toes stuck out of the water.

She locked onto her toes with her eyes and stared, she made her mind focus on her toes. She waited and felt for any sign of feeling, for any sign of movement. She spoke to herself.

Wiggle toe… move… dance… do something! Come now feet, you've never failed me before… you've never ignored me like this…

She started to speak out loud, "Come on, come on, move… move come on." She was whispering in hopes her mother wouldn't hear.

"Come on, you can do it, just one little wiggle, that is all I need… a waggle or wiggle or higgle or piggle or….piggle?" Alice said to herself.

"ALICE!" Came her mother's cry as she knocked on the door. "Hurry up and stop talking to yourself."

Alice stared at her toe in annoyance, "You, toes, are very rude." And with that she started to bath.

OOOOOOOOOOO

When they had arrived at the party Alice felt confident and strong, she had mentally prepped herself for this party because she wanted to be able to smile and show she was not beaten by this, she was still strange, odd, Alice. She was not going to let this accident ruin her life, she was Alice and she loved herself.

When they entered people did turn and stare but Alice paid no mind. Her mother, her nursemaid and herself found the hosts and thanked them very nicely for their invite and Alice talked to them as if she was still on their level of standing.

They smiled and talked as if nothing was wrong, though Alice was sure that she could see the hint of pity starting to emerge in their eyes. Finally she excused herself and started to wheel around. Still people stared but she did not care, she was being odd Alice and she loved it. In a world of normal she loved being the strange person who people thought of as odd.

It was then to her surprise and annoyance she wheeled passed a group of giggling girls around her age who either were married and pregnant or just married. She smiled at them as she wheeled by and heard them whisper and snicker. So much for being civil to the cripple, Alice thought with annoyance.

She wheeled into the next room and found a group of young men drinking brandy and laughing. Perhaps the husbands of the goggling gooses in the next room. Alice took the time to notice most of them were pretty red in the face from the brandy and from laughing. She wheeled to the side of the room knowing full well she preferred the company of young businessmen then to that of annoying pregnant women.

She noticed a quiet young man sitting on the outskirts of the male party and she decided she would sit next to him. She wheeled her chair over and backed into the empty spot right next to him. He was still wearing his coat and top hat and a cane rested next to his leg. His gloves he twisted nervously in his hands.

"G-good evening M-miss. Alice." The man said with a slight stutter.

She looked at him strangely, "Have we met?"

"I am afraid not, but I heard a girl in a wheel chair was to arrive to night… her name was to be Alice Kingsly? Kingslow…"

"Kingsleigh." Alice corrected.

"Y-yes… so I should assume since it is well passed arrival time… and y-you are the only one in the moving c-chair…maybe you may be A-A-Alice." He said twisting his gloves nervously in his hands.

"Indeed I am A-A-Alice." She said with a small laugh.

The man blushed, "I appear to be at a disadvantage… you know my name sir but I not yours." Alice said kindly showing she meant no ill will towards him.

He smiled and said, "Thomas Torrington… a very humble, and exceedingly s-shy Lord's son."

"Torrington?" she asked making sure she got it right; she had never heard that name before.

"People call me TT for short… you are m-more then w-welcome to call me T-T-T-TT if you like." He said blushing again.

"I would like to call you TT Thomas… so I will…TT." He snickered and then looked at her.

"M-may I be b-b-blunt?"

Alice nodded and looked at him with such seriousness he felt he might pass out, "You are very p-p-pretty." He stammered, he was sweating and twisting his gloves worse then ever and he knew he must look like a fool, when Alice said nothing he knew he must have crossed a line, he shot up, "I am ssssssorry, I am so s-s-silly…I will go!" He said making to leave, "Please don't go!" Alice said quickly reaching her arms for him.

"I like you TT… you are different and strange and I like you…" He smiled at her nervously and dropped his gloves, which he quickly bent to pick up, his top ,which he had not removed yet, fell from his head and rolled to Alice's feet. She reached down and picked up the top hat and looked at it, then to him who was staring in shock.

"You do remind me of someone Thomas… someone strange and odd and funny and… bright…." She brushed off the top hat and held it out for him. His shaky hand took it and his finger brushed hers as he took it back.

