Twilight Characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer
Yes, I am single. Those words have haunted me for almost five years now. Why does single equate to bargain bin at Wal-mart? I'm a sophisticated woman, well maybe not sophisticated, but I'm educated. I have a degree in Anthropology…yeah, that was stupid, but the slip of paper is worth thousands in tuition.
I work for an insurance company. I'm the freaking fax queen. If you need anything just send Bella a fax. She'll fix everything if you just fax her. I'm constantly faxed and it isn't nearly as fun as it sounds. I made my way to the fax machine to pick up my morning communications when I ran into Rosalie. She was single too, but she had been married twice so she wasn't considered a freak of nature.
"Bella, are you single?" she asked.
God, I wanted to smite her fake tits and cause them to drop to her bellybutton. Instead I just smiled and nodded.
"The guy I'm seeing has a cousin here for a visit. Would you mind coming to dinner with us?"
"When?" I asked, since I needed to go on a crash diet, get my unibrow waxed, and find a bra that can actually make me look like I need a bra.
"This weekend," she said, and in fact rolled her eyes as if she knew what I was thinking and it wouldn't be nearly enough time. I'd show her.
"Great, this weekend is actually free for me," I said, as if it differed from any other weekend. The fax machine spit out another piece of paper and I gritted my teeth and pulled it from the holder and walked away.
What happened to going green and using email? If I ever did get a proposal I'm sure it would come by fax. Yeah, I'd reply with a yes. God, I hated being desperate. Where were all the good men who complained they wanted a good woman? Oh, yeah, they are hanging out at the college campuses finding girls without aversions to letting them stick things in their mouths.
Well, on the bright side I had a date. I had to double with a gorgeous blonde when I was just a plain old brunette, but it would be a free dinner none the less. Oh please let the guy pay.
As the day wore on I became more and more excited about actually having a date. I began looking up makeup tips online and then shopping for the perfect outfit. I knew I couldn't compete with Rose and her ever present cleavage, but I could play up my long legs and great butt. I did have a great butt, unfortunately you can't meet someone butt first. I had three days to figure something out and believe me it would take every single second.
For the first time since I worked for the Newton Insurance company I got behind on my faxes. I knew it was dangerous to put so much stock in a blind date, especially with someone who didn't even live in Seattle. I blame the Disney Princesses. They taught us at a young age the perfect guy was out there and would ride in on his trusty stead to whisk us away to happily ever after, even if we were an ogre.
I just hope my prince is okay with a great butt and a flat chest. Sigh.
I left work and headed right to the mall. I set up an appointment to have my hair and makeup done and began the hideous task of finding the right clothes. I tried my best to look away from the large mirrors as I stripped down. Nobody needs to see themselves in surround sound.
I tried on jeans with nice shirts, then I tried them with jackets, then I tried them with blouses. I gave up on jeans. I decided on a dress. Short enough to show off my long legs and with a little cap sleeve sweater to add bulk to my chest. God, I looked like Hannah Montana.
I left the mall without a purchase and vowed to hit a different mall the next night. Three days wasn't nearly enough time and damn it, Rose knew that. I arrived home and opened the refrigerator. I needed spoiled food, just enough to empty my body of every content but not enough to hospitalize me. Dating was such a dangerous proposition.
I grabbed some cottage cheese and ran a bath. I ate as I soaked and tried to imagine the stranger I was going to meet. We would tell our children we had been set up on a blind date and it was love at first sight. Our eyes locked across the room and we felt a magnetic pull toward each other. We knew instantly we were meant to be together.
I pictured him as a man in a business suit, tall with dark features who commanded respect with his mere presence. I would take hold of his arm and he would pull out my chair as all the women in the room looked on. I tried to see what I was wearing in my fantasy, but a heavy coat kept me concealed from myself. Even my psyche hates me.
The next day I was making my morning trek to the fax machine when Alice Brandon called out to me. I turned to wait for her tiny legs to catch up. She was single, but living with a guy so it technically didn't count.
"I heard you are doubling with Rose," she giggled. Alice wasn't a mean spirited person so I didn't know if her laughter was about me or Rose.
"Oh yeah, that's right," I responded, acting like it slipped my mind when it was firmly branded to my forehead.
