Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What the hell! Wiggle it. Wiggle it, he says. Well I'm fucking wiggling it, and it ain't fucking working. Just pull it out gentle like, and put it in slow, he fucking says, and that's what I'm fucking doing, and it ain't fucking working. OK breathe. Wiggle it a little, and you'll be in.

God I'm sweating like a God damn bitch right now; what a crock of shit. Fuck you, Emmett, and fuck your weekend away with my fucking sister. What the hell! Son of a bitch! Here I am, giving up my fucking weekend, to come here and house sit for their sorry asses, and I can't get the fucking key in the fucking door, (have I mentioned I have no God damn filter whatsoever), well, at the best of times anyway.

I'm losing it, I cant think straight. Ha, a gay joke. Funny me. Sighing deeply to myself. I'm amazed I still have a sense off humor under the circumstances. Anyways, here I God damn am, and I'm not a happy fucking camper.
I should be home, enjoying my weekend, for Christ's sake, I should be drinking cold beers and laughing with my close friends, 'that's if I still have any… shit.'

I should be chest deep in our hot tub, buck naked with my boy… Mmmmm… my boy, slowly moving between his beautiful long ass legs, making the fuck sure he knows how much I love and adore him. But no, I'm not. I'm here, fucking wiggling the fucking key and getting myself all pissed off...
Because even if I weren't here, I'm still not sure if I would be spending this time with him! Cause I fucked up, and I fucked up big time… Is there really any other way to fuck up, if not big time?

I don't even know if there is an 'US' anymore. I fucked up so big another deep sigh releases from me! Doing a lot of that today, what am I turning into, a fucking girl? For Christ's sake! Is that what this has come down to, me a girl. Oh, hell no! Never! All man here, and nothing else. I might be fucking gay, but God, I'm still all man, just ask my boy if you don't believe me. He'll tell ya straight up that I'm all man through and through. He once referred to me as his ultimate wet dream 'Is he still thinking that, I wonder?.'

So here I am, blond curls sticking to my fucking head, my black jeans are stuck to my fucking legs, and my t-shirt feels like it is painted to my chest. My nipple piercings even hurt rubbing up against the wet material, Thank fuck I took off my leather jacket, or I'd be melting right about now. OK, back to the job at hand, getting into this fucking apartment without hurting myself or anything else for that matter. I hear a door open, shit, great. Now I have a fucking audience to watch me make a fucking fool of myself, fanfuckingtastic, peachy keen… Fuck, did I really just think that... shit... I am a fucking girl.

I fall back against the wall facing the door leaning over, putting my hands on my knees, just to get some air. Fuck it's hot! But it's not fucking working. I decide to glance to my right just to see who the hell is watching me, and maybe get a look at their face, just to see what the hell they're thinking. And there she is, in all her bathrobe glory, staring down the hall, watching me like I'm about to take her life, or even worse, her virtue – well that's a joke. So I give a little laugh out loud at the thought, I know what's she's thinking, What the hell is this hoodlum doing in my building? SHIT!... did I just think hoodlum! What am I, my mother? Cause fuck, really that's what I look like, a fucking hoodlum!.

Not only does she see the jeans, the jacket, and the boots, but what she's eying is the tattoo that covers my whole fucking right arm from shoulder to wrist – well she doesn't see it all, but she sees enough to make her nervous. Its dark, and to some, it looks angry, until you get up close and look carefully, then you get to see the stories my tat tells, from the reds for my passion, to the yellows off my boy's sun. Then they ask, and I tell, and they smile, because that's when they realize I'm not as bad an ass as I look; I'm just full of passion for my life and who I bring into it.

So she stares and I let her. I'm still breathing like a mad man, a really old fucking mad man, but I've decided to make her day and give her the Jasper Hale half a smile, the one my mama says gets her every time. My hand comes up to wipe the wet curls from my forehead, I glance at her through my long ass lashes, letting her see the vibrant baby blues, and then I smile… 'Just a little teeth, Jasper, not to much… just a little…' and then I kick in the dimples for good measure, and there it is the... "gasp!"... I was waiting for. 'Gets them every fucking time.'

She smiles back, pulls her robe closer to her body, wrapping it a little tighter, then closes the door. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, and mentally pat myself on the back for being such a good boy. And here we go again. I straighten up and face the fucking front door, I put the God damn key back in the lock and wiggle it a little, and then I hear it, the sound I've been waiting for all morning, the click, the click that tells me I'm in, the click that tells me I did it, the click that tells me I finally made it. 'Cause I'm a fucking genius.'

Once again, I laugh out loud, giving the hall a once over, just making sure I haven't gotten myself any last minute voyeurs. When I see the coast is clear, I pick up my jacket and bag and head inside. The cool air hits me. Thank the lord for central air. Now I can breathe. A chill runs down my spine, my now very hard nipples and piercings rub against my shirt. I plop my bag and jacket down on the floor, and make my way in. I need a beer! So I head for the fridge.

The beer is cold, and I knock it back like my life depends on it, and right now it fucking does. I hear the footsteps on the hardwood first, and I look around in time to get myself hurled to the ground, hurting my ass bone in the process. 'Shit that hurt, and it's going to leave a fucking bruise, asshole!' I scream at him, but he just keeps pushing me hard to the floor. He's still on top of me – shit he's heavy, the fucking fat ass – but ya have to give him his due. He's all muscle, and downright gorgeous, with his broad chest and thick russet hair. I can't help but smile.

He looks at me weirdly. 'Fuck! He's so God damn cute.' Then the kisses start, and he has the biggest, longest, fucking tongue I have ever seen. Fuck me! I need to breathe. He needs to get the fuck off me now, so I start to push him, but he's having none of it. He just keeps pushing and kissing and pushing and kissing, then the licking… Well the fucking licking is getting too much, and he really has to get the fuck off me. So I start yelling at him, "JAKE... JAKE, stop! Get the fuck off! JAKE, get off. JAKE HEEL!" and bingo, we have lift off.

The big ass husky stops the licking and jumps aside, so I can get my sorry ass up off the floor. He's fucking huge, and my sister has a fucking nerve to call him her baby – well I guess if Rose and Emmett ever did reproduce, it just might come out looking like Jake, all big and muscle like Emmett, with beautiful thick shiny hair like my sister, so I guess Rose is right, he could be their baby, 'baby' Shit! I really have to stop thinking about this right now or I'll just drive myself crazy.

Jake is looking up at me with his big sad and sorry eyes. He knows somethings wrong. He's looking around like he's expecting someone else to walk in, and he's right, there should be someone else with me, but there's not, cause I fucked up big time. I pat his big old head, turn towards the cupboards in the kitchen, which I know hold his food, and so does he, cause the big old tail starts to wag. I guess the waiting for the someone else has slipped his mind, now that he might get food, but shit, I can't make it slip mine. I need that someone else, and I need him right now. Fuck me. Fuck my life...