"T-thank you Miss. Alice." He said, his calmness finally settling on him. He was much different when he was calm, his voice was different, she liked him calm almost as much as she liked him a nervous wreck.

"Perhaps we could… go for a stroll… it is rather hot in here." She said staring into his eyes.

"Perhaps we could… a supervised walk would be rather enjoyable." He said looking for a nanny.

"No no TT, no supervision, let's go out the back into the gardens… I hear the Manchester's have the largest garden maze on this side of the country." Alice said with a glimmer in her eye.

"But we mustn't be alone with out supervision." He stammered.

"This isn't the 1600's TT, come now it could be an adventure!" Alice said feeling the excitement in her grow. Thomas looked around and then nervously nodded his head. "Alright, but let us make it rather quick."

TT came around Alice and pushed her towards the back of the house, they found a door that led out back and when no one was around they went out. TT wheeled her quickly and it took only a minute or two to negotiate the stairs. Before them there was a large maze opening and Alice felt her heart leap.

"This is going to be most wonderful!" Alice said pointing, "Let's go!"

"I-I-It's rather d-d-dark." Thomas said pulling his high white collar away from his neck.

"TT, don't tell me you are scared of the dark." Alice said looking ahead, her eyes transfixed on the entrance.

"N-n-not at all… it's just… us alone… in a dark maze at night… what if we get l-lost?"

"That's the exciting part! What IF we get lost… we may have to survive on nothing but roots and insects!" Alice said happily, "Or we could be eaten by hungry beasts or we could have to climb our way out via stacking tea cups onto books and tea pots onto cakes and who knows what else!"

TT was silent for a moment and then said, "You s-sure have a large imagination…"

"That is the best kind, the bigger the better! No onward my soldier!" she said pointing. Slowly she started to roll and soon enough they were in the maze.

They strolled quietly next to each other for a long time; Alice pushed her chair through the damp grass and TT walking slowly beside her.

"It is impossibly d-dark." TT said in a worried tone.

"Impossible is a wonderful word, I try to think of six impossible things before breakfast. It is a wonderful exercise my father taught me." Alice said looking ahead into the gloom.

TT glanced at her and gave a shy smile, "Six impossible t-things…like a kind hearted politician?"

Alice giggled and smiled and said, "No, more like impossible things to do. A good example is there is a world where flowers sing."

TT said nothing for a moment and then spoke quickly, "Perhaps t-there is a place where animals t-talk?"

"Wonderful idea, or that there is a cake that can make you grow to enormous sizes."

"Oh m-maybe I could sprout wings and fly away." TT said with a shy laugh.

"I was just thinking of that today. Cutting of my legs and bulding wings so I could fly. Then no one would pity me, no one would ever look down on me, they would look up and stare in wonder at how absolutely… WONDERFUL I am!" Alice said with excitement.

"But you are w-wonderful just the way you are." Alice stopped rolling herself along and looked up at him with a small smile. She didn't know what to say to that, though she felt like he meant it she didn't feel wonderful the way she was. She felt helpless, TT was starting to get twitting since she hadn't said anything in response so she replied with, "How many are we up to?"

TT thought a moment and then said, "Four, we have thought of four impossible things."

Alice thought a moment and then said with a sly smile, "I have defeated the giant flying Jabberwocky."

"G-good heavens… what is t-that?"

"Oh nothing special, just a large dragon like beast who breaths fire only fears the vorpal sword."

"The v-vorpal what? Breathing f-fire surely there is no such beast, that is…."

"Impossible." Alice said with a smile.

TT smiled back down at her and finally said, "There is a place where no one ever gets hurt."

Alice's smile slowly began to fade as an idea came to her mind, but just as she was about to speak someone called her name, "ALICE! ALICE WHERE ARE YOU!"

"Oh dear." Alice said with a sigh, "That would be my mother."

"Oh g-gracious… what a horrible thing I have d-done. I must get you b-back." TT grabbed her wheel chair and turned her around and headed her back the way they had come. As they rounded a corner Alice saw something move out of the corner of her eye. A white blur that made her almost fall out of her chair.

"W-what is it?" TT said in shock.

"I thought I saw something."

"Perhaps it's just a rabbit." He said pushing her down the long path to the exit.

"A rabbit?" Alice said craning her neck to look over her shoulder.