"Is the guy hot?" she asked.
I wanted to smack her for asking such a stupid question. In my mind he was smoking hot, but in reality he would be a nerd, because he needed a blind date…most likely actually blind.
"He's a cousin to her boyfriend. I have no idea if he is hot or not," I admitted.
Finally Alice said something worth saying. "Have you seen Rosalie's boyfriend? If his cousin is remotely similar you are one lucky woman."
My parents were both only children so I didn't have cousins. It was most likely a good thing since they wouldn't want to look like me. It would be an entire family of flat women with great butts.
"Do your cousins look like you?" I asked her because I wasn't sure just how often family resemblances carried on.
"Hell no, they're ugly," Alice said and I sighed.
"I have no idea what to wear, any suggestions?" I asked knowing how great Alice's sense of style was. She was a bit over the top for me, layering scarves and necklaces, but she always looked stylish.
She took a step back and looked me up and down, making me feel naked in my grey suit. "This is just a suggestion," she offered. I felt the need to listen to her suggestion since she had a guy in her bed every night and I didn't. "I would flat iron your hair to get rid of the bushiness."
"I have an appointment to have it done for me," I told her and she appeared relieved.
"You have great skin so I would wear something dark blue to show it off."
Great skin, what in the hell does that mean. You look ass ugly in clothing but your skin sticks to your body appropriately so focus attention on that?
"Wear your Jimmy Choo shoes," she continued on. "You have great legs."
"So you think I should wear a dress?" I asked her.
She looked around a bit and then leaned in closer to talk quietly. "You know Rose is going to wear something to show you up. Don't let her do it."
"She has huge boobs," I complained, since it was not even feasible to compete with that.
"So emphasize your small hips. Make her feel huge," Alice instructed. Luckily these girls were my friends, can you imagine if we hated each other…the female world was a dog eat dog existence. I wondered if men were so harsh on their own gender.
I spent the day searching online for any store that had a dark blue dress that would show off my hips and long legs. My faxes piled up on the machine as I fought the hard battle of fashion shopping. I finally found the perfect solution, a dark blue, long sleeved, short dress, with draping from the shoulders criss-crossing at the chest and tucking tightly at the hips.
I actually clocked out of work early for the first time in years so I could find the dress. I didn't bother trying it on, it wouldn't work without the shoes and hair and makeup. I took it home and tried it on without looking in the mirror, I just needed to see if it would zip. I felt so much better once the dress was decided on.
The next day I worked hard just to keep my mind off of the impending date. Rose came into my office and stood with her hands on her hip. "Are you still on for tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" I asked in feigned ignorance. I could have said, "You mean in fourteen hours and twenty-three minutes?"
"Yeah, dinner with Edward?" she clarified.
"Is Edward my date or yours?" I asked, thinking the name Edward didn't hold much promise.
"Yours, I'm dating Emmett." Thank God, Edward didn't seem so bad after hearing he could have been named Emmett.
"Can you give me the run down on him?" I asked, and realized it sounded like I had my pick of men and wanted to make sure he met my standard. In reality he would be my one and only date of this entire year.
"He's from Chicago, kind of shy, too skinny, and I think he is into music," she said and then walked from the room to allow me to sort it all out.
Oh God, she made him sound like Gilligan. I was suddenly pissed I spent so much on a dress. I was going to look like Ginger on the arm of a bumbling doofus. Okay, I was giving myself way too much credit, but still. I really hope dinner is good, since I have been starving myself for days now.
I had a tough time sleeping on Friday night and felt exhausted by Saturday morning. I cleaned my apartment, changed my sheets….just in case, and then headed to the mall for my makeover. A young girl who looked fifteen smiled and said, "You look tired."
Wait until she went dateless for a year and stared thirty in the face…see how chipper she looked then! I smiled and said, "Yeah, I didn't sleep very well last night."
"I have the perfect thing," she announced and I sure hoped she didn't pull out something that needed batteries and had a cute animal name. She left the room and came back with some cucumbers, luckily already sliced. I held them to my eyes as she worked on my hair.
She took a long time highlighting my hair and cutting long layers before straightening it. I didn't look in the mirror and actually got some good sleep as she worked. Next she applied my makeup and I had to constantly remind her to be subtle. I couldn't afford to meet a shy guy with black liner around my eyes.
When she finished she turned me around to the mirror and my mouth fell open. I touched my silky hair and watched my thirtieth birthday slide further down the horizon. The girl was a genius and I tipped her generously, but actually wanted to adopt her.
I rushed home to shave my legs and arm pits….just in case, and put on my dress and heels. I stood in front of a full length mirror I rarely used and opened my eyes. A smile formed on my face and I suddenly needed to pick better panties, because my just in case was looking more hopeful.
My chest didn't look nonexistent in the draping and my butt was accentuated nicely. If only I could answer the door with my butt showing first. I applied some lip gloss and stood in the middle of my living room staring at the clock. Right on time there was a knock at the door and my breath hitched. I counted to twenty, going really quickly through the last five numbers and then reached for the door handle.
This was it, the moment of truth. If he was spectacular, he would be disappointed. If he was Gilligan, I would be disappointed. Every dream I had, the wedding, house with the picket fence, our children, rested in the anticipation of this one moment.
It was like getting a shot as a child, you cried before the doctor inserted the needle all because you just knew it was going to hurt. Or when you watched a scary movie and huddled down in the theater seat because you knew something was going to jump out. Dating was the equivalent of immunizations and horror.
I turned the knob and pulled open the door.
My heart was pounding like a kettle drum, my palms were sweating like an Olympic marathon, and my hopes were higher than a kite as I looked up at the three people standing at my door. Rose walked in first, wearing a dress with the top half unbuttoned to show two humongous jugs bulging in the tight material. Her hair was curled and teased like an eighties porn star.
"You look nice," she offered.
Nice, it was not a nice word to use for a woman who spent three solid days trying to get ready. Nice was like calling me…there. I wanted a, wow, or a gorgeous, not a nice.
"This is Emmett," she said and a huge guy, looking exactly like the kind of guy who would worship Rose and find me nice, walked into the room. He smiled and held out his hand showing off some really cute dimples and a strong grip.
"Hi Bella," he said and I felt instantly at ease. "This is my cousin, Edward."
Oh God, here it is. I turned and looked up at a tall, handsome man, who wasn't too skinny at all. He just wasn't a gym rat like Emmett. He had messy hair and stood with his hands in his pockets as he gave me a polite nod. His eyes never really met mine and he seemed terribly nervous.
"It is nice to meet you, Edward," I offered in an attempt to make him look at me.
"Yeah," he mumbled and then looked at his shoes.
Yeah? Was he agreeing it was nice to meet him or what? I looked at Rose and she only shrugged so I got my coat and we all headed out of my apartment together. Edward always remained about a step behind me; at least he would notice my greatest asset.
We walked up to a Jeep Commander and I wondered how I would get in without flashing the entire parking garage. I thought Edward would help me, but he walked around to his side and got in. I tried to mimic Rose and practically jumped into the seat. It was a good thing I had on decent panties, but now I was pissed. What kind of jerk just goes to his side and gets in?
We drove in silence for a bit and I finally turned to look at my date. He was staring out the window as if he found something fascinating about the darkness. "Edward," I called softly and he turned his head but didn't look at me. "Is this your first trip to Seattle?" I asked and refrained from adding, you freak, at the end of my question.
"Um…no," he said softly. "I've been here often."
"Edward works for a recording studio, he runs the sound equipment," Emmett said and I didn't know what that had to do with visiting Seattle, but I nodded as if it made total sense.
"The recording equipment," Edward clarified and then went back to looking out his window.
What the crap was his problem. If he found me repulsive he could at least talk about all his women back home to give me the hint, but this silent shit was driving me insane.
We arrived at the restaurant and I handed Edward my coat to check but he just stood there holding it, so I checked it myself. We were seated by the window and looked out at the busy street. I was trying to give Rose a look. Girls know what different looks mean, and I was giving her the…you are going to get it, look.
"Emmett and I are going to Cancun," Rose said to end the awkward silence, "In February, to escape the cold, wet weather."
"That sounds fun," I added with a smile but Edward just continued looking out the window.
When the waiter arrived I ordered a jack and coke, because it was going to take a lot of liquor to get through this night. Rose got wine and Emmett got a beer. We all looked at Edward and he finally looked directly at me. His eyes were a striking grey color that looked expressive without him making any expression at all. He just simply looked at me and said, "I'll take a shot of vodka."