She saw nothing behind her and when they emerged to find Alice's mother and sister waiting with worried faces she wished harder then she ever had before that it was a white rabbit and that somewhere in that maze was a rabbit hole.

00000000000

It had been two days since the party and Alice's mother was more then still livid about Alice wondering off with TT. Though she would never admit it, Alice could tell her mother was pleased to some extent that Alice had caught the eye of yet another Lord's son.

"Maybe we could have you and TT meet on a more proper note. Maybe lunch and then a stroll in the park?" Her mother asked with hope in her voice.

"That would be nice." Alice said with more honesty then she normally would have allowed.

She knew her mother wanted Alice to still marry despite her condition and Alice knew that if she were to ever marry then someone like TT would be a wonderful person to be married to. He had imagination, he was kind, he didn't laugh at her when she spoke and he played into her games.

At the same time she didn't want to be married, she didn't want to deal with being a shifted burden. First for her mother and then for TT, it was all too much for her. Alice sighed and looked out the window only to sit up straight and stare in shock.

"Absolum?" She asked as a dark blue butterfly flittered across the window.

"What my dear?" Her mother asked.

"Nothing… not a thing." Alice said sitting back into her chair and staring out the window. She must have imagined it.

"Let's get ready for your singing lesson then." Her mother said standing from the table and moving from the room.

"I can't properly sing while I sit down." Alice mumbled to herself, her mother ignored her and continued out shutting the door behind her.

OOOOOOOOO

The storm outside was dreadful, and Alice couldn't sleep a wink. She pushed herself up and pulled the chair over to her. It was hot in her room and she needed to remove herself from the thick wool covers her mother and maid had put over her.

She got into the wheel chair just fine and shifted her nightgown down to cover her legs. As she sat up a bolt of lighting struck and a shadow cast itself across her room. She shot up and looked at her window but there was nothing there. The shadow had appeared to be a butterfly but there was nothing on her window.

Alice quickly rolled over to the window and looked out but the dark rainy night smeared rain across the glass. Alice sat in the darkness of her room with only a little light from the remaining fire and thought.

If only she could get back to Underland, if only she could see her friends again. If only she wasn't paralyzed. Even if she managed to get to Underland how would she get in? She couldn't move, she could barely crawl, if she got through the door how would she to get to Marmoreal?

"I'd rather be there then here. At least there they won't pity me." Alice in that split second decided what she was going to do. She would pack her bag tonight, and leave for Underland. She would travel as far as she had to go to find a rabbit hole.

It took her moments to get ready, the storm outside had only grown worse and Alice knew this was the worst possible time to go but she had a feeling in the back of her mind that if she didn't go tonight she would never go at all. This was the only time she was ever going to have the nerve, and she refused to waste it because of a storm.

She rolled to her door and opened it slowly listening for anyone who might be up and around. She heard nothing aside from the sounds of the storm and opened her door the rest of the way. She rolled out into the hall and took a deep breath; she had to get past her mother's room, her nursemaid's room, and her sister's room.

What a joy that had been to have Margaret visit for the week, always talking about Lowell and how wonderful he was, about how she was hoping to become just as pregnant as the other women she knew. Alice loved her sister but she was just as blind as Alice's mother. They could see nothing but marriage possibilities and family planning.

Not Alice, she was not the one to be tied down or made to stay. She managed to get passed all of the rooms with out a sound and was overjoyed when she turned the corner and saw the front door with no cat in or around it.

She rolled to it and put her hand on the knob, "This is it Alice… let's go home." She opened the door and rolled through managing to shut it behind her. She was stopped momentarily by the four large steps before her, it was bad enough she was already soaked but having four large steps to try and get down with a wheel chair?

She didn't come this far to be stopped now; Alice took a big breath and pushed herself forward. She wasn't sure if she would be able to balance the chair but by some miracle she managed just fine. She didn't fall or tip, though the landing was a little rougher then she had hoped.

Alice looked back at the large house's face and for a moment, a single moment thought of going back. But she forced herself to face forward and onward she went pushing herself through the cold torrents of rain that pelted her from head to toe.

A/N: So that is chapter one, chapter two is her actually getting to Underland, I wanted that to be in this chapter but it was getting to be to long. So here you go.