Was I so bad that he needed a shot of vodka? I had to look away and try to steady my nerves and rebuild my self esteem. I wasn't the weirdo here, he was. I gave myself a quick pep talk, reminding myself of my great butt and then excused myself to go to the ladies room. Rose quickly jumped up to join me.
"What is wrong with him?" I demanded as soon as we entered the restroom.
"He's shy," she tried to explain but I shook my head adamantly.
"That is not shy, that is rude as hell, and asking to be ball slapped."
"I swear Bella; the guy is terribly shy and not used to social situations. You are so easy going that I thought you would be the perfect date for him."
Did she just call me easy? Was she expecting me to be so desperate that I would drag this social experiment home and pop his cherry? "Would you and Emmett help out more with the conversation, this is excruciating."
"Yeah, sure," she promised and then reached out and ran her hand through my hair. "God, you look great, such a waste on someone like Edward."
Holy mother of…..it would have been nice if she told me information like that before hand. I stomped from the room without even checking my makeup. It didn't matter; Edward was more interested in the sidewalk than me.
I returned to the table and took a deep breath. "So, Eddie, tell me about yourself," I said sarcastically.
His head snapped around and he said, "Edward, not Eddie."
"Are you sure, Eddie," I added to irritate him, "Because it seems to be the only way to get you to talk."
Emmett grabbed Rose by the arm and asked her to dance. I wanted to murder them both. I took a sip of my drink and watched Edward down his in one gulp. Maybe if he got drunk he would loosen up a bit.
He kept his body facing forward and turned just his head to glance at me. He was so handsome and my heart sped up, making my brain scream horrible cuss words at my heart. "I apologize, Miss Swan," he said and I let a little laugh escape. Miss Swan? This wasn't the 1800's.
"For what?" I asked, not really interested but needing to keep the conversation moving.
"I was raised on an island off of Brazil; my social skills are very limited."
Oh you poor baby, raised on an island, how you must have suffered. Did he think I looked stupid or something? He could be raised by wolves and have better manners than he possessed.
"Being raised on an island sounds exotic," I added and he looked at me again.
Tick, tick, tick, went the clock as we both sat silently. I sighed and said, "I like this song."
He suddenly stood and said, "Would you like to dance?"
This seemed oddly out of character, but I wasn't going to complain. I rose from my seat and headed to the dance floor. I turned to face Edward and raised both of my hands to place on his shoulders. He gave me a confused expression and then reached out to take one of my hands in his. We danced like old people at a senior citizens ball.
When the song ended he dropped my hand as if it was on fire and returned to our table ahead of me. I was done being proper and polite. I was ready to have some fun and it might as well be at his expense.
I stood next to my chair and looked at him sitting. "You should walk behind me, I have a great butt," I said with a big smile.
"Yes, I know," he said and turned to look out the window again.
Well, hells bells, the boy had a libido after all. I was typically a very respectful woman, but this was so bizarre I left all decorum behind. "Do you want to touch it?" I asked and waited for him to have a seizure or something.
"Not right now," he replied as if I was totally serious.
Now I just felt like a perv, an awkward, desperate perv. I sat down and waited for Rose and Emmett to join us. We all ordered and Edward got another shot of vodka. Man I hope he's a chatty drunk.
Emmett found his voice and began talking nonstop about his job as a personal trainer. Rose and I would comment on things going on at the office but Edward remained quiet the entire night. I was waiting for the bill to arrive so the nightmare would end when Edward stood to leave.
"Did we get the bill?" I asked and looked at everyone.
"I took care of it," Edward said and then headed past me. I followed him to the lobby and walked over to get my coat. It was then I saw him though the reflection of the metal looking at my butt. I smiled and held my coat in my arms instead of putting it on.
We walked to the vehicle and I got in and then draped my coat over my cold legs. It was silent again until we pulled in front of my building. "Bella," Rose said and I could tell by her tone she was going to say something she knew I would hate. "Would you mind if Edward spent some time with you? Emmett and I haven't been alone all week."
Did she seriously just ask me to invite him in? Like for hours? I tried desperately to think of any excuse possible, and even considered going to church in the morning to keep from entertaining this freak. But nothing sounded plausible. I smiled at the emotional equivalent of an infant and said, "Would you like to come up?"
"I guess," he replied.
You guess? Did he not get the fact he was like talking to a wall and nobody would want to ask him up if there was any way to get out of it. I climbed from the jeep and walked into my building without even looking back, if he followed fine, if not no big deal.
When I stepped into the elevator he entered behind me and hit the button to my floor. At least he had enough sense to realize which floor I lived on. I waited as we both stared up at the numbers of the passing floors. When the bell sounded we both took a step toward the doors. He seemed as anxious as I was. Surely he didn't realize I wanted away from him.
I unlocked my door and headed right to my bedroom. "Have a seat, I'm going to change," I yelled over my shoulder. I wasted good money on a great dress for nothing. I hung it up and threw on some sweatpants and a tank top before heading back into the living room.
Edward was sitting on my couch with his shoes off. Oh God, this was a nightmare. I sat in a chair across from him and when my eyes met his he looked away.
"Do you date much?" I asked.
"A little," he answered and I shook my head as I took a deep breath.
"Look, I'm stuck with you for a couple of more hours, can we have a real conversation, you know, tell me stuff about you and I'll tell you stuff about me?"
"What kind a music do you like?" he asked and I wanted to shout hallelujah.
"I like just about anything, but I listen to a lot of retro stuff. Old rock bands, the Beatles, stuff like that. What about you?"
"Yeah, I look at the technical side of music, so I listen to just about anything, too" he explained.
"Do you play any instruments?" I asked.
"The guitar and piano, you?"
I laughed and ran my fingers through my wasted silky hair. "I played the clarinet in the school band in fifth and sixth grade."
"Why did you stop?" he asked and seemed bothered that I had quit.
"I wanted dates," I laughed and he gave me a quizzical expression. "It isn't cool to be in the school band," I explained and he nodded slightly.
We were back to the silence and I wanted to scream. I finally pointed to my DVD collection and asked if he wanted to watch a movie. He stood and walked over to look at the shelf. I got a good look at his pretty impressive butt and wished he had casual clothes he could change into. He finally picked up a case and handed it to me.
I felt my face redden as I looked at the movie, The Last Tango in Paris. Did he really want to watch a risqué movie with someone he just met? I looked up to see his crooked smile and knew he was just teasing me. "Good one," I laughed and handed him back the case.
"You considered it, admit it," he said as he put it back.
"I'm fine watching it, I just thought with your shyness and all…."
"Okay, let's watch it," he said and pulled it back out.
Great, I was going to be all wound up with no possibility of becoming…unwound. This night was only getting worse.
I didn't know what he was thinking as he watched the graphic love scenes but I was dying of humiliation on the inside. We sat about two feet apart and I was ready to climb onto his lap when the movie finally ended. How do you act unaffected when you really want to drool all over the guy next to you?
I glanced at him, oh, that's how. He yawned and stretched his arms so I got up and turned off the movie and placed it back in its case.
"That movie has a great music score," he said as if he didn't notice the constant fornicating.
"Is that how you chose a movie, by the music?" I asked and came back to the couch.
"Not always," he said softly and then smiled as he looked away. "Your butt is better."
Damn right it is, but he surprised me by bringing up the nudity. I thought he would stay far away from that subject. "Well, it was in the 70's. Butts weren't in back then," I laughed. He nodded slightly and continued to look at his hands. I decided to push the conversation and find out just how socially inept this guy was. "Edward, are you a virgin?"
When a guy glares at you does it mean yes or no? He didn't answer, just glared. It was rude of me to ask, but he had been the worst date I ever had and I felt it entitled me to ask him a few uncomfortable questions.
"When was your last relationship?" I asked and really, really hoped he didn't ask me the same question.
"Why aren't you married?" he asked indignantly.
Oh no he didn't, I thought. His question was beyond inappropriate, it was downright mean spirited. It wasn't like I could go around asking men on dates and proposing myself, well I could, but I wasn't that liberated. Women had come a long way baby, but not that long.
When I didn't answer he mumbled, "Sorry."
That made it so much worse. Now he knew, that I knew, that he knew I was uncomfortable. I was so angry I spit out the first thing that came to my mind. "Rosalie had fake breasts." Oh God, I turned on one of my own just to spare my ego. I felt lower than dirt and his laughter made me feel even worse.
"Tell me something I don't know," he said and I looked at him in shock.
We moved back into the uncomfortable silence and I decided to answer his question. What could it hurt? It wasn't like we ran in the same crowd. I viewed him as a wooden dummy without the human with a hand up his ass.
"I concentrated on my grades in college. I didn't party much and date even less. When I got out of school I concentrated on my job and a place to live. By the time I got everything figured out all the good guys were gone," I said truthfully. I was aware it insulted him, but come on; he wasn't exactly the pick of the litter. He was handsome, but his conversation skills sucked.
"I wasn't trying to infer anything," he said softly. "I just wondered why someone like you would be single."
Like me? Hum….maybe this guy had more to offer than I thought. He saw someone like me as marriage worthy material. The socially stunted guy was brilliant, who would have thought?
"I'm sure I seem very forward to you, but I'm not," I admitted.
"Forward?" he chuckled, "No, not at all."
Okay, what did that mean? Was his shy act a way to get women to fall all over him so he isn't culpable the next morning? If he thought I was going to crawl up on his lap and grind all over him….God, I shouldn't have watched that movie, now all I could think about was crawling up on his lap and grinding all over him.
Oh he was good, alright.
"I think you are dangerous Mr. Cullen," I said and his eyes rose to look right at me. "Yeah, that's right, you're dangerous."
"Do you want me to leave?" he asked innocently.
No, I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to get naked and more importantly I wanted him to want me to get naked.
"Do you want to leave?" I asked to put the onus back onto him.
He glanced at the door and then mumbled, "I don't have a way to leave."
Good Lord, I wanted to rip open his chest to see if he even had a beating heart. Now what did he mean by pointing out he didn't have transportation? Did he want me to offer him a ride? Did he want me to throw him on my back and carry his ass home? What?
"I can call you a cab if you like," I offered and then realized I had Rose's address but not Emmett's. But a simple phone call would solve the problem.
"I'll wait," he answered and looked around again.
"Would you like company while you wait, or would you rather I go to bed?" I stated to get everything in the open. I wasn't opposed to leaving him sitting out here in the dark. I would do anything to spare myself from this brutality of conversing with him.
He chuckled. He didn't grimace or wince; he didn't even give me a shrug of indecision. He simply chuckled. What in the hell does a chuckle mean? I broke. My patience finally ended and I stood to yell loudly. "Will you talk like a big boy and end this shy, unconfident, innocent shit."
I finally realized why I was still single. I was impatient, I was rude, I was insensitive, and I was stuck here with an imbecile. My life flashed before my eyes and it had spinster written all over it. It didn't matter how silky my hair was, or how perfectly I hid my small breasts.
He stood to face me. "I don't date much and I never date women I've never met before. This night has been uncomfortable for me and then my cousin will tease me all week for it. I'm sorry if you find my demeanor as shit, but I'm being honest."
"See, that right there helps a lot. You should tell me stuff like that," I said with a smile and sat back down. He sat next to me and a big smile grew on his face.
"How about now?" he asked.
I understood the three words he used, but I had no idea why he used them now. Did he want me to call him a cab now? "Okay, lost again," I admitted.
"I would like to touch your butt now," he clarified and I almost swallowed my tongue. Nobody would believe this date if I told them detail by detail. Who acts this way? How do you let someone touch your butt without any build up or foreplay?
"You want to touch my butt?" I asked to make sure I wasn't imagining it. I would head straight to a shrink if I was.
"I thought you wanted me to touch it?" he said and I mistakenly looked right into his grey eyes. They smoldered, or maybe I was just hoping they would smolder to make his request seem less bizarre. Who was I kidding, the man was gorgeous and I would love for him to touch my butt, I just wanted it to come about in a more natural fashion.
I slowly stood and turned my back to him. He reached out with both hands and gave my ass a firm squeeze. Was it possible to melt into the carpet from humiliation? He didn't say anything romantic or let a soft touch move into something more, he simply squeezed my butt and let his hands drop.
I sat back down and we both stared at our laps. My cell phone rang and I jumped up and practically ran to my purse to answer it. I was so relieved to see it was Rose calling. "Hi," I answered quickly.
"Hi, thanks a lot for giving us a break from Edward. Tell him Emmett is out front and he can leave now," she told me.
I looked at Edward and smiled, "Emmett is waiting out front."
He stood and walked to the door. I didn't follow, in case he wanted to touch my tiny tits. I waved and he gave a slight wave and walked out the door. I turned my attention back to the phone and said, "Oh my God. He is such a freak, why didn't you tell me I would be going out with lurch?"
"You don't think he's cute?" she asked.
"Of course he's cute, he is just socially handicapped. I would rather have a root canal than spend another moment with him. You owe me big time, Rose."
"I'm sorry; I was doing it for Emmett. Edward leaves next weekend and it won't be soon enough for me," Rose laughed.
We hung up and I brushed my teeth and then climbed into bed. I thought about my upcoming birthday and how all my good eggs were going to be gone soon. Infertility was preferable compared to procreating with someone like Edward. I was deep in thought when my phone rang again. I looked to see it was Rose.
"The answer is no," I said without a hello.
"You're not going to believe this Bella. Edward is crazy about you. He wants to see you again before he leaves."
"No, oh God no, never, no," I said quickly.
"Emmett said he's never seen Edward so excited before," she continued.
"Excited, he has one emotion, awkward."
"Well he's all hot for you," she laughed.
Oh man, I never should have let him touch my butt. It was most likely the only female butt he's ever touched and now he'll be following me around like a deranged teen.
"Tell him I'll be out of town next week. I don't care if you lie, just tell him something," I demanded.
"Bella, be nice," she teased and I called her a psychotic female dog.
I hung up and shook my head as I thought about the turn of events. My phone rang again and I picked it up without looking at the caller ID. "I said no," I yelled.
"Bella, this is Edward," a soft voice replied.
I am going to kill Rose, I am going to cut her into tiny pieces and throw her into the ocean. "Hi Edward." Did he not get enough of our mind numbing conversation so he had to call?
"I want to ask you a question," he said and I could tell how difficult this call was for him so I dampened my anger a bit. I remained quiet so he could ask but he remained quiet too. Rose is freaking dead.
"What is your question?" I finally asked.
"I would like to see you again before I leave. Would you go out with me again?"
Damn it, I could hear his voice shaking and no matter how deeply I dug I couldn't find it in me to shoot him down. I pounded my fist on the mattress as I said, "Sure Edward that would be nice."
No it wouldn't, it would be painful, horrible, awkward and excruciating.
"I've never done this before," he said and I wanted to scream, no shit Sherlock. He didn't need to tell me that, it was obvious. "Also, um…I don't drive."
"You don't have a car or you don't know how to drive?" I asked in shock.
"I told you I was raised on an island. I never learned to drive," he clarified and I wondered if he could possibly get loser tattooed across his forehead.
Since I had to see him again I decided to make it as painless as possible. Maybe if I took control it wouldn't be so bad. As long as he was willing to pay I could show him a good time, minus the butt squeezing.
"I can drive, what did you have in mind?" I asked.
"Anything, I just want to spend some time with you again?" he said softly as if it was something women hated to hear.
"Okay, let's see a movie," I suggested so it wouldn't involve conversation.
"Tomorrow?" he pushed and I made a face in the darkness. Now my entire weekend was ruined.
"Sure, I don't know where Emmett lives," I told him.
"Oh, why don't I have him drop me off at your place," he suggested and it would work but I really didn't want him in my apartment.
"Okay, I'll find a movie and then call you and let you know what time."
"Or I can just come over and hang out until time for the movie," he offered and I closed my eyes. Yeah he could come over and scrape his fingernails on a chalkboard too, but who would want that. I kept telling myself he would be gone in a week and I would never have to see him again.
I heard myself telling him to come over whenever he wanted and then hung up and screamed at my ceiling. Why couldn't I be an assertive, strong woman and tell him I didn't want to spend any more time with him. Now I was stuck spending a Sunday with someone I despised. Sundays were for lovers to spend in bed snuggling, not for weirdo's who couldn't hold a decent conversation.
I planned to throw away my entire Disney princess movie collection.